Big Fat (Turkish) Wedding

Let's dive into some Turkish posts, shall we?

Honestly, Turkey is so misunderstood, but I'll write about that another time. This is the time for happier things: my beautiful cousin's wedding.

Begüm (my cousin) and I realized we were liked-minded early on. We commend each other on thinking outside the box and being damn proud of it. Plus, she's always been such an inspiration to me--she's about to release an English version of her best-selling book in Turkey. Retitled in English, it's called "Simple" -- a book on the simple life. I'll let you all know when that English version drops.

Beyond celebrating my cousin, I wanted to show you all a side of Istanbul you possibly didn't know about. A fashionable place. A hip place. One that makes me smile real big with how warm and beautiful it is. My first travel love.

So onto some more pictures of the wedding venue and wedding in general:

Honestly, this is one of the best days I can remember! Congrats to Begüm and Ozan!

P.S. Here's the wedding video for those that are really curious:

THE WEDDING | BEGÜM & OZAN from IDIL ERGUN on Vimeo.

Reemergence of Self:

When your personality and heart come shining through again after a rough patch. When that spark behind your eyes turns into a fire. When the strength floods back into your veins, pumping ferociously, jolting you out of bed. When you wake up in the morning and you smile. All because you know this life is yours to create--this life is YOURS, period. 

***

What a difference a week makes! When you mindfully and purposefully take a week off from thinking of other people and make YOURSELF the priority, it's interesting how your view of the world completely changes. 

I've been very reflective this week about everything: life, that guy, my tears, my right to have those tears, and how to become myself again. Even in one week's time, I feel a LOT like the old Ashley. She was lying dormant for far too long, and she's having a fucking parade celebrating the Reemergence of Self. 

I know I still have work to do, but it's funny how taking the first step toward loving myself has made all the difference.  

Quote of the Day

Obviously I'm in a self-reflective, sharing, creative mood! And so, this quote to inspire your lovely minds on a Friday:

Saying Goodbye, Wine, and Michelle Branch

I've been replaying Michelle Branch's "Goodbye to You" today. The reason is threefold:

1. I love her. Can she please make more music? And no more country crossover, Michelle!!!
2. "Goodbye to You" was an unusually good song for the time, and for such a young artist. It's classic.
3. I told the guy from this post that I needed some major space and we're not to see each other until I give the go ahead.

Letting go, indefinitely, of someone you really care for is heart-wrenching. Despite romantic feelings, he is a best friend, a confidant, a trusted 'NY family' member. But what's more important than all of that is my emotional well-being. Since I wrote the above post, I tried to keep him in my life, but change my outlook on him.

That failed.

And that's because I'm human. You can attempt to outsmart your feelings, but your feelings are not tied to your brain, they are tied to something much more primal. I knew I needed space, but tried to hold on. I had given too much of myself to him over a year. Thus, I began to become quite angsty. I was taking my anger out on the people around me that had nothing to do with the situation. I was pushing people away. I was becoming a nuisance.

Once I realized this, I started to profusely apologize to those around me. I cried and said sorry and made amends. And finally, today, I made the one change that was needed--I said goodbye (for now). I'm not sure how long goodbye is, but I needed to say it.

In the last argument I had with this guy, as I looked up at him with tear soaked eyes, he said in frustration to me "You're going to get mad at me for saying this, but you're young." He meant that I was naive. I realized at that moment he didn't understand my pain, but finally, I didn't need him to. The thing is, we all become a little young when we're really hurt, when we really love, when we really feel. We become more in tune with our inner child. I'll take young over being jaded, which is his outlook on life.

So as I sit here, drinking my wine, listening to Michelle, I carry on with the knowledge that I gave it my all. My whole heart was in it--my young, extremely loving, forgiving heart. I do believe I'll see him again. When I do, I'll have regained my strength because I chose to use my very loving heart to love me instead.

It's Time to Make Time

You may have noticed I haven't been around much.

That's all because I'm moving house, my personal life feels in disarray, and I have lots of worries about Turkey (I'll blog about this later). All of this has been STRESSING ME OUT LIKE NO OTHER. Of course, it's silly of me not to blog during this time, because writing out my obsessive thoughts most definitely de-stresses me. So, how frustrating that I've hardly had any time to do the one thing that can actually help!

The truth is, I need to make the time. Allowing surmounting thoughts to take over my mind, without utilizing my my best tool for unloading them is just plain stupid, for lack of a better word.

I mustn't forget my writer's soul. I mustn't forget to use my best weapon, the pen. 

So let me write out some calming things to help my over-analytical, CRAZY brain calm down (maybe they can help you too if you're feeling the same).

1. I am loved. I must stop taking things personally and let jealousy and frustration go. Since I am super stressed at this time, my relationships are suffering a tad, but they will be okay. It's fine that I'm not an easy breezy girl at the moment. There's always so much pressure to be the "fun girl." Well you know what? I'm the STRESSED GIRL right now, and it's fine. No one is going to leave me because of it.

2. Everything is working out fine. I might think I know what is going to happen in the future (which always seems to have some disastrous, fiery end), but I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. I must let go of my need to control situations, and just let them be. Things have worked out fine thus far; and actually, they are working out better than fine, so why do I default to the negative when thinking about the future?

3. I am strong. But seriously, I am one STRONG bad ass lady who takes care of her friends, gets her work done (well), and looks pretty cute while doing it. I need to start taking care of myself, though, because that has been slipping by the wayside.

Okay...and BREAAAAATHE. It's time to make time for me, because this little life is more than just *a little* valuable.

Question to you: What have you been doing to de-stress? Have you been taking the proper time for yourself? Has anxiety been taking over your life of late?