7.09.2013

I Don't Feel the Same


I realize this post is going to sound terribly dramatic. But what I’ve learned from having a blog is that this is my space to let it out...so that’s what I’m gonna do. 

I miss London a whole lot. And coming back to San Diego has not been as smooth as I would have hoped. I knew I would go through some slight culture shock coming back; what I didn’t anticipate was San Diego feeling so different to me. To use the dumbest of analogies, it’s like coming back to an old favorite pair of shoes, ones that I used to wear everyday. I loved these shoes once upon time. But finding them again, I’ve noticed that my style has changed. I don’t like they way they look quite as much as before. They just don’t fit the same. San Diego doesn’t fit the same. 

It’s weird. 

And so, I’m stuck between the decision of staying or going. I've only been back a little more than a week, so of course I need to give myself a little more time before jumping on a plane (something that feels more home to me more than any place right now).  I just can’t decide if it’s a phase I’m going through, or if I’ve changed so much that San Diego will never feel the same again. 

A wise friend told me as I was leaving, “Everything will be the same when you get back, you’ll be the one that’s changed.” 

Well gosh, ain’t that the truth. 

4 comments:

  1. I felt the same way the last time I went back to Chicago - granted, the culture shock between San Diego and London is much greater than Chicago and Albany.

    It took me a very long time to adapt to life in New York and for a while I had daydreams of someday moving back to Chicago (with Ella, of course), but the last few times I've been back it's felt so...different. Places, people, and things all LOOK the same, but they don't stir the same emotional response in me as they used to. It's hard to explain but from what you've said above it sounds like something you understand even better than I do.

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  2. I totally know how you feel about this. When I left Cambodia I felt like I left my heart there, and my heart wasn't really here in the U.S. with me. After a couple of months, when we finally had our own place and decorated it the way we wanted it helped me feel more at home. But that quote is so true!

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  3. Reverse culture shock. Hugs.

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  4. God, you are so SPOT ON. It's weird, I feel like our lives are in parallel at the moment Ashley.

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