The song "The Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley came on the radio today. It's a song that I've heard a million times and always overlooked as easy listening. haha. It's funny how many songs become real and almost make you cry (um, it did make me cry) when you hear them again and really understand them for once. Cue the lyrics!
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought Id figured out
I have to learn again
Ive been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think its about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down; you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger; it'll eat you up inside, baby
I won't lie. I'm in a sad mood right now. Actually, I'm not quite sure why you are even reading this; all my posts have to be pretty depressing to read.
All I do know is that I have to reach a point of forgiveness. I cannot carry this anger and sadness for long. The question is, how do I let go? And how do I forgive?
Well I for one would be incredibly shallow if I said, "Oh, this is depressing, so I won't read it." We can't be cheerful ALL the time, after all. And it's true, you do have to reach a point of forgiveness, but you can't rush these things or put a time limit on them. I know it's frustrating, but sometimes things have to take their natural course. When you're ready, you'll know :)
ReplyDeleteYou know me well enough by now to know that I am all about self-indulgence, even though I know fully indulging in oneself is probably very unhealthy. At this point in your life, however, I believe that you should indulge in yourself, in knowing that you are a charming, sweet, lovely young lady who needs some time to herself right about now. There's no shame ever in admitting you're sad; hell, that's about the only time I write at my most sincere, it feels.
ReplyDeleteYou tell yourself to be angry and sad and permit yourself to eat a shitload of ice cream and talk to your closest friends and you permit the time to take all the fucking time you want. You and you and you are all it's about. Take it from a buddy who endured and who you were empathetic towards.
But make sure you come back to us so you can tell us about the next big crazy concert you've been to. I like reading about your happiness, too (in due time).
well, you only have to forgive if it's in your best interest to do so. it's about you and what gets you past sadness. sometimes it's forgiveness, sometimes not. at least, that's how i deal with it.
ReplyDeleteIt's all about forgiveness. A true test is if you can forgive a person when they aren't even ready to apologize. It's easy to forgive someone when they want your forgiveness and you know that things will be better when you do. How hard it is, though, to forgive someone when you don't know if they will continue to be your friend, when you don't know if you each will move past this and go forward.
ReplyDelete"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Even just looking at it in an un-Godly way, how can we expect others to forgive us when we can't forgive?
It's easier said than done. And my prayers are definately with you. You have proably learned and grown (and still will learn and grow) from everything negative that has happened between you two.
I'm glad you wrote a blog about forgiveness because I think me and many other people have major problems with it and how to deal with it.
GOOD LUCK!!!
Well, everybody's a little different when it comes to matters like this...
ReplyDeleteSee, I don't think that forgiveness is everything. I don't think that you should forgive people who have wronged you with no remorse.
And, yes, there's a person in my life who I used to love, then hurt me, and I still haven't forgiven her. And I don't want to. I didn't need to forgive her for me to move on with my life... and trust me, I've definitely moved on. I don't harbor any anger towards her or any sadness, though... I was able to let go of those things w/o being forgiving.
But again, everyone is different. I agree with raindog's sentiments - "it's about you and what gets you past sadness. sometimes it's forgiveness, sometimes not."
So, it's down to you... do you need to forgive in order to move on? Either way, your friends will be there to support you.
Oh, and BTW... that girl I never forgave? "The Heart of the Matter" was one of her favorite songs at the time (obviously, this was some time ago... back when the song was brand new).
Sometimes it's not about what gets you past the sadness?? ... then you are just pushing the issue aside. That is why many people become alcoholics among other things is to forget about these types of situations.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't forgive, how are you growing as a person? By doing that, you learn that the next time you are faced with being wronged, all you have to do is to find another route to get over it. You are using that as a way to get through any problems in life without thinking it through or examining your conscience.
Put yourself in their shoes. Know that everyone deep down does not want to harm particularly anyone they love. We all have PLENTY more mistakes to make before we hopefully begin to live justly. And even then, life will still not be perfect.
And please don't think I am trying to dog you guys (I hate arguing), but I just feel that choosing to either forgive or just find a way through the sadness is not the best route to take. I'm having trouble finding the right words to say, being so late at night and all (I was literally just laying in bed lol), but if we can't forgive, then how can we love?
~night
It really is about forgiveness. It's about releasing and DECIDING not to hold on to anger and resentment - and loving yourself more and taking back your power. I keep having to learn this over and over... but I've decided that forgiveness - releasing - is what it's all about.
ReplyDelete*shrug*
"Sometimes it's not about what gets you past the sadness?? ... then you are just pushing the issue aside. That is why many people become alcoholics among other things is to forget about these types of situations."
ReplyDeleteOr, maybe I'm just MOVING ON. Not everybody needs to have some heartfelt discussion or touching insight to realize "Hey, that shit was in the past, and I want to live for NOW." Sure, a lot of people use alcohol or other drugs to escape, but some people just move on.
"If you can't forgive, how are you growing as a person?"
I CAN forgive. I just choose not to in some situations.
"Put yourself in their shoes. Know that everyone deep down does not want to harm particularly anyone they love."
True. But also realize that not everyone thinks like that. Realize that some people are so narcissistic and egocentric that they can fuck over everyone in their life and not even realize it, because they're only serving their own needs.
Also, why can't the other person put herself in MY shoes? Why can't she realize that she's hurting ME?
I'm sorry, but for me to offer forgiveness, somebody has to show some remorse.
I've always *loved* this song. if it comes on in the car, I *have* to finish hearing it. and I always tear up at the part about "put it all behind you . . ."
ReplyDeleteIndia Arie just redid it.