I was having a conversation about this "being in my twenties" business with an older, wiser co-worker of mine. Sometimes the pressure of everyone else seemingly knowing what the hell they're doing brings out insecurities within me. But I know better: most people my age don't really know what they're doing. There's a lot of pretending going on, but not a lot of knowing.
I turned to Dani, my coworker, and said "I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know anything."
"Of course you don't. You're 26. You're not supposed to know anything. I'm 40, and I still don't know that much," Dani replied.
It felt good acknowledging this feeling of not knowing jack shit. Furthermore, it felt even better realizing that it's okay to not know jack shit. I'M IN MY TWENTIES! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! Alright, so maybe you are in your twenties and you feel like you know a lot. But you and I are different. Every experience is unique to one's own path. Right now, I am quite content with being the student, not the teacher. And why the heck was I trying to be the teacher before?
So Sunday, I had a day of driving and self-reflection. By the way, "Dry the Rain" by the Beta Band may be one of the best driving songs in the world (thanks High Fidelity).
I let go of my pseudo-plans that day, cause I'm trying to practice this whole 'letting life happen' mentality. Baby steps. It felt so very euphoric to follow the breeze and drive down random streets. And it hit me, life is sweet. Planning life too much makes everything stagnant and mediocre. Too often, I miss out on the sweetness of life because I'm not paying attention to where I am. I often try to recreate the past, or build the future. When am I ever trying to just be in the here and now?
It's cliche, I know. But it's one thing to know something and it's another to live something.
And that also means living through every emotion, even the ones that don't include a smile or laugh. Because those times where you are sobbing so hard it weighs out your thoughts, or you're so angry you want to throw a brick through a pane of glass--those emotions are sweet as well, for they bring clarity.
So I'm gonna try and live the sweet life more often, no matter where I am. La Dolce Vita, indeed.
life IS sweet. and going with the flow is the best. here's to being in our twenties and not knowing anything!!! life's better that way.
ReplyDeletemint chocolate chip is pretty good, but does NOT COMPAREEEEEeee.
hear hear!
ReplyDeleteWell I think it's clear that I know nothing. "If you even knew that you know nothing, that would be something. But you don't." I say nothing, except that The Three EPs are three of the greatest recordings evah! And it makes for a mighty nice 'I know' scene.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I have been going through the same thing! It's crazy that we are expected to know what we want to do when we turn 18 and enter uni. I'm 23, still studying, and still have no clue :p but it's all good; we'll all end up where we're supposed to eventually :)
ReplyDeleteI feel ya. My frustration is more that I know what I want to do, but I've been having trouble getting started. I'm floundering in part time retail, begging someone to let me start my career.
ReplyDeleteThat's fantastic that you know what you want, Coley. I wish I was more in that place...but there I go again, trying to control :)
ReplyDeleteI think because you know what you want and you feel passionate about it, the money will soon follow...keep on keepin' on!
I love this post so much, Ashley! I'm beginning to accept that this life thing? A part of it is not understanding where we're supposed to be someday. That's the exciting part of this time of our lives...the unknown is so limitless. And quite frankly? I love not knowing where I'm supposed to be or WHO I'm supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteVery inspirational!
ReplyDeleteAt 47 here is my perspective. You never figure out everything. You try to figure out the few things that are most important, and don't get all worked up over the stuff you don't know. And be the master of your domain. Bali Hai!
ReplyDeleteI believe you never fully figure out everything...and I also believe that's the beauty of it all. :) I think. ;)
ReplyDeletexoxo
I certainly don't have it all (or anything) figured out yet. I suppose that half the fun is figuring it out?
ReplyDeleteSuch a great title to your blog. Oh, sometimes, its best not to have it figured out. Just think of surprises in store for you. Keep smiling.
ReplyDeleteIts best to have that perspective. Nothing like being around a co-worker who knows everything.
ReplyDeleteI try to live by this everyday - living the sweet life. Though, I'm constantly making plans. Of course, things never go according to plan, so it's always useless. Kind of a vicious cycle, I guess.
ReplyDeleteGreat way of looking at life :)
ReplyDelete