I'm feeling overwhelmed with this whole idea of Turkey looming overhead. There is about a month left until I depart for the most spontaneous, huge, life-changing thing I have ever done and I feel like I can't wrap my head around it, as if my brain is spinning from thought OVERLOAD.
I need to calm the f*ck down!
Before I go on, I want to acknowledge that, yes, I'm acting like a spoiled brat/coward. There are plenty of people who yearn to leave the country and experience the world, but don't have the means to do it. I do not live in a war-torn area, I do not have to deal with being demeaned by dictators (Egypt), I'm healthy and I've had a good life thus far. I'm a pretty lucky girl. There is no real reason for me to complain.
But the frustration that I feel has been causing me some tension headaches the past few days, so I feel like I need to vent...BIG TIME.
I've come to realize that I am my own worst enemy. My over-complicated mind has plagued me, especially when it comes to dating, moving, or anything considered scary or life-changing. I am the opposite of a free spirit. I am a creature of comfort zone.
What's funny is, I've been sick of the same thing. There's a reason I long to live in a foreign place. I desire change so very badly, while at the same time being terribly afraid of it.
It makes no sense! I'm making no sense!
I am an obvious victim of anxiety. I once called myself a positive thinker...that is, until it comes to something big and important. It's then that I think the absolute worst.
So you know what helps? Reading positive words like this that set my mind and heart straight. Some excerpts:
"Why Worry? These two words, considered sincerely, can radically reconfigure the landscape of your mind. Worry rarely leads to positive action; it's just painful, useless fear about hypothetical events, which scuttles happiness rather than ensuring it. Some psychologists say that by focusing on gratitude, we can shut down the part of the brain that worries. It actually works!"
"How can I keep myself absolutely safe? Ask this question just to remind yourself of the answer: You can't. Life is inherently uncertain. The way to cope with that reality is not to control and avoid your way into a rigid little demi-life, but to develop courage. Doing what you long to do, despite fear, will accomplish this."
And so I also want to ask you, dear readers, any advice you can give me on this matter. Especially because many of you have gone through a huge international move. Did you feel stressed at all before you left? How did you deal with such stress? Any EXTRA advice you can give me will only help! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
I don't think there is one straight forward advise or recommendation I can give you. (Wow, how's that for a useless comment?).
ReplyDeleteBut worry is in some ways good because it keeps you alert and you don't go 'out there' with blinders on. Embrace that, but keep it in its boundaries.
Our comfort zones are tricky little cages and often prevent us from making experiences that eventually make us who we are. What has helped me is that I defined my comfort zones and then I consciously tried to brake out of them in little steps. I was so intimidated by my new colleagues that during lunch (we always eat together) I did not speak a word for almost two months. So I started speaking to them individually and after a little while I was part of the big discussions.
Moving to Turkey IS a big thing and it is good that you have a healthy respect, but what is even better is that you are aware of said respect. Sit down and think about your worries - how much of it is actually excitedness and butterflies in your tummy?
It's gonna be fine, no sorry - it's gonna be über-fine, you are going to have the time of your life, and nobody can take that away from you.
Oh hon, I'm sorry you are frustrated with yourself! I'm not sure I have advice other than to STOP worrying :) You can always reframe it in your head too - I mean, think of it this way: if you didn't go, you would regret it all the time and that is way worse - so just let go, simple as that. or remember that you can always come home, your life will still be there when you return. It will be amazing, don't worry :)
ReplyDeleteIt's completely NORMAL! Trust me, I never want to go anywhere in the time leading up to a move. I question, I regret, I start relationships with people (not smart on the cusp of moving, don't do that) ; )
ReplyDeleteEventually the time comes and you'll go because you have the ticket, and you'd be too ashamed to pull out of it, and part of you knows you want to go.
Once you're there, you'll be horribly homesick and culture shocked for a bit, but even at the lowest point of that, you'll know you don't want to go back because this is more exciting, more valuable, more real. And then you'll get over it and things will be great! Really!
THANK YOU. I'm feeling slightly less crazy!
ReplyDeleteI've only lived on the East Coast, as far as I've been. If it's any consolation, it broke my heart to go that far from my loved ones. But it goes away. They still love you, even more so. They are precious no matter where you are. You are still precious to them, and that never goes away.
ReplyDelete