She's Come Undone

Pie > Cake.

3. Pre-Parties

Pre-parties (in hotel rooms) are the most frivilous fun you will ever have :)

Oh Hey, Life!

2012-01-24T12:06:00.001-08:00

I've been a busy girl these past two weeks. Interviews, research papers, tests, Turkish class and all of that life stuff has been getting in the way of posting regularly. Oh well! I suppose it's a good thing when life gets in the way of the internet.

Life has been looking up for me on the job front. I'm waiting to hear back on two positions I interviewed for, and what I'm finding is when you feel stuck in your job, you must find a way to make your own options! I might get chastised for this statement, but I hate when people say, "If you don't like your job, just quit!"

Noooooo...sorry that you're living in fantasy land, or that daddy supports your spontaneous decisions, but us bill-payers can't just up and quit. But, the key is to look for other options and jobs as if you've quit and your livelihood depends on it. I refuse to succumb to a feeling of being stuck. Currently, I'm smiling big as I un-stick myself and take back the control as the master of my own destiny...

Life is good. And life is damn busy! But the busy-ness also includes: going to Marie Callender's pie runs with the roomie, visiting other states, going to circus shows (more on this later), watching Lost religiously, and frequenting the indie movie theaters to watch My Week With Marilyn and A Dangerous Method. Oh, and reserarch papers. Those damned research papers!

Again, I'm smiling. What have you been up to? And what have you been smiling about?

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2012-01-19T15:23:00.000-08:00

It's perfectly acceptable:

to adore airports. But really. I love the hustle bustle of it all, I love dashing to my next flight when I have a short layover, I love the chick that speaks in different languages on the intercom and most importantly, I love the fact that I'm about to be transported through the freakin' air to a different place and time zone. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!? So the next time you complain about airports, remember that once upon a time you would have had to take a boat for 30 days to get to a new country. And we're lucky little spoiled brats complaining about 5-hour layovers...give me a break!!!

to get really, really excited when people teach me new things, like how to clean coals the proper way to smoke hookah, or learning the theory of gravataional constant.

to conclude that driving in the rain while listening to Simon and Garfunkel is damn near transcendent.

to succumb to the fact that a re-release of Titantic in movie theaters actually makes me giddy. Titantic in 3-D. Oh sweet Jesus, I must be 13 again.

There's Something About Austin

2012-01-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

Ah, Austin...I already miss it. I love the down-home feel that Austin has to offer, where I can be sitting on a porch drinking beer while listening to live music--my perfect Saturday afternoon. Austin has just enough Southern charm without the Southern crazy (sorry, Southern states...but sometimes you're insane!). This is a city where I felt instantly at home, and I believe Austin and I will have to meet again someday...

I took this trip to visit my old high school buddy, the vivacious Andy. We spent a lot of time talking about why the Mediterranean diet is fantastic, having debates about spirituality as it pertains to energies and discussing why "kitschy" is the word of the day. I love him!

BBQ is fantastic in Texas. I devoured the pulled pork sandwich pictured above.

Queso anyone? What's even better is it had guacamole in the center...yummmm.

The Capitol building, gorgeous inside! Andy's grandfather helped create the gorgeous floor tiles above.

I think that Texas has a thing for stars, hmmm...

The two pictures above: random antiques found in the store Uncommon Objects.

It truly is a gorgeous city!

Look closely: I spy a woman holding her dog's paw (can I get a collective awww?) and a sweet couple dancing in the background.

Art, art, and more art...all around the buildings and on every wall. ♥

I have a ton more pictures, but I think this small representation of Austin will suffice. I'm in love (the same kind of love I have for Ireland and Turkey), and this is a place I would consider moving to!

Until we meet again, Austin, stay charming...

San Antonio!

2012-01-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Hey ya'll.

Back from Texas and feeling miiiiighty fine. I needed that trip. I so needed that trip. It's funny how the tiniest bit of traveling eases my soul and makes my heart truly smile.

I went to two cities: San Antonio and Austin. Sorting through the pics, I realized that I took about 10 times more photos in Austin. So, here's my first dinky post on San Antonio. I'm not sure it will give you an accurate view of the city, but it may give you a lil' taste:

I love the elegance of the regal columns on Southern homes.

I'll say it: Texas makes the best horchata I have ever had.

Kolaches anyone? Apparently a food brought over from Czech immigrants filled with fruit and cheese (cooked in a roll). Of course, they've been Texified and you can get them filled with eggs, meat, chorizo and the like. Yummy yum yum!

I went to this "fast food" BBQ place, but it really didn't seem fast foody at all. Texas sure knows how to cook their meat to perfection, which I appreciated to the last bite. Oh, and I also had a healthy dose of Sweet Tea at this establishment. Or, maybe that's not-so-healthy...

Take me to the moon!

I loved Andy's Mexican bingo artwork, and ended up buying the luna picture from a street vendor.

...So, there you have a small taste of San Antonio. I should have taken more pictures of the factories-turned-shopping centers. I found San Antonio to have a calm family feel to it: efficient highways, gated neighborhoods, good food and a cute quaintness.

My next post will be a HEFTY one as I have too many pictures of Austin...but until then, hope you enjoyed this lil' post!

Favorite Thing Thursday

2012-01-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

These are a few of my favorite things:

1. Healthy Shakes

Recipe:

Place frozen berries (used in place of ice) on the bottom. Add one banana. Add any other fruit you can gather up (apples, oranges, pears work well). Stuff up to the top with kale or spinach (spinach is sweeter than one would think, and blends well with fruit). Fill halfway with water, blend, and enjoy!

2. Themed Calendars

My coworkers left me a surprise. I was mighty happy!

3. Zebra Blankets

Given to me by my roommate on Christmas. I love me some animal print!

...And now I am off to engage in my most favorite of activities for 4 days: traveling! It's off to Texas with me! See ya on the flip side.

Into 2012 She Rides, Sword in Tow

2012-01-01T21:02:00.000-08:00

Hello 2012.

What a great sounding year. Something about it already seems special. It has a nice ring to it, easily dancing off of the tongue into the air, lively and full of spunk.

The years prior to this broke me a little here and there. I expect 2012 to do the same in its own way. I appreciate every break I've encountered, for its given me a strong heart. This heart has been strengthened through depression (2011), hearing about my dad having cancer (2006), illnesses (2008), detours (2011), feeling stagnant (2009) and heartache (do I have to pick a year?).

We've all been broken.

I think God prefers it this way. To break means that we have tried for something grand. We've jumped off cliffs, we've attempted flight, we aimed for stars and swam against the current. We are warriors of time and space, gaining experience with each battle, valiant and proud of our scars and lost limbs. To break means that we have not stayed tucked away in cabinets where no one can drop us, hurt us or shatter us. We've put it out on the line. We're not fearless, but we're also not fearful.

I used to cower in that cabinet. But now I am a broken warrior. To live is to break, and then to be made stronger.

So, hey, 2012, whadaya got for me this year?

I'm ready.

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever."

--Neil Gaiman

Strugglin'

2011-12-30T10:16:00.000-08:00

"Struggling is nature's way of strengthening." --LOST

Well then 2011 strengthened the HELL outta me! Here's to the new year (again)!

Oh, and interesting post from a friend of mine, care to read?

***

(As I have been sick the last few days, I may or may not have indulged in a LOST marathon. Just wrapped up Season 1).

I'm In Love With Them Both (and Happy New Year!)

2011-12-29T11:51:00.000-08:00

Learning How to Un-Plan 2012 (And Ruminations on 2011)

2011-12-26T14:57:00.001-08:00

Today was one of those perfect driving days in where the sun warmed up the entire cabin of my car just enough, so that I felt like sunshine was seeping into my achy bones. Which put me in the perfect thinking mood. Of course I had to think about the year that was 2011, as the new year is almost upon us.

2011 has been a headache, a blessing and a life changer all wrapped into 365 days.

The start of 2011 had me buying a one way ticket to Turkey and boarding that plane in March. I put a lot of hopes and dreams into going to Turkey. Surprisingly, my expectations outweighed reality, and I found myself yearning to come back home. Maybe it was bad timing. Maybe I was never meant to go. But what felt right was coming home. So about a month later, I bought my second one-way ticket and boarded a plane back to Cali.

I figured out that changing my mind was my prerogative. I didn't have to prove anything to anyone, and through this experience, I felt more autonomous than I have ever felt in my life.

Sitting by the Mediterranean, figuring out life.

Back in California, I had to find myself a job. It worked out that I was employed a month after being back from Turkey. Whether it was luck or divine intervention, I still feel blessed to have gotten a job.

As most of you know, I've struggled with this job, asking myself: is this what I really want? Is this the right path for me? I still struggle with this question.

What I do know is that I am meant to go through this struggle. These growing pains help shape me into the unique being that I am; there is no other like me, or like you, in this universe. And if you really focus on that thought, the struggles almost seem less arduous, as they are a part of the bigger picture: The bigger picture that is Ashley's life.

I've been learning that life is a series of guess & checks. There is only so much you can plan or even hope for. So I think I'm going to start giving up on planning, and even hoping too much. I always feel a bit silly hoping for a 'good year' every time the ball drops on the New Year's Eve, as if that's the only path or emotion in life. Sometimes life is bad, dirty, hard, grungy and full of sorrows. But those too, are all a part of the whole and worth experiencing.

And so, I trudge into 2012 with a sharper intuition, fine-tuned by every mistake I've made, every wrong turn that caused me to detour and every tear that helped shape this being. I will not plan for 2012, but I will leave it open: A blank canvas in where I welcome the good, the bad, the surprising, and the hair-raising. I welcome it all. I welcome life.

So here's to a new year, whatever that may bring.

Cheers, friends.

Santa Paws Says...

2011-12-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-12-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

It's perfectly acceptable:

to have a Sapporo (Japanese beer) while studying, which turned into two beers. Somehow my highlighting got miiiiighty sloppy...maybe not the best studying technique I've ever thought of.

to have a Shakira jam fest in your car. I thoroughly enjoy belting out "Underneath Your Clothes," which is not the best song in the world, but so what? It's a GUILTY PLEASURE...except, I don't feel too guilty. Shakira is the bees knees. Don't get me started on the magic that is "She Wolf." Shakira makes me wanna dance!

to look like you're working hard while at work, but actually are reading blogs and being sneaky. The best work-time activity! I'm a blog ninja. Er, work ninja? Work blog ninja. Whatever.

And because I never ask (so not acceptable), what's a perfectly acceptable thing you've done this week? Which means, something that's probably not too acceptable, but you make it acceptable. Get it? So tell me...

A Very Socially Conscious Christmas

2011-12-15T11:00:00.000-08:00

Some of you may have already finished your Christmas shopping (good for you!). But if not, I have a few ideas of where to get gifts and give back at the same time:

isanctuary.org

isanctuary is selling jewelry in support of stopping human trafficking. This is how it works: women who used to be in the human trafficking system are now given jobs with this nonprofit, and given their freedom from the chains that once bound them. I bought a pretty bracelet for my sister through their site, and it came with a note about the wonderful woman who made it (it actually made me tear up). The jewelry is well-made (I can vouch for that). So head on over and check out goods for a good cause!

ONE.org

Ahhh...ONE. I will always be fond of this charity because it prompted Adam Levine to point at me from the stage at a Maroon 5 Concert (I cherish that day!). While ONE gets a lot of attention, it's still a great cause to support as its focus is to stop the AIDS epidemic in Africa. So why not buy a grocery bag from them and give it as a present to your green-friendly friend?

Volunteer!

I have a major soft spot for the homeless. We give so many frivolous gifts to one another (which can be fun), why not also give a gift to someone who needs it? It's so easy to organize your own group to go out and feed the homeless...it's as simple as making a big batch of spaghetti! If you are not comfortable with feeding the homeless, you can even donate to such charities as Everyone Deserves A Roof. There is NO feeling like giving to someone who TRULY needs it.

After buying/giving said gifts, eat some cookies and give yourself a pat on the back for making Santa's Good List...you deserve it!

The One About My Hometown

2011-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

I spend so much time posting on traveling, that I don't think I've ever posted on San Diego. I think it's time to showcase my hometown:

We might have one of the best skylines EVER. Just sayin'...

Chillin' on the ferry that takes you from the beautiful Coronado Island to Downtown SD.

We have approximately 4 military bases in San Diego, so you're bound to see ships and planes about the city.

One of my fave hangouts...Little Italy has fantastic Italian food and art.

Del Mar (northern county of San Diego) has one of the oldest racetracks in the country. It's quite fun to go to the yearly races and dress in big hats while gambling.

La Jolla Cove is pure beauty!

Hanging out in Encinitas where all the surfers go :)

Palm trees in Cali = classic.

There is an annual December Nights Festival where the museums are free and everything is decorated in pretty lights!

Awed by nature!

We have some of the best Mexican food in the country. That's what you get for being a border town!

I think I've made my case in showing you San Diego's beauty. Sometimes I'm worried that San Diego is turning into another LA: it's becoming overcrowded, the traffic is getting unbearable and all open spaces are starting to fill up with buildings, complexes and more buildings. Hmmm...

I still love it so. This is the city I was born in! It will always be my home.

If you're planning on visiting California, I'd urge you to skip LA (or just spend one day there), but make stops in San Francisco, Santa Barbara, and of course, Sunny San Diego.

So What Do You Think?

2011-12-09T22:06:00.000-08:00

I found this video highly interesting, and couldn't figure out if I was impressed by this plan the Japanese government has placed on companies, or slightly disturbed by the amount of government control.

On the one hand, companies are kept accountable for what kind of food they serve employees and are forced to think about their employee's well-being. On the other hand, the government is forcing you to lose weight, which could have interesting and/or negative psychological effects, me thinks. It also brings up civil rights, some how...

What do you think?

Calling All Blog Wizards...

2011-12-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

Technical Question...

Can anyone, for the love of God, tell me how to align my tabs to the center (right below my header)?????

Pretty sure I tried to figure this out for a few hours before retreating to a couple glasses of wine and one too many frozen mini pizzas. Oh the horror!

Any tips would be very appreciated. Thanks :)

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-12-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

It's totally acceptable:

to like every song titled "Creep" (i.e., Radiohead, Stone Temple Pilots, and the like...), and to realize that maybe this has some psychological meaning. Guess I'm a creep. ☺

to take, ohhhh, 2 or 3 days to put clean laundry away. Which totally clashes with my hatred of ironing. Actually, this might be the reason I hate to iron, because ALL my clothes end up super wrinkly from not putting them away.

to do a happy dance when you realize that not only is the Midnight in Paris DVD coming out December 20th, but for some magical reason it is back in theaters. Basically, I am a nerd who gets über excited over certain books and movies. It's acceptable to be "nerdly." <---a word my friend Ali made up. It's also acceptable to make up words.

to buy 8 movies off of Amazon on Black Friday...damn those deals! I couldn't pass up There's Something About Mary or Bridesmaids for a thrifty price. Boom-shaka-laka! By getting movies for under $5, I somehow convince myself that I've beat the system and am fighting the man. No, Ashley...you're feeding the system and paying the man...doh!

Tis the Season to Decorate (And Sing "Deck Da Club")

2011-12-02T09:09:00.000-08:00

Simply, decorating with ridiculous tinsel, garland, twinkling "epilepsy" lights (as I like to call them), and evergreen trees in your living room is a load of freakin' fun...

Or as Jim Gaffigan likes to call it, "The behavior of a drunk man."

For some reason the holiday season is an excuse for me to use more candles without looking like I'm trying to have a séance.

Tinsel and Tree!!

Poor Churro is wondering where the heck his dignity and manhood has gone.

All the while my roomie and I blasted A Very She & Him Christmas, *NSYNC's Home For Christmas, oh...and this:

Merry Christmas, peeps.

Alright, So I Have Nothing Figured Out, But Life is Still Sweet

2011-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not a lost little puppy, but I'm in my twenties. I think that speaks for itself...

I was having a conversation about this "being in my twenties" business with an older, wiser co-worker of mine. Sometimes the pressure of everyone else seemingly knowing what the hell they're doing brings out insecurities within me. But I know better: most people my age don't really know what they're doing. There's a lot of pretending going on, but not a lot of knowing.

I turned to Dani, my coworker, and said "I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know anything."

"Of course you don't. You're 26. You're not supposed to know anything. I'm 40, and I still don't know that much," Dani replied.

It felt good acknowledging this feeling of not knowing jack shit. Furthermore, it felt even better realizing that it's okay to not know jack shit. I'M IN MY TWENTIES! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! Alright, so maybe you are in your twenties and you feel like you know a lot. But you and I are different. Every experience is unique to one's own path. Right now, I am quite content with being the student, not the teacher. And why the heck was I trying to be the teacher before?

So Sunday, I had a day of driving and self-reflection. By the way, "Dry the Rain" by the Beta Band may be one of the best driving songs in the world (thanks High Fidelity).

I let go of my pseudo-plans that day, cause I'm trying to practice this whole 'letting life happen' mentality. Baby steps. It felt so very euphoric to follow the breeze and drive down random streets. And it hit me, life is sweet. Planning life too much makes everything stagnant and mediocre. Too often, I miss out on the sweetness of life because I'm not paying attention to where I am. I often try to recreate the past, or build the future. When am I ever trying to just be in the here and now?

It's cliche, I know. But it's one thing to know something and it's another to live something.

And that also means living through every emotion, even the ones that don't include a smile or laugh. Because those times where you are sobbing so hard it weighs out your thoughts, or you're so angry you want to throw a brick through a pane of glass--those emotions are sweet as well, for they bring clarity.

So I'm gonna try and live the sweet life more often, no matter where I am. La Dolce Vita, indeed.

Made You Laugh

2011-11-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Just a compilation of pictures that may or may not amuse you...from the archives of my everyday life...

Does my fortune know something about my sexuality that I don't?

Weapons. On the wall of a bar. Somehow I think this may be a bad idea. Note: they are medieval torture weapons.

Little Gnome Dude is sort of freaky.

Signs like this just make me laugh. ZAP!

PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals

This is an actual interior of a car. That little chain thingy on the left? The steering wheel.

Proof that too much wine may kill you :)

I found Quail Man on Halloween!!

It's a fun day when Domo shows up on your computer (drawn unbeknown to me by a coworker's boyfriend)

The best kind.

Hmmm...I may make this a series on my blog. Cause it's really easy to find crap like this everyday!

Music Challenge, Day 24: A Song That You Want to Play At Your Funeral

2011-11-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

Back to the music challenge! I need to finish this bad boy...

(that's what she said)

So, my funeral. Well, that's a morbid thought, and I hadn't actually thought of what song I wanted played at my death bed. Who thinks of these things? But, I believe I chose a good one. I don't think I have to explain my choice. Enjoy:

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you're happy

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you're sad

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

Quote of the Day:

2011-11-23T09:37:00.000-08:00

"Whenever I blame someone else for the problems in my life, I consequently make myself powerless to change or fix that problem. As long as I think the problem is outside of me, I've abdicated any possibility that I can make that situation better...there is nothing more powerful than taking personal responsibility for your life." --Erwin McManus

We must take ownership of our lives and recognize our part in the problem, so that we can make a change. I love, love, love this quote.

And with that...have a smashing Thanksgiving, all!

Gettin' Schooled

2011-11-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, I felt sort of blah. I rolled out of bed and stepped into the typical routine. After haphazardly dabbing on a bit of blush, I shuffled out of the door. Another robotic day...

And then I remembered, "Today is the first day of school!" Surely, a eureka moment.

I logged into my Master's course (I'm forced to take it online, unfortunately). I saw that I had assignments due, readings, discussion topics and a quiz at the end of the week.

With a knowing smile I realized I didn't need artificial blush that morning--the color returned to my cheeks naturally. I was back in my element.

I may complain in the coming months about assignments, but it's only a lapse in judgment. Pay no attention to any whinging as it is simply human error. For I am happiest when I am at the threshold of knowledge, the hungriest of subjects at the king's dinner table of learning.

(Excuse the cheese factor, but I am truly excited about school).

I'm ready. It's been too long.

“When evening comes, I return home and go into my study. On the threshold I strip off my muddy, sweaty, workday clothes, and put on the robes of court and palace, and in this graver dress I enter the antique courts of the ancients and am welcomed by them, and there I taste the food that alone is mine, and for which I was born. And there I make bold to speak to them and ask the motives of their actions, and they, in their humanity, reply to me. And for the space of four hours I forget the world, remember no vexation, fear poverty no more, tremble no more at death: I pass indeed into their world.”

--Machiavelli

4 Resons Why I'm Smiling This Fine Friday

2011-11-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

1. I booked a trip to Texas to visit my buddy Andy in January. Look out San Antonio, I'm coming for ya! I haven't left San Diego in 6 or 7 months, so this is much needed.

2. My roommate's friend (who got married fairly young) visited us a few weeks ago, and had this to say about Lainey and me: "I admire those girls for supporting themselves completely. They don't feel the need to jump into marriage, or ask a man to support them. They do it all on their own! They don't even need marriage." THAT'S RIGHT, GIRL. Now, that's not to say that I'll never get married...who knows? What I do know is, I am able to support myself, on my own, until the day I die. There is something very powerful in knowing that I'm a badass who is able to take care of herself.

3. I'm starting a Master's program at the school I work for...on Monday! Whew! This will keep me majorly occupied, which I am happy about, because I get so DAMN BORED! Guess I won't be so bored anymore...

4. I finally started Turkish classes last night! For awhile I was the only person signed up, but now I have a friend...we have all of two people in our class. As I suspected, the first class was quite hard, as they used the immersion technique. Anyone who has heard Turkish probably knows that pronunciation is the most difficult part of the language. So hopefully I get better each week!

Well, have a good weekend all...for the reasons stated above, things are going well (and busy) for me. Yee haw! (you know, for Texas)

The Downside and Upside to Being Pure of Heart

2011-11-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

I've always failed at bluffing.

Any card game that requires a well-told lie I can never play well. My opponent sees right through my supposed rigid upper lip. A smile always breaks and I am found out.

Times that I've tried to lie, I've always ended up telling the truth. This is the result of a strong conscience, a good dose of Catholic guilt, and an uneasiness I get in my stomach when I'm doing the wrong thing.

My heart is pure.

The downside to this is that I welcome a lot of people into my heart, to take up a room and make a home there. This sometimes invites the sleaziest of people, who have no other intentions but servicing their own wants. I am left crushed and wondering what went wrong, why I ever trusted them, and how I didn't see their true character before.

The upside is that, ultimately, I attract others who are pure of heart. We find each other through the mess of vultures, thieves and crooks that hungrily surround. I have a good list of pure-of-hearters that have been my friends for years now. They've stuck it out through the ugly and the heart-breaking.

And how do you find a pure-of-hearter?

Easy. By how they treat others. More importantly, how they treat others when things are not going their way. I've seen plenty of seemingly good people turn vicious and bloodsucking when the "world is coming down" on them. They blame everyone else for their troubles, which frequently, they have caused themselves.

It's almost a curse, this honest heart of mine. But then again I wouldn't, couldn't live another way.

"How did they find me here

What do they want from me
All of these vultures hiding
Right outside my door
I hear them whispering
They're trying to ride it out
Cause they've never gone this long
Without a kill before...

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me, testing me..."

Raiding My Mom's Closet

2011-11-13T12:00:00.000-08:00

The little snoop that I am, I was going through my mom's dresser drawers and closet about a week ago when I stumbled across some of her old threads!

Whether you like to call 'em old, retro, or vintage, I love finding garments from decades past. It really goes without saying that most clothes from the past were made better than the sweat-shopped clothes we find today (that tend to fall apart in a couple years time, it seems).

Also, my mama had style! (Refer to picture below).

She was quite glamourous, no?(Also, that's my dad, see the resemblance?)

I was happy to find out that I could fit in my mom's old clothes, so I begged her to have them. Two new editions to my closet!

It's funny because these sweaters have come back in full force!

A wavy ring that belonged to my American grandmother.

A necklace (with a picture of my sister and I--we are 20 years apart) from my Turkish grandmother.

A shirt with cute detail that I often wear to work. My boss asked if I had made it cause the stitching was so good. Nah, clothes were just better back in the day!

The awesome part: I didn't have to pay a cent for any of these great new items! Score!

Still Believing the Best in People (Despite the Not-So-Great Days)

2011-11-09T15:45:00.000-08:00

Oh man. It's a bad day when you realize who's a true friend and who's not.

I get it. That's life. Not everyone is genuine. Not everyone cares.

There are days when I still feel too naive for my age. I always believe the very best in people. So stupid, Ash...

...Cause here I am, feeling dumb. Too often I trust in people who speak beautiful things, but who can never back that up with beautiful actions. Is my judge of character off, or something? But I will go ahead and say that I'm not dumb. I never had ill-intentions, and I never told half-truths. My sincerity is in tact. I am still that genuine being I strive to be.

I just want to say, without complication, that this hurts. In the end, I've still lost a friend that I thought would be a friend for a lifetime.

And so, it's time to just let go...

And What Have We Gained (Besides This New iPhone)?

2011-11-07T11:35:00.000-08:00

This quote embodies all of the thoughts I've had as I watch a spinning globe, tilting out of control, trying to keep up with an increasingly faster-paced way of life:

"You call your thousand material devices 'labor-saving machinery,' yet you are forever 'busy.' With the multiplying of your machinery you grow increasingly fatigued, anxious, nervous, dissatisfied. Whatever you have, you want more; and wherever you are you want to go somewhere else...

You have a machine to dig the raw material for you...a machine to manufacture...a machine to transport...a machine to sweep and dust, one to carry messages, one to write, one to talk, one to sing, one to play, one to vote, one to sew...and a hundred others to do a hundred other things for you, and still you are the most nervously busy man in the world...your devices are neither time-saving or soul-saving machinery."

This quote was written over 40 years ago, and is even truer today. Machines have invaded our lives. We're taught that we need them to survive, as you've heard some half-jokingly say, "I can't live without my phone!"

The list of 'machines' is nearly endless: iPhones (for which I'm guilty), televisions, computers, mini-computers, online classes (this disturbs me greatly), and so on and so on.

We've essentially gained the whole world, right? Electronically we are impressive. But what is the cost? It's no enigma that crumbling community has been on the rise with all the added technology. When a computer becomes the go-to confidant over a human, there is a tragedy unfolding before us.

What I am getting at, and what the above quote is getting at, is not the abundance of machines; but rather, the loss of our souls because of it.

***

Often times, I know my rants are harsh and edging on absolute. I've become grumpier in my old age. Even when I pull a time travel on my blog and visit posts past, there is a bright-eyed, more optimistic Ashley to be found. While I like to still think I have some optimism, I've lost a lot of my 'there's beauty to be found in everything' attitude...

I'd like to go back to that place, I think.

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-11-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

It's sooooo acceptable:

To snicker when I notice girls struggling to walk in ridiculous heels. Listen, chick-a-dee, that ain't natural. It's no wonder you can barely walk.

to take whip cream shots. You know, right out of the canister. Suddenly I feel like a third-grader.

to love facial hair on men. Am I the only one? It's just...so...manly. Men...start a revolution! Grow out that awesome facial hair! *wink*

to adore this:

Favorite Thing Thursday:

2011-11-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

What started out as writing about my favorite things has become a gratitude list of sorts. It's all a good reminder for me that life is brilliant, and you've got to get your head out of the sand to notice the brilliance of it all.

Here are a few of my favorite things...

1. Learning new languages

So excited! My Turkish class starts tonight! And really, I think learning new languages should be implemented early on in American schools (think elementary school). We are far behind other countries in this realm. I often meet people from other countries that speak 3 different languages. And I speak...um...one. Yeahhhhhhh. Let's fix that!

2. Halloween!

I went for a sort of china doll costume.

My dress was found in a thrift store, and is originally from the 60s. Lainey is dressed as a sweet lil' gypsy.

Our friend Henry met up with us. Notice the soap on the rope he's carrying around? I took the liberty of stealing that soap and throwing it on the ground all throughout the night. I'm amused by simple things.

3. Finding Robots in Everyday Life

Another robot soldier I can recruit to help me take over the world and implement my evil plan...I mean, what?

Going and Going Strong

2011-11-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhh.

Hear that? That's the sound of Ashley breathing easy.

I want to say that the past two months have been particularly challenging for me. Being sad is a perpetual feeling. It grows upon itself, like a fast-moving disease, attacking all the functions of the body, until you've even forgotten how to smile.

However...

I've made a turn-around. I've found myself dreaming big again. You know, the kind of dreaming big you do when you're five, when you think anything is possible, including floating off to the moon in a hot air balloon.

I've been smiling a lot more. And telling jokes in that nerdy Ashley way. And eating ice cream.

I think this transformation happened when I realized, really realized, that I'm not actually trapped. It's about realizing that there are options and ways out, no matter what the circumstance is. It even helps to write down those options, so they are staring back you and calling out your name, "Ashley! Ashley! Pick me! Take this path!"

To which you can reply, "I just might!"

Not that I spend my nights talking to paper. *ahem*

I get that this is a process that takes time, but some weights have been lifted. I'm feeling good.

***

I'll end with a knowing smile and the infallible words of Dr. Suess, who I am convinced wrote Oh The Places You'll Go! more for adults than for children:

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done...

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Hot Dog! It's Halloweenie!!

2011-10-31T09:43:00.001-07:00

(You'll excuse the bad title with the picture below)

Little Turkish Girl's Emancipation Proclamation

2011-10-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

Whenever I write these kind of posts, they are really for myself. This is in an attempt to free myself from my own negative, oppressing thoughts. I've never experienced this kind of sadness in my life; and so onward, I'm trying to move on to a breakthrough. (I've always loved the word onward).

Here are 10 things I am trying to do (and maybe you can do them too), to eliminate that lingering sadness that just doesn't like to leave:

Sign up for a class: CHECK. One of the best things I have done recently has been signing up for a Turkish class. I've always wanted to learn Turkish; furthermore, I really want to start utilizing those dormant brain cells.

Dress up everyday: When you are in a funk, gray, black and toupe tend to be your wardrobe palate of choice. BREAK FREE! Dress in crazy patterns and bright colors! Wear that unique necklace that is a conversation starter. You were made to stand out, not fade into the background of a dentist's office.

Reclaim Your Charm: When I am at my happiest, I can be a charmer. I tell stories, I smile, I wink. However, when I'm feeling down, I tend to stay quiet and seem more stand-offish. Be aware of your mood. Even if you don't want to talk, force yourself to open up a little. A good conversation can turn your day around. Soon, the color to your cheeks, and your charm, will turn up again.

Dance and Joke: There is instant happiness to be found in bootayyyy shaking. A random dance sesh in my apartment tends to brighten my mood for the rest of the day. Also, don't take things too seriously! Joke around...and make stupid faces often.

Vent to Friends: If you are like me, you tend to keep your emotions and feelings hidden. Sometimes, you just gotta spill them out. When I open up to my ~~therapists~~ friends, I not only feel refreshed and inspired, I also feel more connected to them, as we are relating to the plight of the human condition.

Venture Outside: This may seem obvious, but we all know that sadness tends to be a seemingly stellar lock on your front door. Break that lock and force yourself to spend sometime in the sunshine (heck, even the rain). A brisk walk outside can not only revitalize you, but also inspire you in ways staying in your room never could.

Make Some Damn Changes: Doing the same thing over and over will produce the same outcome (i.e. getting back together with your ex, again, and expecting a change). To put it, uh, nicely...DON'T BE DUMB. If you want things to change, then you must change things! In my case, I need to change my job. I'm on this everyday! At least I'm doing something about it. If you're feeling trapped, create your own way out.

Keep Your Head to the Sky: For you spiritual folks out there, remember not to leave your prayer life/spirituality in the dust while in a sad mood. When feeling depressed, it's easy to succumb to wasting time on the couch. The couch+depression=best friends. Go to a cafe or the beach, grab a good book on God (whether it be THE holy book, or an inspiring spiritual read), and pray pray pray, reflect, read and soak in that other-worldly wisdom. This makes the biggest difference in my day!

To Everything There is a Season: Sadness may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Hold onto the hope that you will not be sad forever. Because, unless you keep yourself captive at rock-bottom, sadness will not last forever! Make every attempt to rock climb away from that bottom...you'll get there. I'm getting there.

Keep a Schedule: Keep yourself busy. Pursue your passions. Say yes to hanging out with friends and stay away from that damn couch!

Again, this post is more for me than for you. But more power to us all! I know most of you can relate, because as I mentioned, this is the human condition.

"The dawn will come. Disappointment, sorrow, and despair are born at midnight, but morning follows." --MLK Jr.

Finding the Turkey in Me

2011-10-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of Turkish things of late:

1. Hookah:

Bahaha! This picture cracks me up. I SWEAR we were just smoking hookah, not opium.

Just call me Smokey (notice the Turkish eye).

2. Going to Turkish festivals:

"I claim this land in the name of Turkey!"

Turkish dancing...yeahhhh!

Oh! And my Turkish class starts November 3rd!

Soon my transformation into full Turkish mode will be complete...and THEN I CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD...mwahahaHAHA!

I kid, I kid.

Photo Shoot Nerds

2011-10-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is a professional photographer, so it was decided that there should be a mini-photoshoot between me and a few friends. Well, they decided and I said I would join.

It was one of those stormy, rainy days:

We all rushed inside to keep dry (although I wanted to stay outside, you know how I love rain).

Ummm....I won't lie. I feel a bit awkward posing for pictures with a professional camera. I'm too self-aware.

But despite being a little disheveled from the wet weather (and too aware that a camera was in my face), it was sort of fun to act like a model for a night.

Lusting After a Life In the Slums

2011-10-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

You heard me right.

This post is actually inspired by something said in my friend Ryan's post: "Because we were at the bar, we've met cool people, including a guy tonight who expressed dismay at the whole typical American cycle where we make money and then spend money, but how he was over that and it wasn't making him happy."

Whenever I hear quotes like this, I think, "They've figured it out!"

We all figure it out eventually: money is insatiable. Of course, we are caught in some strange vortex in where we need money, but don't want to need money, yet must continue the arbitrary cycle of making it. For what? For what??

...

Give me the slums. Give me a life in where I'm not coaxed into buying a flat screen T.V. because it's more in style than the perfectly good T.V. I had before. Give me a home in where I realize that electricity is not-so-necessary (it's not). Give me a dream in where I'm not looking to put a down-payment on my house, but rather, put an extra stamp on my passport.

Because I've become un-enamored with pretty houses and fast cars...

So, give me the slums.

Why do I say the slums? Because every documentary/movie/video I have seen in a poverty-stricken area shows a group of people that have figured it out: community is the most precious gem in life. It is the rarest of diamonds that we take for granted here in the U.S., mostly because we are distracted by what wealth can by.

I'll leave you with this video. I'd love to visit such a place:

Find Your Tribe

2011-10-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

"What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?"

Suddenly, the above lyrics have become my life. Besides the fact that I do actually sing out of tune (yet still opt to partake in karaoke), I've been a little "out of tune" in, well...life.

I just haven't been myself: not as smiley, friendly and awkwardly charming as normal. (I might be more awkward than charming, but please let me embellish to make myself feel a tad better).

Despite this, I'm pretty sure I have the best friends surrounding me. I realize, in times of distress and depression, this makes all the difference.

There are times when I come home from work, not in the best of moods, feeling somehow forlorn and trapped all at the same time, and yet...my roommate still greets me with a smile and a warm welcome. She doesn't have to. I could easily be dismissed as an energy-sucker and ignored. Instead, she listens to my complaints--patiently--offers advice, and even suggests that we indulge in an episode of South Park.

This turns my day around.

And she's not the only one. My close friends are all understanding, selfless supporters. To put it in the best terms, I've found my tribe. These are the people that you just connect with. You get each other in all of your weirdness and uniqueness. You are there for each other even when one of the members of the tribe has become weak.

I won't be in a sad, trapped place forever. But thank God I have this kind of support. This keeps the fire going in my soul, even when my light has dimmed a bit.

Oh, and even Churro (pictured above) is a member of my inner-circle. Despite the fact that he steals my underwear, he still cuddles with me, with provides lots of solace during these dog days.

P.S. While I love the Beatles, the Joe Cocker version is where it's at:

Is This How Office Jobs Are?

2011-10-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

The above title is a question my coworker asked the other day, as niether she nor I have ever had an office job before this one.

I will say, there are some good parts to the job. Ultimately, I'm helping people get to school. However, this is what I do about, oh, 10% of the time. The other 90%? Busy work, nothing work, or nothing in general as I often finish my work within the first 2 hours of the day.

Goodness gracious! Is this how office jobs are??

There's a reason, I'm realizing, why so many people love The Office and Office Space, as they SO ACURATELY portray the mundane trappings a desk and florescent lighting can box you into.

When it comes to a job that is boring and less-than-desirable, I think there are two types of people:

The kind that are able to separate work life from home life. One does not affect the other.

The kind that feels bogged down in ALL areas of life when they are not doing something relevant/passionate/something they feel called to do.

I am, of course, the second kind of person. Some days are good, most days have ended up badly. It's a problem when work life starts to seep into social life, and you start feeling lackluster even in social settings. Hmmm...this isn't me. And this is a sign that some changes need to happen.

Of course, this means applying for different jobs (within the university and outside of the university). This also means keeping a better attitude about things. Also, I'm keeping my options open in general. I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't taking a glance overseas again. But nothing drastic, kids...just window shopping.

For now.

The Eternal Student

2011-10-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

"Ne var ne yok?"

This mean's "What's going on?" in Turkish, or something to that effect. It's one of the only Turkish phrases I know.

It's always angered me that my mom never taught me Turkish. She said, "It just wasn't common in the 80s to teach your kids your native language." Excuses, mom, excuses.

So instead of complaining to my mom, or trying with Rosetta Stone (not my cup of tea), I found a language course here in San Diego. As soon as I found it, I signed up right away. I'm thrilled. Not just for learning the language, but because I get to learn something new!

I've realized that when I'm feeling stuck in a rut, bored and disenchanted with life, it's because I'm not learning anything. I am an eternal student. I'm always craving knowledge and always wanting to see and experience new things. Since I can't take a vacation anytime soon (stupid vacation hours at work), I knew I needed to find something in SD that will fill my brain with something useful, so I don't feel so useless.

So the next time someone asks me, "ne var ne yok?" I can reply, "fantastic!"

Er, but in Turkish.

Favorite Thing Thursday: Instagram Addiction

2011-10-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know I'm late to the iPhone party. Heck, I'm late to the new phone party. Because I'm kind of old school when it comes to technology, I'm not big into all the fancy schmancy "apps" that come with an iPhone. But there are two apps I'm loving: Hanging With Friends (cause playing hangman can be fun) and Instagram.

Instagram Roll:

The original Bob's Big Boy in North Hollywood.

Dance night! My eyes look trippy...I want to steal your souuuuul.

Retrofying it up! The Hollywood Hills.

I love it when I find foreign products in America. Turkish jam?!? YES!

This is hard to see, but it's garlic bread with tomatoes on top, and a sort of cheesy, gooey, zucchini and mushroom bake. Don't forget the LOADS OF CHEESE. Heck yeah fat kid meal!

Tulips (which is a Turkish word, did you know?)

Robot necklace. Nuff said!

So, I wanted to warn you in advance that I may have an abundance/flood of Instagram pics in the months to come. It's kind of hard to resist!!

Just Sayin'

2011-10-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

The other day, I visited my kiddos at my old after school job.

It was a rainy/cloudy day that morning, but then it started it clear up. That's when little Dylan said, "It was cloudy before, but then you showed up. You brought the sun out Miss Ashley!"

Sigh. I miss working with kids...

Testing...

2011-10-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

Testing a different blog layout. Just because.

Let me know if you like it.

K, thanks!

P.S. Pretty sure my co-worker just introduced me to a new musical love! Portugal. The Man. They are fantastic. I love the 70s influence.

Music Challenge, Day 23: A Song That You Want to Play at Your Wedding

2011-10-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

*If * I get married, I envision a slowed-down version of this song being played. Think violins. Yes.

"If everything could ever feel this real forever/if anything could ever feel this good again..."

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you're happy

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you're sad

Girlz in the Hood (or Finding the Good in the Hood)

2011-10-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

What?

I thought misspelling words and adding z's in place of s's would do the trick in giving me street credibility. Except, I grew up in suburbia. But that's neither here nor there...

All I know is when it comes to appreciating good art, where I grew up matters not.

That's why I was elated to be invited to a Hip Hop Festival, complete with graffiti art, in a "rough" neighborhood of San Diego (the roughness is questionable after seeing certain areas of Detroit and Los Angeles).

The festival was being put on by Writerz Blok, an organization that realized a need in the community and provided an outlet. In their words, "In 1999, illegal graffiti was a problem in San Diego...most of the defacement was done by youth looking for a place to express themselves. The decision was made to start a program aimed at steering the youth away from illegal vandalism and towards learning the art of graffiti."

So, Writerz Blok provided 10,000 sq. ft. of paintable space for the kidz (like that?) to go wild.

The result is masterful.

Sketches in this man's black book--a book where graffiti designs are tested out before putting them on walls.

Lainey and Shane dancing to some hip hop. hehe.

Graffiti is certainly not my favorite art, but I can't help but be fascinated by the craftsmanship and attention to detail in these pieces; moreover, I love watching art while it is in process.

These catz got skillzzzzz.

Alright, I'll stop now. But I never allow myself to misspell words, so this is kind of addictive!

Unlikely Ways to Meet Friends and Comrades

2011-10-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

It happens when I'm walking downtown, frequenting a ritzy coffee shop or buying an overpriced sandwich, that I see a homeless woman or man sleeping on the side of the street. In this moment my heart breaks in two.

So many missions and humanitarian efforts focus their attention overseas. This is valid, but the poverty before us should not be walked around and treated as an inconvenience on the side of the road.

My biggest pet peeve is the dismissal of all homeless as crazy, self-centered addicts who lack discipline. The difference between some of the addicts on the street and Lindsay Lohan is that not everyone can afford to blow millions at rehab centers in Malibu. Sure, some of the homeless have addictions, but who among us is not addicted to something? Why is the CEO who is greedy for money somehow praised as a go-getter who has his head on straight? Why are some addictions acceptable and others taboo?

It's been too long since I've ventured out to feed the homeless. And frankly, I haven't done it enough. But every time I've "braved the streets" to talk with those sitting on the side of the road, I've been more than pleasantly surprised. Tales of broken hearts and lives taking wrong turns are shared, and I find that these people are just like me, with the same everlasting hope for a better life. And soon I find I'm conversing with an old buddy who's also dying to take the next plane to Italy, who wishes on the same star as I do, who would kill for a gourmet cup of coffee. I've found a comrade who just happens to have less privilege than me.

I've got to get out there again. Too often I talk about doing grand and lofty things, then get caught up in my own sorrows or distractions and never do it. But as MLK Jr. says, "One of the great tragedies of life is that men seldom bridge the gulf between practice and profession, between doing and saying. A persistent schizophrenia leaves so many of us tragically divided against ourselves."

Everyone reaches this conclusion sooner or later: we are connected in our humanness, no matter our station in life. Our tears, our laughter, our sadness, our pain are all common. We are one. When we do not help one another we engage in the deadening of society, the wilting of our hearts, the shutting down of our souls.

Awake, children. Help your brother. Help your sister. Help your friend.

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-09-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's perfectly acceptable:

to refuse to iron your shirt. I really despise ironing. Who decided that wrinkle-free clothes make you a more decent and put-together person? It's a little OCD if you ask me.

to say to your male co-worker, "that would be inappropriate if I grabbed your taco!" I then busted up laughing when I realized what I said...I didn't mean it in that way! I was actually talking about food. He then responded, "that would have been worse if I had said that to you." hehehe.

to really love cuss words. Not in excess, but when pulled off just right they are the perfect touch. This probably comes from growing up with a military father whose 20-year-old sailor side still makes an appearance.

to quote lines from South Park all night with my roomie, while getting dirty stares from those around us, making me realize that I have the EXACT humor as a 13-year-old boy. Oy vey.

The Conqueror

2011-09-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am at this age where I have an intense hunger for exploring and conquering, with no real support for my conqueror ways.

And what I mean by exploring and conquering is SEEING, DOING and PARTICIPATING in new and interesting things. Passion, life, art. Doing MORE than merely existing.

My generation, who they are deeming the new "lost generation" (how very Hemingway of them), is scrambling for answers in a shattered economy full of empty promises. And even if you are lucky enough to have a job...is it making you happy? Is it what you dreamed of? Isn't this shit supposed to be fulfilling?

That's what "they" had told us for years. Growing up, we were reminded that following the plan would bring us happiness. What kind of freakin' happiness? I'm afraid that I no longer believe that security equates to happiness.

Does every generation go through this? Like, has every twenty-something in the history of mankind gone through a mini-life crisis? For me, it's not a crisis, but a slump. I'd almost prefer a crisis, because well, that might be more exciting.

All of these questions I am posing have probably nothing to do with my job, but more to do with existentialism and figuring out what I am wanting out of life. I suppose I sound incredibly ungrateful here. But really I am just on the search. A forever quest to conquer. A deep need to live more. Am I searching in vain?

It's in the Music, Man.

2011-09-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

I went to a street fair over the weekend, which provided plenty of live music.

Pretty sure listening to live music is my favorite way to spend the day, as I can do just that for hours and forget all about time and space and even reality. Music is transcendent in that way, no?

And oh gosh, when you find a musician that makes your blood bubble up inside of you to the point of explosion, in where you feel the tears welling up behind your eyes because so many emotions are running through your system, you're simply gonna burst--I love that. I. love. that.

It is in that moment where I think God has come down to meet me on earth, because nothing else matters in those minutes but you and this supernatural experience.

I haphazardly tried to take a video of one of the local artists, but this never works out well--the quaint camera on my phone can only provide so much quality, and the experience is thus downgraded. Still, I'll post one video of Trevor Davis, an artist who brings up all those emotions I mentioned. I love it when I see passion unfolding on stage, and how it makes me realize my own passions. That is true art. This is not one of his original songs, but a cover was all I could record, as I deemed it necessary to put my phone away for the rest of the show and just listen. Listen to my heartbeat, listen to his voice, listen to the guitar and listen to my humanness. Yes.

Why October Will Be Kickass, and Why I'm Just As Kickass

2011-09-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today is just one of those good days, in where I take a look at the rough week I had and realize that I am self-sufficient and spiritual enough to make it through these sorts of weeks like a champ. What I've always liked about me is that I keep the bigger picture in mind, instead of letting sadness consume me.

I love these clarity days, where I take a deep breath of fresh air until I am sufficiently intoxicated with being alive. I'm really just happy being me.

Sometimes I get briefly wrapped up in bad boys, or stressful days at work, or feeling inadequate. Then I snap out of it and tell myself to "cut that shit out."My ultra logical side is one of the best things about me, even though I complain about it sometimes. It's that logic that never lets me stay sad for long.

What I am working on is getting more in touch with my emotional side (as I roll my eyes), which I tend to sweep under the rug. I've been talking with people about the things that have been bugging me, and who woulda thunk? That has helped immensely.

Enough of the psycho-analysis, which I obviously do too much of on this blog. On to why I am looking forward to October, yeah baby yeah!

Foo Fighters Concert--Rock. On.
Turkish Day at Balboa Park--I might have a slight obsession with Turkey, so of course I am looking forward to this fab day where great food and belly dancing are sure to ensue!
Halloween--I've got some ideas for costumes. It's fun to be a kid again.
Dancing naked in my apartment--wait, whaaaa? Don't tell anyone, not even my roommate. Sometimes I'll put on underwear to be more civilized.
Continuing to Be Creative--slowly but surely, I'm sticking to my plan.
Thrill the World--October 29th cities around the world will be doing the Thriller dance all at the same time. I will be joining, most likely dressed as a zombie. I love drawing blood on my face!

I think my feisty just resurfaced.

Morning After Post

2011-09-21T12:27:00.001-07:00

Ah, the obligatory happy post after a sad post...a trend I tend to follow in real life. "Oh yeah, guys...yesterday was a bad day. Man, I was bummed. But today is great! I promise."

Well, actually, today is a lot better. Because out of moments of great sorrow come epiphanies, action and resolution. We can't be happy all the time; but more importantly, we can't be sad all the time. So, in a weird way, I kind of like sadness for how it pushes me to do something.

Of course, sadness doesn't just float away in the middle of the night. That bastard tends to hang around as long as he possibly can (yep, I personified sadness as a boy!). So, I'm dealing with some things...aren't we all? But also, I'm making a few changes here and there. I've always been a fix-it kind of gal. Why mope around when instead I can work on changing my disposition?

By the way, I love that a lot of the solutions provided by you, fine readers, involved road trips and international travel. Well heck, you've found the way to my heart. But know who you're talking to! I'll take you up on all those offers!

And yes, I've been talking to people around me. And yes, I've been praying. Thanks for all your wise words. I love getting advice from the blog community!

Confronting Sadness (No Running This Time)

2011-09-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a bit sad lately.

I don't know of another way to present this feeling, other than sadness. There are a few contributors, I think, but I don't need to go on for 500 words complaining about them here.

It's weird for me to write these words out because I am definitely the type of person to hide my emotions. My dad told me that when I was a child I would go to my room and hide, and then cry that no one was coming to comfort me. Ha. Things are not that different now. Except that I don't cry about the comforting thing, because I know better. I know I should be communicating my sadness, yet I still keep it bottled up for awhile. Maybe to see if it passes? Or maybe just to remain in denial.

It doesn't help that I have still been getting job offers from schools in Turkey from job searching I did months ago. The escape artist in me badly wants to hop on a plane and never look back. While I am not against going back to Turkey someday, I'm not sure now is the time. All the reasons I came back from overseas are still present.

And sometimes I wonder, am I always trying to run from my problems? Maybe I am supposed to be sad a little. Maybe sadness running its course through me has its purpose. Today might just be a sad day. And maybe I just need to accept that--not try to change or manipulate it. I've said it myself--we cannot be happy all the damn time.

And maybe what I'm really craving is a hug. So, I think I shall go tell people non-virtually as well...that's probably the best I can do.

What Is Your Thirteenth Floor?

2011-09-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

I'm currently reading Strength to Love, and let me tell you, it is one fantastic journey to dive into the mind of the incomparable Martin Luther King Jr.

As I was sifting through some pages this morning, I found one excerpt that really struck me. While MLK was riding up an elevator in New York, he noticed that the thirteenth floor had been removed. He recounts the story:

"On inquiring from the elevator operator the reason for this omission, he said, 'This practice is followed by most large hotels because of the fear of numerous people to stay on the thirteenth floor.' Then he added, 'The real foolishness of the fear is to be found in the fact that the fourteenth floor is actually the thirteenth.'"

A few questions I asked myself here:

What is my thirteenth floor?

Am I afraid of it because I have been socialized to be afraid of it?

What do I use as my fourteenth floor cover-up?

I think this quote says a lot about our society's soft mindedness and willingness to believe anything we are told. MLK is simply asking us to see through the bullshit (paraphrased in less eloquent words).

Do you discern your way to the truth? Or do you choose to be fooled by half-truths?

Does My Singleness Make You Uncomfortable? Good.

2011-09-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

Typical conversation I partake in with friends/coworkers in monogamous relationships:

Friend: I saw a cute guy the other day. Not for me, but for you! He wasn't wearing a ring!

Me: Alright, well you don't need to do that.

Friend: I'm always looking out for you though.

Me: Oh, great.

I get it. I really do. It comes from a good place, this "looking out for my well being." That is, assuming that my well being equates to having a boyfriend. My roommate put it brilliantly the other day when she said,"The only thing that bugs me about singleness is that other people are bothered by singleness."

YES! PRECISELY!

I think I've written about this many times before, but I'm strange. I'm not your typical dater. I refuse to date just to date. I'm a shameless flirt and a lover of foreign men, but when it comes down to being in relationships, I've really got to fancy you to put the time and energy in, because frankly, that ish is exhausting.

So why are people always trying to stick me in relationships without really trying to find out if it's what I want?

To be honest with you, readers, I'm always more content when I'm purely single. Meaning, when I'm not even thinking of men at all. It's when a crush develops that I ask myself, "Dear God! What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like a lunatic?"

The bottom line of this post: stop assuming that I am sad/lonely/pathetic/desperate/damaged simply because I like being single. If I choose to date, it will be my choice (and probably once in a blue moon). I am not on the prowl for the next warm body to lay next to.

The next time you feel the need to question why I am single and how to "fix it", maybe you should ask yourself why being single is a problem at all, and what that says about you.

Thanks, sucker.

Love,

Ashley

Sittin' On Top Of The World

2011-09-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

One day I will look back at my yester-years and say, "Those were the days I could fit into that dress!" And so, I create posts like this, to remember my silly twenties.

The title? We went to a fancy little bar that sits on top of a hotel.

Churro kept hopping on my lap while I was waiting for Lainey to finish getting ready. So eventually I gave in and let him stay there. I knew a picture was in order.

The bar is about 20 or so stories up. I'm a little afraid of heights so I didn't look over the edge (too much). Below, a blurry pic of San Diego for your enjoyment.

This is a scarier scene in person. Yet, I couldn't resist looking over the edge to scare myself. I'm weird.

I stole Bethany's ring and had to snap a picture to show it's awesomeness. I want one! It's like a sparkly brass knuckle or something.

Favorite Thing Thursday

2011-09-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

1. Wristcutters: A Love Story

Recommended through a friend, I watched this movie certain that I would be in for something sad and pitiful. Boy, was I wrong. I've always loved morbid humor (think Beetlejuice) and original plots, to which Wristcutters doesn't let ya down. It's totally sick and twisted, and I sort of adore it. This is a story about the after-world that suicide-rs are committed to post killing themselves, and their search for something more--the whole ride is glorious fun. Furthermore, I'm always a sucker for a movie that shines through its writing, casting and plot rather than its special effects. Hmmm, this may have breached my Top 5 favorite films. Egads! I will have to watch it a couple more times to truly back up such a statement.

2. Shameless Appeals Made to Justin Timberlake

So, I found this gem through a JT tweet (yes, I follow Justin on twitter...so what of it?). If you've EVER been a Justin fan, then you will whole-heartedly agree with every statement made here.

3. A Quote from Strength to Love, a book by Martin Luther King Jr.

"When I speak of love I am not speaking of some sentimental and weak response. I am speaking of that force which all of the great religions have seen as the supreme unifying principle of life. Love is somehow the key that unlocks the door which leads to ultimate reality. This Hindu-Moslem-Christian-Jewish-Buddhist belief about ultimate reality is beautifully summed up in the first epistle of Saint John: 'Let us love one another; for love is God and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God.'"

Falling In Love With It All

2011-09-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

"Somewhere each day we have to fall in love, with someone, something, some moment, event, phrase. Somehow each day we must allow the softening of the heart. Otherwise our hearts will move inevitably toward hardness. We will move toward cynicism, bitterness, fear and despair. That's where most of the world is trapped and doesn't even know it." -Rohr

I don't want to get stuck in this limbo of always wishing for something else and always wanting to be somewhere else. I mean, gosh, I am 26! I have a lot of vigor, spunk and charm within myself to have a good time, anywhere.

All of this spunk tends to really come out when I'm traveling, but I want to focus that energy here in San Diego as well. Whether I'm in France or California, life has not changed, only the location has changed. Life unfolds the same way everywhere, and I don't want to become complacent simply because I'm so used to this city.

Tying in the quote above, I want to soften my heart all time. Fall in love with life everyday. I'm constantly working on this. Life is about always being in progress.

My mom named me after a soap opera character (I kid you not), from The Young and the Restless. How accurate of my personality! But being restless is not always a bad thing, it's what I choose to do with that restlessness. Do I lay around, like a beached whale, and complain about what's bugging me, or do I go out and do something about it? As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Analysis is paralysis." This has quickly become a favorite quote of mine because, LORD, do I over-analyze! There's nothing wrong with thinking, but the question becomes: if thinking is all that I am doing...WHAT AM I ACTUALLY DOING?

So going along with my vow to be more creative, I also want to vow to just do more everyday. It could be as simple as a laugh. But since laughing is the opening up of the soul, that's a day well spent. Even crying brings epiphany and change, so I welcome that too. I'm also attempting to be more cheerful at work, even when things are boring or stagnant.

And along the lines of doing more (although I'm no stranger to travel), I'm planning a trip to NYC in the spring. How do you like them apples?

And in the good spirit of bringing about laughter and smiles, here is a great video that will make you smile. It seems every year cities do a tribute Thriller dance to honor MJ's death. I've GOT to see if this is happening in San Diego, and join if I can. Mwahaha! It will be brilliant!

My Big Fat Turkish Post

2011-09-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

This is either the Black Sea or the Sea of Marmara. I can't remember because there are an abundance of seas surrounding Turkey!

I made the right decision to come back from Turkey. This I know to be true.

But,

Sometimes I miss it so much.

I miss waking up in the morning and grabbing fresh simit from the street vendors, where they've been making it for centuries, a recipe perfected over time that can't be duplicated.

I miss walking the hustling streets of Istanbul, sometimes laid out in cobblestone, leading to old Roman aqueducts and 1000-year-old walls standing prideful and strong--a reminder of how influential and important this city has been for forever.

I miss the unfinished sidewalks, the cracks in the buildings and the insane disregard for traffic rules--all things that convince this American that chaos can be better than order, imperfection more beautiful than perfect completion.

I miss seeing the Turkish flag splattered across the streets--brushstrokes of red--proudly displayed out of a sense of nationalism I find refreshing, not intrusive or overbearing.

I miss Turkish community, which I can't even put into proper words. I just wish I could be wrapped up in it again. It's maybe the greatest solace I've known.

I miss it.

Topkapı Palace, where there are artifacts alleged to belong to Mohammad.

The AyaSofya (called the Hagia Sofia here) is my favorite building in the entire world. All pictures I have of the inside don't do it any justice. All you need to know is that it's breathtaking.

Ruins in Efes (Ephesus). This is where the Virgin Mary hung out. No big deal or anything.

Cobblestone, my favorite!

I've posted this photo many times before, but I can't help it. This scene instantly makes me smile.

...

Why is it, no matter where I am, I am always missing something, somewhere or someone?

MY DREAM: To one day have a vacation home in Turkey, where I can relish in everything I love for the gloriously warm-you-to-the-bone summer months, then for the rest of the year, come back to America. Why can't I have both? ONE DAY I WILL HAVE BOTH.

Blackout Magic

2011-09-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

As you may have heard, San Diego, Orange County, parts of Arizona and Mexico experienced a major blackout for the better part of yesterday. My heart swelled with joy when I learned of this...

First, because I got to go home early from work (mwahaha).

Second, because I've always believed that we would just be better off without computers, TVs and any other glowing screen that sucks away souls.

The reaction to the blackout was priceless: Some initially panicked, traffic was insane to the point of the police force and military being sent out to direct intersections, and a few accidents occurred.

But as people settled at their houses and got their spare candles out, a sort of blackout "magic" worked its way over San Diego. I'd like to call that magic human interaction. My roommate and I sat out for 3 hours talking, laughing and drinking wine with our neighbors, something I'm not sure we would have done had it not been for the lack of power (those pesky glowing screens). I ventured out on the street and saw the same thing everywhere. People with people. Sitting on their lawns. Talking to their neighbors. It was like we were transported 50+ years in the past, and simpler times were playing out before our eyes like a feel-good film.

I heard a few cheers when the power got turned back on, but secretly I wished for the opposite. Today I'm anticipating people being distracted, yet again, to what's truly important. All to rush off to their phones and computers, and check their facebook notifications. A silly notion when you realize we could just interact with each other in person, here and now, instead.

Sometimes I'm a Grumpy Bugger and I Wish for Rain

2011-09-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been aching for rain.

If there's one complaint I have about San Diego, it's that we don't get enough of it.

I've been thinking about the glorious storms I've seen in Michigan, England and Ireland--sovereign forces that take you by the throat with no mercy. Those kind of storms get me giddy and frightened to the point of goosebumps, just like all the worth-while things in life.

And maybe that's why I adore rain. It reminds me of being human, being a part of the whole. I'm always that girl who forgoes the umbrella in hopes of getting completely drenched, laughing at those scurrying under the false hope of a newspaper or overhang. They hurriedly try to keep themselves put together, while mother nature is begging them to let go of control. Don't they know how good it feels to just let the rain fall down on you? To let your hair get ruined and your make-up smeared?

I have visions of sitting on a porch in Georgia, rocking in my chair as a chorus of rain plays me a symphony. Or of strolling in Paris with a painted sky of gray, because you know that's a city made for a rainy day. Or of dancing in a wild Irish field as the rain accompanies my aloofness.

Are these premonitions? I hope so.

I want the rain and thunder and excitement to sweep into my life soon. I want to twirl as the sky falls around me. I want to be in it.

***

P.S. I wrote this post about a week ago, and guess what? The skies opened up and poured down rain for a good two days this week. Obviously my request was heard! And OBVIOUSLY I took a nice long walk in the rain and it felt oh-soooooo-good.

Music Challenge, Day 22: A Song That You Listen To When You're Sad

2011-09-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

I definitely listen to music the most when I'm sad. To be all emo about it, art is my therapist when I'm suffering.

Therefore, I'm going to post multiple videos for this entry, to show my therapeutic process:

Phase One: Recognizing Pain

This is the moment you come out of denial and realize that, yes, you are suffering. I've been learning, in my old age, not to run from this feeling, but to let it run it's course in me. This is the mourning period, if you will. Of course, the saddest of songs come out at this stage, such as Sheryl Crow's "My Favorite Mistake," or Otis Redding's "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay." There's also this gem:

Phase Two: Coming Out of Pain

After being all cried out of phase 1, you realize that it's time to move on. This is the period where I'll play hybrid sad songs (sad songs that have an optimistic twist), as a band-aid of sorts. This includes Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come" ( I love his version the best), Travis's "Side," or my favorite song for this category:

Phase Three: Forgiveness and Closure

Instead of letting my sadness turn into rage, I always try to work on the healthier avenue: forgiveness. My favorite saying on forgiveness is "Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Through this last step, I let go of the fantasy, face reality and learn how to truly say farewell. For this, I play such songs as "Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley, or my favorite (and a song that has actually taught me how to forgive):

All of these songs have at one time or another brought me to tears. I usually try to hide and hold back tears, but I've been teaching myself to embrace my humanity more often, as to not slowly turn into a robot.

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you're happy

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-09-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's so very acceptable:

to say, "The Cure, The Smiths and Morrisey all sound eerily alike!" To which my coworker replied, "You know Morrisey is the lead singer of The Smiths, right?" Ohhhhhhhhhh...lightbulb! Shows how much I know about my 80s music. I'm a Motown girl, anyway. (Although, when I'm in the right mood, the Smiths are perfecto).

to proclaim this truth: that smart phones are OFFCIALLY making the world dumber, socially inept and increasingly impolite.

to want to have a modern-day bra burning. Not for any political reasons, but because this damn bra is bugging the hell out of me right now. And fire is awesome.

for your friends to conclude that you are a typical Turkish warrior always trying to take over the world. This was decided from my fascination with swords and those weapons that you swing around in the air that have spiky balls. Btw, it's totally acceptable to describe a weapon as "the one with the spiky balls."

And hey, my friend Ryan was inspired by me (awesome) and started his own series similar to my Perfectly Acceptable Ashley. Don't mind me, I'm a trendsetter and all :)

A Day in a French Cafe (In San Diego)

2011-09-03T10:19:00.001-07:00

Just like I love seeing a day in the life where all of you fine people are, I also love sharing a day in my life.

In lieu of the fact that I can't be visiting France every month, how convenient is it to have our own mock French cafes in San Diego? It makes me mighty happy. So without further ado (how do you like that spelling, Emily?), I give you pictures:

I'm always in a tremendously good mood when I get to wear my favorite red dress. So much so that it was completely appropriate to pose on the street corner like a little tart!

Lavender lemonade really is a little piece of heaven on earth...hmmm...must find out how to make a homemade recipe. I'm sure it's embarrassingly simple to make!

The last couple pictures were taken in the dressing room of a little boutique, where I succumbed to buying an overpriced room spray called "An Afternoon in Versailles," because it smelled so good, and I love Versailles so much!

You gotta love French-inspired days...

Shut up, Ashley.

2011-09-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

I was about to write a post about how this computer is sucking out my soul, how I hate technology and how I want to just run outside and roll around in the grass. You know, the typical "I'm feeling trapped...wahhhh!" post.

Then I stopped myself--THANK GOD--of sparing you all the complaints that have been piling up in my mind. Since when have I complained so much? We've heard it a million times before, but it's so true: focusing too much on the negative makes your world negative (I'm saying this through gritted teeth as I roll my eyes, of course).

But OH GODDDDDD...if I don't start realizing how unbelievably lucky/privileged/spoiled I am soon, I'm shipping my ass on the next plane to Thailand so I can see what it's like to be a young girl sold as a sex-slave, which will REALLY give me something to complain about.

All of this to simply tell myself to SHUT UP. You're being a brat, Ashley, and you best start appreciating all the riches you have before you. You pain in the ass.

Music Challenge, Day 21: A Song That You Listen To When You're Happy

2011-09-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

Oh, we're still doing this challenge? Oh right, ok...

It's funny to choose a Simon and Garfunkel song for this category. Because Simon, and his sidekick Garfunkel, are always...so...depressing. And emotional. And DRAMATIC.

But I don't know what it is about this song. I love playing it on sunny days, to match my sunny disposition. And I think I figured out why.

This song is about accepting things they way they are, even if there's a bit of a melancholy acceptance there. I know the background on the lyrics, and it's detailing the break-up of the duo that is Simon and Garfunkel. But Simon sings with such a positive perspective that you realize--he knows it's time for a change.

I believe that true happiness comes from accepting change, from knowing there are seasons in life, and being at peace with knowing you won't always be mind-blowingly happy all year round. Simon gets that. In his lyrics, in his tone, he understands. He sings, "Half of time we're gone but we don't know where, we don't know where..."

And, I love the line: "I get the news I need on the weather report...hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."

I'm smiling too. Not everything is perfect. Not every day is journal-worthy. Still, I've got happiness here. I've got peace here.

I'm the only living girl...in San Diego.

:P

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry

Cemiyet (Part 5): The Sassy Miss Briss

2011-08-31T11:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't done one of these in awhile! However, I think it's immensely important to showcase brilliant blog friends of mine. Community is everything in life...

(Cemiyet, in case you are scratching your head, is the Turkish word for community).

So, say hello to my lil' friend...

The Sassy Miss Briss

I stole the above picture from Brissa's blog :D

Well, technically she goes by Brissa, but I like to shorten names, because I am lazy.

How do I go about explaining the endearing eccentricites that make up Brissa? Let me start by saying that EVERY TIME I visit this little lady's site, I end up in a very unattrative laughing fit (with snort and all), which can be totally awkward at work.

Brissa sees the world like no other, with some kind of awesome bizarre shades on, and I want a pair. Once you take a glance into her world, you realize that life need not be so serious. This I admire greatly about her. Somehow Briss has the ability to turn the mundane into a brilliant comedy show, while still philosophizing on the deep mysteries of life.

She's a lover of harry potter, strange internet videos, laughter, cute clothes and embracing the odd in life.

This girl is an ass-kickin' genius!

Brissa, don't change your personality for anything...I'm pretty sure they only make one of you, and there is something extremely refreshing about being in the presence of someone totally unique. You. are. smashing.

Love,

Your New Friend Ashley ♥

You can visit Brissa's site here!

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-08-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

It's acceptable:

To find $40 on the floor of a bar and pick it up, only to feel bad the next day. Then I made the executive decision to put it in the collection plate at church. I can't keep that blood money! Don't laugh at me!

To stare longingly at the cute boy at your neighborhood cafe. Was I drooling a little? Oops. Eye candy makes me a morning person all of a sudden. Cute Cafe Boy > Coffee.

to dip a chocolate cookie in icing and proceed to stuff my face with it. I'M NOT APOLOGIZING. I certainly wouldn't apologize for that when I was 4 and I'm not going to do so now. What is it with girls saying crap like "Oh, I shouldn't eat that...it'll go straight to my thighs!" SHUT UP. The only thing making you "fat" and "ugly" is your attitude.

to go for a sip out of your drink and miscalculate cup-to-mouth distance and totally spill all over your white shirt. YOU WOULD THINK I would have mastered drinking out of grown-up cups after two decades of practice. Nope.

My Plan: Preparing to Pack a Creative Punch...KAPOW!

2011-08-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

(I added the KAPOW for effect)

devising sneaky plans...

As you may know, I want to really start utilizing the creative energy that lies within me, before it becomes unused, develops gangrene, dies and permanently leaves my body. I'd like to keep my creative limbs, thanks.

Here are the steps I'm taking to become one creative, round-house kickin', dragon-slaying, fantastically artsy girl!

1. Quit Facebook: Yep, I did it...er...for a little while at least. Inspired by a sermon at my church to fast from distractions, I took *now* as the perfect opportunity to take a hiatus from Facebook, the greatest time waster in the history of human existence. I already don't miss it (uh-oh...will I ever sign-on again?). The energy I used to waste away on FB is now being used to create stuff!

2. Create Something Everyday: This may be hard to accomplish every single day. But I'm going to damn well try. Some days are busier than others, but even if it's a blog post or a silly little drawing, I want to really start exercising those creative muscles...ohhhh, they ache from being dormant for so long!

3. Actually Send My Sh*t Out: I will not fall victim to the negative in my head. I've already been writing, re-writing and tweaking articles that I'm going to actually send to local newspapers and magazines. I expect a lot of NOs. But so what? Why not put myself out there more? It could have an awesome outcome!

4. Get Out of the Apartment: Lazing about the uninspiring surroundings of the familiar won't get the juices flowing. Experiencing life out on the streets, yo, is going to do that for me. I expect to be taking trips to the beach, or the cafe, or anywhere...people watching is a great muse! (shhh...I'm also trying to put together a trip to NYC soon, *if* I can swing it...I gots to try!).

5. Stay Away From the Alcohol: I don't want to become one of those artists. But really, I think I've been drinking a little too often, as a de-stresser from the workplace. So how about I substitute alcohol with art?

I was officially sober for this pic. That's the sad part.

Yes, I believe that covers it for now. I'm in the beginning steps of this lil' plan of mine. I hope to one day dance in all my creative splendor (how do you like that corny analogy?!?). Even if no results are produced from such efforts, it's going to be fun! My little heart is beating with excitement over all the possibilities and paths a creative soul can take! Which way to go? Up, down, sideways or diagonal--let's take them all, beezys.

(Insert inspirational saying here, i.e. "The Future Looks Bright!")

Favorite Thing Thursday

2011-08-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

1. Having High School Friends Visit

Andy, who goes by Andres now (so mature!), visited last week from Texas. His first response was, "It's so cold here!" ha! That's because Texas is a boiler room! We had a tremendous amount of fun frequenting wine bars and finding the best California Burrito. Next stop for Andy and me will have to be Vegas (we decided).

2. Coffee Addiction

MUST. FEED. THE. ADDICTION. COFFEE ZOMBIE! Aaaarrrrgh!

3. Remembering Aaliyah

When I was 16, I remember thinking Aaliyah was stunningly beautiful and simply fantastic. I'd watch "Are You That Somebody" and "Try Again" on TRL and try to emulate her moves. I even cried when I learned of her death. It's been 10 years (to the very day) since that plane crash and I thought it fitting to include her in my favorite things. 16-year-old Ashley approves.

4. Going to the Adele Concert

This is about the only video I took during the whole Adele concert. I didn't want anything in the way of me soaking in her velvety, gorgeous voice. I've never been so mesmerized by an artist's voice at a concert! If you notice, the audience is pretty silent because everyone just wanted to listen and not ruin the beauty of it. And to top it off, she did a rendition of "Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Rait, which brought me to tears...AND I DON'T CRY IN PUBLIC. Dammit Adele! It was sooooooo damn good.

Removing the Cock-Block to My Creative Soul

2011-08-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

...or a more graceful title...

I'm sitting here at my office desk, eating a rice cake with peanut butter, and pondering life, as usual. And what I'm pondering all has to do with this space, and these walls surrounding me, with the generic painting that has been added for a splash of color (I really think it has too much pink in it, I hate pink).

So, I've been at this job for about 3 months now. Of course, I'm still a newbie. But I've been here the sufficient amount of time to ask myself, "Is this what I want for my life? Is this a passion of mine?"

Hmmm.

Helping people is most certainly a passion of mine. As you probably know, I'm a university advisor. So, yes, I help people. The only problem is, universities are often run like businesses now-a-days; therefore, the job is not pure advising. This causes a bit of a dilemma in my soul...

Yes, my soul!

I think this is because I have a very creative soul, and I was most certainly born that way. When I was very young, I would draw non-stop. I remember I had this ravenous hunger to create, create, create. My dad has told me how I would go through a whole ream of paper in a few days, front and back.

What's sad is I don't draw anymore. What has been up with my spirit lately?

I do, however, write. This blog started as a professor's recommendation to "write everyday as practice." I've had this blog for over 6 years now. Obviously, my desire to create has not left me.

So, the next logical step is to ask myself, what am I gonna do about it? Am I going to spend this creative energy only on my blog, or should I push it further? Of course I should. I'll keep the desk job in the meantime (a girl's gotta bring home the bacon), but I'm writing this post as a reminder and a challenge.

I MUST DO MORE. I MUST NOT STIFLE MY CREATIVE SPIRIT.

This includes drafting articles and sending them out. Getting back into drawing (I secretly still love it so). Writing children's books and sending them to publishers (I've always wanted to do this). Getting in touch with greeting card companies for the heck of it (why not be a greeting card freelancer?). Painting, crafting, making random crap, etc. CREATING.

This is all in attempt in getting back in touch with 5-year-old Ashley who knew what was up! She's the one that knows the key to life...that we should only be doing what we love. Nothing could stop me from drawing like a maniac then. What's stopping me from creating now?

So, now that we've removed the cock-block, it's time to make those babies (creatively speaking).

"My business is to create." -- William Blake

Music Challenge, Day 20: A Song That You Listen To When You're Angry

2011-08-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Because, when you're angry, you want to blow shit up.

Naturally.

"So sick of your games/ I'll set your truck to flames/ and watch it blow up, blow up..."

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album

The One About Almost Lovers

2011-08-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

"Everybody knows almost doesn't count..." --Brandy

Almost lovers, crushes, part-time lovers, flings...is there a real name for them anyway? I suppose the lack of a proper name for such a situation reflects the ambiguity of it all. And so it's fitting.

Forgive the following robotic post. If you were looking for something sappy, you're at the wrong blog. Get out now. I'm too logical by nature. So, let's be logical...

The horrible thing about almost lovers is that they don't "almost" hurt you. And they don't just take "part-time" energy. However, there's a philosophical view to this, right? What really gets hurt? Is it your heart? Or your pride?

The funny thing about almost lovers is that it makes you feel incredibly silly and prepubescent. Like you shouldn't be engaging in such behavior, when you know something is not going to work out, but you indulge yourself anyway. It's edging on the side of being insane, no?

The best thing about almost lovers is that they are the easiest to get over. You haven't really shared that much intimacy with them (depending on your situation, I suppose). The only relationship that's been built has been in the construction zone of your mind. So get the wrecking ball out. Crush that seemingly stable wall down. When you do, you'll find that it's made of paper, or sugar, or any other material that is unstable or dissolvable.

And then, you're free.

Ha, I didn't mean to write a guide on How to Get Over That Almost Lover, but it turned out that way. Maybe it was for myself.

I'll end here with a dialogue from Adaptation, which I saw for the first time 2 weeks ago. God, I love these lines:

Charlie: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald: I remember that.
Charlie: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at me. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie: How come you looked so happy?
Donald: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.

I suppose a lot of things in life are about learning how to regain the power.

The Anti-List

2011-08-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

I absolutely loved this idea from Molly, so I had to post on it.

"The Anti-List" is a list one makes of things he or she has bravely (or not so bravely) tried and decided THEY DON'T LIKE.

As Molly puts it, it's about embracing who you are and who you aren't. So, without anymore unnecessary rambling, my anti-list:

Sushi: Everyone and their Uncle Joe tries to get me to like Sushi. At the end of the day, my opinion stands: I DON'T LIKE RAW FISH. You can try to cover it in cream cheese, add hot sauce, seaweed, or any other distractor you'd like. I've tried it all and nothing has worked. If we go to a Sushi place, I'll order the Chicken Teriyaki and a Saporro, thanks.

Mayonaise: I will only eat this in chicken salad. That's it. It's pretty nasty, otherwise.

Going on Droppy Amusement Rides: Not sure what else to call them, I just know that I cringe when I see those rides that take you up to the highest of heights, only to drop you. DROPPY RIDES ARE THE DEVIL. I don't like heights! I'll do rollercoasters, but please, stop trying to convince me to go on these god-forsaken rides with you. I find no enjoyment from them, and don't appreciate being called a "sissy-pants" for not attempting.

Pink (the color): Just because I am a chick, doesn't mean I am obligated to like this annoying and ridiculous color. Please don't assume that I want the pink straw or the pink t-shirt because I am female. Even when I was five years old, I was already savvy to the frivolity of pink. BAN PINK!

Being Set-Up: No, I do not want to go out with your brother, whom you think 'is perfect' for me. Please stop scouting out men on my behalf. I'm not incapable, I'm just disinterested in going about love in a such a contrived matter. Because I relate to Jason Mraz when he says,"When I fall in love/I'll take my time/there's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind." I'll never be able to rush or force these things. Love is already complicated enough, shouldn't it happen naturally?

House Music: No. Just No. It's far too repetitive and annoying to stand much of that crap.

Pity Parties: get. over. it. I don't indulge in this dramatic behavior. Mourning is ok, but then you need to get out of the funk, sister (or brother)! Don't hold on to what wasn't meant to be.

What are you anti?

Simon, you're such a drama queen.

2011-08-16T20:23:00.001-07:00

Work has been busy. Which has been good, because sometimes I need a distraction from my own thoughts.

I've been downloading too many Simon and Garfunkel songs of late. Their overdramatic lyrics make me feel a little less crazy. Until I shed a few tears. When was the last time I cried anyway? It was probably long overdue...strong girls are allowed to cry, too.

Sometimes I'm too open on this blog. Sometimes I am secretive. This is an example of the latter.

I just gotta write it out, without having to explain all the Ws. Cause all the leaves that are green turn to brown, eventually.

Thanks, S & G.

2011-08-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm annoyed today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

()*)(*()*@()$*@()$&()@*$)(I)C$)NE* )I ajuertw45823q895-())($(@())(_____(94458484588588585845o gtwetkgwejopgjk.

My keyboard hates me right now.

At least Smokey helps calm me down (refer to post below).

I'm also listening to Simon and Garfunkel and Kenny Loggins for good measure. Ahhh, calming down with each sappy song...

Music Challenge, Day 19: A Song From Your Favorite Album

2011-08-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

If I had a favorite album, it would probably be Greatest Hits of Motown, or something to that effect.

I've already covered Marvin enough on this music challenge, so I give you my next favorite Motown artist.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Smokey. You do it to me well. And it's all because you get that a little tenderness goes a long way. They really don't make music like this anymore, and how many times do I have to mention that? I sound like a crotchety old woman. Listen chillins! This is that good sound in your ear!

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

Finding What's Real

2011-08-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

The other night I was trying to entertain my friend who was visiting from Texas, so I thought some dancing was in order. But what I often encounter when I go to a club, or sometimes a bar, is that I hit a point where I long to be somewhere else. I feel out of place, or restless, like that scene and those people could never really make my night.

I'd have a better time talking to an elderly WWII Vet, indulging in stories of valor, bravery and even pain. Because I'm captivated by the absence of bullshit, the lack of facade, and the immense wisdom to be gained there. And my heart beats for times when I can take a little kid to a playground, feeling their tiny hand trying to grasp my finger tightly, as they pull me toward the monkey bars and exclaim, "Look what I can do!" And I'm mesmerized, by their spirit and their life, and their ability to make those monkey bars something spectacular.

There is a period between childhood and death that we seem to lose focus on what's really important. Our energy somehow shifts to taking "all the right steps" in life, wherever those steps lead. And so I think, what am I really after? What do I allow myself to get lost in? Where am I wasting my time? How can I find the most genuine moments in life? Because those moments are what I am so very hungry for.

Deep down, we all are pure of heart. We may try to hide that truth with alcohol, or love interests to fight loneliness, or new dresses to make ourselves feel better in the moment, or any other mask we choose to wear.

I don't want to distract myself with all of that. I just want to find what's genuine and real.

The search continues.

My All Time, Top 5: Where to Next?

2011-08-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

Traveling. My addiction and quite possibly the death of me. But no, that's not right. Why should I label something that I absolutely love with such negative connotations? I know deep down that traveling is actually the life of me.

Since I've gotten back from Turkey, I've been trying to get the root of why I love traveling. Do I use it as an escape from the everyday mundane? Do I fantasize too often about it? Do I think too highly of it?

Maybe. But one thing I know for sure is that it's my most ardent passion. So I will stop trying to disprove my love for seeing, discovering and uncovering the globe; instead, I'll embrace it. And with that...

I give you the Top 5 places I'm itching/dying/slobbering to go see, I'll try to hit them all up before the actual death of me:

5. Thailand

Can I go here NOW? PLEASE??? All I have to say is that I'm obsessed with that water. There's a magic dust floating in Thai air--I'm convinced--and I'm really wanting to breathe it all in.

4. Prague

I have a thing for architectural brilliance. I'm certain I would have some type of orgasm over the genius that is Czech architecture. I can't wait to stare, dumbfounded, with my camera in tow, taking in the views of all the buildings.

3. Singapore

Is this some kind of city of the future? I've seen the floating soccer field in pictures...can I go to a game there, please? And gosh, this is one of those cities I really want to experience at night.

2. Australia

I don't know why, but I am so intrigued by the plane in this shot. Part of me is dying to be a passenger on it, peering out the freakishly small window, trying to get a glimpse of my next adventure (but seriously, can't they make bigger windows?!? Leaves me so unsatisfied). AND LOOK AT THIS SCENERY. I don't think I have to say much about Australia, except that I find the people deliciously quirky and lovable (the Australians I've met in the U.S., that is).

1½. Malta

WOWWWWWWWWW. My jaw is actually agape at this very moment. No words. The way I'm staring at this picture is the way one would stare at their lover.

1. Italy

This is my number one. Mi Amore. Which is why I'm planning a trip here A.S.A.P. (next summer, hopefully). Cause frankly, I've been wanting to go here since I first stuffed my face with spaghetti in my high chair. I know I'm gonna eat up Florence. Can't Wait!

Alright, so I cheated and did more than a Top 5. But really, a Top 60 would be more accurate!

I've Got a Little Feisty in My Blood

2011-08-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

The usual first impression that I leave goes as follows (so I'm told): totally sweet, somewhat shy and very amicable.

But don't be fooled.

Everyone that gets to know me learns that I'm a little too feisty. I'm eager to debate, I have strong opinions and, yes, I'll bite. And I won't be changing anytime soon. My dad calls me a driver. He's right. I'm strong-willed and I know the way I'm going, yessir.

And I'm so very proud of it. Because this feistiness, it pumps wildly through my blood.

It makes me think of my Grandma Helen, who despite being eaten alive my Parkinson's and cancer her last few months, never came across as weak or helpless. The flame inside burned passionately, as she'd grab a Budweiser and divulge stories of her glory days in the 1940s, sitting as tall as her fragile body would allow--a strong statue of a woman that I admired.

And I think of my Mom. Who endured years of beating from her first husband, and would try to accept it for the sake of her daughter, my sister. She'd get thrown against the wall, all 110 pounds of her, but she never let him break her; all the while, being thousands of miles away from her home country. She finally fled when she couldn't take it anymore and the bruises didn't foil her escape plan.

And I think of how I was the third attempt for my parents. There were two miscarriages before me, but somehow I held on and was even born six weeks early, itching to get out! Although my heart wasn't fully developed, my lungs were already mature--I was eager to breathe life in the best I could. Being an incubator baby, I even sported a mohawk haircut (so they could put little testers on me)--I was a week-old warrior.

And so this feisty attitude, I won't turn it down. I won't pretend to be dainty all time. If you piss me off, you'll know about it.

And remember, I warned you that I'm a biter. Don't say I never told you so.

My Perfect Saturday

2011-08-06T22:20:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh. You know when you just have one of those great days? As if your lungs have expanded because you've been breathing in life?

Saturday was one of those days. It was a day where we did nothing more but shoot the breeze, take lots of frivolous photos and celebrate Lucille Ball's 100th birthday with some red lips painted on our faces (might as well have painted a constant smile on mine).

Oh wait, you wanna see the photos? Oh okay. Be warned, I said frivolous for a reason...

My chip is bigger than Lainey's; Ummm...flexibility much?; Christian feeding me gelato, and me totally hamming up this picture.

The silliest pictures were a result of us waiting for our friend's salon appointment to finish. When you combine a sunny day, a sense of humor, and a camera, this is what you get:

Notice Christian acting very sneaky...the progression of these shots cracks me up...

Where are your hands going, Christian?

HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE :)

After our scandalous photo shoot (there are more dorky photos I refuse to show), we decided to wander over to a cafe, naturally. Good thing we were in Little Italy and I was in the mood for a cappuccino.

I was loving the indulgence. Can't wait to one day indulge in real Italy.

We returned to the salon to find that our friend was finally finished. That's when Shakira came on the salon's radio. When Shakira plays, you can do one of two things: 1. Pretend that you are nonchalant and sit in your chair, or 2. Let the beat take you over and have a dance party.

We chose the later.

Bethany and I are actually shimmying here. The only way to tell is to look at my key necklace.

Sadie, the hairdresser, teaching the girls how to shake their hips.

I love it when I capture candids when no one realizes ;)

Dancing in salons works up an appetite, so next we devoured a meal in the heart of Old Town. Afterwards, I stumbled upon a divine sign:

How convenient! I've been looking for those.

No, you dork. Not imaginary swords, there are real ones if you follow the arrow!

The sword shop had every sword imaginable, and even some weapons I'm pretty sure are illegal in the U.S.; maybe that's why I wasn't allowed to take photos...hmmm...

We ended this perfect day with a I Love Lucy marathon, and I was complete. It was all a reminder that it doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing; rather, it's completely about who you're with.

So won't you join me next time?

Music Challenge, Day 18: A Song That You Wish You Heard On the Radio

2011-08-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

ROBYN!

I picked this little fembot powerhouse dragon slayer (all appropriate words to describe her) because she'd do quite well on the radio. But for some odd reason, she's not getting played. Makes me question what exactly drives the top 40 to the top 40. Hmmm...

But I digress.

If you're in a dancing mood, play a few of these tracks, and you will be transported to another dimension. Just wear some kind of protection (like armor), this little Swede packs a major punch.

Some of my favorites, accompanied by favorite lyrics from the song:

1. Hang With Me

"But don't fall recklessly, headlessly in love with me, cause it's gonna be/ all heartbreak, blissfully painful and insanity, if we agree...you can hang with me."

2. Indestructible (this video is NOT very suitable for work!)

"And I never was smart with love/ I let the bad ones in and the good ones go..."

3. Call Your Girlfriend

"You tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again/ and it won't make sense right now, but you're still her friend."

4. Be Mine

"There's a moment to seize/ every time that we meet/ but you always keep passing me by/ No, you never were and never will be mine."

Oh, and did I mention that Robyn held my hand when I went to see her in concert? Yeah. I'm special.

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-08-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

It's acceptable:

to have a Curious George stuffed animal sitting on your dashboard. I'm a grown-up. And every time my dad sits in my passenger seat he says, "That little shit head is staring at me!" ha.

to be a *little* excited that new Beavis and Butthead episodes are coming out. Say whaaaaa? Maybe because it reminds me of the good ol' days of being in 5th grade and sneaking to watch MTV when my parents weren't looking.

It's NOT acceptable:

to stay in your apartment after suspecting a gas leak, because we thought, "Oh well it's too late to call anyone, so we'll just brave it and keep the windows open." I did check to see if Lainey was still breathing the next day, because I'm sweet. Apparently it's smart to LEAVE the premises when even SUSPECTING a gas leak. Soooo, yeah. Probably the dumbest thing I have ever done...and I'm sharing it with you fine people! Lainey and I were laughing for over an hour, thinking about HOW DUMB WE WERE.

(don't judge me)

*hangs head*

Ashley Jay's Pieces of Wisdom (at 26)

2011-08-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

The only reason I'm writing this is because I want to look back one day and see what I figured out about life up to this point. Maybe I will do another one when I am 34. Then 52. Will I have this blog that long? Who the hell knows? All I know is I'm going to pick random ages...because it's fun.

So, onto what I know about life, thus far:

Don't name your kid an overly common name, like Ashley. It gets rather annoying.
Stay away from charming men (don't think I've learned my lesson just yet).
The less make-up one wears, the more and more beautiful she begins to feel. I'm really starting to figure this one out.
Red wine has magical powers.
The answer is forgiveness, every time.
I know I will finally feel real love when I hold my first child. None of this romantic nonsense really does it for me.
There will come a time when I am less bitter about love. We go through phases in life, I've come to accept.
Traveling may be the remedy to all the wars and misunderstandings in this world. Learning about other cultures has taught me more than a 4-year degree ever could.
Being a twenty-something is certainly not as fabulous as it's made up to be. I don't think I've ever been more confused!
Oceans and seas are mighty healing.It's like being in the womb.
Praying makes a difference.
Peanut butter and chocolate (especially combined) can turn your day around.
In the end, just give me my family and dear friends.
The hunger for money is insatiable. Beware of living that life.
Don't let fear rule your thoughts, learn how to just go for it!
Adversely, know when to not go for it. Sometimes no is the answer.
Diets are a joke.
Purple is the greatest color in the whole of the universe.
Make sure to wake up each morning and thank God you are alive.

Of course, I'm pretending to know some things about life, which is laughable.

Feel free, dear readers, to add. Your life advice? Do tell.

You're Stranded on an Island...

2011-08-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

My co-worker, Michael, likes to ask me ridiculous questions at work to bide the time. So, in true office tradition, he asked me "Ok, if you were stranded on an island, what three things would you bring with you?" with the side note of, "And you can't bring a man."

Before answering, I asked, "Okay, do I have a supply of water?" The answer was yes, you have all the food and water you need to survive.

So, then I could proceed with my answers:

Books to read.
A volleyball.
Chocolate.

To which Michael replied, "Don't you want internet connection instead of books?

"No, not particularly."

"Why the volleyball?"

"I'll need a friend...just like Tom Hanks did."

"But you didn't say anything that will help you get off the island."

"Why am I getting off the island?" I asked, to which he just stared at me.

Conclusions from this interaction:

I question everything. Before answering the question, I answered with a question.
I didn't even think of getting off the island. Maybe this is a sign that I need a vacation.
I'm not-so-novel with my answers. I'm not particularly clever. But I know what I want.
I can't live without chocolate.

Yeah, that sums it up. So who's living on the island with me?

Music Challenge, Day 17: A Song That You Hear Often on the Radio

2011-08-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

Haven't you noticed that Adele is EVERYWHERE this year?

The reason is obvious to me: she is a shining example of the way music used to be. A time when Ella Fitzgerald was singing in smokey bars, Lena Horne was lighting up the screen and Billie Holiday was bringing. it. home.

I don't pretend to know terribly much about the big band era, but I do know good music when I hear it.

Flash forward to the new millennium, and you'll find that most of our famous singers cannot actually sing. In a robotic shift the world seems to be adopting, auto tuners have infiltrated the air waves. It's disgusting to me that we've gotten to this point.

And then came Adele.

It's no wonder her second album shot straight to number one, and all of her shows are sold out. People are craving real music.

So here's to a song that is a bit overplayed, but oh-so-appreciated:

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

F***in True Love!

2011-07-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

This made me laugh and smile for a good 5 minutes. So I thought I'd share it with my favorite people :D

It's Saturday, and I'll post cause I wanna!

2011-07-30T10:12:00.001-07:00

I mean, this is fantastico. I could listen to this all day.

She knew where to look.

2011-07-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

A poem to God from Mirabai, an Indian princess from the 1500s:

Do not leave me alone, a helpless woman.
My strength, my crown,
I am empty of virtues,
You, the ocean of them.
My heart's music, you help me
In my world-crossing.
You protected the king of the elephants.
You dissolve the fear of the terrified.

Where can I go? Save my honour
For I have dedicated myself to you
And now there is no one else for me.

And one more line that spoke to me. Straight to the heart, with a bullet.

"Deign to sever, O Master.

All the knots in her heart."

I have a lot of knots that need untangling, er...or severing. Yeah, that's the more awesome option.

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

2011-07-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

It's very acceptable:

to tell your roommate, "I've trained you well," when she makes dinner AND breakfast for you (mmm...pancakes). I have a sweet deal going on!

to use such words of encouragement as "Stupid dog!" and "Come on fatty!" when trying to walk Churro, my roomie's chihuahua, who doesn't really like going on walks. That lazy ass.

for a friend to say "I wanted to punch him in the face and in the wiener!" and for me to reply, "Well that's some effective punching." My friends and I have sophisticated conversations.

To watch the complete series of The Office as a sort of therapy session for your own work place. "You want a cookie cookie?" hehehe.

Favorite Thing Thursday

2011-07-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

These are a few of my favorite things:

Making ridiculous faces for the camera.

Daydreaming about Paris. Daydreaming is ok in moderation :) Ok?

Wearing dresses on sunny days.

Caprese Panini and Iced Coffee while watching women's soccer.

Oh yeah.

Finding this adorable picture at my work. The "here" is the university.

heh heh.

Oh really?

My roommate's gay dog. No really, he's homosexual.

What comes in the Latino Breakfast Plate???? I'll order it :)

Why I'm a Man

2011-07-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I decided last night that in a past life we were men.

The reasons are five-fold:

We're more laid-back than other chicks.
We have lived in our apartment for a month and haven't decorated.
If we could grow facial hair, we decided that we totally would.
We have yet to buy more toilet paper after running out a couple days ago, but we're not super bothered by this fact. Wait, that's disgusting...WE'RE TOTALLY DUDES.
She and I are usually both single. No attachments! Ahhh...eternal bachelors...

***Dear readers, please don't think that I have bad hygiene. Ok thanks :)

Marinating.

2011-07-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday, I went to a student's wedding. They were getting wed after just dating for 6 months--shotgun!

When I had asked the groom, "Wow, isn't that a little fast?"

He said, "I just knew. I knew."

Hmmm...

This makes me think about a lot a things. Is it true that when you find "the one" (put in quotations for a reason) that things are more uncomplicated? More simplified?

I think I have this jaded view of love, a view that was created through past bad experiences, but one that's hard for me to shake. I want to believe in the goodness of love, but mostly come to the conclusion that most men just have a one track mind, which makes me want to run the other way.

This has been one of those weeks where I've become a bit agitated with guy attention. And I always get in these moods when I feel overwhelmed by too many guys...the kind of mood where I'd like to be left alone. Don't mind my mood. And don't go trying to cheer me up. I'm not sad, I'm just marinating in these thoughts. Just for tonight though, my optimism is sure to make a shining return tomorrow.

*It didn't help that I watched Closer the other night. Talk about a movie that makes you rethink the validity of love!

Music Challenge, Day 16: A Song That You Used To Love But Now Hate

2011-07-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

I just realized, I've been dragging out this music challenge since April. Whoa dude! Oh well, it keeps me occupied...

So, a song I used to love, but now hate. Well, truly, it's hard for me to hate a song I once loved. I am loyal, and once I love something, I love it forever. Yep. This even works for such songs as "Wannabe," from Spice Girls, or "Tearin' Up My Heart," from *NSYNC.

Yes, I am woman enough to admit those two loves. So stop judging me.

Buuuuuuuuuuuut, if I have to pick one song, here it is:

My little 6th grader brain thought this song was oh-so-fantastic and clever. I would crank this on my boom box, sitting on my inflatable chair (high class) in my beach-themed room, because I felt like Alanis understood me.

As I've gotten older and a tad wiser, one of my pet peeves has been the misunderstanding of the meaning of irony. I might explode if I hear one more person say, "I ran into Julie at the party! Isn't that ironic?"

No, no. Actually it's not.

And Alanis, you most certainly did not help by putting out this disaster of a song. I don't hate it, but I don't love it anymore...and well, it is kind of annoying.

The Challenge so far:

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love