So that guy came by last night, a little late, but came by none the less. (apparently 8-ish means 8:00 plus 3 hours, whatever!). So I was mad at first about that. My military father always told me to be on time.
Anyway, that's beside the point. The point to this story, you may ask?
I was nervous.
I told him I like him.
He smiled.
He told me he likes me back.
I gave him a hug (although I know he wanted a kiss)
But he didn't push a kiss (which makes me like him more)
Hey now! This whole "telling someone you like them" thing is a big step for a shy girl. But I said it first, bitches! And now I've got the most sickening smile on my face. Yeah, but I'm smiling.
What a drastic change from last week.
4.29.2005
4.28.2005
Me and My Nervousness
I'm a little nervous to be alone with guys, is that stupid? Not guys really, but guys that I like. I get one of those butterfly deals in my stomach. I'm not even hungry right now cause of my nerves. My dorky ways are so embarrasing sometimes to admit.
But as I was telling Rachel, being nervous may be what makes it fun. Being nervous adds to the lightheaded-ness of a crush. Maybe I wouldn't have it other way.
My stomach is in knots right now.
But as I was telling Rachel, being nervous may be what makes it fun. Being nervous adds to the lightheaded-ness of a crush. Maybe I wouldn't have it other way.
My stomach is in knots right now.
I can't stand the rain (super duper fly)
Oh yeah, it's raining outside. And I'm listening to Missy Elliot's "I Can't Stand the Rain." It's only fitting.
How is the sky falling in April...in SAN DIEGO! Craziness, Dude. (or is that normal? We've gotten so much rain this year, everything is blending together. And I bet people in England and/or Wisconsin and other rainy states are telling me to shut up right about now).
Give me a freakin' break! I'm from San Diego. I can't even find my umbrella.
How is the sky falling in April...in SAN DIEGO! Craziness, Dude. (or is that normal? We've gotten so much rain this year, everything is blending together. And I bet people in England and/or Wisconsin and other rainy states are telling me to shut up right about now).
Give me a freakin' break! I'm from San Diego. I can't even find my umbrella.
4.27.2005
Jane Austen is my homegirl
oh morning, sweet glorious morning. I started off the day by reading some Pride and Prejudice, Michelle you'd be proud. I love the language in that book. I wish that we talked all 18-century-ish today, that would be cool. We could be eloquent bad ass mo-fo's.
It's rainy/sunny? today. It's confusing me a bit. Should I put on a sweater or should I sport a tank top? Decisions, decisions...hmmm. As you can see, life is pretty easy for me today. No stress on my shoulders, no tears weighing down my feet. Yay for wednesdays that are easy as sunday morning. :)
While you're at it, if you haven't already seen this site, check it out, fool! It makes no sense and it makes me happy. A good combination. Jane Austen might agree.
It's rainy/sunny? today. It's confusing me a bit. Should I put on a sweater or should I sport a tank top? Decisions, decisions...hmmm. As you can see, life is pretty easy for me today. No stress on my shoulders, no tears weighing down my feet. Yay for wednesdays that are easy as sunday morning. :)
While you're at it, if you haven't already seen this site, check it out, fool! It makes no sense and it makes me happy. A good combination. Jane Austen might agree.
4.26.2005
Whoa!
Wow, Dick Murphy resigned today. Maybe I can become mayor...hehehe, ok maybe not. That's craziness though.
San Diego should be mayor-less, we're laid back enough to handle governing ourselves, supposedly.
San Diego should be mayor-less, we're laid back enough to handle governing ourselves, supposedly.
Stay away from freezers!
Ah, sweet sleep. I got plenty of it last night. That makes me a happy camper.
I have an italian test today, it's gonna be a hard one. So OF COURSE instead of studying I choose to write in my blog. But writing in my blog makes me a happy camper as well, therefore, the writing continues.
On a more disturbing note, this is REALLY gross. What us WRONG with people? What the HELL could posess you to do this? Well, of course...the story eludes to money. In many cases like that, money is the cause. I don't know why I shared this story with you, it pretty disgusting. I was just amazed that crap like this still goes on the world. I guess I shouldn't be that amazed anymore. Stories like this make me not want to have kids. I don't want my kid keeping me in the freezer!
Anyway, I really gotta study. Geez, I'm good at this procrastination thing. I should consider it for a career. Except, it doesn't make you money. Aw, shucks! Too bad. Maybe I'll just open up a fruit stand on the side of the 8, under an overpass, you know? Sounds like a plan.
I have an italian test today, it's gonna be a hard one. So OF COURSE instead of studying I choose to write in my blog. But writing in my blog makes me a happy camper as well, therefore, the writing continues.
On a more disturbing note, this is REALLY gross. What us WRONG with people? What the HELL could posess you to do this? Well, of course...the story eludes to money. In many cases like that, money is the cause. I don't know why I shared this story with you, it pretty disgusting. I was just amazed that crap like this still goes on the world. I guess I shouldn't be that amazed anymore. Stories like this make me not want to have kids. I don't want my kid keeping me in the freezer!
Anyway, I really gotta study. Geez, I'm good at this procrastination thing. I should consider it for a career. Except, it doesn't make you money. Aw, shucks! Too bad. Maybe I'll just open up a fruit stand on the side of the 8, under an overpass, you know? Sounds like a plan.
4.25.2005
Tonight is a good night:
I feel accomplished
I feel pretty
I feel happy
I feel my cheeks blushing
I feel like dancing (if only it were raining outside, that would be cool)
I feel the life coming back to me
Yes, sometimes life can be good
I feel pretty
I feel happy
I feel my cheeks blushing
I feel like dancing (if only it were raining outside, that would be cool)
I feel the life coming back to me
Yes, sometimes life can be good
And a cherry on top!
oh gee golly willikers. When will the madness and hectic-ness stop? I will be REALLY freakin' happy when school is OVER. Until then, this site will remain a place for me to purge my stress and tears. A catharsis of sorts.
I'm deciding to skip my first class today. I know, bad Ashley, BAD! But Mondays are extremely suffocating for me. So I'm making room in my lungs, I'm creating more oxygen by not going to this class. I need a break from it all, really.
What sucks is that each semester brings with it a harder class than the ones before. It's like some kind of cruel joke. But I guess I saw it coming.
It's really hot today and all I REALLY want to do is sit outside, get a tan, and have an ice cream party. Where's the sprinkles?
I'm deciding to skip my first class today. I know, bad Ashley, BAD! But Mondays are extremely suffocating for me. So I'm making room in my lungs, I'm creating more oxygen by not going to this class. I need a break from it all, really.
What sucks is that each semester brings with it a harder class than the ones before. It's like some kind of cruel joke. But I guess I saw it coming.
It's really hot today and all I REALLY want to do is sit outside, get a tan, and have an ice cream party. Where's the sprinkles?
4.24.2005
Stuff your ego up your ass!
I HATE I HATE I HATE when people have egos the size of Antartica plus Africa plus Spain. It bugs the shit out of me. An example?
When I was in highschool, I had the "joy" of being in yearbook. "Oh how fun and delightful!" You might say, but no, it was no where near either of those choices. Yearbook=hell on earth. Why? Cause the advisor thought she was oh-so-smart (she wasn't) and oh-so-wise (she definitely wasn't). All she ever cared about was winning awards--our creativity was squelched. We had to follow exact guidelines that created a path to First Place. Her ego took over our Yearbook, and the yearbook turned out ugly, dull and not worth a second glance. I hate that with a PASSION. And to this day, I'm not that fond of rewards and recognition.
So, again today, I had to deal with egos at work. Really, these people should read the Greek Myth on Icarus (sp?). Their pride is definitely creating those wax wings, and when they attempt to fly, they'll find themselves falling into the ocean. If I told those fools at work not to fly too close to the sun they probably wouldn't get it anyway.
I'm not really mad at anyone; I really do love everyone at work. I just want people (and the world) to see that this crap creates wars, tears and scars. Why must we as human beings be so prideful? I know, it's human nature, yada yada yada. And this is why a socialist society would never work, yada yada yada. I know all of this.
But whatever. Life would be so much easier if pride weren't in the way.
When I was in highschool, I had the "joy" of being in yearbook. "Oh how fun and delightful!" You might say, but no, it was no where near either of those choices. Yearbook=hell on earth. Why? Cause the advisor thought she was oh-so-smart (she wasn't) and oh-so-wise (she definitely wasn't). All she ever cared about was winning awards--our creativity was squelched. We had to follow exact guidelines that created a path to First Place. Her ego took over our Yearbook, and the yearbook turned out ugly, dull and not worth a second glance. I hate that with a PASSION. And to this day, I'm not that fond of rewards and recognition.
So, again today, I had to deal with egos at work. Really, these people should read the Greek Myth on Icarus (sp?). Their pride is definitely creating those wax wings, and when they attempt to fly, they'll find themselves falling into the ocean. If I told those fools at work not to fly too close to the sun they probably wouldn't get it anyway.
I'm not really mad at anyone; I really do love everyone at work. I just want people (and the world) to see that this crap creates wars, tears and scars. Why must we as human beings be so prideful? I know, it's human nature, yada yada yada. And this is why a socialist society would never work, yada yada yada. I know all of this.
But whatever. Life would be so much easier if pride weren't in the way.
4.23.2005
Lifting the Rock
It's funny how you don't see yourself grow, it just kinda happens.
haha--I don't mean grow inches-wise, but grow inner-strength-wise.
I am so much stronger and confident than I ever was before. I still have a lot to work on, I still have insecurites that eat away at me, of course. That's pretty normal, I believe.
There used to be a 2 TON rock I used to hide under, a means to being shy and staying shy. Slowly, I've been able to lift that rock and gain muscles while at it (well, if you could lift a 2 ton rock, you WOULD gain muscles). This rock has forever been barricading me--cause that's what shyness is, a baracade from outside contact, a sort of shield from the real you. Well, I'm removing that rock, and becoming stronger. It's a good feeling to know that eventually I'll be able to fling that rock into the ocean and wave goodbye to it forever.
So that's my rock/shyness/gaining confidence meatphor for ya. Did ya like it? Somewhat? Ok, I'll take that.
And by the way, today has been better than the rest of my week. Eh, you have your good weeks and you have your bad weeks. That's what life's about, taking the good with the bad and other over-used cliches like that. If I didn't have crappy days, I wouldn't enjoy the great days. I think most of you would agree with that.
haha--I don't mean grow inches-wise, but grow inner-strength-wise.
I am so much stronger and confident than I ever was before. I still have a lot to work on, I still have insecurites that eat away at me, of course. That's pretty normal, I believe.
There used to be a 2 TON rock I used to hide under, a means to being shy and staying shy. Slowly, I've been able to lift that rock and gain muscles while at it (well, if you could lift a 2 ton rock, you WOULD gain muscles). This rock has forever been barricading me--cause that's what shyness is, a baracade from outside contact, a sort of shield from the real you. Well, I'm removing that rock, and becoming stronger. It's a good feeling to know that eventually I'll be able to fling that rock into the ocean and wave goodbye to it forever.
So that's my rock/shyness/gaining confidence meatphor for ya. Did ya like it? Somewhat? Ok, I'll take that.
And by the way, today has been better than the rest of my week. Eh, you have your good weeks and you have your bad weeks. That's what life's about, taking the good with the bad and other over-used cliches like that. If I didn't have crappy days, I wouldn't enjoy the great days. I think most of you would agree with that.
4.22.2005
My Brain Hurts...
So this has been a pretty stressful week for me. I felt like pulling my hair out of my head several times--yeah, it was one of those kind of weeks. I hate being in a lingering bad mood; you know, one of those moods that no one can get you out of no matter what they say? Yeah, I wasn't my usual self this week.
But, I feel better now. Maybe cause it's the end of the school week and things are a little less hectic. Really, I can't wait till summer. I need a long resting period.
I was sorry to miss Michelle's confirmation, cause that's a really special event. I especially respect the fact that Michelle chose to wait for her confirmation when it was right for her instead of falling into the pressure of doing it with everyone else. You get a thumbs up for that, Michelle.
Anyway, right now I'm drinking my Pepsi (at 10 at night!) and not doing much. My mind is aching a bit from the week, but I'm alive. That counts for something, right?
But, I feel better now. Maybe cause it's the end of the school week and things are a little less hectic. Really, I can't wait till summer. I need a long resting period.
I was sorry to miss Michelle's confirmation, cause that's a really special event. I especially respect the fact that Michelle chose to wait for her confirmation when it was right for her instead of falling into the pressure of doing it with everyone else. You get a thumbs up for that, Michelle.
Anyway, right now I'm drinking my Pepsi (at 10 at night!) and not doing much. My mind is aching a bit from the week, but I'm alive. That counts for something, right?
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