I've been feeling a bit sad lately.
I don't know of another way to present this feeling, other than sadness. There are a few contributors, I think, but I don't need to go on for 500 words complaining about them here.
It's weird for me to write these words out because I am definitely the type of person to hide my emotions. My dad told me that when I was a child I would go to my room and hide, and then cry that no one was coming to comfort me. Ha. Things are not that different now. Except that I don't cry about the comforting thing, because I know better. I know I should be communicating my sadness, yet I still keep it bottled up for awhile. Maybe to see if it passes? Or maybe just to remain in denial.
It doesn't help that I have still been getting job offers from schools in Turkey from job searching I did months ago. The escape artist in me badly wants to hop on a plane and never look back. While I am not against going back to Turkey someday, I'm not sure now is the time. All the reasons I came back from overseas are still present.
And sometimes I wonder, am I always trying to run from my problems? Maybe I am supposed to be sad a little. Maybe sadness running its course through me has its purpose. Today might just be a sad day. And maybe I just need to accept that--not try to change or manipulate it. I've said it myself--we cannot be happy all the damn time.
And maybe what I'm really craving is a hug. So, I think I shall go tell people non-virtually as well...that's probably the best I can do.
Plan. A trip. To LA.
ReplyDeleteI have lots of hugs waiting here for you. And I could use a few myself.
Coffee date? Movie date? Whatever. Come.
The telling non-virtual people is probably a plan! If that fails, holiday in Barcelona? xo
ReplyDeleteem--don't offer unless you are prepared for me to take you up on that!!
ReplyDeleteaw, i wish i could take you for coffee! or a beer! you can come here if you want :)
ReplyDeleteIt is good that you question your feelings. Sometimes sadness is just that. But many times, it can indicate that there is an issue going on inside of you that needs to be dealt with. It could be something easily identifiable, or it could be spiritual.
ReplyDeleteI would encourage you to pray about it, and DEFINITELY talk to somebody about your feelings; preferably, an older female.
One thing I have learned from my recent experiences is not to hold things in! I did that a LOT to avoid dealing with issues, and in the end, it cause me MORE pain. So don't do what I did. If you have a recurring feeling, be open and talk to someone MATURE about it. It's very healing.
D.
I think sadness has an eerie and insidious way of keeping a hold on us. When we're sad, we almost do things to keep us sad, or even make us more sad.
ReplyDeleteI remember once in college, when I was on the rowing team, when I wasn't put on any boats for the upcoming race. I was so upset and hurt I wasn't going to show up to the race at all. Then one of my friends told me it was probably a mistake. But it was strange, I didn't want to believe him. I rationalized staying at home for the weekend in my little corner of the house on the quiet street where I would be alone, and could get x, y, and z done, telling myself it would be productive and valuable. But a little voice inside me wanted to be free. That little voice was like a breath of fresh air, meanwhile the sadness of me didn't want to have it, and was battling me to stay home. So, I just bit my lip and went for it, talked to the coach. He apologized that he made a mistake, and put me on the lineup. And I had a blast at the race! The coaches saw me and thought I did so well coming into the finish that they put me on a varsity boat later that day. It was great!
I guess what I'm saying is that sadness may seem like it's there to protect us, but sometimes, it doesn't really need to. There really is a brighter world beyond the walls of our sadness, and if we take a few bold steps, we can find a colorful and exciting world beyond. I'm not sure if this sadness has something to teach you, maybe it does, but there may be a point where it strangles you for no reason.
Listen to the words that come from the sadness, the words and thoughts. What is it telling you? What is the tone of it's voice? Listen, listen, listen. You know your own wisdom better than anyone else, you just have to find it. Remember that although there can be wisdom in the sadness--perhaps it's edging you to find something more than where you are now--there can also be unnecessary self-deprication. Finding the difference can be tricky, but if you listen closely, I believe you can find it.
And!!!
... *hug*....
(I love hugs!)
Ooo...a virtual hug I will still take :)
ReplyDeleteCome visit me and we can chat about Turkey!Or shoot me an email so you can talk about it more if you want. I have similar feelings and have been dealing with all kinds of emotions lately...So I can relate a little.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs from Orange County. ;)
xoxo
Aw, buck up little camper! Things always turn around, no matter what side of the happiness meter you're on (unfortunately).
ReplyDeleteI want to run away all the time. But its like that great line at the end of Breakfast At Tiffany's: "No matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself." There's little point in running away. Generally, unless its employment issues, the problems you have now are problems inside you. They'll come along with you on the move.
You have to face your problems head on. No one else will do it for you. And for the most part, no one else can solve your problems. Your real problems, that is.
GREAT advice, chris. Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteeveryone gets sad sometimes but you have to remember that all your friends are there for you and so are your fellow bloggers :)!
ReplyDelete