Facebook is the worst catalyst for this. I'll visit Susy Successful's page, whom I went to highschool with, and is living in a "you'll-make-it-big-here" city, residing in a "you'll-be-happy-here" apartment.
But it's all perception, isn't it? Susy might be depressed, hating her job and thinking her apartment is too small.
While I have confidence in some areas, I am lacking in other areas. I get in these moods sometimes--thinking that I would like to be anywhere else but here. That maybe I am not good enough to reach for twinkling stars.
All these thoughts are wrapped up in my insecurities with an ugly, pathetic bow. A sad present that I have fashioned for myself: To Ashley. Without Love, Ashley.
Logically, I know that I am bright and capable to do a LOT that I set my mind to. Some might say that feeling a bit inadequate can be a good thing. Sometimes it can send the competition pendulum swinging, forcing one to accomplish goals they may have not gained without a push.
All I know is, when I start to think this way (feeling sorry for myself, that is), I inevitably tell myself to shut the hell up. Bathing in my doubts is a dirty way of trying to start the day; I must shower my mind clean of all those belittling thoughts. It's absurd to know that I am capable of being condescending to myself.
I will end this post with a lyric from a Death Cab song that I adore: " And all you see/is where else you can be when you're at home/ and out on the street/are so many possibilities to not be alone."
The grass is greener, right? Time to admire my own grass.
♥ Jeremiah 29:11