Sometimes I catch myself reading one too many news articles on the virus, and my mind somersaults into the dark place. I ask myself: what if this goes on for a very long time? What if this is just our new normal for life? What if there is a huge second wave? What if I become an obsessive compulsive person from all this, akin to Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets?
What if? What if? What if?
And then a divine reminder comes in: all we have, and all we've ever had is now. In the Before Times, we gave ourselves permission to hope about all the good days in the future, because there was nothing seemingly bad looming ahead. Now, we need to give ourselves permission to be, in addition to hope. I do still hope for good things: for this to pass, for us to be able to feel safe and free again. But the truth is, I simply can't handle worrying about tomorrow when today is enough to think about.
I'm not ignorant to the fact that it's difficult to be in the Now at this moment in time. Living in a state of emergency wears on the body. Every time I muster enough energy to do a yoga routine, I realize how tight and tense I am. It's evident that I'm holding in ALL the worry. And so, I'll keep on forcing myself to do yoga, to breathe in this one and only second I really truly possess. I'll keep doing all the things that bring me any ounce of joy: writing, watching good shows, good philosophical chats, dance parties, watering my plants, and nice glasses of red wine. I can be happy with this present moment if I remain focused on it.
Right now, the sun is reaching through the window to greet me hello. The little white dog I live with is chewing his bone. I'm living in a city I really love. It's warm and comforting in my home, and nothing--no monster, no virus, no hurricane--is currently threatening my life. If those things do come, I'll deal with them in those moments. But right now, everything is safe and happy and light. Right now is where I want to be.
What if? What if? What if?
And then a divine reminder comes in: all we have, and all we've ever had is now. In the Before Times, we gave ourselves permission to hope about all the good days in the future, because there was nothing seemingly bad looming ahead. Now, we need to give ourselves permission to be, in addition to hope. I do still hope for good things: for this to pass, for us to be able to feel safe and free again. But the truth is, I simply can't handle worrying about tomorrow when today is enough to think about.
I'm not ignorant to the fact that it's difficult to be in the Now at this moment in time. Living in a state of emergency wears on the body. Every time I muster enough energy to do a yoga routine, I realize how tight and tense I am. It's evident that I'm holding in ALL the worry. And so, I'll keep on forcing myself to do yoga, to breathe in this one and only second I really truly possess. I'll keep doing all the things that bring me any ounce of joy: writing, watching good shows, good philosophical chats, dance parties, watering my plants, and nice glasses of red wine. I can be happy with this present moment if I remain focused on it.
Right now, the sun is reaching through the window to greet me hello. The little white dog I live with is chewing his bone. I'm living in a city I really love. It's warm and comforting in my home, and nothing--no monster, no virus, no hurricane--is currently threatening my life. If those things do come, I'll deal with them in those moments. But right now, everything is safe and happy and light. Right now is where I want to be.
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