Do You Surround Yourself with Doers?

My cousin (pictured above with me) is a person who I would consider a doer. By doer, I mean someone who has a list of things he/she really wants done in life which he/she actually ends up doing. It can be as small as wanting a picture on an NYC stoop (evidence above), or can be as big as writing a best-selling book in Turkey.

My cousin is the reason I ever left San Diego in the first place. She's 5 years older than me, so I was able to follow her career before I ever started mine. She worked in fashion, wrote an Italian-to-Turkish dictionary, lived in Italy for a year, and recently wrote the aforementioned best-selling book. To say my cousin is an inspiration is an understatement. She was the first person I ever knew to do bigger things than just staying in a complacent job and living the status quo life.

When I applied for grad school in London, I knew I could do it because she had done big things, too. Same goes for any big event in my life. Recently, she visited NYC and we had many great talks in where I left feeling uplifted.

This is because doers uplift doers.

Once you realize you are someone who has a HUGE bucket list, and a short amount of time on earth to complete said bucket list, there's really no second to waste! Furthermore, there's no room for people I'd like to call stallers. These are people who have excuses for not doing the things they dream of. These people often say "well that's just the way the world works." They think one bad experience equates to life being bad, i.e. "I've had my heart broken, thus, love doesn't exist." They stall their dreams thinking it's too much work and not realistic.

I know a few stallers here and there, and while I won't cut them out completely, I've decided to really limit the amount of time I spend with them. That time can better be spent crafting grand ideas I intend to put into motion. That time is better spent with my doers. Frankly, we've just got too much to do.

P.S. I've already started limiting time with those stallers, and putting time into being with doers and doing more, and guess what? I've been writing up a storm! When I start to make time for the things I love and people that inspire me, one of my greatest loves comes back to me--WRITING! 

Finding What's Real

The other night I was trying to entertain my friend who was visiting from Texas, so I thought some dancing was in order. But what I often encounter when I go to a club, or sometimes a bar, is that I hit a point where I long to be somewhere else. I feel out of place, or restless, like that scene and those people could never really make my night.

I'd have a better time talking to an elderly WWII Vet, indulging in stories of valor, bravery and even pain. Because I'm captivated by the absence of bullshit, the lack of facade, and the immense wisdom to be gained there. And my heart beats for times when I can take a little kid to a playground, feeling their tiny hand trying to grasp my finger tightly, as they pull me toward the monkey bars and exclaim, "Look what I can do!" And I'm mesmerized, by their spirit and their life, and their ability to make those monkey bars something spectacular.

There is a period between childhood and death that we seem to lose focus on what's really important. Our energy somehow shifts to taking "all the right steps" in life, wherever those steps lead. And so I think, what am I really after? What do I allow myself to get lost in? Where am I wasting my time? How can I find the most genuine moments in life? Because those moments are what I am so very hungry for.

Deep down, we all are pure of heart. We may try to hide that truth with alcohol, or love interests to fight loneliness, or new dresses to make ourselves feel better in the moment, or any other mask we choose to wear.

I don't want to distract myself with all of that. I just want to find what's genuine and real.

The search continues.

Living Above the Fantasy

Le Sigh.

I don't know where my head is at these days. What I do know is I've been struggling with the idea of fantasy vs. reality quite a lot recently, a notion I've always thought about since I first saw High Fidelity, my favorite movie ever.

I'd like to think I'm a fairly realistic chick. But every once and again, I get swept up in fantasy.

The fantasy of a far away land, the fantasy that a charming boy can create...I need to remember that they are just that--fantasy.

Reality, what is tangible and in front of me, is what I need to focus on more often. Make your reality ideal, remember? Of course, this is never a simple venture, but I'm up for a challenge!

And so, the last few days I have gone to the beach, walked to neighborhood bars with friends, said yes to going places when someone asks, and have participated in this idea of living more for the moment.

This is all in attempt to make my reality supersede my fantasy.

And because it is fitting, I encourage you to listen to one of my favorite Jay May songs, "Edge of Desire." Totally listening to this right now!

"Young and full of running/tell me where is that taking me/ just a great figure eight/ or a tiny infinity..."

(and while this post is ambiguous, it is still cathartic for me, so forgive the mystery)

Attitude Adjustment

I love having good days after bad days. I even cried yesterday and was being a little dramatic, which isn't so typical of me. I'm more of the logical thinking type than the emotional type. But yesterday, I felt as if I had to kind of throw my dream out of the window.

Truth is, I don't.

So this is the plan I *think* I will be following. I'm going to get certified in teaching english to foreigners. Then, I'm going to go ahead and see what job offers I get, and if they are sufficient for what I need. If so, I'll go. If not, I'll stay and think of another path (staying in SD or maybe going to another state).

I know there's no real reason to make a big deal out of this. I was making a big deal because I've never left San Diego. It's like I don't know how to navigate leaving this place. I feel half-child like, like I haven't grown up enough, like I'm stuck in a way. But there's no need to feel that way.

Even if I were to stay in San Diego, I could do plenty of growing within this city with so many opportunities. What has been sucking lately is my attitude. Life is, truly, what you make it. I've been thinking that staying in San Diego would stunt my personal growth. Going to Turkey looked like a way out of that. "If I move to another country, surely I'll grow into more of an adult!"

I'm a dork sometimes. Although I still want to go to Turkey to just go to Turkey (LOVE THAT PLACE), I'm not going to cry and kick and scream over it if I don't go. It will not be the end all and be all.

The Big Guy upstairs will let me know which way to go (He always does), and in the meantime I'll e-mail some teachers at some of the schools at Turkey and ask how they're getting along (thanks for that advice, Michelle).

And I'll look on the bright side. Cause at this stage of my life, there's a LOT of bright sides. Heck yeah.

I Won't Stop Believing

Have you heard the Glee version of "Don't Stop Believin'?" Simply brilliant. On top of this, have you seen the show Glee? I recently watched it online. Can you say, new obsession?!?

Anyway, back to the song...

When I heard this song the other day, it was a bit inspiring to me. Which is funny, because, I've heard this song a million times before, but it never affected me much. When I think of it, I think of drunk girls holding out a strong fist in the air, belligerently belting out the chorus, then tripping up over the rest of the song.

But for the first time, I really listened to the lyrics, and they really struck me. Probably because I've been in a bit of a rut.

God sends the right messages to you at the right times, including cheesy lines like DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' (be careful to note, you are uncool if you spell it "believing").

Despite the silly lyrics, it's a great message to the downhearted. When you feel stuck, there's always a way out.

I realize how privileged I am, and how my "being stuck" is nothing compared to what many in the world go through. But that doesn't mean that I'm incapable of feeling sad, or feeling like life has lost its fervor.

That passion that is missing in life can always be won back. So, on that note, I e-mailed numerous English schools in Turkey inquiring about teaching positions. I am beyond-the-moon over this idea. It stirs something inside me...an extra excitement that has been hiding for a few months.

Nothing is promised, and I am just in preliminary research over this whole plan. But I really want to do it. I think I can find a way.


Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Dont stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'...

I'll hold onto that feeling.

A Big Change

There's been A LOT of new thoughts running around in my head lately...time to put it here on this blog, and maybe get some insight.

I've been thinking about moving to Turkey for a year, and possibly teaching English to children (or adults) there (in Istanbul).

I feel...bored and uninspired by America lately. Should I say lately? Maybe this has been for a long time. I know that changing countries is not necessarily "the answer" to that, but I can't deny that I've always had the urge to move overseas, and I've never been able to shake that urge.

I also know that going on a vacation in Turkey is not the same as living and working in Turkey. It's a very real possibility that I could move to Turkey having an immense love for it and leave with a bad taste.

However, I think I will regret it if I never try living somewhere else. I've been in San Diego far too long (basically MY WHOLE LIFE). It works for some people to stay in one place all their lives, but I'm not so sure that works for me.

Things I will obviously miss if I move: my FAMILY, my friends, certain aspects of the American culture that I love.

And there's a lot to prepare for: Learning the Turkish language as much as possible, saving up a butt-load of money, preparing to say good-bye to loved ones.

But there's a lot to look forward to: an ADVENTURE! Experiencing a breath of fresh air through another culture, seeing my Turkish family more often (and possibly living with them), living in a country that is a part of me and my background (HOW COOL IS THAT?!), having a story to tell the kids when I get older. hehe.

Sorry that this post is so disorganized...these are the million thoughts that are bouncing in my head over this idea. I may be over thinking all of this, and maybe I should just go without all the analyzing. But I know that there is a part of me that just might stay overseas once I go, and never come back.

And that scares me just a little. Because such a big change can be a bit scary. Maybe more than a bit.

All I know is, my recent European trip was supposed to cure the wanderlust in me for about a year (it usually does the trick). But a couple days after I got back, I wanted to travel again...I wanted to be somewhere else.

Seriously, I have a problem *nervous laughter*

Also, I recently told my parents about this little possible plan of mine, and they took it better than I thought they would, replying with, "Well, we don't want you to move that far away from us...but that's not a bad idea."

I think they know I've always had that dream to live in a different country. It's my mom's fault! She moved from Turkey to America...she started it!!

Well, if you've read this far through my jumbled thoughts, BRAVO! Tell me what you think, and tell me any advice you might have.

P.S. If I did move to Turkey, it would be next year...Fall 2010 or around that time.

And Another Thought.

Did you know?

The same part of your brain that registers religious experience also registers music and sexual pleasure.

Prettyyyyyyy interesting.