7.18.2011

The Progression of Anxiousness Into Epiphany

I've been going through some growing pains the last few months. While it's easy to succumb to negativity during such a time, I must look at it more objectively, as a season I'm going through.

I've posted this quote at least once before, but it's one that I always come back to, so here it is again: "To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring."

We cannot always live in spring. One, this would make life boring. Two, what would we ever learn about ourselves? Going through uncomfortable/sad/anxious times is not desirable, but it always elicits self-evalutation. And for this, I always want these "seasons" to be a part of life. It's through self-evalutation that I always get my best epiphanies!

When we go through rough patches, I think we focus way too much on ourselves. Why is this happening to me? Why do I deserve this? The past few months, I've been thinking about what will make me happy a little too much. Me me me...blah blah blah. No wonder I've been bored, anxious, upset and a little down.

When you think about yourself, and only yourself, what a horrible existence that is!

I realized, it's been months since I've volunteered. I started to pray less, to almost not at all. My life started to revolve too much around Ashley, and no one else. My excuse was that I had too much going on and too much to think about: new job, moving, bills, tickets...the madness of it all! Now, I'm not perfecto. I do have a lot going on and I have been ultra busy, but I know better. And I know myself pretty well. I'm at my happiest when I'm helping others, in some way, some how...

So recently, I've been filling my mind with thoughts of other people, and it's been so refreshing to let my mind breathe in that way!

I realize that it's impossible to be completely selfless, but this is an epiphany, remember? So let me revel in my utopian ways!

At the end of the day, this is about finding solutions to make my life more peaceful and balanced. So I guess, making it not about me is still all about me. Ha. What a paradox. Still, why not help others in the process?

I think you know what I'm getting at. So forgive this poorly edited post. Sometimes, one just has to write it out...

11 comments:

  1. This post really spoke to me. I've been dealing with all these emotions myself lately and I think I'm starting to realize everything is about ME and that's why life isn't measuring up to my expectations lately.

    Love this post. Keep on writing about this, lovely.

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  2. This post comes at a good time for me (me! me! me!). Hehe, but it does. I'm not sure volunteering is my solution, but it's good to read through your thoughts on this. : )

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  3. that sounds good ashhhhh, what will you do???

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  4. I guess I shouldn't use volunteering in just the organized volunteering sense...

    The main point is learning how to be concerned with other people's situtions. So, instead of complaining about a long line at a grocery store, maybe making sure to ask the cashier, "Oh how is your day going? It seems so busy!"

    It's the little things :)

    But, if I get back with organized volunteering, I may help cancer patients again. It's the most rewarding thing I've done!

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  5. I hear ya. With the new job, I'm being guided in the direction of really objectively looking at myself and how I interact with people. I'm not flying solo yet, so it's hard to know how I will REALLY interact with clients in real situations, but I'm finding that as I chat with coworkers, I'm pretending that I will react just like everyone else - trying not to judge, but secretly trying to push my ideas onto others.

    I'm not entirely sure how accurate that assessment (or guess) is. Unfortunately, it will only be in the coming weeks and months of working that I will actually begin to see myself interact with these people on a regular basis and become a regular part of their lives. I just hope that as work gets more stressful, I don't forget to evaluate myself and see what I'm doing well and not so well.

    This next year will be quite the adventure and I hope that through it all, I become a better person - more balanced, less judgmental, wiser, and calmer. Here's to waiting it out!

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  6. i went through something similar to this just last week. except it was about me focusing too much on MYself and MY problems and being a bit of a hater on everything (and everyone else). then i realized it takes so much more energy to hate on everything and be negative than it does to try to find the good and be selfless. thank you for this post and your honesty. it is read and greatly appreciated.

    yes, it's ridiculous that those dang guidos get to go to italy for free. and i kind of hate (ha! haterrrr) the situation for making millions of dollars a year for not doing ANYTHING!! oy vey! what is this world coming to?!

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  7. I think this is something we could all use a reminder of once and a while. I certainly get bogged down in me me me land.

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