No, I'm not trying to be a pirate.
Today was pretty crappy. I guess I feel that way because I was super pampered yesterday, rightfully so, and today I got no flowers or presents or chocolate. I motion to make birthdays 8 times a year. All who agree say "aye". Maybe that would keep me happier.
Maybe I was in a crappy mood today cause I had to work 8 hours. I hate being a slave to wearing a fake smeared on smile just to please customers. Why should I smile at some of those assholes when all I really wanna do is take my medium ink ballpoint pen and stab it through their hand? Then I would really have something to smile about.
Ok,ok....I'm calmer now. I did just drive home (through the freakin' hurricane! I swear I was hydroplaning at 60 mph), and I listened to some Jimi Hendrix. I've never been a huge fan of his, but I pull out his songs whenever I'm in this kind of mood. The wailing on his depressed guitar really knows how to sing my mood. And I may not be a fan of all his songs, but I will always LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE "Voodoo Child." I really relish in the line "well I'm standing next to a mountain/ I chop it down with the edge of my hand..." That is so freakin cool. I wonder what it would be like to be so omnipotent? For a moment, when listening to this song, I can feel the power.
Right now the rain and it's hypnotic rhythm is relaxing my overused muscles, so finally I'm not so tense. I think I'll go now and let it carry me off to sleep. Maybe I'll have a dream about chopping the hell out of a mountain...
3.04.2005
20 years and one day old...my "twenty's" officially begin
Well, today is my sister's birthday. Yep, our birthdays are one day apart. And we're one day apart from being exactly 20 years apart. So, if you did your math correctly, yes, my sister is officially 40 today. So, here I am complaining about being 20 and "old." Well, my sister is a heck of a lot older, but she doesn't internalize crap like that. She will forever be young in my eyes and her eyes too.
So, looking at life with those eyes--a fresh perspective, no less--I'll never be too old unless I personally tell myself I'm old. The scariest thing about turning 20 is that I started to create a list in my head that people do in their 20's: graduate, get married, have kids, buy a house, find a great job (for girls decide whether you should stay home with the kids or keep your job, which is NOT fair), buy a new car....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! So I freaked myself out a little.
What I need to remember is that I'm never too old to:
So, looking at life with those eyes--a fresh perspective, no less--I'll never be too old unless I personally tell myself I'm old. The scariest thing about turning 20 is that I started to create a list in my head that people do in their 20's: graduate, get married, have kids, buy a house, find a great job (for girls decide whether you should stay home with the kids or keep your job, which is NOT fair), buy a new car....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! So I freaked myself out a little.
What I need to remember is that I'm never too old to:
- learn piano
- switch my career choice (this one is a scary thought)
- move to a different location
- party till the break of dawn (oh yeah, I'll be doing that when I'm 80)
- have kids (there is a limit, yes, but my mom had me when she was 44, what a trooper!)
- get married (I'm in noooooooooooooooooooooooooo rush for this)
and....
- stay a kid (my dad is a kid sometimes; losing you inner kid is like loosing your creativity and uniqueness. I'll never let it slip away)
To end on that note, thanks Jaclyn for the talking molerat names Rufus and the fuzzy green flamingo pen...it'll help me keep my inner kid in tact! Lastly, thankyou all for a wonderful birthday, I think it may have been my best yet!!
3.03.2005
This is for my people (I'm such a white girl)
THANK you, thank YOU, Thank You for all the birthday wishes and presents--you all are wonderful. And I thank you GREATLY for the chocolate. Men? Eh, don't really need them for much...But chocolate makes the world go round.
Kidding, you fools...Only partly. Yeah, so the funniest present I got was the Idiot's Guide to Being a Sex Goddess. That's a big laugh, since we all know that I'm such a sex fiend!!! (right, even God himself is laughing at this one).
And my Dad, being a teacher, had his whole class call me and sing me happy birthday. They asked what I was turning, and being that the little pip squeaks are all 11, I said 20 and they replied with, "ewwwwwwwwww, that's old!"
Haha, thanks to my dad for the "happy" message. So, it is now 2:00 pm and I was born at 1:58 pm. I am now officially 20. Soon I'll be having hot flashes. Hey, it's fun to be overdramatic sometimes :)
Again, thanks for everything you cooooooooooool people. Truly, from the bottom of my little heart, thankyou--you made my day today.
Kidding, you fools...Only partly. Yeah, so the funniest present I got was the Idiot's Guide to Being a Sex Goddess. That's a big laugh, since we all know that I'm such a sex fiend!!! (right, even God himself is laughing at this one).
And my Dad, being a teacher, had his whole class call me and sing me happy birthday. They asked what I was turning, and being that the little pip squeaks are all 11, I said 20 and they replied with, "ewwwwwwwwww, that's old!"
Haha, thanks to my dad for the "happy" message. So, it is now 2:00 pm and I was born at 1:58 pm. I am now officially 20. Soon I'll be having hot flashes. Hey, it's fun to be overdramatic sometimes :)
Again, thanks for everything you cooooooooooool people. Truly, from the bottom of my little heart, thankyou--you made my day today.
20 years!
Today is my Birthday!!!! Yay! I'm not even gonna be sly about it. 20 years ago my mom was in labor, and giving birth to me prematurely (about 6 weeks). I would have been due on Tax day (thank God I wasn't), but instead little Ashley Johanna popped out on March 3, 1985. Yay!!!!!! Hate to be a dork, but:
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
3.02.2005
easier said than done...
what oh what do you do when you think someone in your class is cute, but you've never talked to the guy? geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, I'm such a little girl sometimes!!!!
Yes, yes, yes...I'm not stupid, I know the obvious answer to this question.
He has chocolate brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and I heart chocolate.
Someone please just stab me through the heart, please? Just kill my shyness.
"Hi, my name is ashley, you're cute." Is that so hard?
Yes, yes, yes...I'm not stupid, I know the obvious answer to this question.
He has chocolate brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and I heart chocolate.
Someone please just stab me through the heart, please? Just kill my shyness.
"Hi, my name is ashley, you're cute." Is that so hard?
gas station sunglasses make me happy
I will NEVER understand these girls (and boys) who pay tons of money for designer crap. And yes I say crap because all you really are paying for is the name. Well excuse me, Mr. Louis Vuitton, I like my own name better than yours and will not pay more to wear your crappy name around. And why are your shirts $400 dollars a piece (they're probably more than that)? It's not like you use magical material made from dragon's breath and butterfly wings (but if you did, that would be pretty cool, and maybe I would pay).
I will forever be content with my $15 dollar purse and $4.50 sunglasses.
I will forever be content with my $15 dollar purse and $4.50 sunglasses.
can it be the sun?
Today I woke up and saw sunlight streaming in through my windows. My carpet had been in darkness for so long, I thought it may catch on fire from this foreign thing called light!
Today I'll take some advice from the Beatles and "I'll follow the sun."
Today I'll take some advice from the Beatles and "I'll follow the sun."
3.01.2005
the essence of life: spinning notebooks and boob size
I once heard (on tv or a movie somewhere) that laughter is the opening up of the soul. Really, I believe that. You can't control it and it gives you a personal high. People are completely themselves when they laugh. You can't mask it, you can't judge others with it--it just is.
So here I am, with my roomates, laughing. Giggling as well (hey, what do you want from us? we gotta live up to the sorority stereotype somedays). Just a moment ago we were comparing boob size...oh god, I can't believe I'm revealing this online. But it wasn't a demeaning activity, no, we were just being ourselves and giggling about the different sizes, or lack there of.
I love moments like this-- moments when I feel accepted and loved by the people around me. Then we all just laugh. We all have a great love for one another, and we're all just acting stupid and laughing.
And earlier today Rachel and I were acting dorky and laughing about spinning a notebook and how we could make it a sport. And then we added on to our bright idea: just add razor blades and you've got an instant weapon. What the heck? That's when Rachel said we were both dorks, and I agreed. But hey, dorks have some of the most interesting conversations I've ever heard.
Really now, this is what life is supposed to be about. Remember that line in the John Mayer song "No Such Thing?" The one about students that goes, "They read all the books but they can't find the answers..." Sometimes I feel that way about books and the way they so easily depersonalize life. Experience, laughing and just acting stupid (instead of trying to act intelligent all the time) teaches me more about life most of the time.
It's moments like this that make me realize that life is often times taken too seriously; just add a dallop of laughter and pessimism seems to instantly float away.
So here I am, with my roomates, laughing. Giggling as well (hey, what do you want from us? we gotta live up to the sorority stereotype somedays). Just a moment ago we were comparing boob size...oh god, I can't believe I'm revealing this online. But it wasn't a demeaning activity, no, we were just being ourselves and giggling about the different sizes, or lack there of.
I love moments like this-- moments when I feel accepted and loved by the people around me. Then we all just laugh. We all have a great love for one another, and we're all just acting stupid and laughing.
And earlier today Rachel and I were acting dorky and laughing about spinning a notebook and how we could make it a sport. And then we added on to our bright idea: just add razor blades and you've got an instant weapon. What the heck? That's when Rachel said we were both dorks, and I agreed. But hey, dorks have some of the most interesting conversations I've ever heard.
Really now, this is what life is supposed to be about. Remember that line in the John Mayer song "No Such Thing?" The one about students that goes, "They read all the books but they can't find the answers..." Sometimes I feel that way about books and the way they so easily depersonalize life. Experience, laughing and just acting stupid (instead of trying to act intelligent all the time) teaches me more about life most of the time.
It's moments like this that make me realize that life is often times taken too seriously; just add a dallop of laughter and pessimism seems to instantly float away.
just wanna say...
WOW. Boys can be some real dumbasses sometimes.
I mean some of them are just really really stupid. Like they only use 1/10 of the 1/10 of our brain that we function from. I'm not exactly amazed by this, I just didn't know they could get this stupid.
I'm not gonna say much more here. Just stating the obvious.
I mean some of them are just really really stupid. Like they only use 1/10 of the 1/10 of our brain that we function from. I'm not exactly amazed by this, I just didn't know they could get this stupid.
I'm not gonna say much more here. Just stating the obvious.
the little ashley that could
Today I feel a bit like a zombie. I got enough sleep, but it's just one of those days where i can't really think or function. I need somekind of peppy song to wake up my mind right now. Where's George Michael when I need him? "Wake me up, before you go go, don't leave hanging here like a yoyo...."
I'm kidding of course! Oh man, the eighties are definitely a decade to laugh at.
So of course when I get in these zombie-like moods I break out the caffiene. Really now, coffee is a drug. There's no way around it. And I have this french vanilla cream inside, mmmmm....it brings me back to a day in 4th grade when my friend revealed to me that you could drink your parents creamer by itself, and I then proceeded to drink a whole glass of it. You may cringe at that thought, but it was "lip-smakin'" good and I had a sugar high for about 4 hours. Not that I needed it at that age.
By the way, why do we have all that energy when we're younger? I could use some now. And to think, I used to despise nap time. Man, if there was a nap time 101 in college, that would be the most popular class ever.
Back in 4th grade, I remember I had the feeling that I could take on the world, super hero style...I believed whole-heartedly that "you can do anything you put your mind to." It's a bit depressing to think how much I've changed since then and how much I always doubt myself. Sometimes I think it really would be nice to stay a kid forever. To have that ignorance about the world was definitely a blessing sometimes. Those were the days where I would play X-men all day (and be Storm, of course), roll around in the mud (and not worry about trying to look girly) and most importantly, just be completely myself.
Anyways, I've completely sidetracked here, and really I'm procrastinating from studying...but hopefully, someday, I can revisit the days of believeving COMPLETELY in myself (none of this "well maybe I can do it" crap). I'll go back to some wise words from a book I used to love..."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." I think I can graduate. I think I can get a good job. I think I can live life without being so scared of it. At least, I'll try my hardest.
I'm kidding of course! Oh man, the eighties are definitely a decade to laugh at.
So of course when I get in these zombie-like moods I break out the caffiene. Really now, coffee is a drug. There's no way around it. And I have this french vanilla cream inside, mmmmm....it brings me back to a day in 4th grade when my friend revealed to me that you could drink your parents creamer by itself, and I then proceeded to drink a whole glass of it. You may cringe at that thought, but it was "lip-smakin'" good and I had a sugar high for about 4 hours. Not that I needed it at that age.
By the way, why do we have all that energy when we're younger? I could use some now. And to think, I used to despise nap time. Man, if there was a nap time 101 in college, that would be the most popular class ever.
Back in 4th grade, I remember I had the feeling that I could take on the world, super hero style...I believed whole-heartedly that "you can do anything you put your mind to." It's a bit depressing to think how much I've changed since then and how much I always doubt myself. Sometimes I think it really would be nice to stay a kid forever. To have that ignorance about the world was definitely a blessing sometimes. Those were the days where I would play X-men all day (and be Storm, of course), roll around in the mud (and not worry about trying to look girly) and most importantly, just be completely myself.
Anyways, I've completely sidetracked here, and really I'm procrastinating from studying...but hopefully, someday, I can revisit the days of believeving COMPLETELY in myself (none of this "well maybe I can do it" crap). I'll go back to some wise words from a book I used to love..."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." I think I can graduate. I think I can get a good job. I think I can live life without being so scared of it. At least, I'll try my hardest.
High Rollers
So yesterday, randomly at like 9:30 at night, I went to the casino for the first time. The purpose for this trip was not to de-virginate me from casinos, but to let a fellow roomate blow off steam for a horrible day she was having. What better way to blow off steam than bet all your money into oblivion?
So we enter the mansion of a casino stock full of smoke (of course), scary-looking security guards (except for one cute one) and shiny vests that look like they were used at a gay bar at some point in time (poor blackjack dealers). I then proceed to get my "Club Sycuan" card (like they think I'm gonna come back every night, those fools) and hop onto a little evil machine I'd like to call the slot machine.
The first one I played was the I Dream of Jeannie slot machine. I put my card and my dollar in and the slot machine greets me with a "hello master." I'm sure that a lot of perverts love this machine. Seriously now, this game has no rhyme or reason. It just plays cool music and chimes a bell everytime you win something. And, foolishly, I get excited when I win "2 credits." That is until someone informs me that credits are nickels. What a rip off! So, this is when the game of chance comes into play...should I keep betting in hopes to get more money? At this point I had put 3 dollars in the machine and had gained $1.80. Did I go cash in my extra dollar eighty though? of course not, I was gonna go for more money.
Needless to say, a few turns later and switch to the American Bandstand machine, I had lost all my money. It was only 3 dollars, but I lost all of it. Am I fan of casinos? Well, I realized that they are the worst kind of video games: they are addicting, they take no skill and they involve the "hopes" of winning money.
So, we left the casino, went to Jack in the Box and got a few tacos and a shake (oreo, baby!) and went to bed. Overall, the night was more about having fun with friends rather than winning money.
So we enter the mansion of a casino stock full of smoke (of course), scary-looking security guards (except for one cute one) and shiny vests that look like they were used at a gay bar at some point in time (poor blackjack dealers). I then proceed to get my "Club Sycuan" card (like they think I'm gonna come back every night, those fools) and hop onto a little evil machine I'd like to call the slot machine.
The first one I played was the I Dream of Jeannie slot machine. I put my card and my dollar in and the slot machine greets me with a "hello master." I'm sure that a lot of perverts love this machine. Seriously now, this game has no rhyme or reason. It just plays cool music and chimes a bell everytime you win something. And, foolishly, I get excited when I win "2 credits." That is until someone informs me that credits are nickels. What a rip off! So, this is when the game of chance comes into play...should I keep betting in hopes to get more money? At this point I had put 3 dollars in the machine and had gained $1.80. Did I go cash in my extra dollar eighty though? of course not, I was gonna go for more money.
Needless to say, a few turns later and switch to the American Bandstand machine, I had lost all my money. It was only 3 dollars, but I lost all of it. Am I fan of casinos? Well, I realized that they are the worst kind of video games: they are addicting, they take no skill and they involve the "hopes" of winning money.
So, we left the casino, went to Jack in the Box and got a few tacos and a shake (oreo, baby!) and went to bed. Overall, the night was more about having fun with friends rather than winning money.
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