Little Turkish Girl's Emancipation Proclamation

Whenever I write these kind of posts, they are really for myself. This is in an attempt to free myself from my own negative, oppressing thoughts. I've never experienced this kind of sadness in my life; and so onward, I'm trying to move on to a breakthrough. (I've always loved the word onward).

Here are 10 things I am trying to do (and maybe you can do them too), to eliminate that lingering sadness that just doesn't like to leave:

1. Sign up for a class: CHECK. One of the best things I have done recently has been signing up for a Turkish class. I've always wanted to learn Turkish; furthermore, I really want to start utilizing those dormant brain cells.


2. Dress up everyday: When you are in a funk, gray, black and toupe tend to be your wardrobe palate of choice. BREAK FREE! Dress in crazy patterns and bright colors! Wear that unique necklace that is a conversation starter. You were made to stand out, not fade into the background of a dentist's office.


3. Reclaim Your Charm: When I am at my happiest, I can be a charmer. I tell stories, I smile, I wink. However, when I'm feeling down, I tend to stay quiet and seem more stand-offish. Be aware of your mood. Even if you don't want to talk, force yourself to open up a little. A good conversation can turn your day around. Soon, the color to your cheeks, and your charm, will turn up again.


4. Dance and Joke: There is instant happiness to be found in bootayyyy shaking. A random dance sesh in my apartment tends to brighten my mood for the rest of the day. Also, don't take things too seriously! Joke around...and make stupid faces often.


5. Vent to Friends: If you are like me, you tend to keep your emotions and feelings hidden. Sometimes, you just gotta spill them out. When I open up to my therapists friends, I not only feel refreshed and inspired, I also feel more connected to them, as we are relating to the plight of the human condition.


6. Venture Outside: This may seem obvious, but we all know that sadness tends to be a seemingly stellar lock on your front door. Break that lock and force yourself to spend sometime in the sunshine (heck, even the rain). A brisk walk outside can not only revitalize you, but also inspire you in ways staying in your room never could.


7. Make Some Damn Changes: Doing the same thing over and over will produce the same outcome (i.e. getting back together with your ex, again, and expecting a change). To put it, uh, nicely...DON'T BE DUMB. If you want things to change, then you must change things! In my case, I need to change my job. I'm on this everyday! At least I'm doing something about it. If you're feeling trapped, create your own way out.


8. Keep Your Head to the Sky: For you spiritual folks out there, remember not to leave your prayer life/spirituality in the dust while in a sad mood. When feeling depressed, it's easy to succumb to wasting time on the couch. The couch+depression=best friends. Go to a cafe or the beach, grab a good book on God (whether it be THE holy book, or an inspiring spiritual read), and pray pray pray, reflect, read and soak in that other-worldly wisdom. This makes the biggest difference in my day!


9. To Everything There is a Season: Sadness may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Hold onto the hope that you will not be sad forever. Because, unless you keep yourself captive at rock-bottom, sadness will not last forever! Make every attempt to rock climb away from that bottom...you'll get there. I'm getting there.


10. Keep a Schedule: Keep yourself busy. Pursue your passions. Say yes to hanging out with friends and stay away from that damn couch!

Again, this post is more for me than for you. But more power to us all! I know most of you can relate, because as I mentioned, this is the human condition.

"The dawn will come. Disappointment, sorrow, and despair are born at midnight, but morning follows." --MLK Jr.

Why October Will Be Kickass, and Why I'm Just As Kickass

Today is just one of those good days, in where I take a look at the rough week I had and realize that I am self-sufficient and spiritual enough to make it through these sorts of weeks like a champ. What I've always liked about me is that I keep the bigger picture in mind, instead of letting sadness consume me.

I love these clarity days, where I take a deep breath of fresh air until I am sufficiently intoxicated with being alive. I'm really just happy being me.

Sometimes I get briefly wrapped up in bad boys, or stressful days at work, or feeling inadequate. Then I snap out of it and tell myself to "cut that shit out."My ultra logical side is one of the best things about me, even though I complain about it sometimes. It's that logic that never lets me stay sad for long.

What I am working on is getting more in touch with my emotional side (as I roll my eyes), which I tend to sweep under the rug. I've been talking with people about the things that have been bugging me, and who woulda thunk? That has helped immensely.

Enough of the psycho-analysis, which I obviously do too much of on this blog. On to why I am looking forward to October, yeah baby yeah!

• Foo Fighters Concert--Rock. On.
  
• Turkish Day at Balboa Park--I might have a slight obsession with Turkey, so of course I am looking forward to this fab day where great food and belly dancing are sure to ensue!
  
• Halloween--I've got some ideas for costumes. It's fun to be a kid again.
  
• Dancing naked in my apartment--wait, whaaaa? Don't tell anyone, not even my roommate. Sometimes I'll put on underwear to be more civilized.
  
• Continuing to Be Creative--slowly but surely, I'm sticking to my plan.
• Thrill the World--October 29th cities around the world will be doing the Thriller dance all at the same time. I will be joining, most likely dressed as a zombie. I love drawing blood on my face!

I think my feisty just resurfaced.

Does My Singleness Make You Uncomfortable? Good.

Typical conversation I partake in with friends/coworkers in monogamous relationships:

Friend: I saw a cute guy the other day. Not for me, but for you! He wasn't wearing a ring!

Me: Alright, well you don't need to do that.

Friend: I'm always looking out for you though.

Me: Oh, great.

I get it. I really do. It comes from a good place, this "looking out for my well being." That is, assuming that my well being equates to having a boyfriend. My roommate put it brilliantly the other day when she said,"The only thing that bugs me about singleness is that other people are bothered by singleness."

YES! PRECISELY!

I think I've written about this many times before, but I'm strange. I'm not your typical dater. I refuse to date just to date. I'm a shameless flirt and a lover of foreign men, but when it comes down to being in relationships, I've really got to fancy you to put the time and energy in, because frankly, that ish is exhausting.

So why are people always trying to stick me in relationships without really trying to find out if it's what I want?

To be honest with you, readers, I'm always more content when I'm purely single. Meaning, when I'm not even thinking of men at all. It's when a crush develops that I ask myself, "Dear God! What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like a lunatic?"

The bottom line of this post: stop assuming that I am sad/lonely/pathetic/desperate/damaged simply because I like being single. If I choose to date, it will be my choice (and probably once in a blue moon). I am not on the prowl for the next warm body to lay next to.

The next time you feel the need to question why I am single and how to "fix it", maybe you should ask yourself why being single is a problem at all, and what that says about you.

Thanks, sucker.

Love,

Ashley

Removing the Cock-Block to My Creative Soul

...or a more graceful title...

I'm sitting here at my office desk, eating a rice cake with peanut butter, and pondering life, as usual. And what I'm pondering all has to do with this space, and these walls surrounding me, with the generic painting that has been added for a splash of color (I really think it has too much pink in it, I hate pink).

So, I've been at this job for about 3 months now. Of course, I'm still a newbie. But I've been here the sufficient amount of time to ask myself, "Is this what I want for my life? Is this a passion of mine?"

Hmmm.

Helping people is most certainly a passion of mine. As you probably know, I'm a university advisor. So, yes, I help people. The only problem is, universities are often run like businesses now-a-days; therefore, the job is not pure advising. This causes a bit of a dilemma in my soul...

Yes, my soul!

I think this is because I have a very creative soul, and I was most certainly born that way. When I was very young, I would draw non-stop. I remember I had this ravenous hunger to create, create, create. My dad has told me how I would go through a whole ream of paper in a few days, front and back.

What's sad is I don't draw anymore. What has been up with my spirit lately?

I do, however, write. This blog started as a professor's recommendation to "write everyday as practice." I've had this blog for over 6 years now. Obviously, my desire to create has not left me.

So, the next logical step is to ask myself, what am I gonna do about it? Am I going to spend this creative energy only on my blog, or should I push it further? Of course I should. I'll keep the desk job in the meantime (a girl's gotta bring home the bacon), but I'm writing this post as a reminder and a challenge.

I MUST DO MORE. I MUST NOT STIFLE MY CREATIVE SPIRIT.

This includes drafting articles and sending them out. Getting back into drawing (I secretly still love it so). Writing children's books and sending them to publishers (I've always wanted to do this). Getting in touch with greeting card companies for the heck of it (why not be a greeting card freelancer?). Painting, crafting, making random crap, etc. CREATING.

This is all in attempt in getting back in touch with 5-year-old Ashley who knew what was up! She's the one that knows the key to life...that we should only be doing what we love. Nothing could stop me from drawing like a maniac then. What's stopping me from creating now?

So, now that we've removed the cock-block, it's time to make those babies (creatively speaking).

"My business is to create." -- William Blake

The One About Almost Lovers

"Everybody knows almost doesn't count..." --Brandy

Almost lovers, crushes, part-time lovers, flings...is there a real name for them anyway? I suppose the lack of a proper name for such a situation reflects the ambiguity of it all. And so it's fitting.

Forgive the following robotic post. If you were looking for something sappy, you're at the wrong blog. Get out now. I'm too logical by nature. So, let's be logical...

The horrible thing about almost lovers is that they don't "almost" hurt you. And they don't just take "part-time" energy. However, there's a philosophical view to this, right? What really gets hurt? Is it your heart? Or your pride?

The funny thing about almost lovers is that it makes you feel incredibly silly and prepubescent. Like you shouldn't be engaging in such behavior, when you know something is not going to work out, but you indulge yourself anyway. It's edging on the side of being insane, no?

The best thing about almost lovers is that they are the easiest to get over. You haven't really shared that much intimacy with them (depending on your situation, I suppose). The only relationship that's been built has been in the construction zone of your mind. So get the wrecking ball out. Crush that seemingly stable wall down. When you do, you'll find that it's made of paper, or sugar, or any other material that is unstable or dissolvable.

And then, you're free.

Ha, I didn't mean to write a guide on How to Get Over That Almost Lover, but it turned out that way. Maybe it was for myself.

I'll end here with a dialogue from Adaptation, which I saw for the first time 2 weeks ago. God, I love these lines:

Charlie: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald: I remember that.
Charlie: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at me. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie: How come you looked so happy?
Donald: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.

I suppose a lot of things in life are about learning how to regain the power.

I've Got a Little Feisty in My Blood

The usual first impression that I leave goes as follows (so I'm told): totally sweet, somewhat shy and very amicable.

But don't be fooled.

Everyone that gets to know me learns that I'm a little too feisty. I'm eager to debate, I have strong opinions and, yes, I'll bite. And I won't be changing anytime soon. My dad calls me a driver. He's right. I'm strong-willed and I know the way I'm going, yessir.

And I'm so very proud of it. Because this feistiness, it pumps wildly through my blood.

It makes me think of my Grandma Helen, who despite being eaten alive my Parkinson's and cancer her last few months, never came across as weak or helpless. The flame inside burned passionately, as she'd grab a Budweiser and divulge stories of her glory days in the 1940s, sitting as tall as her fragile body would allow--a strong statue of a woman that I admired.

And I think of my Mom. Who endured years of beating from her first husband, and would try to accept it for the sake of her daughter, my sister. She'd get thrown against the wall, all 110 pounds of her, but she never let him break her; all the while, being thousands of miles away from her home country. She finally fled when she couldn't take it anymore and the bruises didn't foil her escape plan.

And I think of how I was the third attempt for my parents. There were two miscarriages before me, but somehow I held on and was even born six weeks early, itching to get out! Although my heart wasn't fully developed, my lungs were already mature--I was eager to breathe life in the best I could. Being an incubator baby, I even sported a mohawk haircut (so they could put little testers on me)--I was a week-old warrior.

And so this feisty attitude, I won't turn it down. I won't pretend to be dainty all time. If you piss me off, you'll know about it.

And remember, I warned you that I'm a biter. Don't say I never told you so.

It's an odd and unsettling moment when you realize someone you thought was genuine is in fact not.

It still surprises me when I discover I've been lied to. Is that naive? Is that so very foolish to still have a belief in the good of humans, that I trust so easily and deeply?

I will continue to be honest and vulnerable. There is no other way to live, there is no other way to love. I hope you vow to do the same.

Pushing Myself

The last few days in Turkey have been pretty great. I've been with my family, I've been fed great Turkish food and I've been walking around the great and mysterious Istanbul.

Lurking underneath that happiness, however, is a great fear. Today I get on a plane for Izmir, a city where none of my family lives.

I realized that this is my first "trip" in where I am completely by my lonesome. To further this realization, this is no trip at all. There is no return date, no comfort zone, no promise of ever really finding a home. All of my insecurities and fears are popping up in this situation. It's no wonder, I have never been pushed this far out of my little comforted life before. This is the biggest challenge I have EVER faced. My body is almost aching by being challenged this much.

In the next few days I will start the process of meeting new people, interviews and getting acquainted with a foreign city.

I'm scared, but I know this is good for me. I know I need to do this. I just want to get past the hard part.

Hello Excitement! Nice to see ya.

I've mentioned that I've been very bipolar in the weeks leading up to my departure, and while that is still true, today I've felt excitement take a hold of my body and shake me violently. I'M FREAKIN' GOING TO TURKEY!!!!!!

While the sadness is still there, I am now in autopilot mode. My body is leading me where I ought to go...my head and heart have no choice but to follow. Inevitably, I will feel more sadness and anxiety in the next week-and-a-half; however, there is no doubting what is necessary here: chasing after my dream.

There's nothing like the beat of a happy heart, a heart that knows it's about to embark on a predestined adventure. I say predestined because I've wanted this forever.

***

While I'll probably have more posts like this where I talk your head off with inspirational garble (ha), I must not forget to mention that Jax, my good internet and real life friend, came to visit San Diego. Let me show you with pictures:

It was nice taking Jax to all the "hot spots" in SD, so I could simultaneously say goodbye to my city! Chillin' at La Jolla Cove.

My Oven GF showing us Americans how to have proper ettiquette during breakfast =)

Celebrating Jax's 24th birthday!

Ashley loves Jax! (Photo stolen from Jax)

Onward, I Go Forth

These days, there's so much going on in my mind that it's hard to unload it all...I've got to sort through all the clutter.

I will say this: I stumbled upon an old high school friend's facebook page today. It was a friend who passed away a few years ago from an undetected heart defect. He was in his early 20s when he died.

It reminded me, most ardently, that I need not be afraid to live my life...this little life that has been so graciously given to me.

I often forfeit to the slithering whispers of fear; yet, what has fear succeeded in anyway? And how will I ever succeed if I succumb to fear? Dread's deceitful tongue will no longer aid in the demise of my dreams.

Now onward, I will trudge forward in the hopes for a vibrant life full of stolen chances and realized fantasies. In the pursuit of happiness, I refuse to expire as a coward; rather, I hope to be classified as a warrior-of-sorts. I'm not mighty, and I'm not too brave, but somewhere deep down lies a fighter's spirit.

And so, I go forth.

Conclusions, Inspired By This Week

I'm on my second cup of coffee today...weeeeeee!!!! And we all know that coffee brings out our highly intellectual side (smart people are always hanging around in coffee shops, right?). So here are the concluding thoughts to my week:

• I was brave for opening up to a guy for the first time in a long time...and when I say a long time, I mean years.
• I was braver for telling him to hit the road when he was trying to manipulate me into doing exactly what he wanted...jerk. face.
• I am PROUD of myself for making actual deadlines for a Turkey departure...think end of February, early March. NO LATER.
• All of these things combined have made this one super week in which I've realized my worth and uniqueness.
• Dancing around your room to "Dancing Queen" is a fantastic way to symbolically celebrate said worth and overall badass-ness.
• All failures in life encourage self-evaluation. This makes me welcome failures with open arms.
• Settling for someone else's demands is never an option. Don't even make it an option. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

Don't know why I had this much fun taking pictures with a tiny fuse bead heart :P

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

It's so very acceptable:

• to eat Oreos with my morning coffee. I don't really care that it's not a balanced breakfast. Nope. Plus, there are no words to describe the soggy perfection that result from dipping an Oreo into some hot java. PERFECTION.

• to STICK UP FOR MY BELIEFS even if that means losing a guy that I like. I WILL NOT SETTLE. Here's to all us bad ass chicks who know how demand R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

• to be a little sad, but hold onto the idea that this will shape me into the best Ashley I can be. Because "He will make everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11 <---my fave bible verse. Out of sadness comes beauty.

The Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve Initiative

This post, once again, is inspired by Emily Jane, and recent events in my life.

About a month ago, I mentioned that I was dating Mr. Hot Chocolate. I am still dating said chocolate lover, but not without some ups and downs, mostly on my part. I think I must have tried to end it, oh...about 3 or 4 times; moreover, it was always over silly little things. I was trying to validate that running away is ok.

But my feelings never really wavered for Mr. HC. It was my mind playing tricks on me, my intense over-thinking nature. Because after the fourth time of "breaking it off," when it seemed like Mr. HC was not going to beg me to stay and had finally had enough, I realized that I missed him. And I wanted to be with him. It's funny the clarity that comes with a final goodbye.

And it hit me, I was DAMN tired of not trying for something just because it's too scary.

So I apologized to him, and expressed my feelings whole-heartedly (as inspired by Emily's post). And to my surprise, he said he was up for trying again.

Now, whether Mr. HC and I will go super far is not my concern. I'm still leaving for Turkey. However, dating Mr. HC is most definitely a lesson from God--that I need to live more, give second chances, ask for second chances and just participate in this whole human experience. This is my process...using less of my mind (which often traps me and keeps me in a safe little boring box) and using more of my heart (which is dying to really live!).

This, of course, is beyond dating. This all ties in with my Turkey plan. And so I've decided. I'm not waiting around for an answer, I'm going to demand an answer. In about a month and half, I'm going to fly to Turkey without an exact plan. I'm going to visit schools in person, and be a hustler! I'm going to follow more of my heart and see where that lands me.

And if it doesn't work, I'll come back to the U.S. with a knowing smile that I've tried and not just twiddled my thumbs dreaming for far away lands.

This, of course, is frightening to think about. But deep down I know that it is right. Choosing to live is always the right path.

2011, I think you are going to be very interesting!!!!

"The best way to predict the future is to create it." --Rev. Run

Second Chances

Alright, alright, alright.

I take part of that last post back...kind of.

The guy I mentioned, who will go by Mr. Hot Chocolate (haha...yes, he's african american), has changed his tune today. He's admitting that he indeed has feelings for me...and being incredibly persistent about it. Sooooo...I'm not gonna take his word for it, I'll let him show me.

If his actions show that he cares enough, then we'll see where this may go.

I'm learning that sometimes you just gotta give second chances (if it feels right in ya soul).

You know what I'm proud of myself for? Not compromising, standing up for what I believe in and being genuine.

That is the best I can do in my life and with my heart.

P.S. I probably shouldn't post about every little personal twist and turn, eh...but whatever. Might as well be open with my emotions. It feels good to let it out.

The Little Ashley That Could

I am finding a way around the problem of a seemingly jobless Izmir. I've been messaging EVERYONE in Turkey through Couchsurfing.org and asking them if they know any language schools or anyone working at a language school.

(p.s. I LOVE Couchsurfing.org for so many reasons!)

And did you know? Turkish people are so damn friendly that they've not only responded to me, but they've been talking to their friends for me about possible jobs.

I will find a way. I will get a job. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

And can you tell I've been antsy this week? I've written a post everyday to release some tension!

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

It's perfectly acceptable:

• to forgo the gym and instead have a piece of coconut cream pie for breakfast. Mwahahaha! Mmm...I ♥ coconut.

• to be a girl who knows how to jump start a car, change a tire and do an oil change. Yep, I know how to do all three. Ladies, it is MORE than acceptable that you learn, too.

• to support Joey Fatone's campaign in getting *NSYNC to have a guest appearance on Glee; furthermore, it is even MORE acceptable to still love a long-gone boy band.

I'm Proud of Me

Passing my TEFL exam has made me pretty proud of myself (and thankful to God).

Not because it's an exam I got a passing score on. I've done that plenty of times. Rather, it's because I am actively pursuing something that I have always wanted to do, and I am actually making progress at achieving it. This is big for me, because the last two years since graduation, I've felt like I've been unmotivated, or stuck, or whatever kind of a funk you want to call it. I've enjoyed my job working with children, but right now it's not my dream job, or dream life.

Now, teaching English in a different country--that's not a 'dream job' of mine. But, it is a challenge, which excites me. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can be exciting and thrilling. Moreover, add that to moving to a different country, and that has always been my dream. There is something quite fulfilling about going after a 'dream,' and watching it edge toward reality.

This makes me feel extra alive. And in more control of my life. There's no real profound way to simply say, I'm feeling really good about all of this. I. Feel. Good.

So what's left is to spruce up my resume and apply, apply, apply like crazy all this week. And then I'll play the waiting game. So wish me luck, and thanks for all the "congrats" from the other post. I appreciate all your support and love. And hey--I love you back, little blog community of mine :)

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

It's perfectly acceptable:

• to make an itunes playlist called "So Fresh and So Clean" for when you want to blast music while in the shower (shout out to Outkast!)

• to laugh heartily when you ask a kid how his vacation in Europe went, and he replies, "The Gelato is good, but the people are smelly."

• to eat a fattie-pants GENEROUS portion of chocolate peanut butter-cup ice cream (with extra swirls of peanut butter in it) and not feel the least bit guilty about it. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

You May Say That I'm a Dreamer

I guess I shouldn't have presented that "news" as news in my last post...it's more of a final decision.

First of all, I did hear back about the internship in Turkey for the summer. They asked me to pick from some obscure cities in Turkey, so I turned it down. But not just for that reason.

My "news" is that I have made the decision to pursue going to Turkey for a year, and I'm going to pursue it wholeheartedly.

If you couldn't tell, I gave up this idea a couple months ago. I was thinking about continuing my life, here in San Diego. However, as I started searching for temporary summer jobs in Turkey, that enormous desire to just go, just fly away to my motherland (hehe) came back to me.

To get the full experience, I know a year is what's needed. And I want that full experience. And I know that I will fully regret it if I don't try for this. Obviously, God has etched this idea on my heart. It's something I've wanted to do since childhood--from the first time I can remember visiting Turkey, and realizing in my 7-year-old brain that I wasn't just a visitor. Turkey has always been a part of me, and I part of it.

What is discouraging, and is bringing me down a bit, is that my family is still concerned about how I am going to do this and being very vocal about it. I don't mean to completely glamorize Turkey: there are criminals, Americans often get ripped off and Turkish men seem to have the idea that American women are easy. Hmmm...could that have anything to do with Hollywood?

My family is only looking out for me, but I am being perceived as pretty naive, like I'm going to fall for all the traps set out before me. I am the baby of the family, the youngest cousin on both sides of my parents, and I've always been treated as the baby. I am, of course, arguing the timeless complaint of every youngest child ever born: "You tell me not to go, so I don't fail...but I'm telling you that I want to have the room to fail."

Anyway, there is a lot to research in all of this. But I just wanted to let you all know that I have to go for this. There is a chance that this won't come to fruition. But I need to try, and put my all in it.

"There is no destiny worth pursuing that doesn't face huge obstacles." --Erwin McManus

P.S. I'm not just looking for jobs in Istanbul, I'm also looking in Izmir (my mom's favorite Turkish city)--right by the Greek Isles, and beautiful!

I'm Just an April Fool (who wants meaning)

I thought about doing an April Fools post, but I decided not to. Maybe cause I already fooled my friend Ali with a prank text message. heh. heh heh.

Moving on...

I forgot to mention that I am on Spring Break from my after school program. It's really nice to laze about all day, choosing when to go where. Gotta love that freedom. But with all this time on my hands, I'm finding it hard to accomplish actual errands. ha. Isn't that the way it goes?

Well, at least I cleaned my bathroom.

Anyway, while I've had time away from work, I watched a podcast from a church in LA. It's called Mosaic, and I really respect the pastor and the way he delivers his sermons. He's got a writer's heart, that bloke!

He gave a sermon on work, and it definitely sparked something within me. He was talking about how work without meaning often leads to a life without meaning. Think about it, we spend MOST of our time at work. This is not to say that you need a "meaningful" job; rather, he was introducing this idea of making any job you have meaningful. Let's say you worked at Target as a cashier. You could choose to work that job to its full potential, making every interaction with a customer an actual human interaction, so that they feel important in that moment.

That's kinda beautiful.

He also brought up that work is work if you only bring average to it, but if you focus on bringing your very best--creativity, intellect, etc.--work can become play.

Of course there are some jobs that are dead-ends and not your place...so it's your duty to get out of them, right?!

In these next few months I feel that this is something I can start to pinpoint. What is it I want to be doing that will be meaningful in this life? What is the kind of meaning I want? Well, I can answer that...I want to resonate in people's lives. This may be a morbid way of looking at it, but I want my funeral to include a lot of people that have known me and loved me. I want a place full of people that will cry for me, but will look back fondly on my life, because I looked fondly on them.

Don't we all want that? This requires a process of putting myself out there. I've already got this reputation for being a loyal friend (haha, such an INFAMOUS reputation), but I can add to that list. I want to start making a difference. Somehow, some way.