What I've Been Up To (Going Crazy, But Having Fun)

Oh heyyyyyyyyyy everyone...remember little ol' me?

The reason I have been majorly absent? Finding a place in NYC has been taking up all of my sweet, sweet time. Well, ok, not ALL of it. But quite a bit. It's a little exhausting, but the quest must continue and I will find my home! Either that, or I'll become a Woody-Allen-level-of-neurotic homeless person (we can't have that).

Until that happens, let me show you what I've been up to:

1. Staying with this Amazing Friend

Meet Christian. The kind of guy that lets you stay at his place while you look for apartments. An encourager. Will give you the clothes off his back and pillow from his bed (he actually gave me his pillow and didn't tell me, and when I found out, promptly bought my own pillow so he had something to rest his head on!). Your gay date to a Roaring 20s birthday bash. An outstanding human.

2. Using Trusted Housesitters, Again



To give Christian a break, I utilized trustedhousesitters.com again and watched a little pooch named Snickers for 5 days on the Upper West Side. The picture above was the view from the studio I was staying in. I lucked out majorly!! I'm really learning to love this useful website. This is the second time it's saved my ass! Oh, and two pictures of Snickers (I miss him ALREADY):

SNICKERS FACE. I LOVE HIM!!



3. Hanging Out in Central Park like ALL THE TIME



I can't get enough of Central Park. It's gorgeous and sometimes I forget I'm in the city when I'm there (a different dimension?).

4. Working like CRAZY

I'm loving a lot of things about my job. It's hectic, it keeps me on my toes, and it's just what I needed.


***

Things are going pretty well, overall. How blessed am I that I already have friends in the City?? While not having an official place to live can be stressful, I know that will come very soon for me. I always say I'm a girl that likes challenges...well this is certainly a challenge! So cross your fingers for me and send good thoughts my way...

...and now it's time to read some of your lovely blogs that I have missed dearly! 

The Destroying Negative Thoughts Challenge

"...the destroyer of inner peace is not some external foe, but is within us. Therefore, the solution is within us too." --Dalai Lama 

When you wake up in the morning, what is the first thing you do? 

Me? I'm guilty of checking Facebook, the news, Instagram, and other media outlets. At times, this can be inspiring; other times, this can set a negative precedent for the rest of the day. And yet, I'll religiously do this the next day despite knowing that comparison or sad news can put me in a very, very dark mood. I then start to believe that the world is dark. And before the day even begins there is a burden. The curse of being such intelligent beings is that we are able to create very sad worlds with our own thoughts, even if that creation does not match reality. 

I'm deciding to break the cycle. I want the first thing I listen to or read in the morning to be a proper day starter: something that gets me excited for my life and what it has to offer. I've taken to doing a few things that are good day starters: 

1. Listening to a TED talk. This. This has gotta be the number 1 thing that helps me face the day with confidence and an ability to think outside my circumstances. I love speeches because they get me especially fired up. 

2. Yoga routines. This is a typical answer, I know--but it's one that works. It's hard to think about anything other than the move I'm trying to master. "Don't mind me while I try to hold this bendy octopus/pretzel position!" 

3. Writing cards for my friends. What better way to vanquish negative thoughts than by doing something positive for someone else? Writing kind words to a friend puts a smile on my face instantly. And I feel less selfish! 

4. Taking a Walk. You mean to tell me humans are made for exercise? Gee whiz!  

5. Giving somebody a hug. Do I need to even explain this one? 

Do I always do these things? Heck no. I'm one lazy S.O.B. Staying in bed is seductive; being productive feels so laaaaaame--until I actually start doing something. Then I think to myself, man! I love getting moving, I love walking, I love Yoga...I love life! Because I act like a toddler at times, I have to give myself a challenge: 

For a week straight, I vow not to check my phone first thing in the morning. I will not look at e-mails. I will not scan Facebook. I will instead do something positive (like those items listed above) FIRST thing in the morning. I'll blog about how I feel after a week, and hopefully...I can make this a continued practice! 

...well, all after coffee, of course. I am human! 

***
What do you like to do in the morning to put a positive spin on your day? Do you want to join my challenge? 

Justin Timberlake 20/20 Experience World Tour

This was quite possibly the concerts to top all concerts. It's pretty high up there on my list, tied for #1 with Smokey Robinson, who is a true legend onstage. Justin is definitely on his way to becoming that kind of legend.

I paid a pretty penny to be fairly close to Mr. Timberlake. Yes, I acted like an annoying teen girl the entire time. I don't give a damn.

And now, a few photos...

 Lainey and me, giddy for the concert. 

Sorry for the blurry-ish photos. One, I was dancing/jumping around too much to really care about clarity of photo. Two, it's time I invest in a newer/ better camera + camera lessons. I think that might be the next hobby I take up! 

Anyway, the clear platform you are seeing in the photo above and below was an ingenious moving platform that raised above my section and traveled back and forth across the stadium. How fantastic is that?!? Of course I was ecstatic that Justin walked on the part of the platform that was right above my seat. He knew, he just knew. 

And a couple grainy videos for you to see the intensity of the dancing + the angelic singing machine that is Justin Timberlake.

Justin, I'm just a jun-jun-jun-jun-junkie for your (music).

In My Figuring Out Stage

I'm not sure how to put it, other than, I'm going through it. 'It' has yet to really be defined, but let's call it my Figuring Out stage.

Here's what I know about me: I dwell and overanalyze on a topic until it can't be thought about anymore. It is my strongest and weakest attribute. It makes me a master planner and a strong critical thinker. The downside is it sends me into a tailspin when I'm in transitional phases. I hate being unsure about my next step. But life is a series of unsure moments, so I need to stop getting in a hissy fit about them.

Yes I miss London, yes I'm confused over whether San Diego is still my home and yes (!) I don't have a plan right now. These are all terrifying truths for me to face.

I don't want you to pity me or offer ideas for happiness in the comment section. Honestly, we can't always be happy. This stage and this time are not for me to be overjoyed, but to be figuring out where I want to be. It is a time for busy work, reality and laying a foundation.

I'd like to think in a year I will reread this post and smile at my little freakout of the unknown. I hope by then I get better at embracing what I can't control. 

Calmate!

I'm not trying to brag, I'm just trying to make sense of this (early) spring fever I've been experiencing from men.

I don't know if I've been sending out some weird signal because I'm leaving...because I have been asked to dinner 3 times from 3 different guys this week. I'm just your average girl, cute some days, kind of shy at first, with a little bit of flirt in her. I don't usually get this kind of attention in a week. I feel as though I'm in the Twilight Zone.

What's funny is, I'm not really interested in any of it. The guys aren't bad at all, I just feel really focused on what's ahead of me, and my future in Turkey.

On top of this, I'm not one of those chicks that travels from guy to guy as if they are the city of the month. Even though I dated Mr. HC for just a little while, my heart was still invested there. You know? I'll never be someone that can move on from one guy by falling into the arms of another.

Just wanted to vent about this weird week. haha. I think I'm a little too friendly with people I meet, and that comes off the wrong way sometimes. Very bad Ashley.

(by the way, I'm not complaining, to clarify. This is all very flattering)

This is what I get...

...for being a caffeine addict. Drinking an iced latte around 6pm=Ashley is stilllllll awake at 12:30 am, even though she has to be up at 6am. Lovely.

Anyway, while I'm up, might as well share mini-news: I am going to Detroit for two weeks in the summer to visit my aunt! yay! I really like Michigan, as far as un-Californian states go (haha), and it's nice to just get away. In case you're wondering, she lives in St. Clair Shores, a suburb right outside of Detroit.

I expect it to be sweltering hot and full of mosquitos, but I'm ready.

Alright, I must force myself to go to sleep now!!

Night :/

Trivial Pursuit

I have to leave for work in, like, a minute; therefore, I should not be on blogger.

I'm messing with my blog colors again (not really liking the blue. I'll change it soon enough).

Really, I want to mess with my hair color instead of these dang blog colors. I kinda wanted to go brunette again. Eh--part me thinks I should leave my freakin' hair alone. But I get so bored with one color when there is so many choices!!

This is all small beans to be thinking about so much.

Anyway, I really have to go. I must go...but before I do...I must mention that I am reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I got it on Sunday, and since then have read 86 pages. I have tons to say about this book. And lots to say about how it's put me in a writing mood. But that will have to be another day, now won't it?

Ciao!

A Big Change

There's been A LOT of new thoughts running around in my head lately...time to put it here on this blog, and maybe get some insight.

I've been thinking about moving to Turkey for a year, and possibly teaching English to children (or adults) there (in Istanbul).

I feel...bored and uninspired by America lately. Should I say lately? Maybe this has been for a long time. I know that changing countries is not necessarily "the answer" to that, but I can't deny that I've always had the urge to move overseas, and I've never been able to shake that urge.

I also know that going on a vacation in Turkey is not the same as living and working in Turkey. It's a very real possibility that I could move to Turkey having an immense love for it and leave with a bad taste.

However, I think I will regret it if I never try living somewhere else. I've been in San Diego far too long (basically MY WHOLE LIFE). It works for some people to stay in one place all their lives, but I'm not so sure that works for me.

Things I will obviously miss if I move: my FAMILY, my friends, certain aspects of the American culture that I love.

And there's a lot to prepare for: Learning the Turkish language as much as possible, saving up a butt-load of money, preparing to say good-bye to loved ones.

But there's a lot to look forward to: an ADVENTURE! Experiencing a breath of fresh air through another culture, seeing my Turkish family more often (and possibly living with them), living in a country that is a part of me and my background (HOW COOL IS THAT?!), having a story to tell the kids when I get older. hehe.

Sorry that this post is so disorganized...these are the million thoughts that are bouncing in my head over this idea. I may be over thinking all of this, and maybe I should just go without all the analyzing. But I know that there is a part of me that just might stay overseas once I go, and never come back.

And that scares me just a little. Because such a big change can be a bit scary. Maybe more than a bit.

All I know is, my recent European trip was supposed to cure the wanderlust in me for about a year (it usually does the trick). But a couple days after I got back, I wanted to travel again...I wanted to be somewhere else.

Seriously, I have a problem *nervous laughter*

Also, I recently told my parents about this little possible plan of mine, and they took it better than I thought they would, replying with, "Well, we don't want you to move that far away from us...but that's not a bad idea."

I think they know I've always had that dream to live in a different country. It's my mom's fault! She moved from Turkey to America...she started it!!

Well, if you've read this far through my jumbled thoughts, BRAVO! Tell me what you think, and tell me any advice you might have.

P.S. If I did move to Turkey, it would be next year...Fall 2010 or around that time.

Can You Follow Me?

Called in sick to work today...am I sick, though? Not really, just knew I needed a day of rest.

Random thought: It's always funny to find out old school friends have become lesbians. Straight-turned-gay boys don't really surprise me. Lesbians do.

Rode around with my sis today. Destination: nowhere. Our purpose was just to drive (she's from Santa Barbara, and I don't see her often).

I feel random today, can you tell?

Life is but a series of random pearls strung onto a string and made into something worth it.

Side note: Being random puts me in an extra cheesy mood.

Update: I'm going to the Fray concert tonight. Heck Yes!

Chunnel, Baby!

This is how I'm getting to London from France on my European trip:

I'm going UNDER the freakin channel between England and France!!!!!

Sooo...this will be an experience. *excited and a little scared*

Oops...I've Been Busy

I haven't gotten the chance to blog this week! It's all because of lack of time! Going to trainings to my new job while still working at my current job = not much time for other things.

But this weekend I am VERY excited for my friends Cynthia and Josh's wedding (although, BAD LUCK that Josh broke his foot this week, can you believe that?). Talk to you guys later...whenever that is! Maybe I'll post some pictures of the wedding.

Overgrown Children, the Whole Lot of Us

I took a break from reading High Fidelity from when I started it a couple months ago...but I have resumed.

Can I just say Nick Hornby is a brilliant writer? I love this passage from the book:

None of us is young anymore, but what has just taken place could have happened when I was sixteen, or twenty, or twenty-five. We got to adolescence and just stopped dead; we drew up the map and left the boundaries exactly as they were.

Basically, that is dead on. And I see it everyday on the playground working with kids. Battles, fights, wars that you've swear you've seen on the nightly news acted out by adults. "I've got the better toy" turns into "I've got the better car" as we age. It's all silly, it's all childish. We are overgrown children.

Yeah, I'll admit that we've matured a little. We've become supposedly smarter, read more books by world-renown philosophers, and contemplated the meaning of life. But when it comes down to the essence of a fight, in the heat of the moment, we a act almost exactly the way we did when we were 5.

Another example: this little boy Isaiah invited to me to his baseball game this Saturday, cause he really wants me to come see him play. He's one of my favorite little boys ever, so of course I am overjoyed by this request. But why else am I happy? This little boy is including me. He's inviting me to his "birthday party," so to speak. You never wanted to be the kid that wasn't invited.

I'm not a psychologist, but this stuff is not too hard to figure out. And it all makes me laugh a little. And makes me feel crazy for ever thinking I am an actual adult.

Slow Me Down

Ah! I promise I haven't died. I've just been VERY busy! I think I will write a post tomorrow.

Wait, did I just write a post to tell you that I will write a post tomorrow?

I am a strange cookie.

You know you want a bite...and that just further proved my strangeness.

haha. I'll stop now.

Zombie Ashley

Alright, so I'm not in a bad mood anymore...I just had to blow some steam off last night. Writing always helps.

I'm not really in any mood today. I'm just straight up tired. Grumpy Ashley + staying out late at a record release party + waking up early = Zombie Ashley.

GARRRRGGRRRL! (That was my attempt at a zombie growl/gargling sound. What sound does a zombie make anyway?!?)

So I'm supposed to show SD spirit today and wear Chargers gear (it's "Charger's Day" at the school I work at). Problem is, I don't really watch football, so I do not own any jerseys or helmets or NFL t-shirts. I'm going to have to makeshift it and tape a lightning bolt on a blue shirt. I know the kids will be trying to rip that off all day *rolls eyes*

Maybe I will get zombie on their asses and try to eat some brains.

P.S. Look, I wrote a post everyday this week so far...that is unusual for me! So thanks for listening to my crazy talk, because in a way, you are my therapists.

Good day, all.

I Need Rain Boots

Well, actually, that would be a horrible investment for San Diego. But on days like today, I sure wish I had some.

Now, normally I LOVE rainy days...just click on my "rainy days" tag below and all my posts will start with "it's raining and I LOVE IT" or something to that effect. However, now that I am working with kids, my view of rainy days has been altered a little.

Rainy days+kids= no playground time = pent up energy = kids acting like they are on meth = me wanting to pull my eyebrows out (because I think I've already pulled my hair out).

*Breathe*

Alright, I will be ok. Wish me luck as I enter the battlefield.

When is the weekend going to get here?

Do I Overanalyze?

Hey...its been a little while, hasn't it? I'm a little tired, so I won't be writing too long, but an update needs to happen, so here we go...

First thing I must say: I HIGHLY recommend Role Models, if you haven't seen it yet. Paul Rudd has always been one of my favorites, and this movie totally showcases his talent. This was a funny movie done well, unlike other funny movies that have been coming out recently, like Superbad, which was way overdone and overhyped. Role Models didn't over do any one joke, wasn't too crude, didn't rely on lots of cussing...it was just a great comedy. GO SEE IT.

Second thing I must say: My date went pretty well, actually. I even got flowers! And a walk on the pier. He thought it out and I was impressed. He even expressed feelings for me and assured me that he was willing to wait, after I said "You need to be patient with me..."

And why would I say that to such a great guy? I don't know...I think I'm honestly a little confused over what to feel for him. I already know how great of a guy he is, he's proven that over the two years we have been friends. Part of me thinks that maybe our connection doesn't go much further than the friend level. Part of me thinks that I'm just over-analyzing, yet again, and things like this have to grow over time. Part of me knows I'm comparing him too much to the connection I had with J--which was indeed close and passionate in a lot of ways, but also agonizing at the same time.

I think too much. I scare myself out of real relationships often, and set myself up for relationships that can never work or self-destruct (like J).

So I'm really trying to leave my analyzing on the side as much as I can. And I'm continuing to hang out/date him to see where this might go. Cause I know what some of your comments might say for this post. Something to the effect of "relax" and "things will happen naturally if they are meant to..." and all that jazz that makes sense.

Looks like I wrote a long-ish post after all. Feel free to share any long-ish or short-ish comments...

Giving it a Chance.

I've been busy busy busy busy. Tomorrow I get to sleep in...yay! I mean, today, since tomorrow is already today because it's past 12. Am I making any sense what-so-ever?

I just have one thing to tell...I essentially got asked out on a date. By a friend I've had for over two years. This is intriguing...

But sometimes I think I scare myself out of these situations, and convince myself not to go through with it. Why yes, I'm scared of love...almost scared of having a good relationship. How messed up is that? So I need to not back out this time, and at least give it a chance...there's nothing wrong with taking a chance.

I'll provide more details later. He and I won't be having dinner till next week. Yeah, he asked me to dinner. I believe it is a date. And in case you were wondering--yes, he's latin.

Fighting WWII All Over Again

A quick post about a convo I had with a young child at my new job today:

Little Girl: Will you help me pick a book to get out of this catalogue?

Me: Sure *thumbs through catalogue* Well, this one is about Nazis and the Holocaust. So it's a little sad, but probably a good book.

Little Girl: I'm a Nazi.

Me: Excuse me? I think you mean that you're German?

Little Girl: No. My family is related to Hitler, so I'm a Nazi.

Me ( a little flabbergasted): Well, that doesn't make you a Nazi...

So yeah. That was one incident on my first day. haha. I wanted to say "Little Girl! Don't go around telling people you're a Nazi!" Goodness. But overall, my day was good and the children were darling.

And. I. am. exhausted. After not having a job for awhile then watching 25 kids at one time...well, it's bed time for meeeee. Gooooooooooooooooodnight!

A Tumultuous Relationship

Sometimes I think seriously about deleting this blog. Maybe start a new one, with a different approach. Or no blog at all. But I can't bring myself to, I've had it for over three years.

And honestly it's great fun going back and reading my old posts, and how different I have become.

It's weird that I still enjoy writing in this thing. It most certainly is an outlet for me. Somehow my mind feels more free and exercised by typing into this little keyboard. It's a strange idea to have friends from all over the country, even different parts of the world (Holla Katrin!). But it's also a kick-ass idea.

And ultimately, this writer likes to share her writing. Whether anyone is reading makes no difference. Just the idea that my words are out there, open for anyone to stumble upon. Maybe that is why I still have this thing.

Always On the Go

So now that I'm back from Turkey, I have just a few days to move all my crap outta my apartment. This will drive me crazy...HAhaHaha. Maybe I'm already crazy?

Random topic: I'm very bittersweet about going to see The Dark Knight sometime soon, but I will see it dammit! And say goodbye to Heath :(

I'll be posting regularly--or something like it--sometime soon. Once I have my life, er, stuff in order.