Holding onto my hope.

I'm a writer and a dreamer and a lover. And I would have it no other way.



And yeah. Sometimes I'm a realist. But if you let too much of the realist cloud your blue-skied thoughts, then everyday would just be overcast. I don't want to ever kill the child in me.

That is all.

A Viscious Cycle

I worry and I doubt and I give myself stomach ulcers. And THEN I remember that I shouldn't worry--at all, really.




What a horrible little game I play with myself! Sometimes I am my own WORST enemy. Geeeeeeeez, Ashley. You're crazy!!!

Viva Las Vegas!!!!

Vegas was pretty amazing. The casinos are crazy!!! My favorite game: blackjack, by far. But it's a nerve-racking game.

However, the amazement of Vegas wears off in about 3 days, cause all in all, it's just too much--too much gambling, too much brightness, too much smoke (cough!). There's just something about California, or any home for that matter, that's easy-like-Sunday-morning. Vegas can't ease the soul the way San Diego can for me. So it's good to be home.

But not so fast! Here are some pictures of me hanging out in the city of sin:

Hanging around at the Stardust Casino.

Mom and I.

Sitting in flowers at the Bellagio. haha. It's what I do, I guess?

Dad and I. yeah, my dad likes to make faces like that.

Luck of the Draw

I'm listening to "Ticket to Ride." Definitely one of my favorite Beatles songs.

And I'm excited cause I'm going to Las Vegas this weekend (I leave tomorrow at noon). And get this, it was all my dad's idea. I think he really just wants to show me how to lay it down on the gambling table, ya know?

I just have to get over a few hurdles before my fun weekend--my taxes (yeah, I haven't done those YET) and a test. Once I jump over those obstacles, I'm on my way to easy street, er, the strip.

Oh, to end this post, here are a few pictures of me and my roomates on their birthday. They are, ahem, amusing. hehehe.

Above: They look like regular ice teas, don't they now?

Below: We're professionals at looking like idiots, the whole of us!

And the car ride home. Poor Matt was the designated driver and had to deal with our asses. hahaha. It cracks me up.

Patriotic Tuesday

You know what I'm doing today?

I'm voting (in a special election for CA) and I'm doing my freakin' taxes. Honestly now, if I'm not doing my civic duty today, I don't know who the f*** is.

I'm a big fan of voting...it gets me all giddy. But taxes....oh taxes, why don't you just stick a knife into my stomach and turn it a few times?? I am NOT looking foward to when I have to fill out major taxes when I get older.

I do know one thing: I won't be checking that little box that asks for donations to the campaign in office right now. hahahaha.......too bad a Democrat will be in office in 2008.

Now don't get all hot and bothered, cause, yeah, you know it's true. Especially cause it's about time.

In a calm state of mind.

Wow. It's 9am and I'm somehow awake...usually I sleep until 10:30, or something ridiculously late like that. But I like when I wake up this early on my own (yes--I realize that 9am is not an early time for any of you). I actually do like mornings--they are incredibly peaceful and great times for contemplating life.

Again, I analyze way too much. And have I been analyzing with Sweater Guy? Ohhhhhh yeah. I analyze with him a bit too much. I wish I could be nonchalant, but simply I'm not. Why must I analyze every move that people make? I think it's an insecurity in me that I need to work on.

But overall, in every way, I find him completely adorable. And when I start to adore someone, I start wondering if I'm good enough for them...that's so bad! I need to stop putting myself down like this.

Things I need to do today: e-mail the Chinese Embassy (you think I'm kidding), work on a project, read a little for my Poli Sci class, go to meeting (sorority), take time to look around this fabulous world and realize that I am a good person who deserves good things coming to her.

The last thing might take a while to accept. But I'll work on that.

Party Over Here!

My two roomates are turning 21 tomorrow. So yeah. I'm gonna be gone all day tomorrow doing "stuff" with them.

That should be interesting. Reallllllllllly interesting.

I think I'll get myself a Long Island Ice Tea, since I haven't tried that yet. Don't worry--I think one drink will do it's job. I'm the biggest lightweight you've ever seen.

Getting Caught Up in the Rush

I started out today kind of stressed. I was lost in my little world of index cards, running to class in the rain, watching every tick of the clock and reviewing loads of notes. It's easy, afterall, to get caught up in that.

But I was being consumed by it all, really.

Sometimes I get caught up in the rush of life...the standard "want to do well"--get A's, graduate, get a good job, feel important, etc.

But what am I working towards, really? And am I being the person I want to be?

I'm selfish sometimes. What did I even do for anyone else today, really? I did everything for myself today. That's a bit depressing. Cause really, I feel most fufilled when I do things for other people and make them feel good about themselves. That makes me happy.

I need to take a moment everyday to notice the gorgeous colors that paint the world around me. It's those colors that tell a story and sing a song...and it's quite peaceful to watch. Sometimes, I'm just so caught up in my busy-ness, that my world is only viewed in black and white.

Well--hand me a paintbrush. Cause I don't want to live a life only for me...I want to create beauty for others to see.

Is it hot in here? I think it's just me.

I..............am..............smitten.

Like, I'm really smitten. If you could see me now, you would see that I am blushing.

That's all I have to say about this.

Rewind

I woke up this morning and it was 11:00 am. Dammit!!!!!!! Normally it would have been 10:00 am. But nooooooo, I have to lose a freakin' hour. And I have a TON of stuff to do this week.




I should just remove myself from society, become a hermit and inhabit a small log cabin in a desolate state where no one can find me. And I won't follow these stupid daylight savings rules....EVER.

Why you trying to cramp my style?

Mannnnnnnnn.

So I get a text message (yeah, it's what us kids do now-a-days) from Sweater Guy asking me to go to a barbeque tonight. My first reaction to this was "Heck yeah I'll go, Latin Lover!!!!" ...and then I remembered that I was at work.

Sadness.

And where were my friends tonight?? Partying. And where was I? Oh yeah, still working. All these opportunities for fun (and latin love), and I had to work.

I'm being overdramatic, of course, and I'll see everyone this week (including sexy latin guy), but I'm too impatient!!!!! I want to see them now!!!

I just need to calm down and take a breath. Everything is gonna be just fine.

I just felt like whining to blogger like I usually do.