So as I am delving into this whole 'Teaching in Turkey' idea, it's becoming more slap-me-in-the-face real. Which is exciting, yes. But I hate to say this...it also scares the hell outta me.
I didn't know I was such a scaredy-cat.
This might sound soooooo ridiculous to you all, but I've never lived away from my parents. Yeah, I've lived in different houses than my parents, but I haven't lived more than 20-freakin'-minutes away from mommy and daddy.
The one bad scenario that I've been playing is my head is, I go to Turkey, I have a jolly time, then I find out that one of my parents has passed away. Of course, I feel guilt.
I know this sounds extremely negative and morbid, but I think about death more often after my dad had cancer 3 years ago. It is more of a prevalent entity in my life. And it's not just my dad, my mom had me when she was 44. That puts her in her late 60s now. My whole life, I've always thought about the possibility of losing my mom earlier than others.
Now the other side of this coin...I know, and YOU know and my PARENTS know that this shouldn't stop my dreams. What am I gonna do, never leave home, so to speak? Out of fear? No, no, no...I won't be going down like that.
Isn't it funny that I'm not scared of living in a foreign place? (Cause that's the fun part!). I'm just scared of leaving my family.
So I'm in the place where, yes, I'd like to still move forward with this. But I have a little anxiety about the whole thing. I think that's normal. Really, I just wanted to release some of that anxiety here, by talking about it.
So, penny for your thoughts? (I pretty much know what you'll say, so say it).
Your right, it is terrifying. But your parent's broadest moment is to know that you have grown up into a successful independent adult (like you already are). And God will never lead you where he can't protect you!
ReplyDeleteI went to live in the States for a year when I was 18. Thinking about it now scares the heck outta me. But I did it and it was the best thing I could have done.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm 31 and I think I would have a very hard time just leaving my family again. So, do it while you're still young! This is your chance to really do your thing, live your life and become even more open towards other people and cultures.
... Always keep in mind that we live in the age of communication. You can be thousands of miles away and a text message from your cell phone to your parents' cell phone takes a second to arrive. You can call your parents for a few cents a minute or even for free over the internet. You can even see them everyday using Skype. And finally ... whenever something happens, you're back in the States in a few hours. Sure, that's a matter of money, but there's always a way. Do it! What's the saying? "Leap and the net will appear!"
Darn it! Sorry 'bout the rant. I just feel a bit passionate about convincing people to experience other cultures' everyday life.... :-/
ReplyDeleteYou two are right, and really I just wanted to hear some reinforcement :)
ReplyDeleteHey Ellen...when are you going to post again? :P
I had this same fear in my early 20's, I think a lot of people do. But you need take your life into your own hands and live it for yourself. It's ok to be selfish right now. Your parents probably want the same for you, AND them!
ReplyDeletei think you said it all in the title. so, yeah, hit the road, get going, move on, skedaddle ...
ReplyDeleteI have the same fear about being so far from my family, but that gets easier. As for the other fears, I think you have to measure for yourself whether they are things you'll work through or things you really can't handle. But, really, absolute worst case scenario, you go over and it's not what you expected and you don't like it, so you come home. That's what happened to me when I first moved away from home. I tried it again four years later and loved it, though.
ReplyDeleteI hate to feed into your fear that you might lose your parents, but I can't help but think of my friend/ex Dan became an orphan at 19 or 20. And both were really unexpected. It popped into my head right away.
ReplyDeleteBut like Ellen said, you can use Skype and whatnot to keep in touch. At this point in time technology brings you close even when you're halfway around the world. And I agree, now is a good time to do this sort of thing. I have a friend from school who has been kind of held back because she had a kid about a year after graduating. The whole moving wherever the job takes her thing isn't as easy as it would have been before she had her son.
Go for it now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to take this sort of opportunity.
I think you know what I'm going to say. Need I say it? ;) Oh well if you insist...
ReplyDeleteI often find that when I come up with a really good plan I freak myself out by thinking about the negatives too much, and then don't do the thing because I've talked myself out of it. Stupid, isn't it? It's one of my greatest faults (there are many; this is neither the time nor place).
Having done the States for a year, Malaysia for four months, and being the regular little jet-setter I am, I know the fear, and I know the wonder, and I know the immense sense of accomplishment and pride, not to mention the pure joy. But why listen to me ramble on about how much I loved my adventures and how much I want them to continue? Find out for yourself.
It is scary, it's terrifying being away without your support system, and yes, thinking that anything could happen is terrifying. But then isn't that also amazing?
David asked me the other day, 'who are you?' and after a long ramble about my past and events that have happened to me I came to the conclusion that I don't know, and it's all a journey of discovery, and I think that this move for you is your journey of discovery. Take the leap and discover who you are, Ash - the falling may be scary, but I know you and you'll land on your feet just fine, and it'll be amazing =) Be brave and whatever decision you end up making you have amazing family and friends who are all behind you 100%.
Jax x
I would be terrified, too. But it's a good kind of terror.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious - what do your parents have to say about it?
ReplyDeleteI have never moved away from my parents. My dad is completely disabled and my mom doesn't make much money. I've stuck around all these years to help them out. So I understand the guilt of not wanting to leave, even though many people have told me that I need to find my own life and not worry about them.
Americans have a culture of independence. In other cultures, families stick close together and help each other. Which is better, I don't know.
So I say: pray about it and go whichever direction the LORD is leading you. Because if it's of the Lord, then you needn't fear. And whichever way it may be -- who cares what anybody else thinks!! You have to do what you feel is right. It may be to stay, or it may be to go.
D.
Don't feel that your particular fear is invalid just because of what society pushes on us! I resonate with that fear actually, but I know that Turkey is a desire of your heart, I know that you love your parents very deeply and I know that you know, that Gd is in control.
ReplyDeleteDo what you have to do sister. But remember that Gd is good, and when you seek Him first, goodness will follow you...
<3!!
Ashley, welcome to the wonderful world of anxiety and fear of the things we cannot control. It's something I deal with far to often and the fear you are feeling is normal! :) But like my "special books" tell me...DO IT!! You might grow to regret not going for it. I truly think you will blossom if given the chance, you need this change! I will miss you like heck, but I will be full of happiness! Just make sure you get Skype so we can chat...oh and I will just have to come visit!!!
ReplyDeleteXOXO Pug Angel
Your mom is 44! Holy cow.
ReplyDeleteI vote that you do it! It's your life, and I'm sure your parents would want you to do what's best for you, instead of constantly fretting about them.
no her mom is not 44! Re-read please haha
ReplyDelete-Pug Angel