On the Rollercoaster

I feel like....I've been falling apart a little this semester. In an emotional sense, that is.

I've never been so scared in my life.

I feel extremely vulnerable just writing that. That's the word for me in the past few months: vulnerable. I hate that freakin' word.

You see, I've always been the logical girl...the level-headed one. People always come to me for advice cause, well, I'm un-biased and LOGICAL. But these past few months, I've been dramatic, frantic, illogical and unlike myself.

Maybe I've been "different" because this is the first time I've encountered anything that has truly challenged my heart. Two things: The thought of losing my dad, and me getting jealous over my friend (which isn't completely solved, by the way). I obviously have this great fear of losing people. That's probably my greatest fear in life.

I've never cried so much. And while it really hurts when I'm in that moment of pain, I realize how much stronger I am. I really do. It's strange. Life is just really strange, and I kind of wish I were a bug...or some stupid animal who doesn't have feelings/emotions. Or so we think, anyway.

I guess, however, that I can't say that completely. Because when life is good, it's REALLY good. And at least I can say that I've truly loved other people.