I've been feeling a bit sad lately.
I don't know of another way to present this feeling, other than sadness. There are a few contributors, I think, but I don't need to go on for 500 words complaining about them here.
It's weird for me to write these words out because I am definitely the type of person to hide my emotions. My dad told me that when I was a child I would go to my room and hide, and then cry that no one was coming to comfort me. Ha. Things are not that different now. Except that I don't cry about the comforting thing, because I know better. I know I should be communicating my sadness, yet I still keep it bottled up for awhile. Maybe to see if it passes? Or maybe just to remain in denial.
It doesn't help that I have still been getting job offers from schools in Turkey from job searching I did months ago. The escape artist in me badly wants to hop on a plane and never look back. While I am not against going back to Turkey someday, I'm not sure now is the time. All the reasons I came back from overseas are still present.
And sometimes I wonder, am I always trying to run from my problems? Maybe I am supposed to be sad a little. Maybe sadness running its course through me has its purpose. Today might just be a sad day. And maybe I just need to accept that--not try to change or manipulate it. I've said it myself--we cannot be happy all the damn time.
And maybe what I'm really craving is a hug. So, I think I shall go tell people non-virtually as well...that's probably the best I can do.
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