This is the last post I'll write about J for awhile.
We had a talk today. A talk that was most likely necessary, but a talk that was so very hard to take. He told me couldn't be my friend for awhile. He said, "you don't want to be around me right now."
I agreed with him in the end, because I know, deep down, that we just need time apart. And I know, deep down, that our friendship will thrive again one day if it is strong enough. And if not...well that's the test, isn't it?
In the end, I think I always loved him more than he ever could love me. And yes, I know that I deserve more. Don't worry, I know I'm a good catch--you don't have to tell me twice.
But this ordeal has always been about more than whether he'll date me or not. This is about the loss of a friend, one that I used to see everyday, laugh with everyday, smile with everyday.
Eventually those smiles turned to frowns and furrowed eyebrows as our relationship became complicated. I've been holding onto what was for too long.
It's time to look at what can be for me in the future. With graduation just around the corner, what better time to look foward and move on?
***
I take a sharp turn
at that detour sign
I can't go back now
I'm leaving you behind
I'm driving now
to a brighter place
with golden fields
to forget your face
And once I get there
I'll finally begin
shedding the thought of you
stripping my old skin
One more look in the rear view
reveals a man that I once knew
one I can't love anymore
leave the key, I'll shut the door
