Unlikely Ways to Meet Friends and Comrades

It happens when I'm walking downtown, frequenting a ritzy coffee shop or buying an overpriced sandwich, that I see a homeless woman or man sleeping on the side of the street. In this moment my heart breaks in two.

So many missions and humanitarian efforts focus their attention overseas. This is valid, but the poverty before us should not be walked around and treated as an inconvenience on the side of the road.

My biggest pet peeve is the dismissal of all homeless as crazy, self-centered addicts who lack discipline. The difference between some of the addicts on the street and Lindsay Lohan is that not everyone can afford to blow millions at rehab centers in Malibu. Sure, some of the homeless have addictions, but who among us is not addicted to something? Why is the CEO who is greedy for money somehow praised as a go-getter who has his head on straight? Why are some addictions acceptable and others taboo?

It's been too long since I've ventured out to feed the homeless. And frankly, I haven't done it enough. But every time I've "braved the streets" to talk with those sitting on the side of the road, I've been more than pleasantly surprised. Tales of broken hearts and lives taking wrong turns are shared, and I find that these people are just like me, with the same everlasting hope for a better life. And soon I find I'm conversing with an old buddy who's also dying to take the next plane to Italy, who wishes on the same star as I do, who would kill for a gourmet cup of coffee. I've found a comrade who just happens to have less privilege than me.

I've got to get out there again. Too often I talk about doing grand and lofty things, then get caught up in my own sorrows or distractions and never do it. But as MLK Jr. says, "One of the great tragedies of life is that men seldom bridge the gulf between practice and profession, between doing and saying. A persistent schizophrenia leaves so many of us tragically divided against ourselves."

Everyone reaches this conclusion sooner or later: we are connected in our humanness, no matter our station in life. Our tears, our laughter, our sadness, our pain are all common. We are one. When we do not help one another we engage in the deadening of society, the wilting of our hearts, the shutting down of our souls.

Awake, children. Help your brother. Help your sister. Help your friend.

It's in the Music, Man.

I went to a street fair over the weekend, which provided plenty of live music.

Pretty sure listening to live music is my favorite way to spend the day, as I can do just that for hours and forget all about time and space and even reality. Music is transcendent in that way, no?

And oh gosh, when you find a musician that makes your blood bubble up inside of you to the point of explosion, in where you feel the tears welling up behind your eyes because so many emotions are running through your system, you're simply gonna burst--I love that. I. love. that.

It is in that moment where I think God has come down to meet me on earth, because nothing else matters in those minutes but you and this supernatural experience.

I haphazardly tried to take a video of one of the local artists, but this never works out well--the quaint camera on my phone can only provide so much quality, and the experience is thus downgraded. Still, I'll post one video of Trevor Davis, an artist who brings up all those emotions I mentioned. I love it when I see passion unfolding on stage, and how it makes me realize my own passions. That is true art. This is not one of his original songs, but a cover was all I could record, as I deemed it necessary to put my phone away for the rest of the show and just listen. Listen to my heartbeat, listen to his voice, listen to the guitar and listen to my humanness. Yes.

She knew where to look.

A poem to God from Mirabai, an Indian princess from the 1500s:

Do not leave me alone, a helpless woman. My strength, my crown, I am empty of virtues, You, the ocean of them. My heart's music, you help me In my world-crossing. You protected the king of the elephants. You dissolve the fear of the terrified. Where can I go? Save my honour For I have dedicated myself to you And now there is no one else for me. And one more line that spoke to me. Straight to the heart, with a bullet. "Deign to sever, O Master.

All the knots in her heart."

I have a lot of knots that need untangling, er...or severing. Yeah, that's the more awesome option.

Finding Peace on a Sunday

Ah, Sundays, mi amor. I love Sundays because they are a rebirth of a new week.

I always get my best ideas on Sundays.

This Sunday has been about remembering that God is still there despite my absentmindedness in regards to Him. I read, and then he speaks to me, a gentle nudging from the pit of my stomach.

"Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind...Better what the eye sees than the roving of the appetite" --Ecclesiastes

My translation: Everything I need is right here with me. Trouble (or toil) is so very easy to chase, because it is flashy, desirable and leaves one wanting. But does it ever fulfill? Give me peace and tranqulity every day of the week. It is all about appreciating what I have, and not lusting about the horizon and its hazy shapes of nothing.

Please, please, always give me peace.

The Way God Intended It

I find this picture extremely beautiful...

credit

It is a picture of Christians protecting Muslims during their prayers (in Egypt, I believe).

I love this. It is beyond words.

Favorite Thing Thursday: Big Daddy

Who's your daddy?

The only answer should be God, the ultimate "Big Daddy." My favorite thing pick of the week today is God. YES, as in the one theological being that created everything.

DISCLAIMER: I don't always talk about my faith here, but it is a big part of me. I don't like to cram religious ideas down peoples' throats; however, days like today I feel refreshed and inspired by God, and it's only natural to share something that moves me. Whether it be Justin Timberlake, chocolate, coffee or God, I have no choice but to share what makes my heart beat with utter joy. And seeing as God created ALL of those things, I think he deserves his own post. God is a favorite thing of mine.

I'm not going to ramble on and on about theology, doctrine, rules and regulations; rather, I want to talk about the very core of my religious belief. That being, I've found that a life without God is no life at all.

A favorite pastor of mine, Erwin McManus, has a quote that perpetuates that thought. He says, "We weren't created to exist, but to live."

In other words, too many of us are the walking dead, accepting to only exist in a mundane cycle we call life. I fall back into that cycle all too often.

The true breath of life lies with God, and I'm trying to breathe it in.

To end, here is a song that somehow fits in with this post and my ideas about life and God. Enjoy :)

Erwin, you really are an inspiration.

Ahhhh...cannot. contain. my excitement. must share.

*catches breath*

Sorry. I just watched this excellent excellent excellent sermon on doing what you're created for, from Erwin McManus. If you have any time at all today, I encourage you to watch it.

Here is the link, scroll down the page to the video player, and watch the first video on the right side, titled "Maximize Your Strength."

I love this pastor because he is so very poetry-driven. There is an elegance to what he says and it totally inspires the writers' soul. From one writer to the next, enjoy :)

Update on C.A.R.E.

As I walked back to my car after helping Linette (the cancer patient), I had a huge smile on my face and a few tears as well.

Linette is going through Ovarian Cancer and at the same time, going through tons of chemo. She was rail thin, and surprisingly, pretty young--I wanna say in her late 40s.

I did simple everyday things for her that we take for granted, but she is too weak to do herself right now: made her a piece of toast, put on a cup of tea, watered her plants, and helped her clean.

There were definitely certain sights that were hard to witness, stuff that I won't elaborate on; however, I wasn't afraid. Like I said, I prayed about it...and anytime I felt weak (the sight of needles make we wanna pass out sometimes) I just said a quick "HELP ME GOD!" in my head.

Of course, I ended up learning that Linette was the one with vast inner strength, and I admire that about her, as well as her wit and charm. (She kept apologizing for the "stank" and ended up calling me ASH--in all caps cause she said it with gusto!--by the end of an hour).

That's all it took! A measly hour of my time made a big difference for someone else. Of course I told her, "When you are better, let's go to church!" And I truly feel optimistic that she will get better. But the frightful truth of this ministry is that some of the patients I meet are going to pass away.

That's not what I need to be concerned about. A life consumed with worry about death is no life at all, even when one feels they are close to death. I think most of you have experienced this--that when you are around death, that is when you appreciate life the very most. I know Linette is appreciating every second that she still has to live hers.

Scared, But Following Through...

Alright, I need to release a little bit of nervousness I am feeling at the moment...

So, this past week, I joined a ministry at my church. It's called Cancer C.A.R.E.

Basically, this ministry helps with a plethora of things related to cancer: giving rides to appointments for chemo or radiation, taking care of children while their parent is at treatment, walking pets for owners who are too weak from treatment, cooking, cleaning, etc.

Tomorrow is my first assignment helping someone. She is a lady that is going to chemo and needs help getting up around her apartment for just an hour.

To be so very honest...I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!! I'm afraid of what I may see, feel, say...and all of the above. I am scared to see death staring blatantly back at me. I am scared I will not be strong enough tomorrow to handle this...

Well the truth is, I am not strong enough. But God is. I will rely on him...otherwise I will fall apart completely. Sorry for being dramatic, but this is the first time I am encountering cancer since my Dad had it about 3 years ago. This feeling I am having right now, it brings me back to that place...a vulnerable, heartbroken place.

But it's good. I should be heartbroken for God's people! It's ok to be a little frightened. Even if it may be a lot to take tomorrow, I know it will be an unforgettable lesson.

Wish me luck, please!

Reading Psalm 18, for obvious reasons...

Happy Easter!

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

--Isaiah 40:31

Female voice: Easter, the day Jesus rose from the dead. What should we do?

Male voice: How 'bout eggs?!

Female voice: Well, w-what does that have to do with Jesus?

Male voice: Alright, we'll hide 'em.

Female voice: I don't...I don't follow your logic.

Male voice: Don't worry, there's a bunny.''

--Jim Gaffigan (haha)

Keepin' the Sabbath Holy

No beach day,

no margarita,

no ocean-swim,

no vicodin,

no sunset,

no island getaway

or pay day...

...gives me MORE REST

than when I kneel to my Lord, and pray.

No need to fret when I've got the divine on my side.

Nearer

Take my hand, and please take my heart.

Fly me past the moon, until we reach the edge of the galaxy,

to a place that is elevated higher than any heaven this world could conceive.

I long to exist in this place.

Where the stars bow down in comparison to your perfection,

where I can be nearer, my God, to Thee.

So bring me nearer, please.

Good Vibrations

Ahhhh, today was a great day.

A trip to the Coronado with my roommate proved to be the perfect place to ease my soul. Not to mention church today, which completely energized me from the inside out.

I don't think I've been completely honest on this blog lately, but I've been feeling lackluster recently. Stuck in the middle, in limbo, if you will. Obviously, this has caused me to think of numerous avenues in life (including the Turkey avenue I discussed in the last post).

Spiritually, it's been the same.

There is a misconception amongst Christians that once you've learned about the complete grace and love of God that all your troubles melt away, and that you are not supposed to be sad.

Not so! We're human. Being human means going through major ups and down.

And this part of my life has not been a major down, but it's been...in the middle. A fantastically boring place to be.

That's why--YES--I'm leaning toward the direction of going to Turkey. And remembering to have fun while I'm still in San Diego, as well (thanks Ashley). I'll let you know along the way if this plan actually becomes finalized. I know this is something I can do!!

Going back to spirituality, today was one of the first days in months that I felt really in tune with God. Like little sparks of energy were bouncing around in my body. It's an overwhelming, glorious, peaceful, hectic, cathartic, insane and sane feeling wrapped into one. ha. Does that even make sense?

You see, it's possible to fall away from God. Easy, in fact. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the institution of things. And then easily get disgusted by the institution of things. Christianity was not made to be an institution, but a relationship with the one and only Maker.

Today, I felt like I got in touch with that Maker after a few months of not calling and not checking up.

And it feels goooooooood. Thanks, Jame Brown.

Anyway, not to babble on. All I wanted to let you know is, I'm feeling more alive. Today was a good, good day. And it truly excites me to talk about this Turkey idea.

Ah, the possibilities are endless...

Baptismo

The two places where I get my best ideas/have my best thoughts are in the shower, and driving.

How great that I was driving home tonight from church and it was drizzling. The best is a light rain at night that makes the air super crisp and fresh. I always feel really lively when it rains.

And as I was driving home, I felt immense joy overtake me. This is the kind of joy that can only come from the spiritual realm. Sometimes I think it is hard to explain spirituality without sounding like a crazy person. But all I can say is I feel uplifted. Like I could take off floating in the air, and hold up the middle finger to gravity. What's great is, I feel this way often.

And I'm glad I have this. This life, this heart, this mind, this moment. I would ask for no other.

With the rain, and the driving, and my God, it's all pretty damn perfect.

Discernment

I'm learning to have a discerning heart. Not based on my own understanding of life, but based on God's vast knowledge--on his set of rules for life. Why try to live life by my rules? How silly, when the one omnipotent being that made me knows better. Why would I not consult him?

And yet I continually try to pull away from God's decrees. I get lost in the idea of the world, and the world consumes.

"And this deception I wear it like a skin" --Lauryn Hill

I want to separate myself from the world, and it's way of thinking. I want to adopt a way of thinking that will bring me true joy.

You think you's a wise guy?

This past month I've had three people tell me I'm wise, and a strong girl. And they used those exact words.

Wise? Seriously? I don't often feel wise. And I've made some pretty dumb ass decisions. I think I just must give good advice, cause I'm not so sure all my actions have reflected wisdom.

And strong? haha, not sure about that one.

If I am either of those two, it is because I've learned from the past. And when I learn from the past, I REALLY learn. I don't repeat the same mistake twice. Nahhhh-uhhhh.

Anyway, whether or not I can believe those compliments, I am still flattered by them. *blush*

This weekend was great weekend. I had no real plans, so everything was kinda spontaneous. This lead to ending up at an awesome beach bonfire where we played Ultimate Cabbage (yes, you heard right) and watched some fireworks going off at Sea World next to the beach. I always love those fireworks that are gold and sparkly, and look like they are raining down magic dust to the earth below.

The next day, I kid you not, I went to a hippie fair at Balboa Park. I've been to a hippie fair once before--the Summer Solstice in Santa Barbara. And when I mean hippie fair, I mean vegan food, long flowly skirts, grown adults dressed as fairies, "Zen" booths and the like. So maybe it's not officially called "Hippie Fair 2009" or anything. But close enough. Why be PC about it?

Overall a good weekend with conversations about spirituality and life. I am...refreshed. Just realized I sound like a hippie. Go figure.

Selah!

The way Lauryn Hill sings about God is the way I feel about God. I live and breathe this everyday, and it has made me a better person. I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free...






I posted this because sometimes it is very difficult to explain spirituality. This clip doesn't use wordy paragraphs to explain, it just shows. And it makes me tear up (and I don't ever cry during movies, I'll have you know).

**Selah, by the way, is thought to mean "praise and meditation" or "focus on this verse." They don't know the exact definition, but it is found all over the book of Psalms.

Emerged in Sunday

I love sinking myself into Sundays. They are, by far, my favorite day.

I become a daydreamer on Sundays. My mind expands. I feel the wind and sun tickle my skin--and all the elements surround me.

Everyone needs a day like this. A time to get back in touch with the earth, a time to get in touch with the Creator of everything.

Don't let drama get in your way today. Stress, that's not the topic of my thoughts. Not on Sunday. I'm breathing as easy as a breeze today.

A day of meditation. A day of prayer. A day to be renewed.

2 Corninthians 4:16-18

Wake Up Call

There are some moments in life where you get a huge slap in the face. Tonight was one of those nights.

Have you ever experienced something that humbled you so greatly you almost broke into tears?

Earlier today, my friend Jenny asked me if I wanted to go with her to feed the homeless, and I agreed to tag along. Trying to push misconceptions and fears out of my head (although they still stayed in the corner of my mind), I made my way to downtown San Diego to approach druggies, abandoned families, the brokenhearted and the like. Yeah, I was scared shitless, not gonna lie.

We broke into groups of three (two girls and one guy in each group--made sure to play in safe) armed with plates of enchilada meals, and some bible verses for good measure.

I don't know if I can justify the intensity and power of each conversation I had with the homeless, but let me just say that I saw them as people. People with broken souls, people who were frustrated with their disposition, people who straight out asked "How could God do this to us?" And I don't blame them for asking that question.

I was astounded that they even let us talk to them--here we were, middle-class white kids, shiny new shoes on, clean hair, dentist-approved smiles...and they let us talk to them. And...they listened. They really listened to what we had to say. If I were them, I might have kicked our asses right there.

One that really touched me was Jessica: a long-haired Mexican beauty with a rosary around her neck, whose eyes were filled with tears of gratitude. And she let me pray for her. And after the prayer, I saw a tiny spark of hope in those defeated eyes of hers. Even if that spark just lasts for a night, I wanted to show her that there are people who care, and will continue to care (because the one above cares--this I truly believe).

Sorry if I'm sounding preachy here...but I just came back and I am truly touched. I'm not posting this to get a pat on the back, so don't leave a comment like that. I'm posting this because my heart has been a little shaken. I've just witnessed actual people living in tents on the street, and I've actually stopped and talked to those people today, instead of avoiding them like bags of trash on the sidewalk.

How much of a selfish brat am I for complaining about my life!?! There are moments when you realize you really know nothing, nothing about true despair. Not until despair stares you right in the eye.

Turning World

Sitting here, rummaging through my thoughts
on a crispy afternoon.
Wait, did I say crispy?
I meant crisp, the kind that comes after rain.

And it was raining yesterday,
bullets pounding into the earth.
Destroying the old, revealing the new.
Rebirth and even more rebirth.

A process I know quite well.

So much to teach, so much to learn.
We always find this out,
and the world continues to turn.
and the past continues to burn.

And still I stand firm.
In who I am.
In who You've made me to be.
On the trail that's right for me.
And in You, I am free.