Some of the best advice I've ever gotten on dating came from a news report I was watching last night about the famous "Last Lecture" professor, whom has since passed away from pancreatic cancer.
He said to all the girls listening, "Ignore everything a guy says. Only pay attention to what a guy does."
How simple. How brillant. Man, I should have heard that advice a year ago when I was listening to every word J was saying, and not paying attention to his ACTIONS.
Women, including me, get especially swept up in the guys that are masters of language--the poets, the musicians, the expert-complimenters. As I've gotten older, I've become weary of these men. They say things in the most perfect of ways to get exactly what they want.
Now, I'm not completely jaded. I believe there are good men out there, and on top of that, there are good men who can say beautifully-crafted things. They just have to back up what they say with what they do.
I've come to the realization (as I have in the past, before J) that I am extremely content with being single. I kinda always have been. I answer to myself and myself alone. Of course, there are the twinges of lonliness that invade when I see a cute, loving couple together; however, my logic snaps back into action and I remind myself that it takes a lot of work, and the right person, to be in a cute, loving relationship.
It's tempting to take the offers of dates from random guys that seem cute and say nice things to me. But there has to be more--I have to know a guy for awhile, trust a guy for awhile to date him. There has to be something about that guy that intrigues me, that makes me want more of him, that makes me want to be in a relationship.
That's why I say (to all the people that still ask why I'm single): I will be single until a guy that's worthy enough and intriguing enough comes along and takes me out of that singledom. Until then, it's just not worth it.
To end, I give another quote from the wise "Last Lecture" professor: "People ask why I waited until 39 to get married. I answer, 'It took that long for me to find a person whose happiness was more important to me than my own.'"
Actually, that quote made me tear up a little--and I harldy ever cry.
"Women get especially swept up in the guys that are masters of language--the poets, the musicians, the expert-complimenters."
ReplyDeleteAaah, my cover is blown!
*Throws cape over shoulder and disappears in a cloud of smoke*
Yep, yep...I knew it would be, haha.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a post about your post, Ash.
ReplyDeleteAshley. This was a great post. I loved it. I've been meaning to read The Last Lecture.
ReplyDeleteI sooo should have been paying attention to what Jordan was doing, not saying. AND I totally agree with waiting to get married until you find someone who will bring you true happiness.
I wish you lived in Philly so we could have girls nights. We could rant about guys and eat ice cream or go out get martini's and look for Lloyd Dobbler's! (aka people who are good enough for us, be cause clearly we deserve the best)
This post is lovely. Not just because I agree with everything you said, well, maybe that is exactly why, haha. It shows how in-charge you are of your life and who you are going to allow to be so close to you. As I know you put God first, or at least try to, each day is a better day to meet THAT special person (or A special person). If you continue to grow mentally and spiritually, you will continue to become better prepared to go through the sophisticated life of dating and relationships.
ReplyDeleteIt scares me how similar we are about relationships and our singleness, I mean singledom. if you ever need or want someone to talk about those types of things, totally let me know.
Nice end quote. You are really quite well put-together mentally, my friend.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how once you get past the charming phrases, and the seeming simplicity of a person's supposed beauty, all based on what you and they think they really are, there's almost nothing to really go off of? I find it wonderful to find someone's actions match their words, which is almost utterly impossible these days. I am getting there I think; that's why there's not much action or language because I want both of them to work interdependently someday.
I liked the end quote from the Last Lecture professor because it reminds of what I want: to be utterly selfless when I find someone. Until then, it's me-me-me! Or rather, to consider them as part of myself and then be utterly selfish; then spoiling myself would take on a duality altogetherly unfamiliar to my current "stolid" singularity.
Thanks everyone! *blows kisses*
ReplyDeleteyeah, that guy was pretty much awesome, and the book is worth it. I usually get books from the library, but that one got bought.
ReplyDeleteand the quotes are oh so true. good for you and your stability. I must get my mom (newly single, unfortunately) to read this....
oy... girl you hit the nail on the head here! I watched Primetime from Tuesday (watched on Wed, thanks, DVR!) and just sobbed and nodded my head... what an amazing man, who chose his words so carefully to influence so many... wow.. thanks for writing this!
ReplyDeleteBut what do you do when the guys who stand behind what they say get quietly swept under the carpet?
ReplyDelete