9.18.2011

Does My Singleness Make You Uncomfortable? Good.

Typical conversation I partake in with friends/coworkers in monogamous relationships:

Friend: I saw a cute guy the other day. Not for me, but for you! He wasn't wearing a ring!

Me: Alright, well you don't need to do that.

Friend: I'm always looking out for you though.

Me: Oh, great.


I get it. I really do. It comes from a good place, this "looking out for my well being." That is, assuming that my well being equates to having a boyfriend. My roommate put it brilliantly the other day when she said,"The only thing that bugs me about singleness is that other people are bothered by singleness."

YES! PRECISELY!

I think I've written about this many times before, but I'm strange. I'm not your typical dater. I refuse to date just to date. I'm a shameless flirt and a lover of foreign men, but when it comes down to being in relationships, I've really got to fancy you to put the time and energy in, because frankly, that ish is exhausting.

So why are people always trying to stick me in relationships without really trying to find out if it's what I want?

To be honest with you, readers, I'm always more content when I'm purely single. Meaning, when I'm not even thinking of men at all. It's when a crush develops that I ask myself, "Dear God! What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like a lunatic?"

The bottom line of this post: stop assuming that I am sad/lonely/pathetic/desperate/damaged simply because I like being single. If I choose to date, it will be my choice (and probably once in a blue moon). I am not on the prowl for the next warm body to lay next to.

The next time you feel the need to question why I am single and how to "fix it", maybe you should ask yourself why being single is a problem at all, and what that says about you.

Thanks, sucker.

Love,
Ashley

16 comments:

  1. This is my favorite. For reals. So much truth.

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  2. Amen, sister. (Also, your post has made me want a Blue Moon.)

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  3. Love this!!! I hate how other people always need to get involved. Now that I'm married they have moved on to 'so, when are you having babies?'. Grr!

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  4. Ha! Great post! I don't know why people ALWAYS assume that single ladies are dying to be hooked up. I'm in a relationship now, but would feel just as fabulous outside of one. Being a girlfriend doesn't define me or equal instant happiness!

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  5. I am loving all the girl power action going on right now, plus Ryan. teehee.

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  6. YOU TELL THEM!!!!
    and yes, missyface, you can get oreos here but they don't taste the same - and i'm a spoiled princess i guess and my fam sends the good ones sometimes. and you can't get double stuff here either!
    peace out
    you're visiting next, btw.

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  7. I am SO visiting next. Be prepared.

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  8. Aw! Yeah, that would be totally annoying. Being single is fun! I don't really get it myself. Don't worry, I'll never try to hurl men your way unless asked.

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  9. I think there's three reasons. 1: they are so happy in a relationship that they want you to experience that same happiness. 2: they're jealous of your freedom and want to take you down (subconciously at least). 3: couples socialize with couples (there's some sort of Geneva Convention on that), so maybe they figure they could spend more time with you if you were in a relationship.

    That's fantastic that you're independent and content. Ultimately some other person can't make you happy, nor can you have a successful relationship or be an equal partner if you're dependent on the other person to complete your life ("you complete me" is ridiculous). When you can have a relationship because you want to, rather than you feel like you have to, that's when it will work.

    Though, it is nice to have a partner to join you in dealing with all the crap life dishes out. I hear.

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  10. Oh, sorry, one last nugget (I know I overstay my welcome here). There's no worse loneliness than the loneliness of being with the wrong person. At least, women I date tell me that all the time. I wonder why?

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  11. deidre--well considering that you know men in australia, you can hurl a few my way. I like flirting with the aussies :)

    chris--you are so right! People are always wanting other couples to go out with! It's sort of creepy.

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  12. and chris, you haven't overstayed your welcome. I enjoy your comments very much! :)

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  13. "The next time you feel the need to question why I am single and how to "fix it", maybe you should ask yourself why being single is a problem at all, and what that says about you."


    thats a great point
    you don't NEED to be with someone to be happy. Theres nothing to fix

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  14. I love what you've written here. And you make some great points.

    I was the same way with trying to fix up my friends whenever I had a bf, but mostly because I didn't want them to feel like a third wheel whenever we all hung out together. I've since stopped because when I thought about it, I knew that I would never want someone to try to fix me up with just anyone.

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