11.16.2011

The Downside and Upside to Being Pure of Heart

I've always failed at bluffing.

Any card game that requires a well-told lie I can never play well. My opponent sees right through my supposed rigid upper lip. A smile always breaks and I am found out.

Times that I've tried to lie, I've always ended up telling the truth. This is the result of a strong conscience, a good dose of Catholic guilt, and an uneasiness I get in my stomach when I'm doing the wrong thing.

My heart is pure.

The downside to this is that I welcome a lot of people into my heart, to take up a room and make a home there. This sometimes invites the sleaziest of people, who have no other intentions but servicing their own wants. I am left crushed and wondering what went wrong, why I ever trusted them, and how I didn't see their true character before.

The upside is that, ultimately, I attract others who are pure of heart. We find each other through the mess of vultures, thieves and crooks that hungrily surround. I have a good list of pure-of-hearters that have been my friends for years now. They've stuck it out through the ugly and the heart-breaking.

And how do you find a pure-of-hearter?

Easy. By how they treat others. More importantly, how they treat others when things are not going their way. I've seen plenty of seemingly good people turn vicious and bloodsucking when the "world is coming down" on them. They blame everyone else for their troubles, which frequently, they have caused themselves.

It's almost a curse, this honest heart of mine. But then again I wouldn't, couldn't live another way.

"How did they find me here
What do they want from me
All of these vultures hiding
Right outside my door
I hear them whispering
They're trying to ride it out
Cause they've never gone this long
Without a kill before...

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me, testing me..."

5 comments:

  1. "Then again I wouldn't, couldn't live another way." Exactly.

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  2. That's a pretty bold statement, Ashley.

    D.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It came from a bold (er) place.

    :)

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  4. Those are wonderful qualities. Your momma raised you right.

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  5. It's so wonderful that you are like that, and amidst the rubble you have found others like yourself :)

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