I've Got The Blues

I'm just playing around with colors here on my blog.

Tell me the truth, does it look too...easter-y? I just would like a refreshing change. Even though I adore purple, I've had the same colors up for...oh...probably a year.

Just let me know if the blue is fitting.

Happy New Year! (again)

** I took Frankie and Jay's advice and already made it darker :)

Futurisitc Year

Ah, the smell of coffee in the morning...

Sorry, got distracted. What did I want to write about? Oh yeah...

I'm excited for 2009. 2009? Why does that sound more futuristic to me than any of the other years we've had this millenium? For some reason it does.

I believe that I will be more...BOLD...this year. It's not even about being bold in the love department. I still hold tight to my beliefs that it's useless always searching for love, losing yourself in the process. If the right person comes along, then cheerio! But I'm just impatient. haha.

This year, I just want to become less guarded in every aspect of my life. I want to seek those dream jobs, even though they intimidate me. I want to push away my shyness when I first meet people. Etc., etc.

I won't babble on. I'll simply say, here's to an interesting, lovely, bold, smashing 2009! Go forth and drink some champagne (with raspberries...so good)! And be safe, you party animals.

I saw it there, in the sunset

Driving back from Santa Barbara today, I gawked outside the window to see the loveliest orange sunset, one that constrasted perfectly against the fading blue sky. Streaks of zesty tangerine triggered my mind to think of love, somehow. Maybe these Twilight books are getting to me.

Then I thought of you. And although my feelings for you are gone, and even though I remember quite well how much of an asshole/prick/douche bag you were to me, it's funny how I still wonder how you are, like I still care how you're doing. Well, I do.

Even though we may never be friends in the future, or even acquaintances, I still hope for your well being. Even though you confidently uttered the words often, I don't think you ever really loved me--it's ok, somehow I got over that part. I still want you to have a happy life, even though you left me bruised.

My only question...will I ever love so passionately again? Was it really love to begin with, or just agonizing infatuation? Guess I won't know until I try someone new. Until I find real love.

And so I come to my one and only New Year's Resolution: To be less guarded--that is, to open my heart to other options this year. Now that I am fully over the past, why am I still stalled in one gear? It's time to look toward the future with open arms, not with a high-five, or a handshake, but a full embrace.

I want to be open to sharing future sunsets with someone that will love me as much as I love them. I believe that's plausible.

Twas The Night Before Christmas

Another Christmas Eve is upon us. How many have I been through now? 23? Maybe 20 that I can remember?

How can I forget those Christmas Eves where I was forced to wear red tights and frilly little dresses? Don't forget the oversized Santa hat.

Those Christmas Eves where I couldn't go to sleep because my excited little heart beat for the thought of Ol' Saint Nick, and whether he would like the obscurely written notes I penned to him.

Those Christmas Eves spent singing every overplayed Christmas song imaginable (done time and time again by Celine Dion and Mariah Carey). Finishing the line "You'll go down in history" with "Like Colombus!" Or was it George Washington? We could never agree on that.

And to think, I'll have future Christmas Eves...with a lover? With a husband? With a baby? (gulp)

Life moves quickly, but here's to always keeping the heart of a child inside of us during the holiday season.

(yes, I know that was shamefully cliche and tacky to say...but if you can't say it during Christmas, when can you say it then??)

Merry Christmas to all of you beautiful people!!!!!!!

What's All This Fuss Over Vampires?

Since I enjoyed the movie, I decided to give the book a try. I'm talking about Twilight, of course. I haven't finished reading all of it (I'm half-way through), but I know enought to give a review.

Let's start with the author, Stephanie Meyer, who gets a little verbose in some of her descriptions (how many times are you gonna describe what the beach looked like? And stop talking about the clouds, for God's sake). Then again, I've never been one for long landscape/weather descriptions (that includes you, John Steinbeck). Some of her descriptions of Edward, for instance, are laughable:

"His hair was dripping wet, disheveled--even so, he looked like he just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel."

Really, Stephanie...really? But the same quote that makes me roll my eyes is also where the author gets it right.

As much as I think this excerpt is stupid, juvenile even, this is how girls think. Stephanie is a master at unveiling a girl's mind. That is what makes Twilight addictive to tweens, teens and twenty-somethings alike. Heck, even a middle-aged woman could appreciate this book. Because internally, girls revert back to their 14-year-old giggly, pathetic selves when they have a crush on a boy. In other words, boys make us stupid.

And Bella, the main character, is everywoman, if you will. She is ordinary, clumsy, sarcastic, unsure and insecure. Yep, that about sums up a lot of girls.

What makes this book more than addicting is the fact that Edward (the perfect vampire boy) is madly in love with the ordinary girl. It's a fantasy that plays out in every girl's head.

So, it's no Jane Austen. And Edward is no Mr. Darcy. Meyer's characters are not as multi-dimensional as an Austen novel. However, the book is endearing in its own way. And it's a story where the underdog triumphs in life...hey, I can't complain about that.

Am I slightly addicted? Yeah, I'll admit this guilty pleasure of mine.

I Have the Sniffles

I haven't been this sick in awhile. It's pretty bad when you take a two hour-nap and you're still exhausted right after it.

I feel like falling asleep right now and it is 7:15 pm. Wow.

It didn't help that I went dancing last night. They played techno-y stuff. It was pretty darn funny. But having a few drinks didn't help my immune system...nope.

Anyway, there's no sense in rambling because I am quite delirious. Good thing the kids are on Xmas break; ergo, so am I. More time to watch sappy chick flicks (P.S. I Love You), drink some OJ and eat chicken noodle soup. Time to recover!!!!!

I Need Rain Boots

Well, actually, that would be a horrible investment for San Diego. But on days like today, I sure wish I had some.

Now, normally I LOVE rainy days...just click on my "rainy days" tag below and all my posts will start with "it's raining and I LOVE IT" or something to that effect. However, now that I am working with kids, my view of rainy days has been altered a little.

Rainy days+kids= no playground time = pent up energy = kids acting like they are on meth = me wanting to pull my eyebrows out (because I think I've already pulled my hair out).

*Breathe*

Alright, I will be ok. Wish me luck as I enter the battlefield.

When is the weekend going to get here?

Turning World

Sitting here, rummaging through my thoughts
on a crispy afternoon.
Wait, did I say crispy?
I meant crisp, the kind that comes after rain.

And it was raining yesterday,
bullets pounding into the earth.
Destroying the old, revealing the new.
Rebirth and even more rebirth.

A process I know quite well.

So much to teach, so much to learn.
We always find this out,
and the world continues to turn.
and the past continues to burn.

And still I stand firm.
In who I am.
In who You've made me to be.
On the trail that's right for me.
And in You, I am free.

Hello, Sexy Vampire Boy

Alright, alright, alright...so I gave into seeing Twilight. And my inner thirteen-year-old self was damn happy that I did.

Although a few scenes brought about some eye rolls and straight up laughter, there were a lot of sighs and "Wow, that vampire is HOT." That vampire's name is Robert Pattinson, and he was the same actor that had me saying "Wow, that Cedric is HOT," when I watched Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire years ago.

In case you haven't seen this guy's picture plastered over magazines lately, here he is:
AND wait, what's that about him being English? Talk about perfection. Well, eh, I assume that he's probably a cocky arse in real life.

Anyway, if you go and see Twilight, you may find it over-the-top cheesy; even so, there is a part of you that will love it for it's Shakespeare-esque idea of a true and pure love. Even those of us that have been jaded by love in the past can still believe that there is a good kind of love out there. This movie simply plays on that small belief.

Yeah, I choose to still believe in love...if the guy is something like a Mr. Darcy, or Edward Cullen.

My Gut Feeling

Sometimes, we try to fight gut feelings. But it's really funny when you know, deep down, that you can't deny that gut feeling.

When something just isn't quite right, you know it.

Well, I really have been paying attention to that gut instinct recently. (and yes, I think that's how God "talks" to us, through instincts). With thought, and prayer and more thought, I've come to a sound decision.

Sorry if this post is kind of enigmatic. Maybe I feel like being slightly mysterious today. Maybe you can see right through me. That's alright.

Quote from my favorite movie: Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.

I love that quote, and just to clarify, I don't think my gut has shit for brains. I think my gut has been pretty damn accurate for a long time. So I'll go ahead and go with it.

Understanding Pride

I'm reading a book called Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis. Most likely you've heard of it. If you are Tim, then you apparently have it on tape.

Don't be dismayed by the title if you do not consider yourself Christian. This book takes as much of a scientific approach as possible to understanding the role of God, or even if there is a God.

You all know where I stand on this issue.

But I won't go into the whole "Let me prove to you that there is a God..."

Instead, I want to focus on one chapter that really touched me. That chapter is on Pride. Lewis calls it "The Great Sin," and I agree with that assessment. He argues that all other sins (or faults, if you will) stem from Pride, and he makes a great case for it.

Some quotes that struck me:

"There is one vice of which no man is free...and the more we have it in ourselves, the more we dislike it in others. The vice I am talking about is Pride..."

"If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed."

"In fact, if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself, 'How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronise me, or show off?' The point is that each person's pride is in competition with everyone else's pride."

I am guilty of all of this. Especially calling someone else out when I believe they are being prideful. After reading these quotes I'm forced to ask myself, "But how prideful am I for even daring to call someone else prideful?"

By pointing out someone else's pride, I am, in fact, participating in the very fault that I was condemning that person for.

Whoa, that's deep.

That is why I love books like this and revelations like this; it is a moment in time when I forced to look within and ask myself if I am living up to the person I want to be. Before being critical of others, we should be critical of ourselves.

Kick Ass Weekend

Things I did this weekend that made me really happy:

1. Went to a christmas festival at Balboa Park (my favorite place in San Diego). All admission to the museums were free (unheard of!), and there was tent after tent of great food from different countries. There are different "houses" in Balboa Park, in what's called the International Village. There was a HOUSE OF TURKEY, which obviously got me really excited. They were cooking kabobs, of course.

2. Lolligagged around Coronado, my second favorite place to go in SD, and showed my friend Bethany around the Hotel Del Coronado (where Some Like it Hot was filmed). I call Coronado "Mayberry" cause it's one of those annoyingly perfect places, a Pleasantville of sorts.

3. Hung out with the latin boy for a short time, and learning to open up my heart a little, and not be so guarded. The Latin boy's name is Christian, by the way. Yes, I'm giving it a chance, even when I often want to run in the opposite direction because opening your heart up again after past heartaches is a process, and sometimes it's easier to throw in the towel. I keep reminding myself that I have nothing to lose, and I need to calm down.

4. Gave advice to two girls about their "boy" situations, and they thanked me for it. Because it's easier to navigate other people's love lifes (even though I have a hard time navigating my own, haha).

5. Picked out a bad ass Christmas tree with my dad.

6. Sat on the beach and read from Mere Christianity, an outstanding book by C.S. Lewis that I will have to write about sometime soon. If you're looking get in the spiritual mood, the beach is a great place for it. Talk about rejuvanation of the soul!

WHAT a great weekend!!! I love weekends like that. I feel refreshed enough to conquer this week and kick some ass. Sometimes life kicks my ass, so I am kicking back.

The Thought of Leaving...

Sometimes I really toy with the idea of living in a different place. But that's my wanderlust side, becoming bored with my surroundings again. I haven't taken a trip since the summer (although going to Turkey was a GRAND trip). There are so many places I want, no NEED, to see!! When shall I have the privilege of setting foot in Italy? Ahhhhhh!!!!!

Why am I in the mood to watch A Walk To Remember right now? Random girly thought, sorry.

Back to the thought of living somewhere new...I'm a person that would totally do it, given the opportunity. However, I would miss my parents. That sounds childish, in a way; but I know I have a limited time with them. So moving away now will rob me of some of that time.

These are the places that I've always contemplated moving to: Chicago, New York (although I haven't been to either, but I LOVE big cities, except L.A.), anywhere in the state of Washington (I love trees!), Oregon and even some other places on the East Coast.

It's weird to think that I have the opportunity to apply for a job in any of these states...and ACTUALLY move there! Anyway, my dreams of moving to a new place will have to wait...this may be the worst time ever to find a new job. My logical side reminds me that savings must be in order before I think about ever moving.

Also, the move has to be right. You know, it has to be approved mentally and spiritually. I'm not in a place to move just yet.

Still...it's nice to imagine!

R.I.P. Stanley

Oh poor Stanley! You had a long life, you even survived a suicide attempt. And now you are gone...

If you don't know, Stanley was my fish for three years. So I know, I know...he's just a fish. But he was my little buddy for a good portion of my college years. And the suicide attempt? Well, one day (maybe 2 years ago) I went into my room and found little Stanley on the ground, half-alive. He had jumped out of the tank! We then posted a note by his bowl that read "Stanley, don't jump. Life is Great." He never jumped again.

So now, Stanley finally reached the end of the rope. Goodbye little fish, you will be missed!

(yes, I do, in fact take all life seriously)

Do I Overanalyze?

Hey...its been a little while, hasn't it? I'm a little tired, so I won't be writing too long, but an update needs to happen, so here we go...

First thing I must say: I HIGHLY recommend Role Models, if you haven't seen it yet. Paul Rudd has always been one of my favorites, and this movie totally showcases his talent. This was a funny movie done well, unlike other funny movies that have been coming out recently, like Superbad, which was way overdone and overhyped. Role Models didn't over do any one joke, wasn't too crude, didn't rely on lots of cussing...it was just a great comedy. GO SEE IT.

Second thing I must say: My date went pretty well, actually. I even got flowers! And a walk on the pier. He thought it out and I was impressed. He even expressed feelings for me and assured me that he was willing to wait, after I said "You need to be patient with me..."

And why would I say that to such a great guy? I don't know...I think I'm honestly a little confused over what to feel for him. I already know how great of a guy he is, he's proven that over the two years we have been friends. Part of me thinks that maybe our connection doesn't go much further than the friend level. Part of me thinks that I'm just over-analyzing, yet again, and things like this have to grow over time. Part of me knows I'm comparing him too much to the connection I had with J--which was indeed close and passionate in a lot of ways, but also agonizing at the same time.

I think too much. I scare myself out of real relationships often, and set myself up for relationships that can never work or self-destruct (like J).

So I'm really trying to leave my analyzing on the side as much as I can. And I'm continuing to hang out/date him to see where this might go. Cause I know what some of your comments might say for this post. Something to the effect of "relax" and "things will happen naturally if they are meant to..." and all that jazz that makes sense.

Looks like I wrote a long-ish post after all. Feel free to share any long-ish or short-ish comments...

Eatin' Up the Holidays

Alright, so this will be the last post from me for about a week.

My schedule in the coming days: work, sleep, work, dinner with the latin boy, sleep, drive to Santa Barbara...and stay there for a few days to visit the sis.

So I'm sure I'll have stories to tell when I return.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (early) Make sure too eat. A lot. "Wait, we need a holiday for that? We do that everyday" --Jim Gaffigan

RaNdOm

No, I'm not sure why I made my title look like a ransom note...

Sipping on my coffee right now (filled with too much peppermint mocha creamer--maybe you can never have too much).

Just to recap, here are the things Ashley has done in the past week:

• Watched Quantum of Solace. Not as good as the first, but I'm sure you've already heard that review. Still, Daniel Craig is a hot Englishman and that is always a plus.
• Continued to learn me some Turkish (do not proceed to make any bird jokes, please).
• Agreed to go on a date this upcoming Friday. How did that happen? Damn those Latinos.
• Watched the TRL Finale last night. hahaha. I laugh as I write this, because I haven't watched TRL in AGES... say over 5 years? But when I heard Justin and JC were going to be on TV with Carson Daly, I got giddy reminiscing over the old times...ahhh, memories of my pathetic *NSYNC days...
• Speaking of pathetic pop days, I guess I can't talk, since I love David Archuletta's new song. Is that just me? Ohhh, how sad...
• Tamed wild children...they call it a jungle gym for a reason...get it? haha *snort*

Anyway, I guess that's all I have to recap. Nothing special. This will just be a post to look back at one day and laugh at my outright dorkiness.

Giving it a Chance.

I've been busy busy busy busy. Tomorrow I get to sleep in...yay! I mean, today, since tomorrow is already today because it's past 12. Am I making any sense what-so-ever?

I just have one thing to tell...I essentially got asked out on a date. By a friend I've had for over two years. This is intriguing...

But sometimes I think I scare myself out of these situations, and convince myself not to go through with it. Why yes, I'm scared of love...almost scared of having a good relationship. How messed up is that? So I need to not back out this time, and at least give it a chance...there's nothing wrong with taking a chance.

I'll provide more details later. He and I won't be having dinner till next week. Yeah, he asked me to dinner. I believe it is a date. And in case you were wondering--yes, he's latin.

Fighting WWII All Over Again

A quick post about a convo I had with a young child at my new job today:

Little Girl: Will you help me pick a book to get out of this catalogue?

Me: Sure *thumbs through catalogue* Well, this one is about Nazis and the Holocaust. So it's a little sad, but probably a good book.

Little Girl: I'm a Nazi.

Me: Excuse me? I think you mean that you're German?

Little Girl: No. My family is related to Hitler, so I'm a Nazi.

Me ( a little flabbergasted): Well, that doesn't make you a Nazi...

So yeah. That was one incident on my first day. haha. I wanted to say "Little Girl! Don't go around telling people you're a Nazi!" Goodness. But overall, my day was good and the children were darling.

And. I. am. exhausted. After not having a job for awhile then watching 25 kids at one time...well, it's bed time for meeeee. Gooooooooooooooooodnight!

Ashley, the Teacher

Today I start my first day of work. Today is the only day I'll be going to work at a "happy" hour. Tomorrow I'll be waking up at 6 a.m. For my whole life, 6 a.m. and I have been enemies. I talk badly about 6 a.m. behind his back all the time and in return, he attempts to hide the sun from me. Talk about Black Hole Sun.

I haven't had to deal with waking up at 6 a.m. the whole week since high school. So this will be interesting.

In other news, I'm still learning Turkish (through Rosetta Stone). Turkish is the hardest language I've learned to date! Although, I've already forgotten a lot of my Spanish and Italian--haha, oops!--they were fairly easy to learn/pronounce/write. Turkish is more involved and has some different characters. The pronunciation is the hardest by far and will take some practice. Want to learn a quick sentence? Of course you do:

Yeşil araba eski mi?

That means: Is the green car old? --you know, in case you were just dying to ask someone that :) Maybe I will give you random turkish lessons in the future...

Ashley Pocket...

...is my new name for now (given to me by the great Jim Gaffigan). The show was AMAZING. And my favorite new joke was about circumcision (go figure). Yes, that's right, Jim can make circumcision damn funny.

We didn't get to take a picture with Jim (the Wiltern Theatre wouldn't let us, sad face), but we did get to meet him and got signatures on our shirts, Exhibit A:

And the front of our shirts:

The back of our shirts said "This is sticky without pants on." ( A quote made by Jim that sounds more awkward than it actually is). The backs also said "ri-dic-ulous" in small letters.

Anyway, Ashley Pocket is signing out cause she's tired from all the events of the weekend/today! But I just wanted to provide you all with a few photos of my enchanted evening with Mr. Bologna Gaffigan himself :)

And One More for the Girls

So I had to write one more post because a) I was inspired to and b) I still have TOO MUCH time on my hands seeing as I haven't started that part time job just yet...stupid paperwork!



Enter Chris Cornell.

Do I even have to write that this man is too hot for his own good? Now, I remember him, of course, from Soundgarden (and recently Audioslave). But alas, I was too young to appreciate his dashing good looks then.

But I have always always always loved his voice. Putting his looks aside (kinda hard to do), this man's voice mesmerizes me. It's unique. It's beautiful in an unsettling way. It's commanding. It's dark. All of which equals extra sex appeal. Take a listen to "Black Hole Sun" again, acoustic style, and melt with me:

I've always adored that peculiar, poetic song. So here's this great looking man, with a sexy voice who ALSO has the talent to write something amazing...man.

Side Note: Sorry if I sound like a sex-crazed, hormonal, musician-lovin' groupie here. But there are maybe 1% of musicians that bring that side of me out...ok, the end.

P.S. STILL ESTATIC OVER JIM GAFFIGAN (refer to post below).

Ready to Laugh My Ass Off

GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT?

*Ahem* Sorry, for being annoying, I'm just VERRRRRRRRRRRRY excited for the adventure I am going to embark on this weekend to see none other than the comic mastermind himself, Jim Gaffigan. Don't know who he is? That's a shame....so here's a clip of one of my fave jokes:



:) You know you are jealous (not to rub it in or anything).

So I'll be in L.A. over the weekend, at the Wiltern (never been there before). Oh I'll have stories to tell. Laughter is a weekend well spent.

P.S. A note for Frankie--This means that I will have seen Foo Fighters and Jim Gaffigan. Ohhhh yeah, I think I win!

P.P.S. Did you guys happen to see the new South Park last night? Priceless...

Let's See That Change, Mr. Prez

So, Obama is president, and I'm cool with that :)

I also appreciated John McCain's speech and thought it truly came from the heart. Like I said earlier, I was fine with either candidate becoming the next president, for both of these guys are stand up men.

And, of course, it AMAZING that we have finally elected our first black president. AMAZING. Talk about a long time coming!

Most of all, I am so glad that all the election bullshit is over with!! Now back to our regularly scheduled programming, a.k.a. I can live my life without someone cornering me on the street asking if I'm registered!

Mmmmhmmm...Smells Like Election Day

Although I've expressed my apathy towards politics as of late, I still find election day extremely exhilirating. There's a fervor in the air, CAN YOU FEEL IT?

haha. This will be the first time in voting career that I am not voting for president. I actually feel comfortable/happy with both candidates. You may find that crazy...so since you are passionate about it, I'll leave it up to you to decide. Deal? I will, however, be voting on Propositions and such. MAN, I've never seen this much protesting before! But protesting makes me happy--it shows that people care. No matter what side you are for, support it!

Like everyone else, I hope this country can be fixed. Maybe it's time for this great power to fall soon? They all do. Maybe it's in the stars for us to reign longer. We shall see.

GO FORTH AND VOTE!

(side note: I am also SOOOOO HAPPY it's raining today! Yaaaaay!)

Capturing the Passion

The clouds have been rolling into San Diego the past few days and this makes me tremendously happy. It's always so damn sunny in San Diego. Not that the sun is bad. It's just lovely to see some change. Rain is internally soothing to me. And I love looking at the night sky after it rains--every star is visible, the air is crisp, the wind chills me to the point of tingles.

Anyway, over the weekend I went to see a Christian Hardcore band. Yeah, I said Christian. Yeah, I said Hardcore. I'm not, er, your typical hardcore music lover, but I appreciate any live rock show. It was pretty amazing, actually.

The band is called Sleeping Giant (a take on the famous quote made by the Japanese admiral after bombing pearl harbor? Yes, I think so. As in, this movement is a sleeping giant about to be awaken).

If you're interested, take a listen to this song:


This is an example of your typical worship song being set to rock music. (This was not like their other songs where, yes, they were screaming).

What I wanted to portray by showing this clip is the passion in Christianity. I understand anyone who asks, "How can you believe? Are you being forced to go to church? WHAT is wrong with you?"

haha. I wouldn't be going to church, believing, etc., if I didn't have a passion for what I believe. I believe because before, my life without belief wasn't satisfying, wasn't passionate. By showing this clip I simply wanted to show you another side to God that doesn't involve rules, or fancy Sunday clothes at your Grandma's church.

To have passion in my life makes all the difference.

Reel Goooood

Just to pretend I am a professional critic, I am going to give critiques and grades to the following movies:

I finally saw Iron Man the other day. Smashing! Robert Downey Jr. is definitely on my list of neurotic actors I adore. I don't know much about comics, and didn't know the story of this character. The plot was quite different from what I expected, which probably made me like it even more. Grade: Solid A.

I also saw 28 Days Later, which I would call a "smarter zombie movie" than most. More importantly, it didn't scare the bejesus out of me (like, oh, The Shining or The Exorcist). The movie was more about the epidemic than anything else, which made me happy. Grade: B (83%)

And lastly, might I suggest an outstanding movie for Halloween? Rear Window has been one of my favorites for a long time, because it is my Mom's favorite, and she made me watch it at a young age. It's not scary. But ohhhhhh is it thrilling! It's hard to beat the suspense created by Alfred Hitchcock. And the two main characters? Grace Kelly and James Stewart. Priceless. Basically, you won't regret watching this. Grade: A+

Busy Bee

I've been very busy lately...ahhh!

I got the job. It's only part time, but it's a start. Maybe a start in the right direction? I'm off today to go sign papers for that job, then schedule a time for a health exam, fingerprinting and a TB test (ewww, needles hate me, and I hate them back).

Trying to plan out all the events of this week. But it's good to be busy. Most likely, it mean's you're living.

The POSITIVE Thinker

Went to my interview this morning, and it went well. I won't know officially how it all went until they contact me in a week. Whether I end up staying with this job or not, it will still be a great thing to have on my resume, fo shizzle.

What can we say about life? Especially life after college? It's a bit weird navigating myself around. There's all these choices, and all this empty space around. I'm used to the pre-etched out path (a.k.a. school). Now it seems I'm lost in the woods. But it's a good kind of lost. You know, the kind of lost where you learn more about your strengths and survival techniques.

The key to life is THINKING POSITIVE. I am my worst critic, and when my own thoughts start to bring me down (I am human, afterall) I snap myself out of it. It is a daily process, thinking positive. But trusting in da gooooood Lord above and living my life to the best of my abilities is all I can do. It's all any of us can really do.

I do not have plans to be a big executive, or own plots of land or have 20 minions (er, employees) under me. I only can make plans to be a good person.

Anyway, I bought The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch yesterday. It's turning out to be a fast read. I mentioned this professor in a post awhile back because I had seen a news report on him. So I HAD to buy the book. And it all relates back to my goal of remaining positive. I'll tell you what I think when I finish it.




♫ Listening to "I'm Like a Bird" by Nelly Furtado, cause that's my mood right now.♫

Some Revelations?

In my continued job search, I've become truly interested in working for Non-Profit Organizations. Although they wouldn't be the best-paying jobs, I believe they may be mighty satisfying. As I've stated before, I would like a job where I can help people, some way, somehow.

So, a story: I went to a job fair a couple weeks ago and filled out an application for what I thought was a childcare place (I knew I needed a side job to sustain me). It wasn't a very serious venture for me, just something on the side. Well, the HR lady called me the other day and sent me some info on the place and more forms to fill out (along with scheduling an interview on Thursday).

So I visited the site and read up on the forms, and guess what? This place is not a childcare center. Nope, this is a Non-Profit Organization! That is very interesting...*scratches chin* And yes, I do believe that God reveals certain puzzle pieces in time that you fit together yourself. Maybe this is the field that I should be working in?

This will be an opportunity to see if this is the job for me. If I get the job, I would be starting with a modest job there, but if I like it, I can decide if I want to move on up the ladder!

Everything will be revealed in time.

Learn Something New Everyday

So, I was jokingly using the word debauchery today, not knowing EXACTLY what it meant. My friend said, "deba-what?"

I said, "Debauchery. Look it up fool." Just to make sure, I looked it up to make sure I was using it correctly. I was not.

1. a: extreme indulgence in sensuality b plural : orgies 2. archaic : seduction from virtue or duty

hahahaha! I did not know that debauchery had such a sexual meaning. I simply thought it had the same meaning as travesty or corruption. Just a tad different. Must be more careful about throwing it around.

That, my friends, is the word of the day.

A Tumultuous Relationship

Sometimes I think seriously about deleting this blog. Maybe start a new one, with a different approach. Or no blog at all. But I can't bring myself to, I've had it for over three years.

And honestly it's great fun going back and reading my old posts, and how different I have become.

It's weird that I still enjoy writing in this thing. It most certainly is an outlet for me. Somehow my mind feels more free and exercised by typing into this little keyboard. It's a strange idea to have friends from all over the country, even different parts of the world (Holla Katrin!). But it's also a kick-ass idea.

And ultimately, this writer likes to share her writing. Whether anyone is reading makes no difference. Just the idea that my words are out there, open for anyone to stumble upon. Maybe that is why I still have this thing.

Two Loves Come to an End

I'm being slightly melodramatic in my title. That's what girls do best :)

The two loves I am talking about?

1. The Chronicles of Narnia. I finished the seventh and final book last night, and although they are meant for children, they are fantastic for adults as well. Probably because the books remind you to think like children--without doubts, without worry, but just with a full interest in experiencing and living life. Now that's beautiful.

My favorites out of the series were The Magician's Nephew (the first one), Prince Caspian (my very favorite), The Dawn Treader (about life on the sea!) and the Last Battle (the last one). And of course, I like them because there is a spiritual gem shining in each book, which is inspiring.

2. Project Runway. It's just the season finale, not the series...but Project Runway is going to move to Lifetime (and be set in L.A. instead of New York), which makes me wonder, will it be diferent? Because it is perfect the way it is RIGHT NOW.

Anyway, Leanne won last night (I thought she would!) and her collection was simply smashing. I want one of those skirts!!!

So now what to do? Two of my loves that took up some time are gone. Well, one, take up a new book (duh) and two, keep my resolution to spend less time with glowing screens, a.k.a. watch less T.V.!

The Great Outdoors

I haven't been around in the past week; sometimes I go through phases where I'm a little anti-internet. I'm sure you have, too. I think I spend too much time in front of glowing screens, and not enough outdoors. I should change that. So to celebrate some of the fun I've had in the past few weeks away from glowing screens, here are some pictures:

(also, i want to celebrate the fact that I bought My Big Fat Greek Wedding for only $5 yesterday. What a great buy!!)

I like hugging cute Norwegian boys at bars.

This picture cracks me up...this is my old roommate ali dancing with "imitation lance." (we thought he looked a little like Lance Bass). Imitation Lance was INSANE.

My "Zero" and I trying to make a zero with our hands, and failing miserably.

My nephew Brendan on the monkey bars, I had to take pictures!!

I'm glad I have friends that will pose for weird pictures with me :) This is the "Latin Gang" photo. Because I am obviously latin like these guys...

Flowers in a teapot, how cute! (this is at the Ivy in L.A.)

Frozen yogurt makes us happy.

I'm Late! For a Very Important Date!

I'm thinking of being the white rabbit for Halloween...I would just need a bow tie, rabbit ears, a red coat and of course, a pocket watch. I haven't dressed up for Halloween in a few years, actually. So when my friend Bethany said she was going to be Alice in Wonderland and I should accompany her, I brought up the idea of matching (this is what girls do, if you haven't figured that out).

This is not the first time that I would be dressing up as a character from Alice in Wonderland, by the way. A few years ago, my sorority had a date dance, and I dressed up as Tweedle Dum. Don't worry--I've never been one of those girls to go for the slutty costumes. I will not be a white rabbit whore.

Simply, the costume has to be creative. If only I could find a pocket watch that big. I guess you couldn't call it a "pocket" watch then.

Ay Dios Mio!

I just have a thing for latin boys. I can't help it. It's like an addiction of sorts.

I mean, wouldn't it be great to have some multicultural children?

Nonsense on a Sunday Morning

The fashion industry is really pushing to make purple the trendy color of the season. I simply think they saw my blog and got some ideas. Purple has always been the best color! Fools.

Anyway...I've been a little absent this week. I feel like I've been driving everywhere in San Diego. And yesterday I drove to L.A., cause my mom really wanted to go eat at the Ivy, a popular restaurant there. I did it mostly for her cause I've never been a huge fan of L.A.--too much people, too much traffic, too much hype. Although one day I would love to visit the Getty (I heart museums).

I'm kinda being random today, I realize. What else to do on a Sunday? I could bring up politics, but really I've become apathetic. This may be the first election where I won't bother voting for president, but only propositions--if that EVEN makes a difference. To say that I've lost faith in the system is an understatement. Because we (the People) don't control the system...and if you haven't figure that out yet, you will with time.

I'm just in a thinking mood.

It's a little rainy today in SD, and that always puts me in a writing mood. And I absolutely adore the rain!

It was nice to get out this past weekend--I went to L.A. with my old roommate Ali to paint the town purple (which is better than red) and go to her aunt's 60th birthday party. I truly hope that when I'm 60 I can look back at my life and know that I lived it with gusto and passion.

Besides the birthday party, there was something else that happened over the weekend that got me thinking about life. Ali's cousin Tami, whom I've met and hung out with several times before, had tragedy strike her life. She lost her dad to a heart attack; she's only 20 years old. On top of that, Tami had already lost her mother 10 years ago. Obviously, this makes her an orphan.

I am so damn lucky to have my parents in my life still. So damn lucky. Especially when my dad had, and beat his cancer 2 years ago. So lucky. There are times in your life when you really learn to cherish that. This is one of those times.

And Another Thought.

Did you know?

The same part of your brain that registers religious experience also registers music and sexual pleasure.

Prettyyyyyyy interesting.

Just a Thought

Birds don't worry every day like I do. Singing their little tunes, they go out each and every day and catch their food. They do not store; they do not worry about what tomorrow brings, for the big man upstairs takes care of them all the same.

I should learn a lesson from those little pip squeaks. For who of us, by worrying, can add a single hour to our lives?

Just a thought.

Why not add one more post?

I'm on a roll today with posting, I guess. haha. So here's one more poem. There's not a title yet, and maybe it needs to be edited. Eh, but here you go:

I refuse, I most ardently refuse
to bow down to this world
a planet full of ventriloquits
that urges me to be the puppet

Still I refuse, I adamantly refuse
to succumb to your constant messages
messaging me, constantly
washing my brain, stripping it of any color
individualism
intelligence
it is proud to carry

Yes, I refuse, I must completely refuse
to be a junkie of your lies
that if maybe I was the perfect size
had those suede designer boots
kept up with dying my roots
just maybe he'd find me cute

I refuse, I really have to refuse
to be abused
when there's so much more to this woman
who only bows down to the real king
who cares not about her looks, her job, her car, her clothes
but cares only
about the depth of her soul

I refuse, with everything inside of me, I refuse
to believe in anything other than the truth.

Can you take me to...Funkytown?

I started feeling better as the day proceeded. Maybe cause I've been dancing--I got Robyn's CD. You know...the chick I was giving praise to a couple posts ago? yeah, that one.

The CD is ultra funky, and I can't help but dance dance dance while I'm listening to it (one of my favorite activities). The beats are intricate but intoxicating. Funky is definitely the word for this album.

Music always makes me happier. Always. Lovin' it!

Morning Coffee

Clang clack cling
goes my spoon on the mug
as I form maps with my creamer
of my plans for my life

Dreams dreams dreams
of bigger things than
this room
this desk
this coffee

Am I walking about
in a desolate land?
Or do I have to uncover
those sparkling hidden rubies?

I'll find my jewels soon enough
my strength tells me so
until then I wait patiently
and take another sip

Le Sigh

It's so easy to get discouraged with this job hunt. Yes, even an optimistic girl like me has some pessimism in her. It's hard when you try really hard, yet don't yield any immediate results. However, I suppose that will make it more gratifying in the end.

It's hard to prove to all these places that I'm a great worker. Cause really, I am. But how can one prove that? Saying it doesn't do much. I do wish I would have focused more on getting internships in college. But why does everything always have to be done a certain way? I was so busy in school with all my activities and my job that I knew very well I couldn't handle an internship on top of that. Therefore, I did the sensible thing.

I just get a little antsy with all the waiting. I'm a girl of action...I don't like feeling stuck! Waiting just makes me nervous.

And so I sit here on the dock of the bay, waiting for the next fish to nibble on my bait, hoping that I make a great catch.

Who's That Girl

I'm kinda obsessed with this song...if you're a guy, you may not think it's anything special. But if you are female, the pressures of being perfect are still quite dominant in our culture. This song touches on that. AND, do you guys remember Robyn??? She released "Show Me Love" a gazillion years ago! Now she's edgier. And I LIKE it. Take a listen:



My favorite lyric in the song: The girls won't say no, Or ask you why. I won't let you love me, until you really try. :)

Snipity Snip

Yeahhhh, basically I chopped off all my hair. haha. I get bored too easily--I decided to get this haircut in all of like, 5 minutes. But that's the best way to do it!

I've never had it this short! But now I can rock the messy do and no one can complain. ha.

Ready to Mingle

I'm sure you have all heard this song by now, but seriously, you need hear Adele sing live...smashing. Although the sound quality isn't great on these little internet videos, I still got chills from her voice. How can you go wrong with an artist that lists Ella Fitzgerald as one of her influences?

To change the subject to guys (which I've been talking about a lot lately, haha)...I found out that Rudy may be dating this other girl. At an event last night, his friends were teasing him that he was talking to his "girlfriend" on the phone. Eh, so you win some and you lose some.

All I know is, with all the new events I've been going to through my church, there's plenty of good looking new guys yet to be discovered.

I'm still having a good time living my life and just being me, without putting my self worth into a guy.

Solitary (Wo)Man...Until the Right Time

What's this I hear about a possible *NSYNC reunion, Lance? I won't bore you all with the details, or bring out my inner teenyboppin' nerd...so I digress...

So months, upon months ago, I told you all that I had a crush on a guy named Cute Sean. Well, I added the cute part. I had invited him to my birthday party last March, to which he never showed (because of some roomate drama explosion he later told me about, and referred to as 'the incident'). Then I stopped working at the bookstore with him...so we kinda lost touch. I wasn't bummed since he was a recent addition to my life.

So I thought it was interesting when he contacted me this week, through myspace of all places, to ask me out on a date.

The only difference between when I met him then and now is that I have acquired new views on my faith in God and the role that plays in my life. I would have dated him then...but I thought to myself, would I now?

He's still the intelligent, charming, really funny guy that I liked instantly. Did I mention he's cute? haha. So as politely as possible, I wrote back that I could not date him...not that I didn't want to, but inevitably down the line our views would conflict. Not to mention the guidelines I have for dating and how that would drive a secular guy completely insane. ( I would never want to force a guy to go by my rules alone when he didn't believe in those rules).

I felt bad after I wrote it, and knew he might be upset when he wrote back. However, this is what he wrote:

Ash,
I could not understand more. You were correct in assuming that I was asking you out. In fact, I feel quite silly having done it through myspace of all things. I wanted to do it long ago but my life my extremely caotic. Its a long story and I did not want to bring you into it.

Faith is important. I understand because quite a few years ago I was with a women who's views differed greatly from mine. It caused many problems. Truth be told, I haven't felt the hand of God in my life since high school (an even longer story). I used to be an ardent baptist.
Frankly, I admire your candor and honesty. I also appreciate the kind things you said about me. My only hope is that this wasn't too awkard and that we can continue a friendship.

Sincerley,
Animal

Animal is something I nicknamed him, that stuck with his friends (as in Animal of the Muppets). Seriously, what a great guy! But it makes me feel good to know that I'm capable of choosing the right guy in my life at the right time. Saying yes to Sean would have been unfair to both him and me.

Although it's nice to confirm that Sean did, in fact, like me and my mind wasn't playing tricks on me or something.

(and yes, I happen to have a thing for Rudy still...but that's just a developing friendship at the moment, maybe I'll post on that another time).

♫Listening to "Solitary Man" by Neil Diamond (a mantra of sorts for me, I LOVE that song)♫

A few lyrics from that song:

I've had it to here
Bein where
Loves a small world
Part-time thing
Paper ring

I know its been done
Having one
Girl who'll love me
Right or wrong
Weak or strong

Dont know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl wholl stay
And wont play games behind me
Ill be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

It's my song! Except, just switch the gender...since, um, I'm not a man.

It's kismet!

Kismet is turkish for "fate."

For FOREVERRRRRRRRR I've been wanting to learn Turkish. FOR-EV-ER. It's not a super common language, though, and not taught in a lot of schools. But because I've seen a plethora of Rosetta Stone advertisements lately, I decided that maybe, just maybe, they'd have Turkish.

THEY DO!!!!! Rosetta Stone is BALLIN!

(well, and so is the actual artifact in history, but I'm talkin' bout the program here).

I'm thrilled! This is not just about learning a language to know a language, this is about communicating with my family overseas, this is about my background--something that is part of me and something I am extremely proud to be a part of.

And, you know, then I can talk smack about people in a language that hardly anyone knows in the U.S., mwahahaha! *cough* Kidding, of course.

*doing a dance right now*

Not Like In My Day

What is with this Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus craze? I mean, really people...

When pop was huge in "my day" --the big pop explosion of the late 90s--all the bands were actually talented. Cheesy, yes. But they had the voices of angels. Obviously there were a few exceptions, namely Britney Spears; however, at least Britney can still out perform the Jonas Brothers, who thrash about on stage and squeak out every line.

And Miley...goddddd, can someone please pull that chick off the stage?!

Yeah, I loved *NSYNC. You may shake your head at that, but there was a reason to love those boys...they were excellent singers, excellent performers. As were many pop groups before them--the Jackson 5, The Beatles, New Edition, etc.

All I'm saying is, while pop songs are vapid and crappy to begin with, there still needs to be a little talent present. At LEAST dance for me, don't just hop around like an idiot.

Thus ends my rant of the day.

I'm Paying It Foward!

So, I never used to read that much when I was in school. Poli Sci minor=lots of reading about the Peloponnesian War and not much else.

But NOW that I have all this free time, I've fallen in love with reading! The most recent book I've read that was sincere, heart-wrenching and pretty damn amazing? Pay It Foward by Catherine Ryan Hyde. So maybe you've seen the movie, but the book is 10 times better. (Isn't the book always better?)

So, you know, if you're bored one day and you feel like reading something that challenges your way of thinking and forces you to examine what your life is about...well then pick up a copy!

If not, then go read something with Fabio on the cover, or something.

And You Should Be, Too

I'm going dancing tonight!

Anyone who has read this blog for a significant amount of time knows that this makes me EXTREMELY HAPPY.

Yay! ♥

Well,

Looks like the insurance thing turned out to be what I thought: something I DO NOT want to do! It was based on commissions and sales and all of that.

I don't know, I just want a job that I can be half-interested in, at least. Something that helps other people in some way. I don't want a job to be ALL about the cash flow. Yeah, I've established that I'm a gangsta, true. But I'm a thug of the heart.

Does that make sense? haha. I want a job that has some type of value in the world. Yeah, I wanna get paid, but I don't want to prostitute my mind, body and soul out for money. The mind and soul were made to be challenged in this life, not just become robotic all in attempt to have a bigger house or flashier car.

I'm getting huffy, so I digress...

to a topic about fashion! Project Runway to be exact (you don't have to read Frankie). LOOK AT THIS AMAZING DRESS. I wannnnnnnt it! (after I just talked about not loving material things, right?) But it's so beautiful!

I kind of overlooked Leanne in the beginning of the competition, but now I'm rooting for her. She creates beautiful garments that I can't help but admire! Plus, how can you not love that classic 30s glamour look?

Anyway, hope you all had a fine day today! With each day I grow wiser, stronger and more determined. Here's to all living the best life we can!

Tickled

In these lazy days
I'm feeling tickled as I graze
this new world and I'm amazed
at all the beauty in it

The daffodils sing to me
in the most delicious key
as the wind declares me free
the wonders are infinite

I let out a happy sigh
past the days when I used to cry
now I'm feeling 33 times high
but drugs have nothing to do with it

There's a feeling that I get
kind of like a violet sunset
have you felt it yet?
My soul is stronger than granite.

I see the most beautiful hue
purple gold maroon and blue
and my heart has been renewed.
One sweet day, one fine day, I hope you'll understand it.

***

I'll let you make your own conclusions as to what this about. Maybe one day I'll be an expert poet like Ant, and use meter and all that jazz!

Rolling With the Punches

Hmmm...well I'm trying to play around with my header, but the picture didn't come out that great, so I may play around with it more.

Today I'm trying to figure out a few things about jobs. I got rejected from a place I wanted to work at, and then got an offer from a place I didn't think I would ever work at. Hmmm...so I'm going to the interview for this place on Thurs. (an insurance agency) to at least practice my interviewing skills and see what they have to offer.

I'm not upset about the rejection. I'm a true believer in God=I'm a true believer in fate. So I'm just rolling with the punches here.

On the happy side, two of my friends, Josh and Cynthia, are engaged!!! I am so excited for them because they're the kind of couple that gives me hope in the idea of true love. I don't think I've ever been more excited for other people! I approve of this wedding, and it's hard to get the Ashley-seal-of-approval, let me tell ya.

So yeah, that's all I have to report today. I'm gonna keep applying and keep at it, and see if something I like comes up. I have a much more relaxed attitude about everything this week, and I've realized that THAT's the way to go about it. Hell yes it is.

Intrigued

Remember how I wrote a post about how I'm content being single until a guy that is intriguing enough comes along?

Well...it's nothing yet...but...there's this guy that has caught my attention. His name is Rudy (how cute is that name?). There's no rush. I just see something in him. And I'm excited to get to know him better.

That's all I have to say bout that.

Have a splendid Labor Day, all!

Ahem

Scratch that last post. I need to chill. Today was already a better day. However, mini-emotional breakdowns are allowed sometimes.

The end.

Gotta Keep On...

I haven't had much time for the internet this week. I've been preoccupied with a range of emotions: stress, relief, happiness, sadness...mostly stress. Do I sound like a complete basket case right now?

Really I wish I could let stress slide off my shoulders, but I've never been that type of person. However, at least I have hope. Being hopeful (despite the stress) keeps me sane in this life.

Oh, I'm not complaining about anything horrible this week. Just the same old...I feel stuck in one place right now, my life is not moving foward and it's frustrating. After being in school, one gets used to always working to a certain goal, always moving...everyday is a step closer to the next step. Right now, I'm standing still.

I'm at a place where I'm asking...WHAT'S NEXT? And by now, I'd like to know the answer.

Sudafed was my best friend this weekend.

I went to my friend's wedding this week. It was mostly nice, but a little too contrived for my taste. So much so that the bride almost fainted and looked stressed most of the time (because of the rigorous schedule and 3 HOURS it took to take pictures after the ceremony).

I don't want my wedding to be yet another thing that has to be done a "certain way." People get too caught up in being just like everyone else. Sometimes it's too much.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention...I definitely got hit on at the wedding by this guy named Harlie. Well, maybe not hit on, but he was definitely trying to get my attention (and told everyone he thought I was cute, so they then tried to set me up with him).

As stated earlier, I do not like contrived things, so I wasn't having it. He asked for my number by the end of the night, and I told him I don't like talking on the phone (which is true), but he could be my friend on facebook (good ol' internet).

Of course, I checked my inbox today and guess who I have a friend request from? Yep, the guy works fast.

Anyway, to change subjects, for the last 4 days I've been deathly ill. And during the summer? That never happens. I relaized it's because I've been spending too much time indoors applying for jobs and not getting enough fresh air. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to start walking my applications to businesses so:

1. I get my fresh summer air
2. I'm still applying
3. Businesses get to see me, which can't hurt, right?
4. Why not put a little exercise in the mix?

All of this = Ashley will no longer be sick. Yay!

My Favorite Project

Weirdly enough, I've never written about Project Runway on my blog before, but I have been a huge fan since the beginning.

I'm not one to follow too much T.V.; if I'm bored enough and something is on, I may watch it. However, Project Runway is one show I watch religiously.

I don't know what it is! I'm just fascinated by how each designer puts together their garment in the short alloted time. I love the intense background music. Heidi is sassy. Tim is even sassier. It's just magic. This may be my favorite show ever.

And this season, there are quite a few talented designers (where as last season, Christian was the only "fierce" designer). So that makes things even more exciting for me.

Alright, alright. I'll stop with all the praising. It's just that Project Runway gives me a little glimmer of hope that T.V. can be decent. Cause there's A LOT of crap on television right now. Including the news, which I won't get into...cause that's a whole other post.

Not So Usual

So I've been posting A LOT. Like this is the amount I used to post when I FIRST got my blog. Clearly, I need a job.

Anyway...this post is official business.

I am sooooo glad Raindog told me to check out The Usual Suspects. Which I did. And OH MY GOD what an amazing movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean 1. It has Kevin Spacey. (Refer to a couple posts down). And 2. it was just f'in rad!

Ok, it's a little late and I must go off to bed. But I had to post about one of my new favorite movies. Thanks raindog!

Look at my nephew!

Look Look Look at how damn cute he is! His name is Sebastian :)

On Courtrooms and Kevin Spacey

I love love love court room movies. Is anyone else a sucker for those?

I don't know what it is? Maybe it's the utopian inside of me that relishes when justice prevails. Also, I just find court rooms really freakin' interesting. I didn't mind when I had jury duty; it was kinda cool to see how it all worked and to actually decide on people's lives.

Anyway, I bought A Time To Kill for $5 the other day. I ♥ that movie. And why is Kevin Spacey such a genius actor?! Is it weird to have a slight crush on Mr. Spacey because I love every role he ever did?

Yeah, most likely. One, because he plays some psychos. Two, because in my last post I just ranted about never being attracted to 50-year-olds.

Anyway, it's not so much a weird crush as it is an amazing respect for a man who is one of the BEST ACTORS EVER.

Ok, done with my random Kevin Spacey post. Where did that even come from?

Honorary 'Mean Girl'

Soooo, proof that there is extraterrestrial life out there? Michael Phelps. Need I explain more?

But to the point of my post...

I have a short story about today. I went to traffic school (for 8 freakin hours...geeeez) for the ticket I got about 2 months ago, here is the conversation I had with the instructor:

Instructor: Say your name and why you got your ticket.

Me: Ashley. And I may have done a "california roll" through a stop sign.

Instructor: Did you try to cry to get let off of the ticket?

Me: Uh, no.

Instructor: Did you flirt with the cop?

Me: Ew. The cop was around 50 and that is just wrong.

Instructor (offended because he's in his fifties): Ohhhhh, is that too old for you?!? Well you're just a mean girl!

So for the duration of the class, everyone reveled in the splendor of calling me "mean girl." WHY is it that teachers love picking on me? I've gotten this all my life.

haha. Don't answer that, actually. I know I'm easy, even fun, to pick on. I've been told several times.

So yeah, maybe I can be part of the plastics now.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

There's a lot more waiting in job searching than I realized there would be.

I applied for a job about 10 to 12 days ago, and didn't hear anything from them (even with the knowledge that this company is getting ready to hire about 500 employees at a time). So I called up the HR department to see what was up. The lady pulled up my application on the computer and said, "Well, they haven't even viewed your application yet. We've had over a 1,000 applicants."

At least they hadn't rejected me yet!

But what does a girl do with all this idle time? Well, for one, I've been cleaning a lot. Going to the beach a lot. Trying not to spend ANY money if I can help it.

If this goes on for too long I am very slowly going to lose my mind.

So, today is going to be another beach day. ALL DAY LONG. Sun-bathing with my friend Sonja (an exchange student from Norway) then a bonfire with a small group.

Maybe the beach is the only thing keeping me sane?

I'll walk along the damp sand that hugs the water's edge and beg the tide to take my stress and worries with it to the end of the world. Better yet, to the bottom of the sea, where all the bottom-feeders can have at it :)

Two Thumbs Up

I watched two movies yesterday on T.V. (since I was hungover a little from that Bachlorette party, all I could do was sit around--must begin to moderate my drinking on special occasions. Bicardi 151 is trouble).

Anyway, the first movie was Woman on Top. I realize that sounds like the title of a porno (ewww, Ashley does not watch those); but, it was a beautiful love story about the loss and regaining of passion, and also about food. You can't go wrong with food. It starred Penelope Cruz (a long time ago) and some really hot Brazilian guy named Murilo Benício.

The movie reminded me a little bit of Chocolat, but with cheesier graphics, haha. Still, the message was endearing and hot latin guy sings with this amazing, sensual voice. Don't know if that's his real voice, but somehow I don't care.

The second movie I watched yesterday was Matchstick Men. I'm sure most of you have seen this movie, but this was the first time I've seen it.

It totally fooled me! The ending came as a shock, and usually I can figure out movies.

I love the relationship between Nicholas Cage and the Alison Lohman (well, it's hard not to like it). It also helps that I grew up a daddy's girl. And I think Nicholas Cage is a great actor (I'm realizing that I like narotic actors, like Cage and John Cusack).

This movie is just plain adorable, with the outer appearance of seeming slick and guy-friendly. haha.

So, two good movies in one day. I love it! If you haven't seen them, check it out!

Seven things Ashley did this week.

1. Went to the beach. A smashing time.
2. Got my friend an edible bra (with the same candy used for candy necklaces). Oh yeah...forgot to say why. haha. It's for her BACHLORETTE PARTY. You perverts.
3. Applied to jobs. And then some more. And then some more.
4. Saw Phantom of the Opera last night....AMAZING! My friend Greg called me to tell me had an extra ticket because of someone being too sick to go. I snatched that up quickly. It was beautiful! And the phantom had a drop-dead gorgeous voice. My only criticism is that the chandelier-dropping scene could have been more dramatic.
5. Drove all over San Diego, and wasted some gas. But I suppose it was worth it for all that I did.
6. Watched High School Musical 2. It was to feed my old roommate Ali's addiction to Zac Efron. It wasn't for me...I SWEAR.
7. But watching Definitely, Maybe was for me...cause Ryan Reynolds is just. plain. hott. Yep, with two t's.

So yeah, tomorrow I'm off to Orange County for that bachlorette party. There may some worthy pictures from that outing...just don't know if I'll share them :)

Beijing and Other Things

Dude, what's up with Beijing? I'm sure you've all seen these pictures before...but pollution much?

That's. just. nasty.

Anyway, to update you...I talked to J a couple nights ago online. Now, I've talked to him a few times before, and everytime he talks about how he's depressed...yada yada yada. (Because his enagagement was called off in March).

So when I tried to give him advice on how to get better and how I got better after he hurt me (and you all know that he HURT me very badly), he basically rejected it.

He said something to the effect of, "This may sound cruel but my situation is worse than yours was."

Can you say jerk? How about asshole? Yes, that works better.

The reason I talked to him a few times since our friendship/relationship dissolved was because I still cared about his well-being. But after this most recent conversation, I realize just how selfish he is. He truly thinks about himself and himself alone. Why should I bother to help? On top of that, I can't help. Maybe once he's lost all of his friends (and he's lost most of them already) he'll realize what a conceited prick he's been.

So I'll wish him a Goodluck and Goodbye and be on my way (yeah, he's in the top five, of course). Talking to him at all won't help him and won't help me.

I think the saying may be true...that past lovers can never remain friends. At least in this situation it is.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!

I'm in a great mood today.

I shouldn't worry too much about jobs. It'll come to me when the time is right; God has got my back, yo.

I truly understand that saying now, the one about having the world at your fingertips.

I'm free. Free to choose what path to take, what trail to wander down. Free to turn around if I so choose. How gangsta is that? Pretty. Damn. Gangsta.

It's as if I have wings right now. Ah, to be free, young and eager to change the world.

Just Keep Swimming

Does anyone ever get tired of having a cell phone on you at all times? Often, I leave my cell phone in the other room, out of sight and away from my ears. Then I'll go check it whenever I want to.

Lots of my friends say "Ashley! You never pick up your phone!"

And my old roommate doesn't understand this side of me, since her cell phone might as well be a body part of hers.

I guess I get tired of electronic leashes.

But I digress...

Still job hunting, and I fear I will be for awhile. It's weird being in this limbo stage; an alternate universe where I'm not working or going to school. What the heck? I may get a nothing side job to just pass the time!

I know I'm lucky to be job hunting without any real stress, a.k.a. a family to feed and major bills to pay. How do people deal with that?

I'm lucky to have parents that will allow me to bum off of them for awhile.

It seems like a long way to shore, but I'll keep swimming.

On they joys of being single. No, really.

Some of the best advice I've ever gotten on dating came from a news report I was watching last night about the famous "Last Lecture" professor, whom has since passed away from pancreatic cancer.

He said to all the girls listening, "Ignore everything a guy says. Only pay attention to what a guy does."

How simple. How brillant. Man, I should have heard that advice a year ago when I was listening to every word J was saying, and not paying attention to his ACTIONS.

Women, including me, get especially swept up in the guys that are masters of language--the poets, the musicians, the expert-complimenters. As I've gotten older, I've become weary of these men. They say things in the most perfect of ways to get exactly what they want.

Now, I'm not completely jaded. I believe there are good men out there, and on top of that, there are good men who can say beautifully-crafted things. They just have to back up what they say with what they do.

I've come to the realization (as I have in the past, before J) that I am extremely content with being single. I kinda always have been. I answer to myself and myself alone. Of course, there are the twinges of lonliness that invade when I see a cute, loving couple together; however, my logic snaps back into action and I remind myself that it takes a lot of work, and the right person, to be in a cute, loving relationship.

It's tempting to take the offers of dates from random guys that seem cute and say nice things to me. But there has to be more--I have to know a guy for awhile, trust a guy for awhile to date him. There has to be something about that guy that intrigues me, that makes me want more of him, that makes me want to be in a relationship.

That's why I say (to all the people that still ask why I'm single): I will be single until a guy that's worthy enough and intriguing enough comes along and takes me out of that singledom. Until then, it's just not worth it.

To end, I give another quote from the wise "Last Lecture" professor: "People ask why I waited until 39 to get married. I answer, 'It took that long for me to find a person whose happiness was more important to me than my own.'"

Actually, that quote made me tear up a little--and I harldy ever cry.

My favorite place, in pictures.

My cousin Begum, and me.

I got all wet from the crazy rain in Istanbul.

The crazy rain in Istanbul, haha.

Istanbul at night.

Antalya (by the Mediterranean)


My cousin Leylan and me.

Bertan, another cousin.


Gorgeous sunset in Antalya.


The Mediterranean.


This is the life :)

Bodrum, Turkey.


My cousin Berk and his wife.

The shiny Bosphorus!

Istanbul.


Cool buildings in Istanbul.


A ship on the Bosphorus.

And there it is! My favorite place. I miss it already, of course, but will be visiting my whole life ♥

Look Frankie, I'm posting!

Ok, so I've been gone for awhile. Moving, cleaning, organizing, more cleaning, moving some more...get the picture?

Between all of this I saw The Dark Knight. Heath was brilliant. And that makes me sad--that this is the last thing I get to see him make a brilliant performance in :(

And this may be incredibly selfish to say, but why do the good actors die? Like, why can't Jessica Biel keel over or something? (I know, I'm horrible for saying that).

And then, that poses the question...what if only the most troubled of people make the best artists/musicians/actors? What if their sadness makes them great? A lot of greats die young.

However, I don't believe that Heath was always troubled. But he's been a great actor since he began. This is becoming a circular argument, I realize, and we'll never know what really happened with Heath. It just remains a sad subject, and that's all it can remain.

But I digress...

I'm acclimating to living my parents again. It will take some getting used to. It's not good or bad, just different. Also, I will be job hunting soon, and the bad economy is not giving me much hope...but I still have some!

Ok, I'm off to read your blogs now, then clean/organize my room. It is never ending!

Always On the Go

So now that I'm back from Turkey, I have just a few days to move all my crap outta my apartment. This will drive me crazy...HAhaHaha. Maybe I'm already crazy?

Random topic: I'm very bittersweet about going to see The Dark Knight sometime soon, but I will see it dammit! And say goodbye to Heath :(

I'll be posting regularly--or something like it--sometime soon. Once I have my life, er, stuff in order.

Well, hello there.

I'm back now, jet-lagged as hell, remembering that I have to come back to the real world and do real things (like pay off my ticket...blech), but still oh-so-happy that my little wanderlustin' heart got to take a vacation.

I will have pictures for you soon!

778 posts and kiss to send me off!

Wow, before this post, I had posted 777 posts. That's a lot. So this is 778.

This will be my last post before I leave for my beloved Turkey! I get back on July 17th.

So, don't act like a typical woman and I think that stopped calling (er, commenting) and are ignoring you. I've just left the country!

Love you all, talk to you in 2 weeks!

:) GIDDY right now!

P.S. the picture on the left is taken from a county fair photo booth. I ♥ it!

The Lazy Life

Man, today I'm totally livin' "the life."

I just watched a marathon of FRIENDS (Don't you say anything, Frankie, I LOVE that show, dammit). And now I'm going to spend a few hours at the pool. All these activities require minimal movement. How I admire this luxurious laziness!

Hey--I have to get in all the lazy days I can before I search for my "career." A little rest is quite needed right now.

Free Bird

Still SO EXCITED FOR TURKEY. I know, I say this too often, but it's been FOUR YEARS since I've left the country. For a wanderluster, that's a LONG time.

I'll be packing my bags in the next few days, flying to my next destination, nothing but the wind to carry me on.





...Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.

P.S. I'm not leaving quite yet, haha. I still got a few more posts left in me :)

No thanks to perfection.

Why is everyone always striving to be perfect?

Why are we so hard on ourselves, and each other, when we make mistakes? I become ashamed with the best of them, I know.

Well, society can suck it. Cheers to our imperfections and what makes us unique/imperfect/different/quirky! I embrace all the mistakes I have made in the past, for they have made me the lovely human being I am today (and am still striving to be). How boring would we be if we had never made a mistake EVER? Bueller? Anyone? Anyone?

I wish people would stop being so damn judgmental, cause honey, you AIN'T perfect.

*end rant session*

(there was nothing in particular that brought this on, I'm just sayin')

The Little Critic

I had my last day at my customer service job today...YES! FREEEEEEEDOM.

Turkey in one week, suckaaaaas.

Summer is going well, although it's been hot as hell (hey, that ryhmes).

I saw two movies within the last week. Here are my thoughts on them.

1. The Happening--WASTE OF MY TIME (but not my money, cause I saw this movie with J when we hung out, and he paid...HA HA, in his face!). All I have to say about the movie is: M. Night Shyamalan, were you on crack? I usually enjoy this man's movies, but The Happening was just not up to par. Do not go see it.
2. Get Smart--I originally did not want to see this movie, but got dragged along by a roommate. I ended up loving it. Steve Carell does not disappoint! I laughed a lot during this flick. Totally worth your time and money...I haven't said that about a movie since I saw Across the Universe in November!

Ok, so that was my random post, I'm a little delirious I think. Maybe it's all the time in the sun I've been spending. But I have to fulfill OPERATION: BECOME LESS WHITE!