Justin, I Still Love You...Even Though You Straighten Your Hair

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I felt like it was about time that I offer my views on Justin's new music. I am, after all, a part of his inner circle.

Let me be quite honest about "Suit and Tie." Justin--this really is just a B-Side single. It doesn't have the pizazz of "My Love," the innovation of "Sexy Back," and the sophistication of "Cry Me a River." It's not your best effort. You can add all the A-List rappers you want to spruce it up, it will still be just okay. "Mirrors," is better; however, it's instantly reminiscent of stuff you've done before. 

My greatest fear is that this new album of yours will just be an extension of the magnificent Future Sex/Love Sounds. I always thought of that album as your Off the Wall moment. Of course, this means the following album should have been your Thriller. I'm not quite sure we're heading in that direction, and maybe that's too much pressure to put on one artist...but it's because I believe in you, kid! 

Now, I still have faith in you. I've heard "Pusher Love Girl," which is Motown-infused and thus wins my heart. I have yet to hear the other tracks and I still believe you're going to bring us something magnificent. And there's something to be said for hearing real instruments on the radio again, not just techno-infused dance numbers. 

So, this is not your Thriller, but I will say I'm thrilled to hear the rest. Quite honestly, you could put out an album of belching and hand-clapping, and I'd still love it, I'm sure. So put on that Suit and Tie, and shake your booty something fierce. We all like it when you do that. But seriously, Justin--stop straightening your hair.