Maybe blondes do have more fun!

This week has been interesting thus far.

I've been called "1/16th Gay" by my friends. I'll go with that. Isn't everyone a little gay? Come on now. They called me this cause I was curious and wanted to feel the weight of my friend Bianca's boob. I am a small breasted girl (ain't nothin' wrong with that!) and I simply wanted to feel the weight she had to carry around all day long--which is a LOT, by the way. Hello back pain!!!

Hey, you'd do it too.

And while we're talking about Bianca, let me tell you a little story that went down last night. Heh.

So a few days ago, Bianca (who is tan, brunette and Brazilian I might add) asks me if she should go blonde.

I say, "Noooooooooo. Don't EVER go blonde. EVER. Alright?"

But does anyone listen to the voice of reason?? Apparently not. I get home from work last night, right? And there's Bianca, distressed and in the bathroom, with a head full of blonde-ish, orange, gold hair. Could we even call it hair? I didn't know that hair could even turn those colors.

"What did you do??????!!!!!!" I asked (while screaming of course). "I told you not to turn your hair blonde!!!"

"I know. But Rachel and Laura told me to go for it. And looked what happened," Bianca said.

"Yeah. I see what happened. Do you want to fix it?"

(She shakes her head "yes" the way a five-year-old would--you know, with that whole pouty face deal going on).

"Ok, let's go to the store. Get your blonde ass in the car."

Of course, she dresses in disguise from head to toe, and looks like a hoodlum (haha). Ali (my other roommate and I) proceed to bust out in laughter, asking "what, are you gonna rob the store?? Are you gonna demand, 'Give me the money or I'll show you my hair!' ?"

Poor Bianca. We got the mess straightened out. And I'm kinda glad she did it, cause it gave me a great few hours of laughter.

So yeah, I have to work today. But it's been a good week. These are things I'll remember forever, you know? And I think Bianca learned her lesson--in that she should NEVER go blonde. haha.

I need a Magic 8 Ball to give me some answers.

Today sort of sucks. But it sort of doesn't as well.

You see, the wind is blowing ever-so-lightly outside, and yeah, the sunshine is out too. The beach is calling my name. And the beach is my lover, so I yearn for it.

But I have to work. Gotta make the dollar bills, yo.

And to the subject of Carlos...he sends me mixed signals. He'll avoid me sometimes, and also be attentive at the same time. If that makes sense. Maybe because I always hang out with him and his friends (and I adore his friends). He talks to his friends for the most part, but if I call his name, he'll then give me all the attention.

So my question is, does this mean that he's just too nervous to talk to me sometimes? Or does he just not like me? It confuses me. I know I'm dwelling on this, but contrary to what you might think, I'm not agonizing over it at all.

I'd be fine just being his friend if that's all that's there. But I just don't know what's going on! Why are boys so confusing??? Who knew you guys were so darn complicated??? Or is it that your not complicated at all and I'm making you more complicated than I should? AHHHH!

The thing is, I know what the answer to this question is...I'm just avoiding it. To find the real answer, I need to ask him. Comm-un-i-ca-tion. Doesn't it always come down to that?

Yeah, pretty much. This is just frustrating because all I want is a simple answer, but all I get is a tangle of answers I have to sort through.

They Say Only Time Will Tell

I like him. But is there enough there?

I'm not sure.

People wonder why I prefer to be single, why I run away from relationships, this is why. It's confusing as fuck!

I think in many ways I am like a guy--in that I would just like for everything to be cut and dry and simple. Now if I could only start thinking like a guy, maybe I wouldn't be cramping my brain right now.

I think my instinct is telling me what I need to know. It always seems to do that somehow.

Like I said, only time will give me my freakin' answer. Well, that's just swell.

Home Sweet Home

So, here's what's going on with my roomate situation: Stefie, my blonde roomate (I don't know why I'm telling you she's blonde, I guess it seems somewhat important) is moving out, cause she wants to pay less (and live in a bit of a sketchier part of campus, honestly now).

Sooooo, I have two new roomates moving here. And at the moment, they are living in our living room, because their lease went out at their prior apartments. SO at the moment there are 5, count em, 5 girls living here. Craziness!!! But it's not that crazy, seeing as I used to live at the sorority house.

Anyway, summer is going good thus far...today I'm going to the beach!!!!!!!! YAY!! I loooooooooove the beach!!!!!!

Hope all you whities (er, and also non-whities) are getting some sun!!!

Sunday makes me happy. Period.

So I'm a little late for work right now. Oh well, they can suck it, cause that job doesn't matter anyway.

And I should have ate my words Saturday night...er Sunday morning. Sundays always end up being fabulous, no matter what.

And I know why: Yesterday was my first official day of summer break...I've had to work everyday since finals, except for glorious Sunday. It took that day to remind me that "Look! You have no real responsibilities!!!"

One day I shall have kids. And a real job. With real weight on my shoulders. But until that happens, I'll relish in the fact that I am young, a little crazy and, yeah, a little selfish. And I have a right to be.

So I should head off to work now before I become really late. haha.

Saturday, you kind of sucked.

Today was frustrating. It seemed that almost everything just went wrong. Until I came home and watched Spaceballs with my two new roomates (have I mentioned that before? I'll explain later).

Sometimes...I try to please people way too much. I think that's my problem. I need to look out for myself SOME of the time, geeeeez. I need to just let myself be MYSELF without worrying about those around me, if that makes sense.

I'm going to bed, so I don't analyze this too much. I think tomorrow will be smashing, seeing as I don't work and I can hang out for the first day of my summer. YAY. Goodnight.

Summertime, and the living is easy...

The best version of that song is by Sam Cooke. Hands down.

I feel, ahhhhhh, relieved. I took my last final today, and all I have to wait for is results. It is now time to relax.

But I think I gave the worng impression in my earlier posts, so let me just clear something up.

Yeah, school drives me crazy. Yeah, I'm lazy. Yeah, its hard for me to sit down and study the way I used to.

But...I love to learn. Love. Love. LOVE it.

I love the feeling you get when you learn something that truly touches your heart. Not just touches your heart, but rips open your chest and grabs your heart with an iron fist. I love it. And that happened this semester.

Sooo, I'm happy that I'm staying an extra year. If I took 7 classes each semester next year, I would lose the awe of learning that I adore. I would be so wrapped up in just doing well and getting through the year that I would lose an important part of myself--the part of Ashley that loves wandering libraries and grazing pictures of far far away lands.

That would be sad. So i'm not gonna rush. Why Americans rush so much anyway? Where are we going in such a hurry, and for God's sake, why don't we realize what we're sacrificing?

I'm not going to be in a rush to get out and get a job. In rushing through school, I would be putting aside life.

**********

On a lighter note...I need a tan. The beach is like totally calling my name right now, dude. (um, that's how we talk in California, so don't hate). Time to just enjoy the view.

God Help the Poor Student.

I'm slowly falling apart this week. Must. gather. strength...to...go...on.

I wrote 7 pages of my paper today in 4 hours. That's good for me considering that it usually takes me an hour a page (I'm annoyingly thorough).

These finals are killing me. No, wait. They're slaughtering me. I'm not quite sure how and why I'm typing right now. I've been staring at flashcards tonight for over 4 hours now and they're starting to do little dances in my head. So this is what it's like it go crazy...hmmm.

I just have a little more to go, and I will be free for the summer to do yoga (why the hell not?) and bum around at the beach. You know, get rid of my white-girl-ness and such.

Alllllllllmost done. I can almost taste it.

Got an Advil? Or Three?

Ahhhhh...this week might be the death of me. But I won't let it. Finals week here doth beginith.

Monday--study for my poli sci essay exam at 1 pm. By 3 pm, start my 9 page essay.
Tuesday--Finish 9 page essay and turn in by 3 pm. Start studying for Comm Final and Anthro Final.
Wednesday--Study some more for Comm (and pray that I get a decent grade on that freakin' test) and take test at 1 pm. Study more for Anthro test.
Thursday--Take Anthro test. Finals will be over. Buy a big drink to cure my headache.

So yeah. That'll be my week. Fuuuuuuuun.

Oh yeah--and update: I will be staying an extra year for school. I didn't want to die from stress nextyear by taking 7 classes per semester. So I went for the more spread-out route. And dad agreed, and wasn't upset (surprisingly).

Ok, I need rest...to all a good night!

"Hey! Look at that Red Herring!" Figures that argument would still work.

I am so SICK and TIRED of this whole "immigration debate." I love how this ALWAYS happens when conditions are poor in the United States. Every President seems to pull crap like this out at times like these. I can see Bush now:

"Let's seeeeee, we're at war, people are dying, my ratings are super low, gas prices are sky-rocketing and I won't fix that cause, ha, I have buddies in those oil industries that finance my campaign. Do they think I'm stupid? I'll just throw in a nice little distraction like I did last election with gay rights. To my fellow Americans: For God's sake! Don't think about war or the economy or gas prices, even though those issues are pressing right now. Think about immigration!!! That'll win us Republicans another election! Yiiiiiipeeee!"

Makes me sick. I'm not saying it's just Republicans that do this. It's politicians that do this. And we fall for it...look at the media, look at us. We've fallen for it.

And the war? Oh, well that's fallen into the background. Guess that's not so important anymore...

To Stay or Not to Stay?

Ok, so michelle brought up a really important question on her blog that I've been contemplating for a long long time. That question is, should I graduate a year later than I planned?

Typically, you are supposed to graduate in 4 years. However, my school is way overcrowded. We have over 30,000 students at this freakin' school, which makes it a little difficult to get classes sometimes. That's not to say that I can't do it. I'm actually able to graduate in 4 years.

Here are the pros to graduating in 4 years:

• I would graduate on time. That has to "look good" in general.
• I'd obviously be saving moo-lah. And dude, I am poor. And my dad has reminded me that he will only help out financially for 4 years. And that's understandable. It would really suck to be in debt...and the consequences of being in debt would follow me FOREVER. I'm not saying that I would go in debt, but it's quite possible.
• It's a new/exciting time in life I wouldn't have to wait for.
• How much more school and studying can I really take?

Here are the pros to gradutating in 5 years:

• I don 't want to grow up. I want to stay in school forever. Believe me, I realize the childishness of this argument, but it doesn't mean I don't feel it. Am I ready to enter the work force? I mean, am I really ready? I know that no one is REALLY prepared and really I should just get over it...but I also don't want to be a little lamb ripped apart by the hungry wolves in the world...I want to feel MORE prepared.
• If I take less classes per semester (since they would be spread out over 2 years rather than one) I could actually fit some internships in. It would be fantastic (and wise) to have some internships (even just one) under my belt. Not just for resumes, but to gain experience and knowledge in general.
• I could actually work for the newspaper. I know I've brought this up many, many times before, but I've never had time for it. If I'm gonna write for the newspaper, I want to actually be on the staff, and not just a contributing writer. I want to put my all into it. And there's no way I have time for that now or next year (if I were to graduate).
• I'm not going to grad school, so it't not like I'm adding on yet another year of schooling onto my list. After San Diego State, I'm done.
• I just don't feel ready to graduate. I just don't. I know that I still have another year to really assess if I feel ready...but is year really that much time???

Ok, so I've hit every angle, I believe. If you actually read this huge tangle of an argument, give me some feedback. Tell me what you did and how it went. I'm curious, and I'm confused. I just need help in general!!

Oh, I'm lost.

Soooo I had to go and do it.

And now I've done it and I'm hooked. For-ever. Forrrr-evvvv-errrrr.

I freakin' watched LOST on ABC last week, and now I can't stop watching it. That show reminds me of Stephen King movies, like hardcore. It's such a mystery/pain in the ass to watch, but I love it so very much now.

The episode that was on tonight was INSANE!!! I loved it!

Dammit!! I didn't want to be hooked on any T.V., but there's no escaping it!!! Damn you LOST!!!

I love fruit snacks. and good shirt sayings.

Mmmmm. I'm eating fruit snacks right now, they are so delightfully good! I used to loooove fruit roll-ups when I was a wee little girl, so I love eating fruity-snacky-type things now cause they remind me of a simpler time.

I'm not too stressed out right now. And I won't be this week. And that's cause ALL of my finals are conveniently next week...so I will be conveniently stressed out then. Cause why would I study this week when I can study everything next week, right? Sounds like a plan to me.

The other day I saw a shirt that made me laugh for a good minute. It said "Procrastinators of the world unite, tomorrow!"

hahaha. I love it.

What?

How come it's overcast in SUNNY San Diego???

WHAT is up with that?

Ahhhh...with every tick of the clock finals do cometh closer!! Man the gates! Let's try to fend those bloody finals off!! Those wank buggers are going down!!

It's ok, I've got weapons: Famous Amos cookies, Pringles, Kix cereal, taquitos and cheeeeeese. Mmmmm. I'm set. Next stop? Stress City. (I'll try to not stress too much).

Fresh Sunday Air

Oh my goodness.

It's Sunday and I have NOTHING to do today. NOTHING. I am in. heavenly.bliss. Especially cause I was freaking out earlier this week, not to mention yesterday when I lost my debit card. I know, I know...smooooooth.

But in the midst of freaking out over my lost debit card, I learned that one of my dad's best friends died. He was a jolly, happy, hilarious man...and all of a sudden, I felt selfish. Selfish for freaking out over a stupid lost piece of plastic.

Someone lost a dad yesterday. Someone lost a lover yesterday. Someone lost a chunk of their heart yesterday.

And so today, I'm revelling in being alive. And learning to relax a little more this week. And learning to just take it easy--that's right, easy like sunday morning. :)

And I just want to say, rest in peace, dear Doyle, for you were a lovely man.

How am I still typing?

WOW. I am amazed. I finished that loooooong ass essay I had to write...it didn't end up being, ahem, 15 pages...but the 12 1/2 pages I did manage to squeeze out will have to do. Seriously, that was the longest essay I've ever had to write, cause in Journalism, there's no such thing as a freakin' 15-page article!!! Freakin Poli Sci! You nearly killed me, you and your long research papers!!!

So I feel slightly better. A little more relaxed. And I started reading a new book. A book that everyone and their mom has read, but a book none the less. It's The Da Vinci Code. Have you heard of it? Maybe not, it's kind of quaint and hasn't had much publicity, you know? haha. I figured I would give that freakin' book a go.

Alright, I'm off to bed soon, cause I'm tired. More than tired, I'm exhausted. Writing a loooong ass essay then working right after will do that to ya. Go figure. And bed sounds sooooooo very nice right now, ahhhhhh....

Headaches are abundant this time of year.

I'm on my second cup of coffee today and my head is doing circles around my body. Probably won't be my last cup, as to remain sane in this crazy, stressful life.

Yeah, I'm definitely stressed. I need to whip out 15 pages of political nonsense, try to sound smart and caring about it, and have it all done by Friday. And I love politics, but this is on campaigns and elections, and it all kind of makes me sick. It's the most devious, horrible aspect of politics. I figure I'll write about something easy like how Clinton layed the SMACKDOWN on Bush in '92. Hahaha...I'm totally a liberal. I just don't feel like whipping out a research paper...but this is my punishment for procrastinating. Serves me right!!

I just want it to be summer soooooooo bad. I just want to not be confused about life. Wait, that NEVER happens. There I go being analytical again *pinching myself*....ahhhh, what am I going to do with myself this week?????

Life is Funny and Strange

What you think one day might be changed the next day. And why is that? Why is it that humans have the capability of changing their minds? Do animals have that capability? It's a burden that we have, and a blessing too.

I don't know what I'm really rambling on about...all I know is that today is confusing and I am officially perplexed.

Why do I torture myself so?

Just some snapshots from my formal...

I really love this picture, Lara and I look FABULOSO!
Just showing off my make-up in a dorky way...
Forget the westside in the background, I like this picture, anyway.
I have hot friends, don't I?

So yeah, I could have put pictures of Carlos on here, but I didn't want to exploit him. Even though I just exploited all my other friends, haha. But you get the point. Yay for pictures! I love them!

Um, yeah.

All I have to say about The White House Correspondents Dinner is that Colbert SLAMMED the President. And not just the President, but the media too. Harsh!

And whether or not you thought it was appropriate, you gotta give him some props for standing up and speaking his mind freely RIGHT in front of the president. That took some guts. And again, though maybe not appropriate, THANK GOD for freedom of speech--something all Americans should agree on.

We have the freedom to make fun of Republicans, Democrats and all the in-betweens. I highly value and cherish that freedom.

And I will say that President Dubya actually did a fabulous job this time around when it came to his speech. Say it with me..."nuclear proliferation."

About my weekend:

Ahhhhh...I got 10 hours of sleep, and I feel mighty fine. Yesterday I was getting a little grumpy. Ashley without sleep+a day of work and meetings=a not very happy/lively girl. But today I feel a little more refreshed!

Sooooo, about my formal. I had a lot of fun. Good thing Sweater Guy liked to dance cause, honey, I like to get down. Do you not remember my last picture? Come on now! Of course I still get a tad nervous around him. I'm never gonna help that though. When I'm excited about something, about anything really, nervousness comes along with the package. It's just part of my personality, I guess.

My favorite part: slow dancing, of course. Cause I LOVE it. I LOVE dancing cheek to cheek with all of my little heart.

And yeah, I like him (well DUH, you people know that). But I'm in no rush to start anything. He's gonna be here for the summer and I'm gonna be here for the summer too. And that'll be a good time to really become his friend.

****

I don't know how one goes about turning around her worrying ways, since I worry WAY too much, but I'm attempting. Here's for a summer of just letting things flow, and here's to cutting down my over-analyzing mind!