"I think your heart grows back bigger once you've had the shit beat out of it." --John Cusack in Must Love Dogs.
John Cusack is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors EVER. And this quote I can definitely relate to.
Many of you that have read this blog for awhile know that I've been pretty sad over the last year because of a guy named J that depressed me greatly. I can say now with great confidence that my heart has, indeed, grown back. It's funny how hearts have the ability to sew themselves back together after being ripped apart.
And thank God for art--movies, music and writing--to help me cope with all the sadness I experienced.
Today, as I sit here, I am beamingly happy (is beamingly a word? Well I'm making it one). I'm back to my old self, plus ten thousand, because I have withstood the hurricane, the earthquake, the flood of depression.
It's a resplendent feeling when you learn to stop drowning in that flood, and when sunlight very slowly starts to pour back into your soul. And you can smile again, I mean really smile.
I don't hate J for how much he hurt me. I think in a lot of ways he was oblivious to the pain he was causing me. It's so hard to really forgive someone for what they've done to you, but I think I'm truly beginning to let go of that deep pain.
Isn't it amazing when you realize that you're ready to FINALLY move on from a situation. I'm proud of little ol' fragile Ashley, and how she's grown stronger. I'm not so fragile anymore.
YES! If you go back in my blog aways, there was a girl named Val who pretty much wrecked my life for the better part of a year. I had some really bad experiences but I've grown so much as a person, and now the idea of love and trust doesn't scare me anymore.
ReplyDeleteI love being able to look forward to each day with a new feeling of optimism and anticipation.
I know I hardly know you, but it's not going to stop me from feeling pretty proud of you right now :)
i haven't been here that long, but i do know that heart-grown-back feeling and it is good to be strong again. so, congratulations.
ReplyDeletespeaking of john cusack, i hope you are counting 'being john malkovich' in your love for him. that's his 2nd best performance imo. first, of course, being rob gordan. have a great weekend.
John Cusack is one of my all-time favorites! I have watched absolutely everything he has acted in.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are a tougher gal than you were this time last year. Please take it easy on your heart. If you feel like someone hurts you, just remember that he wasn't meant for you. Try to move on. You are a very pretty, really sweet girl with a fabulous name and you will find the right guy one day...
I hope you are feeling better. Everyone has the flu around here.
Take care!
Good for you, Ash. How are you going to celebrate?
ReplyDeleteI just watched Say Anything on TV this afternoon.
ReplyDeleteYour post is making me ponder the mess that is my non-existant love life. And it's the sort of pondering that should be written in an entry instead of as a comment on one of yours. And it also probably shouldn't be written at 10:30pm when I have to get up at 4am so I can get to work by 6.
Well done. I have experienced some very rough times with a relationship and man, did getting through it with the Lord completely change my life.
ReplyDeleteLife is full of sufferrings large and small, life-changing and some overlookable, but overcoming each of them with the help of God and his teaching draws a person closer to Him and His son's perfection.
Give thanks and remember what got you through it the next time you struggle in any part of life!
later
Good news!
ReplyDelete"the heart is the most resiliant muscle in the human body" (paraphrased) - think this was from a Woody Allen movie - but I think it's spot on.