Becoming an Expat, Again (It's not as glamorous as you think)

Cherry blossoms in Kew Gardens. Should I make an obvious metaphor for my life right now? 

I've been back in London for 2 weeks, and there have already been ups and downs. I've been overwhelmed by a range of emotions coming back, and it's the usual cocktail of fear and anxiety: I am reminded that moving continents is never an easy jump, no matter how familiar you are with the place you're moving to.

The last time I moved to London was about 6 years(!) ago. A lot has happened in 6 years! I am back in the city where I feel most alive, most at peace, and most myself. Therefore, in moving back I am confronted with myself in a very harsh and heavy way, including the bad habits I picked up over my lost years. I am now in the thick of my healing process (which began in Boston). I feel naked and alone with my thoughts--the healing is being fast tracked now.

I suppose this post seems a little dark, but that's because the process of bettering yourself involves shedding a lot of facades, lies, heartache, and energy that does not serve you. I'm so proud of myself for doing this work, for moving back, and for acknowledging and admitting that this is hard. I'm rebuilding my life again, and it's going to be a bit clunky at first.

I could slap a filter on this experience and brag about how well I'm doing, how you should be jealous, and oh, look at me! I'm so worldly and amazing! I've got it all together!

Instead, I want you to look at me: a woman who is scared but brave. One who is not certain she is always making the right decisions, but is following her soul's instructions, anyway. One who misses her parents and feels guilt over leaving them in San Diego, but knows this path is true and right.

This is the start of my journey of being an expat, again. I am thrilled and scared. I am so alive.