7.25.2011

Marinating.

Last Wednesday, I went to a student's wedding. They were getting wed after just dating for 6 months--shotgun!

When I had asked the groom, "Wow, isn't that a little fast?"

He said, "I just knew. I knew."

Hmmm...

This makes me think about a lot a things. Is it true that when you find "the one" (put in quotations for a reason) that things are more uncomplicated? More simplified?

I think I have this jaded view of love, a view that was created through past bad experiences, but one that's hard for me to shake. I want to believe in the goodness of love, but mostly come to the conclusion that most men just have a one track mind, which makes me want to run the other way.

This has been one of those weeks where I've become a bit agitated with guy attention. And I always get in these moods when I feel overwhelmed by too many guys...the kind of mood where I'd like to be left alone. Don't mind my mood. And don't go trying to cheer me up. I'm not sad, I'm just marinating in these thoughts. Just for tonight though, my optimism is sure to make a shining return tomorrow.

*It didn't help that I watched Closer the other night. Talk about a movie that makes you rethink the validity of love!

8 comments:

  1. I haven't watched Closer, but I think people who say they just "know" could possibly be right (see: Mr. & Mrs. Bush). But in MOST cases, they are just swept up in the moment. I'm not knocking it (okay, maybe I am a little), but someone who gets married after 6 mo. is basically marrying a stranger. And that's just creepy.

    I guess I'm not the best one to give advice on this subject, since I'm a little jaded and, unlike most women, I have never been in any rush to marry.

    Still, just ask most older people who have been married for eons. Even pastors with healthy relationships will tell you - marriage is a LOT of work. If you listen closely - you'll hear older people joke about "surviving" marriage. I think the reason this is so funny is because there's truth to it. But the flipside is that there's nothing like having your best friend along for the ride in life. As long as it's the right person.

    Shoot, even if it is, people change so much throughout the years that you really don't know who the person you'll marry will turn into. I guess marriage is one big leap of faith and that is where you have to have trust that the God is going to bring you a good one that will be able to overcome all your misgivings (for us overthinkers, anyway).

    D.

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  2. I believe in love but am not convinced by this instantaneously knowing thing. I've met someone before and instantly liked him and ended up loving him... and now I kind of hate his guts. It could have ended differently I suppose and now I'd be waffling about how "I just knew," but I think it's a matter of luck. Sexual attraction can be instantaneous and maybe if you're lucky you're compatible, but that doesn't mean that persona was destined for you!

    But maybe I'm just a bitter old crone!

    I'm not sure I believe that marriage has to be really hard work either though. My parents have been married for, erm, a long time (maybe 30 years) and I've never had the impression that they've had to work really hard at their marriage (no more than at their lives in general).

    Marinate, marinate!

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  3. By all accounts I really should be incredibly jaded, but I still believe that when you find THE one, you just know... I have a friend whose parents got married after two WEEKS and are still together twenty-something years later, just as happy :)

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  4. hahahah. i'm sorry for laughing. but kids around here meet, date and get engaged within three months. i think the dating period should be longer with a short engagement. but that's just me. i told my dad i wanted to date someone for at least a year and he gave me the whole "well, when it's right, why wait" spiel. but i'm not sure. maybe when we're in that situation and the right person has entered our lives it all changes. ooooh life...

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  5. D--don't watch Closer! Not worth your time, believe me. I think it just messed me up. haha.

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  6. When I met my husband we knew that we were going to get married one day. But that didn't stop it being sometimes hard and awful, full of multiple break ups etc. I think all relationships are difficult, but you work at them and hold them together if they're worth it :) That being said, were we to get married after six months it would have been a total disaster :p I think that even if it's right, you need to get to know the person for longer than six months just to be sure!!! xoxo

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  7. Husband and I knew each other for 4 months when we got engaged and got married 5 months after that. I have to admit, I'm a believer in 'when you know, you know'.

    THAT BEING SAID...

    You really have to look at the maturity level of each person and their past experiences and what they are bringing to the table. If there is a track record of short relationships, it's probably not the best idea to get married to someone you've known for 6 months. If there is a track record of long relationships, then you know there is definitely an ability to commit. You have to look at each personality - high strung? laid back? able to compromise? must be right all the time? All of these things are important when deciding whether it's a good idea to get married while still counting months.

    Another big thing to ask is 'what's the view on divorce?' If it's a viable solution to a marriage that 'just isn't working', well, perhaps the marriage shouldn't take place.

    There's a LOT of scum out there, both in men and women. I also think that there are a lot of people who are great and just need to be given a chance and not written off because 'they're not my type'. People are all unique and important and I firmly believe that when you know (whether right or wrong), you know pretty early on in a relationship. It's whether we choose to listen to our gut or not.

    *end soapbox speech*

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  8. I LOVE Closer! As Clive Owen says, "What is a heart but a fist wrapped in blood?!" He has the best, most visceral, animalistic lines in the whole movie, the true words of a man! Love that character!

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