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I can not tell you how many times I have heard some variation of this complaint in the last 3 weeks from friends: "I've had panic attacks over the fact I am not in a relationship/married/having kids/(fill in perceived life crisis here)!!!"
Honestly, people are freakin' out! Now, I know. I'm at that age. The age where the pressure is THICK: 29 years old. You would think that we all die at 30, given this psychotic urge to accomplish every life milestone, NOW.
Whoa, guys, whoa! I'm going to go ahead and say this: if you are always trying to plan your life, when exactly are you living your life?
The push to have kids, be married, and be on "the plan" has affected me less, because well...I'm weird. Well, maybe not so much weird as understanding of the fact that this is MY LIFE. MY JOURNEY. MY UNIQUE STORY. That means I get to write this anyway I choose! If I want to go live in Granada, Spain for two years completely disregarding any notion of marrying or having kids in "my prime," I can! (And I would).
Even if you want marriage and kids, you need to ask yourself, do you truly want them now? Or do you want them because you've been told that's what you should have at this time in your life? Are you a follower in your own damn life???? (harsh, but true).
Going to England in 2012 at the age of 27 was the best thing I have ever done in my life. Why? Because it went against any sort of plan I should have been following, and aligned more with the desires of my little Ashley heart. It also introduced some chaos to my life, which is the most refreshing medicine to stress, anxiety, and panic attacks!
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There is something freeing in learning how to let life unfold the way it is supposed to instead of trying to mold and manipulate life into what you think it's supposed to be. Planning can be so limiting. Especially when we waste time trying to implement someone else's plans into our lives. Or try to speed up plans before their time. Because sometimes, SOMETIMES, life has bigger plans for us than what we could have even imagined or thought up.
As for me, I prefer a little chaos.
I turn 31 in 2 weeks. Thanks for writing this.
ReplyDeleteYou and me both - I abhor balance and can't stand anything of the sort in my life. I also am not a fan of doing things because everyone else is doing them and marriage/kids/road to a dull vanilla life - NO THANK YOU. I turned 30 around 6 months ago and I hear it more and more often. "Just snatch up the first man you can, he doesn't have to be perfect!" Do you people hear yourselves? I think the world has gone mad because I know it's definitely not me
ReplyDeleteThe world HAS gone mad! It's hard being the sane ones :) I just don't understand the "lets all do the same thing and live the same life" mindset. *yawn*
Deletelove it! I am 39 and freaked for a different reason, I feel like the best of life is behind me and of course that's not true but its a hard fear to shake
ReplyDeleteYES! This was very well put Ashley. So many people are concerned with this timeline of events. Get married by 29! Have children by 30! Buy a house by 31! I think it's great to set goals for yourself, but when you're setting them because you feel like you need to play catch up, that's when it becomes ridiculous. As a whole, we're very influenced by social norms. Everyone is constantly telling us that once we reach a certain age, we can't have a family or get married or whatever it is. It's like, "Oh, you're 38 and single with no kids? You've missed your window of opportunity!" Complete nonsense.
ReplyDeleteAdmittedly, I feel the pressure sometimes. I get it from my family and friends and even my doctor (who told me by the age of 30, my eggs will start depleting and I might have trouble getting pregnant, oy). It's hard not to let it get you, but I try not to. I'm very happy with how I'm living my life. That's all that matters.
Thanks for this incredible post!
Yes for chaos!!!! And no you are not at all weird. If you are, I am too. We all are. Life never ever turns out the way you want it to. It just doesn't. I'm glad the way mine has turned out - not as I hoped but again, it's not terrible. It's different and it's good! :)
ReplyDeleteI think doing what you love is having a plan. Maybe doing what you love isn't getting married and having kids, maybe it's seeing the world and just living. That sounds way more enjoyable to me.
ReplyDeleteYou know what's worse than not being married by age 30? Being married to someone you thought you loved once but can't stand anymore (or for whom you feel nothing). Or going through a horrible divorce. Or at constant war with your children's father/your ex. I've seen all these things, and being "weird" and unmarried by age 30 pales by comparison.
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