I feel compelled to write, so here goes...
So you all know that I've been hurt by someone, pretty badly (the few of you that have read through my girly nonsense).
Sometimes, when I have my good days (you know those days where everything just feels right), I believe that I am "over it."
But then I have my days like today, where the pain kind of flares up, and I am reminded that, no, I am not completely over it. And don't worry--I'm not depressed, suicidal or anything of the like. But, I still have this pain that I carry with me, that I've carried for awhile...
DOES IT EVER GO AWAY???????
I'm asking you all because many of you are older, wiser, more experienced than I. So tell me, have you truly gotten over pain?
Furthermore, I pose another question...do you think you can remain friends with that person that has caused you pain? So, my friend J...that's who this is about. Right now, we're on a friend hiatus of sorts. I told him we needed a break from each other, and that we could be friends after a few months, when I'm "over it."
But I'm starting to really ask myself...can I be his friend? Should I be his friend? Can you go back to being friends after being more than friends?
In all truthfulness, I love him. And I love him dearly. I want him to be happy. And I still want him in my life, but I wonder if that is for the best. I wonder if I will ever really heal if I keep him in my life.
And again, do you ever heal?
Ok, I'm asking a lot of questions, I know. But it's one of those things where I'm just contemplating telling him that we're better off as, well nothing. Not friends, not anything. And although that really makes me sad, part of me wonders if we have a friendship to save anyway.
Love, life, pain...it's all too complicated for a simple-minded girl.
I'd like your input, I really would.
Stumbled across this via I Want to Dance with Shah Rukh Khan. Not really ever a poster but this really stood out. Some context-I'm 43, never been married, endured way too much dating and had several long-term relationships. Yes, it gets better. Much better. You'll be thankful for all those experience, good and bad. You'll realize ultimately how much you've learned, and won't repeat (or tolerate) the same mistakes, which will make the next relationship much better. You'll have more confidence in relationships, and will know more about what does and doesn't work in relationships. One day at a time, the hurt just fades away as the mundane things in life-job, deadlines, holidays, errands, family, happy hours-clamor for immediate attention in your life. You can be friends again-I'm friends with lots of exes and some are my very closest friends. Although their husbands seem kinda puzzled but whatever. You can't be friends right now though. You have to let your respective wounds heal and reintroduce yourself on different terms after some time has elapsed so it won't fall back into the same relationship that apparently just failed. Best of luck.
ReplyDeletethanks chris, I appreciate your advice.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to believe that what Chris said is right, but I have my doubts. But then again, I have been stuck thinking about the same person over and over again, and I am fed up (you know this already).
ReplyDeleteAt least you're figuring all this out before you get old with grey hair, like me :). It took me a long time to build up bravery to finally go after the one I thought was right for me, but even that didn't pan out, for whatever reason. I can't question it; I can only keep going, and hope for the best, wide-eyed and tear-brimming. I wish the best for you weblog sister, I really do.
As one of those older people, you do get over things that, at the time, seem insurmountable.
ReplyDeleteHow long it will take to get over something can also be surprising in its brevity too.