1.18.2010

Finding Mr. Darcy

Note: I've written posts like this before, a few times over; however, it's a way to keep myself accountable, to not fall victim to the pressures of society to have a boyfriend. After explaining this, you can continue with the post...

Finding Mr. Darcy.

What does that mean to you?

To me, it means, finding a man of good character. After reading Pride & Prejudice, as every girl should (thanks Michelle), is is easy to see that the character of Fitzwilliam Darcy is a pretty damn good man. And he's not good in a perfect way. Not like Edward in Twilight. Mr. Darcy is flawed. He is fictional, yes, but not a fantasy (if your definition of a fantasy means something that is not of this world, unrealistic).

Mr. Darcy's good character is something that is most definitely attainable in this world.

This is why I never want to settle. Never.

And I thought I didn't settle in the past. I thought I loved J. But J was not a man of good character. He only seemed to be a man of good character.

The best information I've ever heard in dealing with love is from Randy Pausch, the Last Lecture Professor. He said, "Ignore everything a guy says, and only pay attention to what he does." He said this in reference to girls, knowing quite well that girls are suckers for words: promises and poetry and pretty speeches. We believe them, and mistake them for truth.

So I believe that this is how you really test men: you watch what they do. Do they volunteer? Do they think of others? Do they think of you? In what ways do they show it? This goes for testing women as well.

Now don't think I am extremely bitter in love. I mean, I may be a little bitter. ha. But I believe in lasting relationships and true love. I really do.

I only write this to warn women, and warn myself: that dating men simply to calm the sting of loneliness is a dangerous game, that women should be choosy in who they are dating, that we have the right to expect a lot for ourselves. We are worth it.

Ok, ok, ok. This rant is done with.

I think this is coming from a place of my sister (who is 20 years my senior) not understanding my dating life (or lack thereof). Why do I always have to explain this concept to people without them looking at me like I am disease?

Well, I'm different...get over it!!

12 comments:

  1. Bones of my bones, flesh of my flesh.

    Boy's are not hobbies. They are either brothers or amoung the condemed.
    There is only one worth while of our heart, our mind activity and our flesh....We don't need to worry about finding him because it is already an arranged marriage. And even higher than the standards of our parents is Our Father's standards.
    We can rest. And we can definately rest assured.

    Keep on keeping on! We don't need to date because we already have our husbands.Its good to be the daughters of The King! Love you!

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  2. well exactly, friend, I don't worry about it. But I think about it, of course.

    Hope you are alright, jenny. You should tell me more about what goin' on with you, cause I don't know much about it, actually! Love you back!

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  3. I love this Ash and really appreciate what you said! Amen! Yea for accountability in this:)

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  4. Great post! All too often in my earlier years I settled for second best because I thought the Mr. Darcys of the world existed only in imagination and in literature. It took years to believe I was worth more and finally my Mr. Darcy came along :)

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  5. Yeah em! I see that your mr. darcy did come along...and I'll be reading your wedding posts :)

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  6. I think the following applies to both genders:

    "that dating [...] simply to calm the sting of loneliness is a dangerous game, that [we] should be choosy in who [we] are dating, that we have the right to expect a lot for ourselves. We are worth it."

    Yep. Never date just because you are lonely.

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  7. your "disease" part of this post reminds me of Briget Jone's why are so many women single briget? I dunnot, because we are covered in scales?? hahah

    <3 pug angel

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  8. okay okay okay I've been waiting to comment on this post until I could give full weight to it and until I could find the time to look up the following quotes.

    I always think about the juxtaposition of Darcy and Wickham, that is, that "one has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it" (chapter XVII).

    and how this can toy with one's sensibilites; that even when you think you know yourself, there is always the possibility for prejudice, complete with tunnel vision.

    "She grew absolutely ashamed of herself. Of neither Darcy nor Wickham could she think, without feeling that she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd.

    'How despicably have I acted!' she cried. 'I, who have prided myself on my discernment. I, who have valued myself on my abilities!...but vanity, not love has been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment, I never knew myself."

    [a bit long, I know, but the world needs a bit more Jane ;)]

    The point to this, I think, is that flattery can be a dangerous thing and can absolutely make you act out of character. But take away the **glitter** yeah I'm talking to you twihards, just kidding! Why would you settle for the appearance of goodness, when there is something/one so much worthwhile?

    And for that someone to be a Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy?? YES please and thank you =)

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  9. hahahaha...Michelle you are SO great :)

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  10. I love that quote Ash :) "Ignore everything a guy says, and only pay attention to what he does"

    Great quote and it is so true.
    And love the whole post. Never settle. Never. And no point wasting time on someone that is not worth your time either =)
    I love that you are sticking to your values, it's admirable!

    -Sonja

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