It's two in the morning and I just got back from picking up a friend from the hospital for alcohol poisoning.
And man do I feel like a jerk.
Because she's been having a rough time lately and I didn't even know. And you know why that is? Because I've been so wrapped up in myself lately that I haven't even asked her how she's been.
Dude. Here I've been, complaining about my life, saying that I've been bored and uninspired...blah, blah, blah. WELL NO WONDER!!!! There are people to help and friends to check up on that NEED HELP and all I have been doing is looking out for me me me these past few months.
No wonder I've been feeling down. Because throughout my life, I've always felt the most alive when I am helping someone else. Why have I been just looking out for me all this time?
And GOD, I could have lost a friend tonight, and I would have been crushed...when was the last time I've asked her how she's doing, anyways? THANK THE LORD someone called the ambulance for her.
This is a kick in the butt, to remember the reason for my life. Not for me--but for God and others. My purpose is not to make me happy. Because trying to live for just me doesn't make me happy.
I know that I can't fix broken people; rather, that is the job of a supreme being. I can, however, help a broken person stand up, and give them a shoulder to hold onto. I'll be praying tonight.
Oh sweetheart, you know what? Don't be too hard on yourself, because sometimes you do get wrapped up in what's going on with you, and that's totally natural. Especially after having a really awesome trip. But a good wake-up call to remember the things that are important to you is not a bad thing. Just don't forget your dreams as well, because they're a part of what makes you happy, and if you leave them unfulfilled then you're forever going to have that little 'what if' nagging away at you.
ReplyDeleteJust a few jumbled bits and bobs to think about =) Hope your friend is okay though, and thinking of you massively. Love!
Jax x
I felt that way a few days ago. The past month has been basically me complaining about how sad and broken I am and that I don't know if I'll ever truly love again, etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd then I read on another blog (a woman from Maine) that she just lost her mother after a month's long battle with cancer.
Then I felt like all my problems were so insignificant compared to something of that magnitude, and I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a family member.
But then you have to remember that everyone has their problems, and although we can't be too self-centered, sometimes we do need a little time just for ourselves.