8.30.2011

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

It's acceptable:

  • To find $40 on the floor of a bar and pick it up, only to feel bad the next day. Then I made the executive decision to put it in the collection plate at church. I can't keep that blood money! Don't laugh at me!

  • To stare longingly at the cute boy at your neighborhood cafe. Was I drooling a little? Oops. Eye candy makes me a morning person all of a sudden. Cute Cafe Boy > Coffee.

  • to dip a chocolate cookie in icing and proceed to stuff my face with it. I'M NOT APOLOGIZING. I certainly wouldn't apologize for that when I was 4 and I'm not going to do so now. What is it with girls saying crap like "Oh, I shouldn't eat that...it'll go straight to my thighs!" SHUT UP. The only thing making you "fat" and "ugly" is your attitude.

  • to go for a sip out of your drink and miscalculate cup-to-mouth distance and totally spill all over your white shirt. YOU WOULD THINK I would have mastered drinking out of grown-up cups after two decades of practice. Nope.

13 comments:

  1. Totally agree about the eating thing!! I offered a coworker a piece of a caramel apple last week and she was like, "Oh I can't," mainly because she's always dieting. The thing is, and this sounds horrible, she's already fat and has been the whole four years I've known her. One piece of an apple is not going to make a difference you moron!!!!

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  2. hahaha...

    you and your caramel apples, felicia :D I would take a piece!!!!

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  3. you.are.hilarious. "the only thing making you 'fat' and 'ugly' is your attitude." preach it sister!!
    you're amazing for giving up that blood money. i totally would have pocketed it and bought some shoes.

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  4. ok...#1..you have got to be kidding me, so here's the story: last night i am walking bama and i find 30 francs on the ground! a 20 and a 10! i'm like SCORE!! then i was telling my friend today and he's like, "it's probably some poor 12 year old who has saved up all summer for that" and then i was like, well..whatever. and then today i walked back by there and there was sidewalk chalk all over..which means...IT WAS TOTALLY A LITTLE 12 YEAR OLDS MONEY THAT I TOOK! but i'm keeping it. the end.

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  5. I certainly am done apologizing and justifying the food that I eat. I need food to survive, it is neither a reward nor a punishment. It is what it is and I don't need to justify what I do or do not eat. The End!!

    Hope that wasn't too ranty. I found $10 in the parking lot at work and after asking around and seeing that no one wanted to own up to owning it, it bought James and I a delicious Little Caesar's supper. :)

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  6. I found $40 on the ground in one day too (at a mall parking lot and then later at a concert parking lot)... I bought me and my buddy's beers at the concert. :) But your idea was good too.

    And if you haven't seen/heard of Taylor the Latte Boy, here you go! http://youtu.be/zXS0nEOx_20

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  7. #1. A friend of mine once found $10,000 in a suitcase on a NYC street. This was the '80s, so you pretty much knew what that was. Tony Montana no doubt was lurking nearby. As I recall, she kept it, instead of giving it to the NYC cops. Blood money? Maybe. But it paid her rent for a year. If you ask me, its ok to pay blood rent with blood money.

    #2. Drooling over the opposite sex at a cafe...very nice! Its not just for creepy middle age men who live near major college campuses. Hypothetically.

    #4. I've taken to carrying around one of those clorox pencils with me. I have so many stains it looks like I have seizures. It way impresses the ladies.

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  8. Haha! Love this list. However, I don't know if I'd feel bad about finding $4. In fact, I'd see it as karma! Because I'm sure some bills have fallen out of my pocket from time to time. This would be the money finding it's way back!

    It's perfectly acceptable to see it this way :)

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  9. If you have never seen "Airplane!" you should.

    Because you might have a drinking problem.

    Sometimes I do.

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