I was having a conversation about this "being in my twenties" business with an older, wiser co-worker of mine. Sometimes the pressure of everyone else seemingly knowing what the hell they're doing brings out insecurities within me. But I know better: most people my age don't really know what they're doing. There's a lot of pretending going on, but not a lot of knowing.
I turned to Dani, my coworker, and said "I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know anything."
"Of course you don't. You're 26. You're not supposed to know anything. I'm 40, and I still don't know that much," Dani replied.
It felt good acknowledging this feeling of not knowing jack shit. Furthermore, it felt even better realizing that it's okay to not know jack shit. I'M IN MY TWENTIES! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! Alright, so maybe you are in your twenties and you feel like you know a lot. But you and I are different. Every experience is unique to one's own path. Right now, I am quite content with being the student, not the teacher. And why the heck was I trying to be the teacher before?
So Sunday, I had a day of driving and self-reflection. By the way, "Dry the Rain" by the Beta Band may be one of the best driving songs in the world (thanks High Fidelity).
I let go of my pseudo-plans that day, cause I'm trying to practice this whole 'letting life happen' mentality. Baby steps. It felt so very euphoric to follow the breeze and drive down random streets. And it hit me, life is sweet. Planning life too much makes everything stagnant and mediocre. Too often, I miss out on the sweetness of life because I'm not paying attention to where I am. I often try to recreate the past, or build the future. When am I ever trying to just be in the here and now?
It's cliche, I know. But it's one thing to know something and it's another to live something.
And that also means living through every emotion, even the ones that don't include a smile or laugh. Because those times where you are sobbing so hard it weighs out your thoughts, or you're so angry you want to throw a brick through a pane of glass--those emotions are sweet as well, for they bring clarity.
So I'm gonna try and live the sweet life more often, no matter where I am. La Dolce Vita, indeed.