About a month ago, I mentioned that I was dating Mr. Hot Chocolate. I am still dating said chocolate lover, but not without some ups and downs, mostly on my part. I think I must have tried to end it, oh...about 3 or 4 times; moreover, it was always over silly little things. I was trying to validate that running away is ok.
But my feelings never really wavered for Mr. HC. It was my mind playing tricks on me, my intense over-thinking nature. Because after the fourth time of "breaking it off," when it seemed like Mr. HC was not going to beg me to stay and had finally had enough, I realized that I missed him. And I wanted to be with him. It's funny the clarity that comes with a final goodbye.
And it hit me, I was DAMN tired of not trying for something just because it's too scary.
So I apologized to him, and expressed my feelings whole-heartedly (as inspired by Emily's post). And to my surprise, he said he was up for trying again.
Now, whether Mr. HC and I will go super far is not my concern. I'm still leaving for Turkey. However, dating Mr. HC is most definitely a lesson from God--that I need to live more, give second chances, ask for second chances and just participate in this whole human experience. This is my process...using less of my mind (which often traps me and keeps me in a safe little boring box) and using more of my heart (which is dying to really live!).
This, of course, is beyond dating. This all ties in with my Turkey plan. And so I've decided. I'm not waiting around for an answer, I'm going to demand an answer. In about a month and half, I'm going to fly to Turkey without an exact plan. I'm going to visit schools in person, and be a hustler! I'm going to follow more of my heart and see where that lands me.
And if it doesn't work, I'll come back to the U.S. with a knowing smile that I've tried and not just twiddled my thumbs dreaming for far away lands.
This, of course, is frightening to think about. But deep down I know that it is right. Choosing to live is always the right path.
2011, I think you are going to be very interesting!!!!
"The best way to predict the future is to create it." --Rev. Run
YES!! I so hope your plan works out. I think it sounds like a fabulous idea to take personal charge of your destiny, and to accept if it's a moderate failure. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYes yes! I'm proud of you ;) You never know what'll happen in the future. I always knew that David was going to leave, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world, because of what we had (and have).
ReplyDeletePlease be in town when I am, we need *so* much face time!
Jax x
ok you are a rockstar basically - flying there takes so much guts but is an incredibly brilliant thing to do. i can't wait for you to go!
ReplyDeleteWHooo Weeee, girly. What a cool post. It has such an inspiring and excited tone. I can't wait to see what God does through your choice to live.
ReplyDeleteLeaving the House in THIS?!?!
good job sister.
ReplyDeleteAwww it absolutely made my day when I read the post had inspired you to do something like this... and I texted MY friend who'd inspired the post and he was beyond thrilled, too!! :D That quote at the end is just perfect :)
ReplyDeletego ahead following your heart!! you must be proud of you! you are a great girl!
ReplyDeletelove what you wrote in the end:
"Choosing to live is always the right path." !
Obviously I missed quite a few posts in my absence, but it makes me happy to see that Turkey is still there in your plan.
ReplyDeleteOh, and ain't Rev Run the best?!