My love will rip a whole through the ceiling, bitches.

Every now and then, I find a song that totally takes over my body, and stops me in my steps. It's like a possession of sorts, a possession that I don't want exorcised.

Have you guys heard of Matisyahu? Well, here's a picture of the dude:

Alright........so he's Jewish, if you didn't notcie. Like, hardcore Jewish. And the first time I heard his song, I happened to also be watching the video. What was my first (stupid) reaction to this guy? Basically, that this was going to be hilarious, and this was some type of joke, or even some type of ploy. It's sad how sometimes I fall into the gap of making generalizations so easily.

Well, anyway, I spent about 10 seconds laughing at the thought of this Jewish kid singing reggae (yes, reggae), and then, THEN...I actually listened to the music and the lyrics.

My reaction? It was beautiful. A lyrical masterpiece with soaring guitars and gorgeous vocals surrounding every lyric. I loved it. And I love it still. And I've been overplaying it.

Here are some of the lyrics:

What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
I give myself to you now from the essence of my being
And I sing to my God songs of love and healing
I want Mashiach now, time we start revealing

...Strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high then you're bound to stay low
You want God but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the waters and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from God you say he couldn't be found
Looking up to the sky and searching beneath the ground
Like a King without a crown
Yes I want to get down
Like a King without a crown
I keep fallin' down

Even if you're not religious, at all, you can still recognize how lyrically beautiful this song is. And usually religious songs almost ALWAYS come out cheesy. But this one didn't. This guy has real talent, and a real sense for music.

But onto the religious side of it, I love it for what it has to say. Especially because I've been, well, disconnected from religion for awhile.

It's not like I stopped believing in God. That never happened. But as far as going to church and participating? Yeah, that stopped.

And I'll tell you why--because whenever I went to church in the past, I never did the driving. It was never me who wanted to go to church. I still got someting out of it, but it was after I was, essentially, forced to go. And I'm not trying to make my parents out to be tyrants--because they actually believe in the word, and simply wanted to share it with me.

When I left for college, that's when the disconnection began. That's because it became my choice.

Also, I was ashamed. I was ashamed of those people who called themselves Christian, or religious, and then condemned people who were gay...or people who weren't like them. And didn't they know???? Religion isn't about excluding other people, it was about loving other people--ALL people. And even our self-righteous president did this. And that pissed me off the most! How can you be a represntation of the American people and tell the nation you're gonna ban gay marriage any way possible? That made me utterly sick to my stomach. Why would I want to associate myself with "Christians" if this is how "Christians" acted.

And so I seperated myself.

********

But lately, I've been interested again. And it's been on my own. And part of it is thanks to songs like "King Without a Crown." Because that is the type religion that I always dreamed of--one that sings of love and acceptance, not hate. And there are people who act and feel the way I do...it's just a matter of sifting throught the bad eggs to find the golden ones.

I want to feel connected to God on my own accord, in my own way. Not the way that someone tells me to. I want to feel connected through song and through feeling...not preaching.

Religion and Spiritualism are seperate words for a reason--and I'm finding that out now.