Trying Not To Lose It

So I about had a nervous breakdown today.

This whole vertigo and fatigue thing has been affecting my schoolwork greatly--like, I've been missing classes because I've been too tired to make it through the day...and seriously, try studying for Italian when everything around you is spinning.

So my frustration has been building and building...especially when I realized what's due this upcoming week: Monday--a presentation, report and a test, wednesday--a report, thursday--a report, friday--an italian test. This is like the week from hell.

I seriously thought about dropping two of my classes and taking them next semester. Cause honestly, it's been that hard to focus and I've been worried about failing--and I've NEVER failed a class, EVER.

However, I knew this would not go over with my father because 1. I am supposed to graduate this semester and 2. It's taken me 5 years to get to this point instead of the standard 4 (damn you, overcrowded school!).

And I was right, when I told him my plan he was not thrilled. Lots of arguing and tears ensued as I tried to explain my point.

But after I left, that's when I realized where my tears were really coming from:

I am afraid...

of graduating, of failing, of being too sick to function, of losing it, of pulling out my hair, of not being good enough. I'm just afraid.

And I was about to give up without really trying at all. Cause I know it will be hard this week, especially when I can hardly focus. But DAMMIT, I am going to try because I'm stronger than I know. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.

I'm writing this to let out some frustration and anxiety and stress, so...
ahsuasidjdifjdkjfesirosekrskjgposfkpaefkseofjkskjsepofkose oieropseirosierjawporaowkraporaw!!

k, that feels a little better.

So here's to giving it a shot, even when you're not sure you can pull through. In the end it WILL make me stronger.

Um, I hope.