Purple. And a little more on forgiveness.

I changed my blog color...I heart purple. Can you tell?

I just wanted to say, you guys have some interesting views on forgiveness.

My view on forgiveness is this: If we don't forgive, how do we really move on from the situation? If you don't forgive, then you are, in fact, holding onto anger in your heart. I believe that forgiveness and letting go of anger are synonymous.

And by forgiveness, I don't mean that the person that hurt/betrayed you becomes your best bud again. Of course not. J and I are not friends right now, and we may never be again. But I am in the process of forgiving him for all his wrongdoings against me--purely because I loved him, and not based on the fact of whether he has shown remorse (although he has). I do not want to harbor angry feelings for him anymore, I simply want to wish him the best (Goodluck and Goodbye to your old time top five...remember?).

However, maybe you and I are different in the way we handle situations.

In the end, I'm still unable to see how you can really move on without forgiving.

I'm interested in all of your opinions, so I thought I would bring that up one more time. Different cultures, different ideas, differences of opinion--they're all so interesting to me.

But there's one thing you HAVE to agree with--the color of my blog is so pretty. If you say otherwise, mi dispiace (I'm sorry), we can't be friends.

I think it's about forgiveness.

The song "The Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley came on the radio today. It's a song that I've heard a million times and always overlooked as easy listening. haha. It's funny how many songs become real and almost make you cry (um, it did make me cry) when you hear them again and really understand them for once. Cue the lyrics!

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought Id figured out
I have to learn again

Ive been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think its about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down; you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger; it'll eat you up inside, baby

I won't lie. I'm in a sad mood right now. Actually, I'm not quite sure why you are even reading this; all my posts have to be pretty depressing to read.

All I do know is that I have to reach a point of forgiveness. I cannot carry this anger and sadness for long. The question is, how do I let go? And how do I forgive?

Her heart grew three sizes that day.

"I think your heart grows back bigger once you've had the shit beat out of it." --John Cusack in Must Love Dogs.

John Cusack is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors EVER. And this quote I can definitely relate to.

Many of you that have read this blog for awhile know that I've been pretty sad over the last year because of a guy named J that depressed me greatly. I can say now with great confidence that my heart has, indeed, grown back. It's funny how hearts have the ability to sew themselves back together after being ripped apart.

And thank God for art--movies, music and writing--to help me cope with all the sadness I experienced.

Today, as I sit here, I am beamingly happy (is beamingly a word? Well I'm making it one). I'm back to my old self, plus ten thousand, because I have withstood the hurricane, the earthquake, the flood of depression.

It's a resplendent feeling when you learn to stop drowning in that flood, and when sunlight very slowly starts to pour back into your soul. And you can smile again, I mean really smile.

I don't hate J for how much he hurt me. I think in a lot of ways he was oblivious to the pain he was causing me. It's so hard to really forgive someone for what they've done to you, but I think I'm truly beginning to let go of that deep pain.

Isn't it amazing when you realize that you're ready to FINALLY move on from a situation. I'm proud of little ol' fragile Ashley, and how she's grown stronger. I'm not so fragile anymore.