It's been about a month since I've been back in the USA and away from London. Things have gotten better--in that, I'm having good days and appreciating the sun. Every now and again, I get a pang of sadness over London and an urge to hop on a plane and head back over.
This is a good thing, this pain I'm feeling over leaving. It shows that I had a year of love, extreme growth, community and fulfilment. We're always the saddest over saying goodbye to the things we love the most. Sometimes, I shed a few tears over the people I left behind, people that made me smile and laugh and really appreciate the very best of London. Laura and Dave, my two closest friends abroad, I surely miss the most. I wish I could phone them up and meet them for a pint at pub quiz. It's heartbreaking not to be able to do so...but I soldier on, knowing I'll see them again someday.
I think the thing to gather from my year abroad is that we, as people, are never really stuck. I was having the worst year before I left for England. I then spontaneously applied for grad school abroad. My worst year was thus followed by my best year yet. It won't be the last 'best year yet,' because I'll always remember that it was my doing. I changed my circumstance and I made that amazing year happen. God gives us the power to do such things; we are never imprisoned unless we choose to be.
My future is my choice. If I choose to stay in California, I'll have a beautiful life here. If I choose to one day go back to London, I'll cherish my time there. It's not too "rose-colored" to think in such a positive way, because I already made it happen once. I am a realistic dreamer. I make my dreams happen in a realistic manner.
To London, I'll love you always, and I know I'll see you again. And with that, it's time to start moving on...on to happier days.
This is a good thing, this pain I'm feeling over leaving. It shows that I had a year of love, extreme growth, community and fulfilment. We're always the saddest over saying goodbye to the things we love the most. Sometimes, I shed a few tears over the people I left behind, people that made me smile and laugh and really appreciate the very best of London. Laura and Dave, my two closest friends abroad, I surely miss the most. I wish I could phone them up and meet them for a pint at pub quiz. It's heartbreaking not to be able to do so...but I soldier on, knowing I'll see them again someday.
I think the thing to gather from my year abroad is that we, as people, are never really stuck. I was having the worst year before I left for England. I then spontaneously applied for grad school abroad. My worst year was thus followed by my best year yet. It won't be the last 'best year yet,' because I'll always remember that it was my doing. I changed my circumstance and I made that amazing year happen. God gives us the power to do such things; we are never imprisoned unless we choose to be.
My future is my choice. If I choose to stay in California, I'll have a beautiful life here. If I choose to one day go back to London, I'll cherish my time there. It's not too "rose-colored" to think in such a positive way, because I already made it happen once. I am a realistic dreamer. I make my dreams happen in a realistic manner.
To London, I'll love you always, and I know I'll see you again. And with that, it's time to start moving on...on to happier days.
Ok, apparently it took me a month or so after returning to blogging to return to reading blogs, but the benefit is I've just spent an afternoon catching up on your end-of-school year adventures!
ReplyDeleteRe: homesickness (for the new home)... it sucks. I'm glad you're starting to feel better. You're so lucky anyway that you have great friends (and are from a pretty great place, although it's hard to see that when you're missing another, I know). Just remember you can ALWAYS leave, whether for vacation or to live. I remember feeling so stuck one year in Vancouver... I'd come back from Glasgow completely broke, plus dumped and heartbroken and whatnot, but I did finally drag myself out of there, after a calendar year, and that's when I moved to Barcelona the first time.
And if you discover you're happy staying in your hometown... that's something really lovely and enviable too! (Shame about the Public Transport though) ;)
Thanks Em, I really appreciate your comment because you've been through it!
DeleteI'm not really there yet Ashley... but yeah, cheers to that! x
ReplyDeleteI have my days where I don't feel so optimistic. But yeah, you were gone for 2 years! Which makes it doubly hard!
DeletePerfectly written girl. I'm sure you experience roller coaster days. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! I am happy that year in London turned out so fabulous for you!
ReplyDeleteI think it sounds like you have ended up in a good place, what ever is next is in your control
ReplyDeleteYou are a lucky girl to have problems such as these!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wise up and realize this very fact!
Deletei love your attitude, you are so wise...about it all being your own making, that is so true!
ReplyDeletemy friend is hopping on a plane to london today, so jealous.
in other news though, did you read about that massive ton of fat conglomeration thing that was found in the sewers there?
I'm glad you're feeling better about it. Sometimes, all it takes is a little time. It probably helps a little to get out there and experience some of the aspects of San Diego that you may have taken for granted before!
ReplyDeletequeue scene:
ReplyDeletebackground: needle drops on VU's Who Loves the Sun
begin comment:
It just felt appropriate. It's a good scene anyway. Ha. Anyway ... you've definitely got your own path even though it may not always be as straight or defined as you may want or feel you need. It's so good to see you embracing your life this way. Awesome is all I can say. Cheers to you!
I think I should go watch some HF now for some therapy!
DeleteGreat post... WE definitely miss those that we miss the most! Great attitude!
ReplyDelete