I hate confrontation! I hate it, I hate it, I HATE it!!!!!!!! I can't handle it and I hardly ever get into it (since usually I'm pretty mellow).
Today I told one of my roomates something that's been bothering me. And now I think I've offended her. But I didn't mean to. It was something that was making me feel uncomfortable. And I had to say it. I HAD to say it. But now I feel sick to my stomach.
I'm confident in a lot of ways, but obviously this is not one of them. I can't bring myself to tell people when somthing is bothering me, for fear of losing their friendship.
But isn't that sooo stupid? If they were my friend, they would care if something is bothering me. And I am a good friend. I'm not perfect. But I am a good friend. So I shouldn't be afraid of losing a friend over a stupid fight, right?
It sounds so logical to write it all out, but when you put it into real situations, it becomes the hardest thing ever. For me at least. WHAT is my problem? Why do I keep annoyances so deep inside of myself until I can't contain them any longer?? Why do I do this?????
I have to much on my mind this week. Too much to study for and too much to handle.
I know that this post is extremely depressing, and you should stop reading it.
But it is my mood. I've been a bit down lately, and I don't know why. And I don't like it.
THANK GOD thanksgiving break is coming. I NEED IT!!! I reallllllly do. I just need to relax my mind and heart and soul. I just need my parent's love to embrace me right now, cause I know their's is unconditional.
Doesn't my roomate know that I love her? That she is one of my best friends? And that I would be extremely sad if I ever lost her friendship?
Obviously, I don't get into fights often cause I'm making a big deal about this. I need to stop. I just needed to get it out.
Life is a huge pain in the butt sometimes. HUGE. It has to turn around.
Where is my sun? I need it to come out and warm my cold, inpenetrable skin. I need the color to come back to me.
hi ashley! your feelings are completely understandable. i don't like confrontation either, but unfortunately it needs to happen sometimes...
ReplyDeletei'm taking a psych class and hopefully this will make you feel better (it's an excerpt from my book):
if two people are genuinely fond of each other, they will have a more satisfying relationship over a longer period of time if they are able to express both positive and negative feelings than if they are completely "nice" to each other at all times.
btw, michelle and i were planning to meet up for lunch tomorrow around noon. you're more than welcome to join us!
sometimes, when my roommate doesn't something particularly stupid like leaves hair all over the bar of soap in the shower, forgets to flush (the worst surprise ever), or leaves a gallon of milk out on the coffee table for 12 hours, we have words. I'll call him "retarded."
ReplyDeletewe'll fight.
cry.
and make up.
but in all honesty, this person's your friend. and if you've got a beef with her, you should be able to talk to her about it. if not, there's something wrong with the friendship.
"Where is my sun? I need it to come out and warm my cold, inpenetrable skin. I need the color to come back to me."
ReplyDeleteThat was absolutely lovely; very poetic. I know exactly how you feel. I never want to break a bond, but if you are a good friend, then it's the other party that needs to understand that they are not doing their best. The blame does not fall entirely on you if you are being genuine.
My DSL is back, baby! Time to write thousands of blogs!
Well, one should never talk about another's grooming issues. If she likes her "special area" to look like a rain forest, you should let her.
ReplyDeleteNow only if she would pay for the plummer every time he has to come and unclog the drain, then we would have something.