Finding What's Real

The other night I was trying to entertain my friend who was visiting from Texas, so I thought some dancing was in order. But what I often encounter when I go to a club, or sometimes a bar, is that I hit a point where I long to be somewhere else. I feel out of place, or restless, like that scene and those people could never really make my night.

I'd have a better time talking to an elderly WWII Vet, indulging in stories of valor, bravery and even pain. Because I'm captivated by the absence of bullshit, the lack of facade, and the immense wisdom to be gained there. And my heart beats for times when I can take a little kid to a playground, feeling their tiny hand trying to grasp my finger tightly, as they pull me toward the monkey bars and exclaim, "Look what I can do!" And I'm mesmerized, by their spirit and their life, and their ability to make those monkey bars something spectacular.

There is a period between childhood and death that we seem to lose focus on what's really important. Our energy somehow shifts to taking "all the right steps" in life, wherever those steps lead. And so I think, what am I really after? What do I allow myself to get lost in? Where am I wasting my time? How can I find the most genuine moments in life? Because those moments are what I am so very hungry for.

Deep down, we all are pure of heart. We may try to hide that truth with alcohol, or love interests to fight loneliness, or new dresses to make ourselves feel better in the moment, or any other mask we choose to wear.

I don't want to distract myself with all of that. I just want to find what's genuine and real.

The search continues.


  1. Your second paragraph reminds me a lot of a close friend who is currently working at a retirement community in the north county. She gets such joy from talking to to the residents there, so that it's not just a job - she loves what she gets to do... So knowing about your feistiness and love of life, I've no doubt you'll make it happen and find that same fulfillment soon.

  2. I truly, deeply enjoy your posts.

  3. I see your point. Still, I would be scared to ask a woman out on a date to a nursing home or child's playground. At least a modest amount of dancing and drinking is essential to the greater good.

  4. hahaha. You have good points Chris :)

  5. Through my job, I have found what I am meant to do with my life, and that is work with people. I can be having a TERRIBLE day, be really tired, whatever, but as soon as I get with a client and start chatting and whatever, I feel SO much better. It COMPLETELY energizes me.

    I think that it doesn't matter how I do it, as long as my job involves helping people, I will feel fulfilled and really happy with my job.

  6. I feel you on the club thing. I have always felt that way in a club, how superficial and artificial it is. Drives me nuts, the lack of reality in those places.