11.03.2019

What a DAMN DIFFERENCE a year can make!

A year ago I was not in a good place. I was having a couple panic attacks after a weird health scare, I was sad over a failed fling, I was feeling a little lost, getting ready to leave Boston, and unsure if my dream of actually moving to London was going to pan out.

Flash to the present, and I am the most healthy, optimistic, happy, and healed version of Ashley I have ever known. I think I'm starting to shine from the inside out. My visa to the UK is on it's way to getting applied for, and likely approved. I'm intrinsically happy.

How? Last year, I started to realize that I didn't like myself that much; moreover, I think I really hated myself. I painted myself as an independent woman, but was secretly craving love and validation from outside sources, which never worked. Once I had the realization that I didn't love myself at all, I had a major breakdown that involved sobbing (yes, sobbing!) everyday for about 2 months straight, journaling, and bringing myself to sign up for a energy and light healing session, which brought many revelations to me.

I decided to move to London for 6 months (the max amount an American can stay on a tourist visa) and happened to find a flatmate that was going through the same journey as I was. Funny how that works out.

I started to dive into the world of mindset, healing the inner child, EFT (tapping), and understanding what really made me tick. Not everyone is into the reiki/light healing stuff, but the bigger picture of all this is that I started to see myself with pure and utter love. And that self-love started to light me up. I noticed my bad thoughts throughout the day, and replaced them with loving thoughts when I could. I started focusing on breath work in a real way.

I started dating a guy that was a step above the other guys I used to cling to, and I learned so much from him. I walked away when we realized timing was off. I started to see that my new love for myself made it so I could walk away from things that weren't serving me, even when it was hard to do so.

I had found my strength in London, yet again, a place my soul repeatedly comes back to. I have started to become more in tune with my soul's desires, and not everyone else's expectations of me.

And so here we are, a year of self-healing has been underway, and I have never felt stronger. There are still bad days (there always will be), but how I react to bad days has changed completely. I have cut down on alcohol, I have started a successful morning practice rotating my arsenal of self healing techniques (I almost never skip this!), and I have become a lighter, more effervescent being in this vast universe.

All this to say, if you're having a bad year, a bad five years, a bad decade, start to look within and ask yourself: do I even love myself? And if the answer is no, look up ways that you can start doing so. Caution: this will likely lead to an emotional breakdown, but oh my god, is there so much beauty in that breakdown!

I cannot believe how far I've come, except, I have the year's worth of work to prove it. I'm so, so proud of myself. And I love myself so much now. I say to myslef, "Ashley...you're a badass! You chop down mountains with the side of your hand, you are reaching your higher self, and I fucking LOVE you."


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