Uh oh.

I have a sliiiiiiiight crush.

Why do these stupid things spring up on me? He's the guy in the red sweater--which was completely adorable by the way--and he's sincere. Guys like him catch my eye instantly since they don't come around often.

Oh yeah. His name is Carlos.

We all know that I am a dork, I accept that. So you can make fun of me for my guy-crazy ways lately, but whatever. He's too cute to pass up.

Siiiiiiiiiiiinging in the RAIN!

Today was a great day.

And to top it all off: Stefie and I are bad ass motherfuckers. Want to know why?

Well, I come back to my apartment tonight (after eating two slices of banana cream pie, mmm...) and notice that it is raining still. It was quite lovely. Stefie then suggests, jokingly "We should go play in the rain."

"Ok!" I shout.

Stefie and I spent almost an hour splashing about in the rain and puddles. We even passed by two girls that said "Uh, don't get us wet. You guys are nuts."

We replied, "Don't worry, we embrace our insanity."

Needless to say, I am completely and utterly drenched right now. And I love it.

So again I must say--and you must agree--Stefie and I are simply BAD ASS.

Yay for rain! Boo on annoying boys!

YAY. It started to rain! It gets me all giddy inside. I realize that from an outsider's point of view, this would seem like a sarcastic statement. Why no, my friend. I looooooooooove rain. I looooooooooooooooove water. The end.

Besides the rain...I have a "bit" of a dilemma. I hate letting down people...even when I don't know them. There's this guy in my class...right? He likes me. And you may ask, how do you know, Ashley? Because, come on, these things are so easy to tell. And he sits by me. All the time. No matter where I sit in class...I've tested this theory. Oh, and he ran into me at a party...and we went through the whole fake "Oh yeah...I think you're in my class," deal. Usually it ends there, but he then decided to follow me around the party, talking to me in his drunken vocabulary.

Anyway...you may be asking "Why not give this guy a chance?"

Here are some reasons:
1. he's 25. But that's not it. He's 25 and he just joined a fraternity. Not endearing at all.
2. he's a bit annoying.
3. and most importantly...he's not funny. Or really smart. That gets you an F in my book. Cause, yeah, he's attractive, but so what? That only gets you so far.

So...I've been ignoring him, basically.

Sometimes, I wish I went to school in a quaint mid-west town. I like my school, don't get me wrong, but there is a problem with it: It's extremely superficial. I can't stand people who don't care about politics or reading or art or anything of intellectual value. At least, a lot of the students here like to give off the impression that they don't care about that stuff.

But "that stuff" is really important to me.

But, you know, I'm preaching to the choir here, since all of you are kick-ass, anyway, and don't care about such superficial things. And that sentence had WAY too many commas.

This, again, is a long ass post. So I'm going to leave you kids alone (haha, you're actually all older than me) and I'm gonna go dance in the rain.

I'm just glad last week is over with...

Saturday ended up being a lot better. I was wrong about the whole week being bad. I forgot that I love certain people at my work...and they didn't fail in making my day a lot better (and making me laugh, a lot).

Then there was today. hahaha. Today would have been fine...except for the, oh, 5 hours I was sick to my stomach and throwing up even water. Oh yeah, that was fun.

It's raining tomorrow though! I loooooooooooooove that it's supposed to rain. That puts a smile on my face.

Oh, and I have to tell this story, cause it's amusing:

I was working on Saturday, right? So this guy comes in, with his friend, to buy some balloons for his birthday party. He's turning 30. I don't know if he had had a couple shots before he came in...but this is how the conversation went:

Guy: Hi there...I'd like to get balloons.

Me: Alright. Who's birthday is it?

Guy: Mine.

Me: Oh, you're paying for your own balloons then?

Guy: Yeah. Pretty Much. Oh, and make sure not to put pink string on the ballooons--I don't want anyone thinking I'm gay, you know (cause apparently pink=homosexual to this guy). Sorry for being picky.

Me: That's alright. If there's anyday that you can be picky, it's your birthday.

Guy: Yeah, that and your wedding day. Oh, and the day you lose your virginity, too. (keep in mind that there are kids standing around the counter when he's saying this).

Me: (polite laughter) ummmm....

Guy: Oh sorry. I'm kind of inappropriate, huh?

Me: Maybe a little.

Guy: You know...I'm turning 30. But I'm not married yet. That's kind of sad, huh?

Me: (no answer)

Guy: But you can come to my party if you want. You know, it's a free-for-all.

Guy's friend: Yeah! It's a free-for-all. (I don't know why he chose to speak at this moment).

Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, I think I'll still be working.

Of course that was a lie. But the guy was starting to freak me out. He was, um, blunt.

But yeah, that was the most interesting thing that happened this weekend. That and my fun date with the toilet this afternoon. Yeah, that was a blast.

This week, I believe, will be a better week--because I say so.

I'm much too grumpy to think of a title.

The photo was bugging me, so I got rid of it. When I get a good photo of me again, then maybe I'll put it up. I won't put a depressing one up next time.

I want this week to be over!!!!!!!!!!!! Please be over soon! I'm much too restless to wait it out.

Maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic that saturday will be bad too, but I have to work all day saturday. Yeah...can't you tell I'm in a bad mood?

Pretty much...I'll stop boring you with my whiny/childish attitude. Next week should be better anyway--my birthday is coming up. And not just any birthday. It's my 21st birthday! yay! And it's supposed to rain next week too, and I adore the rain!

Something to look foward to, at least.

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* I need to just go to bed.

Stuck in the Middle

So yeah...this week hasn't been the greatest.

I've just been in a rut lately. I'm not sad...just stuck. I'm not satisfied...I'm insatiable... I'm hungry for something else. You know, all of the above.

I know I look sad in my photo (yeah, it's new, again), but it's more of a contemplative photo. Kind of. I don't know.

I really neeeeeeeeeeed to travel. Somewhere. Anywhere. I don't like being cooped up in one place. When I get enough money (when I have my "steady" job, hopefully), I'll travel to Europe every chance I get. Dude, I'll travel to Virginia or Maryland or Canada every chance I get. Anywhere new and different.

All I know is that I'm young, selfish, confused and a little crazy--and I just haven't figured out life yet. You think you reach a peak, then realize there's more of the mountain to go.

But my shoes are worn, and it's time to lay down for the night and rest. Wrap myself up in dreams of stars and moons and far away places.

There's more to come for me...I just haven't reached it yet.

On Drag Queens and Stress

I am delighted with myself today. And I am a little stressed.

First, on why I am delighted: I made a drag queen doll for Michael, my co-worker. I always joke that's he's a drag queen, and that after we get off work he heads over to Lips (a drag queen bar in San Diego) and turns into the fabulous Michelle. Soooooo, yeah. I took a male barbie, got a skimpy, shiny dress to slip on him (which barely covers his, ahem, bottom half) and colored his face to give the illusion of makeup. It's a masterpiece! And Michael/Michelle will love it! hehehe. I have too much time on my hands sometimes.

Moving onto why I am stressed: I have an exam today...annnnnnnnd I need to read the Leviathan (which is a painfully boring book to read). All by 2:00 pm. Which isn't bad...I'm just stressed. Oh, and applications for the newspaper are due March 6. So I need to work on that.

I can hope for a change...

I hope my friend knows what she's doing with her boyfriend.

I hope he's not an asshole to her, again.

I hope he actually changes this time.

I hope it's not just words...words that are worth nothing more than dirt.

I hope she knows what she's doing.

I hope she's still being doubtful.

I hope she's not placing all her trust in him, again.

I hope...I hope...I hope.

I really hope she knows what she's doing.

Maybe I worry for her too much, but why should she settle for something that isn't good enough?

God, the old phrase works SO FREAKIN' WELL here!!!!! Love is blind. Hopefully she's not blinded so much she walks herself off a cliff.

All you need is love! Right? Do you? Or don't you? I'm too confused.

awwwwwwwwwwww. I just saw the cutest movie. It's going to be added to my favorite movie list.

It's called Just Like Heaven.

It's not a story that's overly complicated, or that hasn't been done before. It's just makes me smile, plain and simple. Movies don't have to be overly original or unique for me to adore them, they just have to touch me in some way. And make me want what's in that movie.

I wonder, and we all wonder...can one find love that you find in movies? Or do movies lead us on? And do we choose to be in love? Or does it find us?

I think we choose to believe that love is this great force...that it comes to us, and like a magnet, pulls us into this whirlwind of emotions that we can't help but get lost in.

But the realist in me tells me that's bullshit.

Will I ever know? I kind of doubt that I'll ever actually fall in love...or let myself, for that matter.

I've always been too guarded...too into the perfect love in movies to consider the flawed love you find back on planet earth.

I hope that someday I'll let that guard down. I don't want to live my life without knowing what it's like to fall in love.

As much as I hate people who look down upon me for not having a boyfriend...as much as I know I'm perfectly happy single and free...as much as I know it all, there is still a part of me that wonders and wants just as much as the typical desperate girl we all pity.

Maybe I have been desperate, but I haven't admitted it.

There's one main problem here that I'm obviously overlooking--the person to which I will fall in love with, if ever.

Maybe...if I stop analyzing things so much...I would realize that when I meet a person to utterly fall in love with, I'll know. And I'll accept it? I don't know.

I'll cross that road when it's time to. And that's the smartest thing I've said in this whole post.

How do you fix your friend when she's broken?

Ok...before I start this little rant of mine, you should know that I had a fabulous weekend. Dancing, movies, laughter--all of it. But that's not what's important at this very moment.

***

I am concerned for my friend. I'm concerned that she keeps taking back her boyfriend who is NOT good enough for her...who disrespects her, who shouldn't be in her life anymore.

WHY does she do this??? I know that love makes you do stupid things and that you're blinded by it, blah, blah, blah.

It's sooooooooooooo frustrating to see them get in arguments, see him be an asshole to her, see them make up like nothing is different, see him promise a change, and then see no change.

It's FRUSTRATING because I love this friend, and she deserves the very best. And he is NOT the best. It's FRUSTRATING because I've told this to her...and she knows it's true...but she forgives him still.

SHE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough.

I know that this is not my relationship...and you can argue that it is not my business. But it is...because I love her, and I want to watch out for her. And I am not just going to remain quiet while he disrespects someone that I hold dear.

I know, also, that she has to realize this fully on her own. What good is it for me to tell her? Except that, in telling her, she recognizes that I care and that I am concerned.

And so I have told her. And that is all I can do, really. But if I see him mess up again like this, and then see her forgive him, again...I will be so utterly dissapointed.

She needs to realize how completely gorgeous, fun, beautiful, amazing, wonderful and gracious she is..........she needs to realize that she can do so much better. And she will do better.

I just hope she sees it soon.

Oh, the things I think when I am sick.

I'm sick. Stilllllllllllllllllll.

I was getting better, then my roomates just had to get sick. And now, I am sick again. Funny how that works.

I told Michael (at work) about this and he joked, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...how'd you get sick???"

I said, "I wish I could tell you I made out with a hot guy, but actually my roomates--wait. I'll just stick to the hot guy story. I like that one better."

Michael smiled and responded,"Yeah, I would stick with that too (laughter)."

Alas, there is no hot guy. And I haven't kissed someone in....oh....a LONG LONG time. Like, since April of last year. That's far too long. But then again, only few have had the privelege of kissing me...therefore, it's worth the wait to keep it more of an exclusive club. Or so I tell myself.

One last thing, since Michelle mentioned it on her blog. Do you watch Project Runway? Well I do. And Daniel NEEDS to win. NEEDS to!! If Santino (however you spell that mofo's name) wins, I'll cry, and then slit my throat. Because Daniel is talented and I love every single one of his garments!! He's seriously a natural. I'm leaving Chloe out of this...and she's good, but she doesn't hold a light to the luminous ray that is Daniel.

Alright...I've spoken my peace about Project Runway. I'm good now. Well, except that I am still sick. But whatever, I'll just overdose on some Sudafed and let the medicine take me away. Plus, I love how they are sugarcoated.