Today is my first day at the new position, and I'm currently dealing with a slight knot of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. It's a nervousness caused from a string of what-ifs forming in my mind. You know, a list of silly things that are quite laughable: I want to say all the witty things, be the best employee and have the cutest outfit all in one go.
But the truth is I'll start out slightly awkward, probably hang up on students by accident and feel a bit inadequate at the start. I'm working on the idea of accepting my less-than-perfect nature, as opposed to fancying the idea of being the best, prettiest, smartest in the room--I swear, we're taught at a young age that we need to be the prettiest in the room, but maybe that's a post for another time.
So here's to celebrating the geek in all of us...may we learn to accept that mistakes make us ever-so-endearing, and that perfection is overrated!
I haven't talked about J for a long time on here. Well, he hasn't really been a big presence in my life anymore, while still being an influence on the romantic part of my life, contributing in my distrust in males.
While I think I've gotten over most of that, it's still hard to run into that person, which ends up inevitable when you have the same group of friends.
I went to a wedding last Saturday, of course he was there.
Near the end of the wedding, he decided to bring up a deep/awkward conversation. Whhhhy?
He asked, "Are you ever going to forgive me?"
Loaded question.
We proceeded to have a conversation about how, yes, I would forgive him, but no, we couldn't really be friends in the future. It wasn't a bad conversation, and part of me is glad it's out of the way. These experiences are like little soap operas God likes to watch, I swear.
***
Have you heard the song "Landed," by Ben Folds? I feel the lyrics of this song accurately portray the way I feel about that situation and how I see J now. God will open our eyes to the truth, if we ask, to get out of the clouds. Take a listen, take a look at the lyrics.
The Lyrics:
We'd hit the bottom, I thought it was my fault And in a way I guess it was I'm just now finding out What it was all about
Moved to the west coast away from everyone She never told me that you called Back when I was still, I was still in love
Till I opened my eyes and walked out the door And the clouds came tumbling down And it's bye-bye, goodbye, I tried And I twisted it wrong just to make it right Had to leave myself behind I've been flying high all night So come pick me up...I've landed
The daily dramas she made from nothing So nothing ever made them right She liked to push me and talk me back down Until I believed I was the crazy one, and in a way I guess I was...
But I opened my eyes and walked out the door And the clouds came tumbling down And it's bye-bye, goodbye I tried Treading a sea of a troubled mind Had to leave myself behind Singing bye-bye, goodbye I tried
If you wrote me off I'd understand it Because I've been on some other planet So come pick me up... I've landed
And you will be so happy to know I've come alone, it's over
But I opened my eyes and walked out the door And the clouds came tumbling down And it's by my goodbye I tried Down comes the reign of the telephone czar It's OK to call Now I'll answer for myself
I received a message from my co-worker, Jason, from my last job, and I'm not sure how to take it. haha. Read this message and tell me what you think:
Hey there Miss Ashley. Prescott and Isaiah told me to tell you not to give too much attention to the boys at your new site. It will make them jealous :) (Prescott and Isaiah are my two favorite little kindergartners at my last job, just so you're not confused)
Good luck with this new job. Hopefully you can find a summer replacement for lil' Prescott. I'm gonna really miss all those guys! (sniffles) Hopefully I'll be back in Sept. I must admit I'll miss our afterwork walk and talks among other things. I grew to really appreciate you as a person and enjoyed your company. If you ever have a free night and would like to get together and watch a movie (maybe you can show me High Fidelity) feel free to contact me.
BTW if you're free Thursday July 9th and are interested in cruising with me to see Incubus let me know and I'll grab some tix
Ttyl Mr. Jason :-)
...Soooo, is this just a friendly "let's get together and be friends" kind of message? Or...something else? I'm not interested in dating Jason. So, I don't want to give the wrong impression by hanging out with him. He's still a cool guy.
Tell me what you think, dear readers...
P.S. Work was good today. Today in general was a lot better. The good thing about bad days is that the next day is likely to seem great in comparison. There's a way to look on the bright side!
Man, last night was brutal. I all of a sudden felt deathly ill, and I will not provide details, but I could not hold dinner down.
So today I had a quick training, then lots of naps and rest, to regain some strength. I hate getting randomly sick.
Anyway. This week has been crazy! Highlight of the week: My Homie Jaclyn, my oldest friend, visited. This was refreshing and great to see an old friend. It's funny how no matter how much time passes between when I see her, we are the same old ridiculous girls. Maybe I will post pictures of our time together, but they are ridiculous as well. I told Jaclyn that we act like we are drunk all the time, without ever being drunk. Lord help us if we were to drink together and hang out!
Oh wait, that happened Monday. Monday was her last night here. We ordered these damn raspberry lemonades that were WAY stronger than they let on. That did me in. Not to mention the wine Jaclyn's boyfriend Miguel insisted on having with dinner.
Also, because Miguel's dad is the executive chef of the place, we had some interesting appetizers...like RAW MEAT. I ATE RAW MEAT!!!!!!!! WTF? haha...the actual name for the stuff is carpaccio. Si, รจ italiano! AND IT WAS GOOD. I feel like a cave woman! I also ate fried calamari. Pretty rough texture. Not really my cup of tea, er, I mean...squid.
So yeah...that was the highlight of the week. The wedding is tomorrow!!! Again, I am beyond excited for the wedding (even though the groom will be on crutches...sad face).
Two nights ago, I was at a cafe, and this emo looking boy sitting at the next table turns to me and stares right at me.
Obviously, I'm a bit creeped out, but I avoid eye contact and continue chatting with my friends. Then he leans over and asks, "Do you dye your hair?"
I answer, "Umm...yes."
The guy, whom I shall call Creeper, replies," Oh. Well what color is it naturally?"
Me, getting frustrated: " A little darker."
Creeper: "Well, I used to be a blonde, but I dyed my hair black. Does it fit me?"
Me: "Uhhhhh, sure."
Creeper, holding up a hand to wave: "Ok, well bye then."
WTF?!? Like, what the hell was that? The most disturbing thing was the severity of this guy's eye contact, like he was trying to steal my soul or something. You can't have my soul, creeper!!!
Don't you love him???? He's my morning monster! haha...My friend Rachel made this (yes, made this) for me for my birthday. This is EXACTLY how I feel in the mornings. Especially this morning. Texting is not the devil, Daylight Savings is the devil!!!
The only thing that conquered my gloomy attitude this morning was the Girl Scout Cookie Boxes I received today. I ate six Tagalongs already. I have a semi-stomach ache, but it is worth it!!
This week has been, um, interesting so far, starting with a conversation I had with a friend about her new boyfriend (who I went a couple dates with in December, which she had just found out about). haha...yeahhhhh. Well, there were no hard feelings. It was just an awkward talk.
Whatever. I'm finding out that life is just awkward.
I'm just happy I have my morning monster. How I love him--it's the same kind of love I used to have for Oscar the Grouch. Sometimes you just gotta be grouchy!!
I forgot to mention this before: I was at the salon last week (getting a few highlights in my hair) and this male customer next to me decides to bring up a conversation on abortion. At the salon. At ten in the morning. He actually decides to debate, with his hairdresser, about when life begins!
Now, I'm all for free speech. But I don't know the last time I felt that uncomfortable. Especially because that debate often gets heated, and quickly. I mean, come on! That's a heavy conversation to bring up in the midst of weaves and hair dye.
Once he left, I turned to his hairdresser and said, "Well while we're at, let's talk about gay marriage. Shall we?"
I had to break the tension, somehow. Although, gay marriage might be a better convo for a salon than abortion. haha.
I just wanted to tell you all about my awkward experience while gettin my hair did.
***
Tomorrow [March 3] is my birthday and tomorrow I am going to Disneyland!!! Yay. No work and all play on my birthday...that's the way it should be! (I'm going to be 24...mid-twenties, here I come!)
Hello reality. So nice to see you today (not really). It was fun waking up at 6 A.M. after 2 weeks of not having to. Yeah, thanks for that present. You are much, much too kind.
Coffee is not helping me right now!!
Oh, and funny story. Yesterday, I go to mall to pick up a calendar I saw two weeks ago (I waited until now to get it cause I knew it would be half-off). Guess who I run into? J. Yes, the one and only. Talk about sufficiently awkward conversation/side hug. The whole time I was looking at him (while also not looking) and thinking to myself "Why did I ever find you attractive?"
He made some dirty joke about the James Dean calendar I was getting, then proceeded to crack another lame joke, "You know he's dead, right?" Well hardy har har. Mostly I rolled my eyes at his attempt at humor. Finally he got the hint that I was not thrilled to see him and left.
It's ok, James Dean is worth the awkwardness.
Another back to reality realization: I'm done with the Twilight series. I read it all over the 2-week break. That's over 2500 pages in a 2-week span!!!!! I didn't know I could read so feverishly. It helps to have random free time on your hands. Plus the books are not mentally challenging, by ANY means.
What will I say about the whole series? Same as what I said about the first book. Mindless fun for chicks. What else can you expect from a book about vampires? You can't take that crap too seriously. Although, sad to say, it's been my world for the last couple of weeks (it's so easy to get lost in books). And now I'm in the real word again. Wakin' up at 6 am. No hot vampires in my world.
Yeah...sooooo...can I just share the conversation I had with this customer at my work? Here goes:
Chick: Oh my gosh!! Your eyes are so beautiful *grabs my hand* Me (a little creeped out):Uhhh, thanks. Chick:Oh I promise I'm not hitting on you or anything. Me: *nervous laughter* Chick: So my friend has green eyes, but he thinks he has blue eyes. And he's been trying to convince me they're blue. But I'm like "no they're not!" So can I take a picture of your eyes to show him what blue eyes look like? Me: ummm... Chick:Ohmygosh...you probably think I'm so weird, huh?
Yeah, so she tried taking a picture of my eye with her cell phone, only to find out cell phone pictures have bad lighting. Haha, what the f*** is that???????? If any of you have had an experience with a crazy person like this, do share...
No, I'm not becoming one. But just listen to my story...
I went to jury duty today, right? I didn't even get called (whew!); however, an interesting event did occur. I started to talking to an older man next to me and noticed that he had an accent. So my inquisitive side urged me to ask, "Where are you from?"
Man: Turkey.
Me: Ohhhhh, my mom is from Turkey too!!
So of course for the next 30 minutes we talked about Turkey (gosh I love that place). Then, this man brought up his son.
Man: You know, my son would like you...a lot. He's a good looking boy. Can I have your number so my son can call you?
Me: Excuse me?
Well...I couldn't say no. I just find it funny that fathers have the nerve to pimp out their sons to random girls in the jury duty lounge.
I'm still laughing over this. I'll laugh even more if he calls.
It feels good to just sit here in the still in the still of the morning, sipping my sugary coffee from my little blue cup. As much as I like sleeping in, I forgot how wonderful this silence is.
I appreciate silence when others find it awkward. Maybe I'm just awkward, haha.
Maybe I'm enjoying not working...I'm just sitting here and taking in the moment.
I've been dying a little at work, cause we've been busy and under-staffed all at the same time. Glorious. And you know the American way: work until you die, work all day...just prove that you're the best.
But once you prove that you're the "Best," what do you get? Pride doesn't make a happy life.
It just doesn't make sense: why do Americans work their lives away? It hurts my head everytime I think about it. Americans work a lot to have a better life...but when do we get to live if we're working all the time???
I know you've pondered this too.
Why are so many things in life ridiculous?
My silent morning is coming to end, now I'm off too work (sadface). Ohhhh, how I wish I could live in Europe!!
There's this guy that used to work at my job, right? His name is Aaron...and he's always been a bit of a freak. Not like a stalker-freak. He's more of a charming freak. Like a I-have-to-wear-black-all-the-time-and-act-tough-but-really-I'm-a-teddy-bear-sort-of-freak. You know what I mean.
He likes to visit every now and then and show off the new, freakish things he's done. Like, oh, getting Vampire fangs put in this mouth. Yeah. At first he lied and said they were permanent, but we came to find out they were actually removable.
So, today he comes to visit and I'm talking to him outside, with two other people, when he suddenly grabs my wrist and bites it--with those fangs. And it wasn't a sissy bite, no no. He bit hard! The inside of my wrist now has two red bumps on it. Gee, thanks, Aaron. AND THEN...he has the nerve to say, "Next time I won't stop till I see blood! And it will be your neck!! One day..."
Yeah, he wishes. Plus, I don't want anyone playing around with my main arteries...they are KIND OF important.
I won't lie--the fangs are strangely attractive. I'm not saying that I would ever date anyone that had them!!!! Do NOT get me wrong. I'm just saying, in a twisted way, they are sexy. hahaha...
So, about that date. Well...not much to talk about. The guy's name is Mike. And he's nice.........but (hah, there's always a but after nice, huh?)....he really didn't make me laugh. Like, at all. If you can't make me laugh, well, you might as well be dead to me...I might as well just go the grave yard and talk to dead corpses.
Ok, so that's a little harsh. But all my best friends? Funny. My family? Funny. If you're gonna be in my life, dammit, you have to be funny. Not as funny as Ellen DeGeneres, but you gotta make me smile just a little bit...COME ON!
And...I asked this guy about his major, right? And here's how that went:
Me: so what's your major? Mike: Business Me: Cool. Do you know what you want to do with it? Mike: No, not really. Me: So, why did you get into it? Why do you like business? Mike: I don't really...I don't like school. I just picked a major that will make me a lot of money.
Ewwwwwwww! Gag me with a stick. Or, actually, gag me with that wad of money you're gonna sell your soul for. Really now, I want to date someone with a PURPOSE in life. If nothing else--to be a stand up comedian, so at least I can laugh with the person.
So....haha. That sums up the night. I'm back home right now, and it is officially Christmas Break (I've said that already this week. I'm so repetitive!).
And you can tell I have free time cause I posted like 3 times today. Well, nevermind, it's Wednesday now...huh? Whatever...I just know I'm glad that my brain can recooperate.
