Moving to a new city brings up a lot of fears, doubts, and feelings I pushed way deep down into my body. They are now bubbling up as I start a new life in a new place. Those fears include trusting people again, becoming open hearted once more, and shedding the baggage of the past.
I didn't talk about all my sad days in New York on here because I hate being that depressing broken record. As you know, I stopped writing. I spent many months feeling very small. I had lost my muchness--the thing that makes Ashley, Ashley.
I'm giving myself permission to be big again and let my energy grow, expand, and take over the damn place. In doing so I must enter the scary caves. This entails:
- Not being reclusive despite feeling betrayed and hurt by people in NYC. Trusting the goodness of people again.
- Deciding to not ruminate on the past.
- Writing more often to clear my mind and unveil my darkest and scariest thoughts, a very spiritual practice for me.
- Letting myself explore, smile, create. Letting myself live again.
Boston, you're letting me hit the "reset" button and I thank you for that. Now, it's time for me put on my hard hat, tie that rope around my waist, and descend into the abyss (time to go all in).