In My Figuring Out Stage

I'm not sure how to put it, other than, I'm going through it. 'It' has yet to really be defined, but let's call it my Figuring Out stage.

Here's what I know about me: I dwell and overanalyze on a topic until it can't be thought about anymore. It is my strongest and weakest attribute. It makes me a master planner and a strong critical thinker. The downside is it sends me into a tailspin when I'm in transitional phases. I hate being unsure about my next step. But life is a series of unsure moments, so I need to stop getting in a hissy fit about them.

Yes I miss London, yes I'm confused over whether San Diego is still my home and yes (!) I don't have a plan right now. These are all terrifying truths for me to face.

I don't want you to pity me or offer ideas for happiness in the comment section. Honestly, we can't always be happy. This stage and this time are not for me to be overjoyed, but to be figuring out where I want to be. It is a time for busy work, reality and laying a foundation.

I'd like to think in a year I will reread this post and smile at my little freakout of the unknown. I hope by then I get better at embracing what I can't control. 


  1. From another impatient overanalyzer to another I can definitely relate to that feeling. It doesn't get easier as time goes on surely, but things tend to progress as they do. Just keep the idea of what you want to do and figure out things that point you in that generally direction and don't be afraid to say damn it I'm going to do this instead and see what happens. Sometimes its those moments that get you on the path you want to ultimately be. Best of luck figuring it out, it's certainly not easy, but ya, hopefully

  2. A friend of mine recently said she wouldn't trade in her past heart ache and anxiety for anything and that happiness all the time is not the full picture. She doesn't want happiness all of the time. She wants wholeness.

    Your line about no one can be happy all of the time reminded me of that recent conversation.

  3. Oh I'm sure that you'll look back on this post and think, hey it all turned out okay! But when you're in it, it's hard to see where you're going or what you're doing. It sounds to me like you're not yet finished with London! I hope you get to go soon. Maybe that will offer a little more clarity?

    1. Yes, I think it will. I should be going on a trip there next summer for graduation ;)

  4. i'm pretty sure you'll land on some new fab adventure soon, you're that kind of girl!!

  5. It's so hard though! We really struggle so many transitions in the last year. It feels really good to have some of them figured out and hopefully in two weeks we'll have even more figured out when my husband hard back from two jobs. Having some things set after so much transition feels so good, and I hope you get to experience that soon too.