Thumbs up to THE VILLAGE, Thumbs Down to Focus on the Family (a Nazi group, essentially)

I just want to say two quick things today:

1. I saw "The Village" last night for the first time...what a trippy movie!!! I was seriously shocked. It was great, really.
2. Focus on the Family sucks. They really, really do. One of their reviewers said this about Brokeback Mountain, "Abhorrent... There are sure to be many left wing awards for this twisted, laughable, frustrating, plotless, and boring piece of homosexual, Neo-Marxist propaganda." It just makes me really mad....BUT, even though I have a GREAT disgust of comments like that, he has a right to say them. And Focus on the Family (even though I despise them so) has a right to preach its close-minded, hateful messages. Because where would we be if we were to deny people the right to the 1st Amendment?

Ok, so that's all for today....really random, I know.

Oh! I lied, there is one more thing I need to say (duh)... Happy New Year's Eve!!! It will soon be 2006. I believe it will be a smashing year!

A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere...

I'm posting about music two days in a row...eh, who cares?

Isn't that line up there in the title beauuuuuuuutiful?

Yes, yes it is. And I have found a new love. I've heard of them before...but I just recently heard their songs. You know when you find a song that speaks to you in some way? That grabs your heart with a clenched fist and forces it to beat in syncronation with the drums?

This band is like that. You may have heard of them...they're called Death Cab for Cutie. Their songs are simply gorgeous.

I have other great loves: Marvin Gaye, Sam Cooke, Incubus, Sheryl Crow...there are a few others. Each of those artists have made at least one song that has awakened my soul just a little. It's a funny thing when you've never heard a song and it still stops you in your tracks. Where you listen just a little harder to the meaning, and search every note of the song, relishing in its instruments. I love songs like that. Who wouldn't?

I'm the girl who doesn't talk during good songs. You know, when you're driving in the car with me and we're having a great converstation...then a good song comes on and I go quiet. I might as well be in a coma. Don't take it as an insult. I just love music, and you have to live in it while it's playing and give your full attention. You gotta pay your respects to that beautiful song, and let it be the only thing that fills the space.

Really now, that's beautiful.

Since You've Been Gone...

Dammit. I have to confess a little secret I've been hiding.

I'm secretly a big Kelly Clarkson fan. Man!!

I triiiiiiiiiied to refrain from buying the CD! Tried to change the channels on the radio when her overplayed songs would come on!!! Tried to deny American Idol when it first came out!

But I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't change those stations. I even found myself moving my lips to to those Top 40 songs. Yes--I would sing to Kelly Clarkson.

So I finally let the secret out, and gave into my guiltiest pleasure...BUT THEN...guess what happened???

As I go to succumb to my desires, and search the shelves for Clarkson at the record store...what do I find?

NOTHING!!! Kelly was SOLD OUT. Went to the next record store....SOLD OUT. Drove over to Best Buy. Was Kelly there? Nope, she had been kidnapped from the shelves there, too.

I even resorted to calling a few stores...all of them gave the same answer "We have no more in stock, sorry." One store (stupid Walmart) hung up on me. Guess that was a no.

The madness and irony of it all!!!! I finally go to buy the CD, the one CD I've been denying all this time, and it's SOLD OUT!!!! What is this, some kind of sold out epidemic?? Forget about the bird flu.

I guess I'll just have to wait for new shipments to come in. Until then, I'll despretly seek radio stations for Kelly's songs...or hum myself to sleep with "Breakaway."

(Yes, I understand I sound desperate in this post. Damn Kelly Clarkson!! Look what you've turned this respectable human being into!!!)

I'm so horrible!!

God I'm horrible. Guilt is NOT a fun emotion.

You that guy that took me on the date, and I said he was boring and not funny, blah blah blah? Yeah. Well he called today and left a message. And as you know, I don't want to date the guy, right?

Well, the respectable thing to do is to call him and tell him. That's the nice thing to do. But I am a big wuss. What do I do? Give him a text message. Why can't I just suck it up and call?? Because I'm horrible. The text message said something to the effect of:

"Hi Mike. Sorry I'm not calling, but I hate phone calls (which is actually true). I don't think that you should call me anymore. We just don't have the same sense of humor. I hope you understand. Thanks Anyway!"

I am so horrible!! And it's not about saving his feelings, it's about saving mine...cause I am being so selfish right now. I just hate hearing reactions. It's not like I'd be hurting him, he doesn't know me!!

Oh well, it's over now. I just feel bad. And I like to make a big deal out of things--like you can see now. But that's the way I am.

At least I contacted him somehow. I could have just not called him back. I'm SUCH a big wuss!!

Let me clear my throat...

And make a toast (just imagine) to all of you fine people. I just want to say...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Or, you know, whatever holiday you are celebrating (I think hatleyman has his own religion).

Anyway, I know it's early to be wishing this, but I have to work tomorrow until 7, and then proceed to entertain my nephews who will be visiting. Those little rugrats will try to wrestle me again, I just know it. In other words, I'll be busy babysitting little demon children. I love them still.

Hope your holiday season is boooooooootyful and full of joy.

Blogging Buddies

Blogging is, well, a little strange at times...don't you agree? I don't know most of you in person, yet I tell you what's going on in my life...and you people actually comment on it. That's insane, really.

A month ago or so, someone random stumbled across my page and said "Wow...you have a crazy bunch of bloggers here..." or something to that effect. And, I do. You all are insane people. I mean that in the nicest way, of course. Hey--insane people are usually geniuses. That's a compliment, so take it!

Anyway, I've been meaning to put all of you in my links. But I'm lazy. So I'm going to put you in this post, and tell you (and all strangers that may stumble across this page) why you and your blog are cool. Can't you tell I have a lot of free time on my hands now?

Let's start with Thomas. Some of you may know Thomas. I've been reading his blog for, oh, at least 5 months now...well, since summer. This was before he had like 20 comments on his posts (appreciate your original fans, Thomas!). His blog used to be called "If you write it, they will laugh," but Thomas got bored one day and changed it to "Slackers With Advanced Degrees." Don't ask me why, I just don't know. All I know is that Thomas is a smartass. He knows it. He's proud of it. And most of the time I enjoy his smartass-ness. He has a heart, too. He loves his niece, afterall. If you like politics and sarcasm--then Thomas has the blog for you.

Next person?

Hatleyman, of course. This guy is absolutely i n s a n e. I am not kidding. Seriously. He has LOST his mind. It amuses me greatly, actually. He has the sense of humor that makes me go "what?????" and then just laugh...a lot. Well, he is from Texas, which explains his craziness. Thomas is from Texas, too...you crazy Texans. Hatleyman reminds me a lot of Southpark--he's not politically correct, EVER, and is just completely off the wall. And simply, I love it. If you want to know what it feels like to be on acid, visit his site.

Who's next?? Ahhh...yes.

Gangster. Gangster doesn't update his blog as much as, let's say, Thomas (ha). But his posts are wonderful, still. And this guy is clever...really clever. I enjoy his humor and his advice. Oh, and he always puts the most, uh, interesting pictures in his profile. And he likes to ask super random questions...still, he's good at reading people, and acting as a therapist of sorts. I believe he enjoys it. Thanks Gangster for your input. If you like seeing disturbing profile pictures and anwering random questions, Gangster is the one for you.

You want more? Ok...

Matthew. Matthew loves cooking, and kitchen appliances in general. It's true. He seems to love his family a lot and talks about them all the time. He knows Thomas (they are both lawyer buddies), which could be a sign of trouble (only kidding). He gives me a lot of advice on school...which I always appreciate. Also, he is a man from Texas (why would you people live there?). If you like hearing about what Matthew is cooking up for dinner or what's going on with his job, check out his site!

Another?

Ahhh...Anthony. Sorry, I have to use your real name here! Anthony is honest, painfully honest, and reading his blog is like reading a novel. He's poetic--a true master with lyrics...and his posts often times are melodic and beautiful. He gives me advice and I give him advice--give and take, my friends. He is a guy that really cares and that really gives his heart in full. Guys--take note...Anthony knows how to really love a girl. You should read one of his posts, if you haven't already, and see how big this guy's heart is.

Lastly...

Matt (Mcmullan). Not that Matt is really looking for an audience. But I find him amusing, really amusing, so I figure I should share the laughter. Yes, indeed he is funny. Hilarious, in fact. And I've been reading his blog the longest. He keeps me entertained without trying to entertain--I just don't think he fully realizes his writing capabilities. I believe he has natural humor...you know...the kind of humor that is witty and quick, so quick you wonder how they thought of it so fast. Anyway, he's endearing--he tells the gritty truth. And I enjoy that he's a journalist. Really, he touches on all subjects--I especially like his crazy movie reviews. I'll always be a fan of his writing...so hopefully he'll always write.

So yeah...those are my bloggers! I could go into Michelle's blog too, but she knows I adore her, anyway. Plus her blog is intended to be a little more private. So maybe I'll put you all in my links, sometime. Yeah...someday.

Oh, and I realize that there are other people who have commented here, but I may not know them well enough to write about them.

To those mentioned above--thanks for reading my blog, you know I love reading all of yours.

Christmas-y and Content

What is it? 11:30 almost? Haha, yep. AND I'm still in my pajamas. This. is. the. life.

Yesterday I sold back my books to my school and got back $60. Which doesn't compare to $300 I paid for them. Such is life. After the guy told me all the prices he'd give me, he then asked, "So, would you like to sell them back?" I said, "YES! TAKE THEM, pleeease! Just take them! Especially this green book, I hated this class." Which was true--the green book belonged to Communications (shudder).

It felt good to rid myself of those books, to cleanse myself of that semester. Sadly, it was probably my worst semester to date. But I am going to change that...plus, I've never gotten Straight A's before...I've come close, but no stinkin' cigar! That would make my year if I could get straight A's. I just may shoot for that next semester.

This little Christmas Break will do me good--give me time to rest and collect myself. And then proceed to kick ASS next semester. Oh yes, I will be kicking major ass.

Oh yeah, and I need to finish Pride & Prejudice over this break (right michelle?). It's imperative that I read the way it all ends in the book for Darce and Lizzy. Awww...love in books.

Yay! 3 more days until Christmas!!

You know you're not that interesting when I'd rather talk to a wall.

So, about that date. Well...not much to talk about. The guy's name is Mike. And he's nice.........but (hah, there's always a but after nice, huh?)....he really didn't make me laugh. Like, at all. If you can't make me laugh, well, you might as well be dead to me...I might as well just go the grave yard and talk to dead corpses.

Ok, so that's a little harsh. But all my best friends? Funny. My family? Funny. If you're gonna be in my life, dammit, you have to be funny. Not as funny as Ellen DeGeneres, but you gotta make me smile just a little bit...COME ON!

And...I asked this guy about his major, right? And here's how that went:

Me: so what's your major?
Mike: Business
Me: Cool. Do you know what you want to do with it?
Mike: No, not really.
Me: So, why did you get into it? Why do you like business?
Mike: I don't really...I don't like school. I just picked a major that will make me a lot of money.

Ewwwwwwww! Gag me with a stick. Or, actually, gag me with that wad of money you're gonna sell your soul for. Really now, I want to date someone with a PURPOSE in life. If nothing else--to be a stand up comedian, so at least I can laugh with the person.

So....haha. That sums up the night. I'm back home right now, and it is officially Christmas Break (I've said that already this week. I'm so repetitive!).

And you can tell I have free time cause I posted like 3 times today. Well, nevermind, it's Wednesday now...huh? Whatever...I just know I'm glad that my brain can recooperate.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh....rest.

Um yeah...

So in about 10 minutes, I'm going to go on that date I talked about earlier. Nervous? Yeah, a little....I don't know the guy!

But I stress over little things all the time, so I'd be nervous even if it was someone I knew.

It should be interesting. I'll tell you how it goes later. I just don't know what to think or feel at this time.

First impressions are weird, and I'm about to go make one.

I'm Still Standing

YAY!!!! I passed my Communications Class!!! Woooooohooooooo! I was seriously on the borderline, and I got a 43/50 on the exam, which pushed my grade up to a 70%....and my teacher doesn't give minuses (cause I couldn't get a C- since this is a class for my major). I feel very, very relieved.

I've learned my lesson, oh YES I have:

1. I will not take on too much next semester, that was my downfall.
2. I will focus more on my major and school in general than my sorority (it's about time).
3. I will ACTUALLY do my readings (but, haha...I say that every semester).

This is my worst semester grade wise, and I'm not having that again. I'm simply better than that.

Plus, my dad and I have a bet that he'll give me $100 if I beat his G.P.A. in college, which was a 3.3. And I don't wanna lose the bet and have to give him $100. Yeah, he's smart to bring out my competitive side, and I will beat it.

Oh....I forgot to mention....it's Christmas Break for me now!!!! I'm pretty happy now. :)

I despise Communications, therefore it is going to have to die. And I will kill it.

Today I take my Communications Final Exam. It is my last exam before my cage door is opened and I can fly away into Christmas Break. This, also, is an important test for me. I NEED to do good on it.

I am going to study until I die. or, you know, until 3:30....when my test is.

haha...I'm listening to Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" right now. It's only fitting. That's right, MJ, I won't stop 'til I get enough.

Communications is GOING DOWN TO CHINATOWN. I am going to get a GREAT grade on this damn test. Cause I don't ever want to take this class again. I would have to slit my wrists if that happened. And really people, I don't want to do that.

Alright, back to studying....then my test....then Christmas Shopping!! The madness of it all!!!!

siiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I got a C in my humanities class. Which is frustrating, cause I don't think I deserved a C. I think I least worked my way up to a B.

W h a t e v e r....god. This class was just SUCH a rollercoaster. it sucks!!! I kind of wish I wouldn't have put so much time into it if I was just gonna get a C.

I wanna throw something, cause I absolutely HATE C's!!!!!!!!!!!! Hate them, hate them, HATE THEM!!!

Note to Self: Next semester I am not going to get ANY C's. Not one.




....Okay, off to study for Communications. My LAST final.

two to go...

Have you heard that song from James Blunt called, "You're Beautiful?" It's, well...beautiful. Oh, love songs, how I love you so...yet, I don't have a love. Why is that?

Geeeeez, I'm talking to inanimate objects again.

I've taken 3 finals so far and I have two more to go. I wrote an essay today for journalism in 2 hours, and it was due today (haha). And... it is a damn good essay. Gosh, I'm such a pro sometimes.

I cannot wait for break...............SO excited. Just two more finals, just two...

Ok, ok...What????

I am so confused at the moment. So VERY confused. What just happened??????

Ok, two things:

1. That humanities professor who almost made me cry, whom I called an elitist bastard (and still is), who I thought HATED my writing with a passion--he gave me an A on my final paper. That paper is worth 25% of my grade. What the fucking hell??? I am so so so very confused. Slap me, will you?
2. This was also something that happened out of nowhere: This guy in my humanities class (no, not cute Nick) asked me on a date today...after our final on all days. What the hell? Where did that even come from?? I'm talking to him about our final, right, waiting for Michelle's ass to come out of the room and finish her test...and this is like the first time I've talked to him, really...you know, more than one sentence at least. And he walks away with the rest of the group (cause there was a group there) and then he walks back down the hall like 3 minutes later, and says "Hey, would like to go for coffee sometime?" So, I say yes...cause he is kinda cute (with his little glasses and all) and he's one of the smart guys in class (which is always attractive). I guess...I'm just surprised.

Ok, so I'm rambling now...I'm just shocked at these two events that happened today, literally 5 minutes after one another.

Obviously, I don't go on dates that often, which is why I'm so shocked. Cause for NORMAL people, this would probably not be a big deal.

I told you I was a dork. Wow....it's always funny what can happen in a day.

After Four Hours of Studying, Just Add Seasoning!

Trying to get to this site, I typed in www.blooger.com , haha.

I'm special sometimes.

Dude...I studied for 4 hours today. Humanities, you kill me sometimes! And I still have to study more for it. But, if you want to know the connection between symbolism, allegory, hierarchy and truth, I could tell you. Right Michelle? Even if we weren't supposed to make a connection, haha.

I told Michelle today that studying for that long showed me what frying your brain in a pan would feel like. And since it's humanities, it would be like frying your brain and adding italian seasoning, french seasoning and every other freakin' cultures' seasoning.

Yes. Studying does in fact make me think strange, strange thoughts.

Ok, now I have to study for Geology. Cause I have a final. Tonight. It never ends, does it?

I go from studying....to studying....to eating....to studying....to writing on "blooger"....to studying....to studying some more. What a viscious cycle.

No Stress, Just Bon Jovi

I can't let myself get too stressed out this week. I will not, I will not, I will not. I sound like the little engine that could when I repeat myself, haha.

I finished my essay! Well, mostly...there still needs to be finishing touches added. I had to finish my essay in the library last night, and this guy sits next to me and then proceeds to talk to his friend the whole time. I wanted to scream at him. WHAT is he doing in the library if he's gonna talk the whole time he's there??? It's FINALS week and we're in the LIBRARY, buddy. That combination of items means shut the hell up cause I'm trying to study/write a paper.

People are stupid.

On a good note: Today is the last day of classes. Yay! Double Yay!

On another good (random) note: John Bon Jovi is still really hot. Isn't he in his 40's or something? Oh, I heart brown eyes.

ALWAYS good to bring up good things during such times of stress. Like the hotness of little Johnny down below. He can help me study anytime.

Will you sing "I'll Be There For You" to me John?

haha. I am such. a. dork.

Jingle Bells, Finals Smell....

I played as many Christmas songs as possible last night. Yeah, I played everything. I even played "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy," biiiiiiitches.

All the while, Rachel and I were dancing around our room and planning what we are going to do for a Christmas Party we're holding Tuesday night (oh, and Michelle...if you are reading this, you are cordially invited, haha). Of course, we were avoiding homework as much as possible.

And right now, as I am writing this post, I am avoiding the dark cloud that is hanging over my head. Today is December 12th, 2005--and here begginith finals week.

By the way, did you know there is a song called "Rudolph the Deepthroat Reindeer?" HORRIBLE. That is simply HORRIBLE. And a little funny.

Alright! Onward I go to the land of study, although I wish to stay in Bloggerland, that wish shall not be granted at this time.

Writing Essays for Bastards, Oh What Fun!

Oh man. I'm TRYING to write an essay right now, trying. And it's going alright. But this is a monster of an essay, cause it's for a monster of a teacher.

Have I talked about my humanities prof before? Oh yeah, I did. He's the one who almost made me cry in his office. He is one elitist son-of-a-bitch, let me tell you. Mr. High and Mighty is definitely hard to impress. Especially cause he's the one that's not fond of my writing. bastard.

So, I'm trying to write a good essay here. Hopefully he'll respect it. I'm not necessarily expecting an A, I just want some respect from the man! Getting a B will suffice.

I juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant schooooooooooooooooool to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee over! I need a break. And I will never take on all that took on this semester again. Cause life is not about working all the time dammit. Sometimes I need to just go frolic in the field, and crap like that, just cause I wanna.

At least I'm finally writing this essay. WHAT a miracle. Took my lazy ass long enough. Pretty soon I'll have a post about finishing the essay and I'll make sure to insert as many smiley faces as possible.

Remember that Child Abuse is Not Pretty:

My teacher showed this slide in class today and I totally cracked up. I never laughed so hard in class!

Arrivederci Wednesday!

Today is my last Wednesday. Woo hoo!

Let me explain: Wednesdays, by far, are my BUSIEST days at school. Four classes in one day (I know, I'm such a baby) and the last one gets out at 9:40 pm...which kills me each time. Next week, however, finals begin (not so happy bout that) and there are no normal class schedules starting wednesday.

That is why I am happy, nay, estatic that this is my last Wednesday! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ah, it puts a smile on my face the way Kool-Aid would on a hot summer's day.

Ok, that was the weirdest analogy ever, so don't pay attention to it.

Lastly, I want to post my *tenative* classes for next semester. Because, although I complain, I school still makes me happy:

Italian 201--reading and speaking italian (my last italian class)
Journalism 315--news writing and editing
Comm 502--law of mass communication (it focuses on libel and such)
Comm 310W--gathering and reporting information
Anthropology 349--Roots of Civilization

I am excited about: Journ 315 and Comm 310W because they are writing classes and 1. I love to write and 2. I know I can boost my G.P.A with those two classes. Also, I have yet to get anything but an A in journalism classes and I INTEND to keep it that way. I'm also excited about anthro cause Rachel will (hopefully) be in that class with me and we can doodle together, like old times.

So yeah...that's all for today. And one more time: Arrivederci Miercoledi (Wednesday)!!

On Frost and the Future

Jack Frost totally payed San Diego a visit, but he's not really that welcome. The people of San Diego get confused when there is frost on their car windshields. We don't understand when the weatherman tells us it's going to be 30 degrees in the morning. We respond with "What? Is the weatherman doing cocaine again?" Basically, San Diego does not understand the word cold, until this morning that is.

On a different note, I made a vow to myself this morning. Maybe the cold weather is making me contemplate my life more, who knows. I vowed that I need to stop worrying about the future so much. Because I really really do. And if I keep up my worrying patterns I'll give myself an ulcer by the time I'm 30.

This, however, is hard to change. It's part of my personality to worry. Even though everyone describes me as laid-back, I'm starting to realize that that's not so true. I just keep my emotions inside and don't freak out in front of people. Not a good thing to do. Not good at all.

So I need to make a change. Of course it needs to be a gradual change.

I just gotta keep telling myself (yes--I'm talking to myself again) to stop worrying about what's ahead. I'm not gonna go broke or end up homeless. I'm gonna be alright. Why worry about the future so much? Why worry about something that hasn't happened yet?

If I were to always worry about the future, then I'd never be living life in the now, EVER, now would I? And then, I might as well not exist.

Time to live in this very minute. And what a lovely minute it is, because I'm in it.

5 Reasons I Am Going Crazy

WHERE has my sanity gone? Who knows. But at least I know what drove it away:

1. Finals are going to begin next week. Not to mention the test I have tomorrow and the 2 papers I have to write for the beginning of next week. AND here's something REALLY cruel: My last final is December 21st. What is that about?
2. I ran out of French Vanilla Creamer last week. I NEED cream in my coffee (no, milk is not a good substitute). I NEED coffee to survive the 2 hellish weeks that are around the corner.
3. I have, like, $19 in my bank account. So sad. At one point (before I entered college) I had like $4,000 dollars in my bank account. When you go to school more and work less it definitely takes a toll. Time for Ashley to save!!! (oh yeah, paying for groceries and electricity does not help).
4. It's getting cold in San Diego. That alone makes me crazy. This morning it was 47 degrees outside. You might laugh at that, but I can't handle that level of coldness! It is my kryptonite.
5. I'm definitely not getting enough sleep. I am a grumpy grumpy grumpy girl if I do not get enough sleep. Did I mention that too little sleep makes me grumpy?

So..........yeah. I am definitely losing my sanity. Too many tests, no coffee, no money, cold conditions and lack of sleep will do that to ya.

Where for art thou Winter Break? I'm dreaming of candy canes and chocolate, and DAMMIT, it's not coming soon enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (excessive use of exclamation marks is also a sign of insanity)

The Walrus and the Carpenter...

Above are two advisors from the Bush Administration.

Heck Yes!

Ok, so tonight is date dance for my sorority, and the theme is "Famous Couples." I chose not to bring a guy as my date cause, well, if you're gonna be my date you gotta know how to really dance. I mean it--you need to twirl me and dip me and all those things. Yeah, you heard right.

So, anyway, I'm going with another girl from my sorority...the FABULOUS Lara. And we are going as, get this...Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. I'm Tweedle Dum, heh heh. Maybe if I get a few pictures I'll post them. Especially cause Lara and I found these sparkly red boxers at Target to wear...oh yes, we'll be shiny.

Tonight will be fun :)

Burn, Baby, Burn...Global Inferno!

I get a real kick out of those politicians (mostly Republicans) who believe that Global Warming is a "hoax." I'm especially pointing out a man named James M. Inhofe, a senator from Oklahoma, who used those exact words. Oh, gee, what a smart man. And he is soooo right. I condemn those horrible scientists for cooking up a plot like global warming. How dare them! I always knew scientists were up to no good.

In all seriousness, how can you not believe that global warming is happening? How can you even deny it??? Oh...I know how. You see, paying attention to global warming = cutting down emissions of CO2 = less of a profit for oil and coal industries = making big business CEOs really pissed off = less money for that politician's campaign.

Doesn't it always all come down to money? Yep, for the Bush Administration, it certainly does.

But, not too far in the future, we'll be hearing an apology from President Bush (not just him, but all the presidents that ignored global warming) about how they really screwed up. But it will be too little, too late. This doesn't just affect us, IT AFFECTS THE WHOLE WORLD!! And here, Americans (the ones that are ignorant, at least) are being truly selfish. You want to talk about greed and making money into a god, well just look at President Bush. And he calls himself Christian. Ha! I just love all the contradictions going on here.

Lastly, if you actually don't believe in global warming (besides pretending that you don't believe in it, for the sake of money), well, you are simply stupid. You heard me right. S-t-u-p-i-d. Go google "ice cores" and "Antartica" and maybe you could learn a little.

The world is heating up, my darlings, and we are contributing greatly to it!

I'm Losing It

I really really really really really want Christmas Break to start. Too bad there are a whole bunch of finals to go through until that dream can come alive.







Until then, I will be eating a lot of chocolate. Chocolate keeps me sane. Or it makes me insane. Oh, it's one of those two.

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might...

God I love stars. I love them soooooo very much. The only reason I would ever live in the country or on a mountain top would be to see as many stars as possible. They are gorgeous. And I am thoroughly entertained with the idea of dancing in the stars...maybe that's how my heaven will be.






These next three weeks will be hectic and packed with tests, essays and stress. But I will get through and then it will be Christmas Break...yay! And then spring semester will start, which I am excited for. Next semester will be a good semester. I can feel it. The stars tell me so.

Another good reason I am in a good mood right now? I'm playing Elton John, and he is great. If somebody ever serenaded me with "Your Song," I think I would just melt right there.

Ah...talking about Stars and Elton John. What a great combination. Sometimes I forget just how wonderful my life can be sometimes. All I have to do is take a look at the night sky with its sparkling companions, and I am reminded that it is indeed beautiful.

I love breaks.

Above is a picture of me and my nephew. For some reason we're sitting on the sidewalk taking a picture. Eh, that's what we do in California. Lounge about on sidewalks. We're cool like that.

Have I told you all before that my nephews have cute little English accents? All weekend I was making fun of how they say "lobster" and "Harry Potter" (while secretly being jealous that I don't have an accent like that). Sadly, they will lose their English accents since they now live in Santa Barbara. Bummer.

Overall, this weekend was extraordinarily lazy. This morning I watched the Lion King and The Little Mermaid in one sitting. What a great life. I wish that I could be a professional lazy person. I would be great at it.

And I always tell myself that I'll catch up on homework. haha. Right. Walt Disney made sure I caught up on my homework.

Though watching movies about Disney Love is not very fun. Love isn't that perfect, but those damn disney movies sure brainwashed us into thinking it is!! The Prince in the Little Mermaid is supposed to give Ariel the kiss of true love in three days? Three days?

haha. Maybe I'm waaay too cynical about relationships right now. But Dude--I want the kiss of true love from somebody I've known for only three days. Exactly--it's ain't gonna happen.

On the note of love, or crushes...this guy named Bryant at my work has a crush on me (you can tell when someone does, you know it) and, seriously..... he reallllllllllly needs to stop touching my arm every 3 seconds and attacking me with hugs every five minutes. Just stop harrassing me!! Maybe I'm just being a mopey, anti-love, cynical girl. But I'm not here to entertain someone else's fancy. And he's 17...can you say "jail bait" and " You're definitely not mature enough for me" all in one sentence? I can.

On a good note, the semester is almost finished. And that's good, cause I'm definitely worn out. That's my cue to go to bed. Yay for sleep!

Can I get a straight jacket in purple, please?

I have mood swings, I swear! You people probably think I'm crazy.

Things are all better with my friend. Gee, talking about your feelings actually does work...how about that? Why do I freak out so much?

God. I am crazy. I need to sit my crazy ass down sometimes and just say "Listen crazy. Things are going to be ALL RIGHT. It will all be ALL RIGHT!!! So calm down.

You think I'm kidding. mwahahahahahahahahaha (cough) ha.

Oh god, I am SO ready for Thanksgiving!! But I have to study for an italian test first, so I'll get back to that.

Really, they should lock my crazy ass up.

Warning: This is a depressing post...don't read it!

I hate confrontation! I hate it, I hate it, I HATE it!!!!!!!! I can't handle it and I hardly ever get into it (since usually I'm pretty mellow).

Today I told one of my roomates something that's been bothering me. And now I think I've offended her. But I didn't mean to. It was something that was making me feel uncomfortable. And I had to say it. I HAD to say it. But now I feel sick to my stomach.

I'm confident in a lot of ways, but obviously this is not one of them. I can't bring myself to tell people when somthing is bothering me, for fear of losing their friendship.

But isn't that sooo stupid? If they were my friend, they would care if something is bothering me. And I am a good friend. I'm not perfect. But I am a good friend. So I shouldn't be afraid of losing a friend over a stupid fight, right?

It sounds so logical to write it all out, but when you put it into real situations, it becomes the hardest thing ever. For me at least. WHAT is my problem? Why do I keep annoyances so deep inside of myself until I can't contain them any longer?? Why do I do this?????

I have to much on my mind this week. Too much to study for and too much to handle.

I know that this post is extremely depressing, and you should stop reading it.

But it is my mood. I've been a bit down lately, and I don't know why. And I don't like it.

THANK GOD thanksgiving break is coming. I NEED IT!!! I reallllllly do. I just need to relax my mind and heart and soul. I just need my parent's love to embrace me right now, cause I know their's is unconditional.

Doesn't my roomate know that I love her? That she is one of my best friends? And that I would be extremely sad if I ever lost her friendship?

Obviously, I don't get into fights often cause I'm making a big deal about this. I need to stop. I just needed to get it out.

Life is a huge pain in the butt sometimes. HUGE. It has to turn around.

Where is my sun? I need it to come out and warm my cold, inpenetrable skin. I need the color to come back to me.

I just want to ask...

PLEASE tell me that none of you guys use horrible horrible pick up lines. PLEEEEEEASE.

Some lines I got last night:

guy: Why are you so cute?
my answer: Oh God.

guy #2: Do you have a boyfriend?
my answer: No.
guy #2: Yes! I feel like I can live now! ( I CANNOT believe he actually said this)

guy#3 (who was darker than me): Yeah, I have to say that I like white meat. (haha, this one actually made me laugh a little)

My answer to every question should be: ummm...you're not getting into my pants. Nice try though.

Why does anyone insist on using such cheesy lines?? I just don't get it.

Too Much School Makes You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person

By recommendation of Michelle, I'm listening to the Pride&Prejudice soundtrack. And it is beautiful. And I loooooove pianos.

All this classical music puts me in a contemplative mood, so I shall comply and be contemplative:

I haven't been myself this week. I've felt a little inadequate. Slightly unhappy. Bored and restless. And all of the above.

I really think that I burnt myself out this semester. I gave too much to one activity (my sorority) and forgot to kind of focus on myself and my school. My sorority was a bit of a distraction, if you will. Although I still love it (and the people in it), it will be really good to not have a position next semester. I'm free to write for the paper. And have some time for naps. And have "Ashley-time." haha.

I'm not usually an unhappy person, just so you know...and I am taking into account the fact that EVERYONE is a bit burned out at this point in school. Not to mention that this has been my most trying semester. Ha! Who knew that upper division classes would be hard??? What a ridiculous idea!

Anyway, only I can change my attitude, so I will. And I will walk with a smile tomorrow...not a painted on smile, but an actual smile. It's about time. I've probably looked zombie-like this week, and that's just not Ashley's style.

Why am I talking in the third person?? Deliriousness, I say! I'll blame it on school.

He said WHAT?

this little blog is like show and tell (well they all are, really).

Sooooo, I'm going to show you a clip of an e-mail my professor sent me. This is the professor that set up the job shadow I went on...here it is (Are you looking? Are you looking?):

...Also, heard from Jerry that your visit to the U-T the other day was a smashing success. I'm really pleased that you took the opportunity to go over there and hope it was a great experience for you.

And now I'm going to tell you about my excitement! Smashing success?? Wow....that made me smile when I read it.

SUPER SUPER SUPER cool. Oh...there goes my pride again. Gotta keep that in check. But....SUPER COOL!

Contemplation in a Bad Situation

So...I'm a little angry. But not as much as last night. It's funny how a night of sleep (and weird nightmares) can do that to you.

Basically, my sorority had elections last night and I was not chosen for a position I was running for. I think my number one mistake was believing I was going to get it without any hesitation. Yeah, I made my wax wings and flew by the sun...you can indeed call me Icarus (one of the only Greek stories I can remember, haha).

That is why pride is a downfall. But, some pride is alright...being a cocky bastard, however, is not alright. And while I wasn't quite a cocky bastard...I was a bit too prideful.

I just hope that people thought I did a good job in my positions this year, I REALLY hope it's not that I did a bad job. Cause that would be worse. I don't believe anyone wants to be known for doing a bad job. Hopefully, they just wanted to give more people a chance in my position.

It still hurts. It feels as though someone has scanned over my life and said "Eh...well, that was mediocre."

But...I am a good person. And a good writer (take that, humanities professor!). And I have a good heart. And that's what matters.

And, now I have to reevaluate my life. Where are my priorities? Have I been investing too much time in my sorority? Yes, a bit too much sometimes. It's hard to put a lot in and get nothing back, you know?

And...I want to write for my school newspaper next semester, and was a little hesitant to that plan and how it might interfere with my position. Not to mention school!

I KNOW that my grades haven't been the best they can be because of all my invested time in my sorority (I have a 3.2--Dude, I can totally bring that up now).

Anyway...I'm carrying on a bit much. So I'll end it here. Really, thank God I have a blog to express all these feelings...thank God I can write this all down and get all this negativity out of my system.

Yeah, it's painful to have your pride hurt. Really painful. But I'm not gonna be like Icarus and drown in the water. Cause I know how to swim. Yeah, I have back-up. I'll swim to the top of the omnipotent ocean (it can't keep me down) and find a new, fun place to shine!! It's cause I'm that cool (just a little pride, guys, just a little).

Oh yeah, and michelle, if you read this...sorry I didn't call you back yesterday! It was a hectic day, seriously, see you in class!

On Love

I was listening to Maroon 5 while driving today. Songs About Jane is still a great cd, to me at least.

And those lyrics...they are a passionate force--lovely and powerful all at once. People like to say that poetry is dead, but it lives on in songs, don't you see?

"And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through"

It's funny how the saddest lyrics are usually the most beautiful.

And I wonder, will I ever find a love like that? Ever? There are people, I'm sure, who never get married and never find real love. And forget about the marriage part, is there even a real love?

I'm too hopeless to believe there isn't.

I'm not worried about whether or not I'll find love, I just wonder about it. And why do we try to find it in the first place?

It would be delightful to run into it someday...unexpectedly. That would be the greatest. I suppose that love is not something that can be found, but rather is something that attacks you in the darkest of nights...something that all of a sudden turns that black night into white dawn and sends the stars off singing. Something so pure and true, it's hard to think about and look at.

Why are humans so drawn to the idea of love? Probably because it is so much greater than any other thing out there: money, power, success, respect...it seems to beat all of it.

Maybe I've been reading too many books and watching too many movies. Maybe.

Content, finally

ALRIGHT. So I had an eventful weekend. Let's break it down, yo.

Friday: I went to the Union Tribune (San Diego's newspaper, heck yeah!) to shadow that copy editor. It was.....hectic, fun, exciting, intimidating, crazy and wonderful. Do I want to be a journalist? Yes and no. This is why they encourage internships for my major. Simply, you gotta experience the business and then decide if you like it.

But get this, there was this one point, right, where all the pages were layed out in the publishing room. This is the part of the day where the copy editor makes sure everything looks up to par and that articles aren't too long. Of course, 4 of the articles are too long and he has to last minute cut out some lines. And I'm not talking just two lines, he had to cut out full on paragraphs, sometimes two. After I watch him edit a few pages, he hands the red pen to me and says nonchalantly, "Ok, Ashley. Make a suggestion on what we should cut out in this article."

I freak out a little (cause I'm a dork), compose myself, read the article quickly (cause the deadline is in like 20 minutes and the pressure is on) and mark what I would take out. Jerry, the copy editor, looks is over, smiles and says "Yep, that's the right part to take out."

So that was just cool. And get this, the article was on blogging. haha. It was destiny.

Friday night: Michelle and I go to see Pride & Prejudice. The 7:00 p.m. showing was sold out, so we wait for 3 hours till the next show...poor Michelle listens to me vent for 3 hours about my humanities professor (which I feel better about, thanks). After 3 hours, we go to see the movie.....and it was good and magical and beautiful. But Michelle and I both agree that the relationships weren't developed in their entirety--not like they are in the book.

And the movie really makes me long for a Mr. Darcy. But what am I looking for??? There is no Mr. Darcy in the world!!! He doesn't exist! Still, there are some really cool scenes in this movie (like a certain fog scene that really is sooooooooo cute. Man! I want to kiss someone in fog!). Oh god, now I'm being a desperate girl. So yeah...that was friday.

Saturday: Eh, nothing really. Hung out with mom and pops (always good) and then went to work (with all those highschool kiddies that tell me bout their highschool drama).

Sunday: We had Founder's Day. All the chapters of Sigma Kappa in Southern California drove to L.A. for a luncheon type deal. haha, that is, if you want to call it a lunch. Our "lunches" were salads, right, which we were skeptical of in the first place. Then, to top it off, those salads had like 3 pieces of lettuce in them. I got a sandwich later that night with my little sis and we joked about how our sandwich had more lettuce than the salad. And you think I'm exaggerating. Nope.

Anyway, the best part of Founder's Day was this little old lady that was presented an award for being a member for 75 years!! She had met one of our founders (who created the chapter in the late 1800's). That was just super cool. She needed assistance to the microphone, and the room was so thick with respect for this woman, you could feel the tingles run down every inch of your body. Then she spoke for about a minute and gave a genuine "thank you" to everyone.

I hope someday that I can be as genuine and humble as that woman. What a beautiful, astonishing thing it is nowadays to be modest and gracious. And that she was. After hearing all her cool accomplishments in her life, I thought to myself "wow, you really can live a long life and make it super cool at the same time." I hope, wish and pray....someday.



whewwwwwwwwwww. so that was a tremendously long post. I just wanted to write it all down. Life can be hectic, but just really fun at the same time. Maybe tomorrow I'll post pictures from founder's day. Now I gotta get to some homework. And sleep....that sounds wonderful!

Must you be so smug?

My humanities professor really is quite frustrating at times. While enjoy his class most of the time, I feel he is never that clear on what he wants from us, leaving me in a state of ambiguity. Besides that, he's a pretty smug, uptight elitist. And yes, there are some good qualities about him...he's funny and really cares about whether or not his students do well. But I think he definitely picks favorites....and I'm not one of them.

I guess I'm also a little bitter because he's one of the only teachers that I've had in my life that has given me a mediocre score on writing. Mostly because what I write doesn't exactly cater to the style of writing he wants...he wants you to write an essay HIS way, in HIS format, with HIS exact mindset. HELLO! We're all individuals, buddy!

So today, I went to visit him during his office hours to protest a grade...and it upset me to the point where I wanted to almost cry, but I didn't. I just get frustrated with people who are purposely intimidating, who almost don't care that they are, even though they know they are.

I have to learn to deal with people like that...I need to suck it up, and not let them affect me.

It's just...when you insult my writing capabilities, it's like a punch to the stomach, or a ripping out of the heart. But I have to learn how to take criticism and set aside my pride.

Sometimes you believe that you're good at something, but not everyone is going to think that.

whew. I feel better now that I let that out. Now I'll just hit publish and send it out into nothingness...it's never good to keep anger inside you, so I'm sending it out.

And one more thing...

Texas, what is wrong with you? How could you pass proposition 2?

No matter the argument people have against gay marriages, I still hold onto one argument that stands, and will always stand...

YOU CAN'T MIX RELIGION WITH GOVERNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm not saying this as an aetheist, but rather, a believer in God. Judging whether or not homosexuals should get married is NOT our place. NOT OUR PLACE...if you really wanted to follow the bible, you would know that, and leave the judging up to God.

Simply, there aren't any good arguments against same sex marriages. I heard them all, even from some of my friends. No matter which way you look at it, denying someone the right to marry is a FORM OF DISCRIMINATION.

So, to the majority of texas: Please stop being hateful. Or we'll have to kick you out of the U.S. (this doesn't go to the cool texans who voted no on this stupid stupid proposition).

When will America learn?

Can I just drive it off a cliff? Oh wait, it won't start!

My car definitely is getting on my nerves. It wouldn't start yesterday and I most likely have to call a tow truck to come get it today. Cars are stupid in general. This wouldn't be a problem if San Diego had a good mass transportation system, but they DON'T!

I just have so much to do today, and I don't want to have to wait around for a stupid tow truck.

It's funny how you think you've planned out your week perfectly...which is what I thought I accomplished week. I didn't procrastinate on anything, I even finished some things early. No matter how organized and on top of things I think I am, something always comes along break up my master plan.

But what am I really complaining about? At least I haven't been abducted from my home like children in Uganda. And, would I really go and drive today on San Diego Freeways when it looks like it's gonna pour? That would be a death wish. So, I'll calm down, listen to the rain (hopefully it rains) and just relax a bit.

And maybe take a sledgehammer to my car.

Excited yet Disturbed

I mentioned it before, but I was in talks with a copy editor to shadow him for a day (thanks to my journalism prof, mr. G). Well, it's finally gonna go through now! I'm excited. I get to even talk to the lady that's in charge of internships at the Union Tribune, which would be even cooler to do over the summer :) (and if any of you don't know, the Union Tribune is the biggest newspaper in San Diego, that's why I am excited).

Besides all my excitement, there is something else that happened yesterday that was indeed very very serious.

I watched a video yesterday called "Invisible Children." It's a documentary made by students who traveled to Africa (namely Uganda) and filmed some truly disturbing footage.

Basically, there's been this 17-year war that's been going on in the country--a war between rebel forces and the government. But these rebel forces are not forces that "protect the people." No, they are far sinister and darker than that. They claim to have been possessed by a spirit, and think it is a holy right of sorts to overthrow the government.

Here's the DISTURBING part: It's hard for them to convince other adults to join their forces (since it's so ludacris), so they are abducting children, ages 5-12 and forcing them into their troops. They give them guns, brainwash them, train them to kill, threaten them with their lives if they don't listen, and send them off to shoot as many people as possible. THESE ARE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!! And because of all the abductions, many children are leaving their homes in rural areas (and their parents) and living homeless in the cities. It's the only way for them to avoid abductions. These are MILLIONS of children. I'm not exaggerating. This utterly horrified me. And WHY has this not been covered before??? Why have we not heard about this tragedy in America?

Do we only go to fight countries that are performing social evils if we have some economic tie with them (i.e. oil)??? People tell me that we stepped into Iraq because we are the watchodogs of the world...it is our "duty." So why are we not in Africa??

I couldn't help but watch that movie and feel like a stupid, selfish, materialistic American. And we are many times.

If you're interested, read up on it.

Secrets and Sappiness all rolled into one post!

YAY. We had initiation today and it all went smoothly. Our new girls are so cute!! And they got to learn our secret handshake and password. I kid you not. We really do have one. Yeah, we know we're bad ass.

However, one bad thing happened today...my car decided not to start. I put the key in the ignition and it answered back "F no, I'm not starting!!! You take me for granted!!" But all I had to do was whack the starter and that problem-o was fixed. Stupid cars.

Overall, today was good...and I feel relieved because I had SO MUCH to memorize for initiation, and I got most of it down.

Now I get to hang out with my cool friend Jaclyn who's in town. Eh, we'll get a cup of coffee and see a movie or something to that effect. I just enjoy sitting and talking with her about life...and I haven't seen her in forever. You gotta be good to the friends that you've got, you know the true friends, and really sink in those moments with them. Good friends and good family are what get me through the stressful, bad times. I love them.

Ok, Ok, Ok...I'll stop with my sappiness. Give me a break, I'm a girl.

Information Overload!!!!

The past two weeks have been NON-STOP work work work! I knew seventeen units would require a lot of sweat and tears, but dude...I've created an ocean by now.

And now my journalism prof (a funny, nervous woman named Ms. Ward) decided to turn evil and give us the assignment from hell. I kid you not. We have to be prepared to give speeches on certain topics (one topic for each day of two weeks) but she may or may not call on you to give the speech. You just have to make sure you are prepared. That's two weeks of thinking that EVERY monday, wednesday and friday I could be giving a speech. HOW UTTERLY EVIL!!!

There have been moments this week that I have wanted to pull out my hair. What was I thinking? 17 units? Geeeez.

Spero che io soprawiva! I hope I survive.

Not Bad, Not Bad

Yay! I passed an Upper Division Writing Assessment and now I don't have to take an easy writing class that would have really bored me! I got an 11 out of 12...I'm so cool.

I figure I'll look back at this entry and say "See, Ashley? Sometimes you do something right."

Ha. Only Sometimes.

Back to Monday

This is the part of the year where I like Daylight Savings Time. It's a love/hate relationship.

The weekend, in one word, was insane. There are things that went down that I can't even write here, cause...wow. Seriously, what happens to people during Halloween? It's the whole full moon effect without the full moon.

Also, I went to my school's Homecoming Game this weekend. We played Texas Christian University...I'm sure some of you have heard of them. But what kind of mascot is the horned frog? What the hell? We were joking that the mascot (he was running spastically around the game) looked like a pokemon. Anyway, we lost (hey--our football team isn't the greatest) but it was a close game.
************************************************************************************

I realize that college is almost another dimension seperate from the real world. I know that I will never have another time like this in my life. Well, actually, I guess that's like most phases in life. It's just weird to be in a place where you are expected to be completely immature and completely mature at the same time. It's like two forces colliding.

Well now, I'm thinking too much for the morning, aren't I? Monday morning, no less. And dude, I have to give a speech today in class. Oh, public speaking is interesting. And it's a group project. Group projects are just insane in college. But we made it work, cause we're cool.

Alright, that's all for today, unless I choose to write something random later! Hope your monday is going fantabulous. Mine isn't half bad right now.

Yeah, I've Turned My Head a Few Times

You what I've noticed? There are a lot of cute guys around campus this year. Lots of them! With dark hair and beautiful dark eyes.

Or maybe I'm just going boy crazy and haven't noticed it before.

Eh, whatever it is, I like it.

Sleep Would Be Nice

Tiiiiiiiiiiiiired...I'm so tired. And I don't have time for a nap. And I don't have time to get a full night of sleep. AND I don't have time for anything, apparently.

There should be mandatory naps, like preschool. We should enforce it everywhere--at the workplace, at school, at bus stops. And no one can do anything during that nap time. There can be no appointments made, no driving, and certainly no working of anykind. Working during naptime would be sacreligious! Wouldn't it be nice?

I've been so busy that I've hardly had time to talk to my roomates and friends, let alone call friends that go to other colleges (sorry, Jaclyn). You see, I have no willpower to talk because I want to SLEEP!!!!

Oh, but I have class at 3:00 then another class after that, then a break where I have to study for a class at 7 that goes until 9:40, then I have to read for a class tomorrow. And I can't forget italian homework that's due tomorrow and my essay and speech due friday. Oh, and I have to work Thursday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am officially a zombie, for there is no time for sleep. Oh, sweet mother of god, my pillow looks SO tempting right now!

I hope your day is better rested.

BITE me...Just BITE me.

I HATE IT when people treat me like I'm too innocent!!!

I HATE IT when people are condescending to me!!!

Do they think I like being called a "child?"

Oh, I'm just emotional right now, cause of my workload. But my anger is validated! Just bite me. You hear that?! Just BITE ME.

Stupid ldjlkwadjwalkjdawlkjdakljdslkajdalskjdalskjdawlkjdalkjepawrwa{PodeLPWD;'...OK, now that I've harassed my keyboard I feel a little better. Kind of.

STUPID PEOPLE!

A Tuesday Morning Confession

Coffee really is the only thing keeping me awake right now.

I'm too busy this week, and it's already taking a toll on me. I had to even skip my first class this morning in order to finish a paper for my second class.

Yesterday I had my Communications Midterm. I despise that class. But I think I did alright. Waiting for my grade in that class is almost like being on death row...hopefully some miracle will happen to save me from being slaughtered.

oh, but I complain too much. At least I complain here, though, and not verbally to all my friends all the time. Cause usually I overwhelm myself by thinking of everything I have to do. At least here I can write it all out and send it into cyberspace...that's sort of a good feeling. Just writing it out and telling someone, that helps in itself. Yeah, cause I've always been the girl that represses her emotions and keeps it all inside--which is funny, cause everyone uses me as their psychologist at times. I'm good at getting people to talk when they're upset, worried or sad, but I can't do it for myself.

Oh well.

On a different note, I have to take a minute to remember one of the GREATEST civil rights icons EVER. Rosa Parks was a rebel. And even if you don't include all the stuff about race, you have to simply respect her for standing up for what she believed in. That's bad-ass. She's a lesson for all of us to NEVER compromise what our heart knows is right.

And what my heart is telling me right now is "Dammit Ashley, quit blogging and go write that essay!" Alright, alright.

This Week's a Doozy

Why, you may ask? 2 tests, 2 essays and a speech this week, that's why. And these are not small tests, man. These are midterms. Ohhhhhhhhh...the agony of it all!

I'm being overdramatic. I'm just sad that I will basically have no free time at all.

One good thing did happen, Rachel got me a beta fish yesterday, yay! I named him Stanley, and he likes to dance about the water. It's soothing to watch, especially during stressful times such as these.

I just want someone to hold me right now, and kiss me on the forehead. And then I can just close my eyes and slip away into comfort...

I love it!

Big Sis Revealing was fun, dude. I always love it. And for those who asked: Big Sis revealing is a sorority event that is pretty self-explanatory--you get a "big sis" in the house that is revealed to you that night. It's to create bonds among sisters and all that mushy stuff.

So here are a couple pictures of my "family" in the house.
Above is a picture of my little sis. I've had her for a year. I LOVE her, and she knows it. Her name is Anne Marie. And we look HOT...what a great pair!

That little fool right there with the crown on is my litte sis's little sis. If that makes sense. So that makes me a "grandbig." Ha...and my grandlittle insists on calling me "Grandma." Gee, thanks. Oh, and we're trying to be GANGSTAS in this picture, couldn't you tell? Coming from the 'hood in San Diego, foo!

*************************************

So yeah...Friday night was smashing! But I have to get back to reality and work 16 hours this weekend ( I already worked like 8 today) and finish a paper for Humanities and study for a Comm Midterm. Ah...the feeling of stress. Not fun.

Gray Sustenance

The city is enveloped in fog, and it excites me to no end.

Indeed, these massively misty surroundings put a smile on my face.

YAY. Tonight is Big Sis Revealing. It's my favorite event...today is a good day :)

Wednesdays Kill Me Sometimes

My roomates are kind of psycho right now and going on a big cleaning frenzy. Which is good, but dude. I just got back from class. I'm just staying out of the way.

I just want to eat my peanutbutter and jelly sandwich in peace. And drink my orange juice. I know, weird combination.

Ohhhhhhhh man...I have a class at 7.

I'm actually in a good mood today, although I sound drained of life. It's cause of stupid Comm 300, which is so boring that I want to shoot my foot, cause at least that would be more amusing. My professor is pompous and full of herself. And I want to just throw things at her in class. Stupid Communications. She is the devil, I swear it!

Oh, the assholes in my life.

So I just found out that someone I used to date has a new girlfriend now. And it bugs me. It bugs me cause he fed me that whole line about "I'm just not over my ex-girlfriend, so I can't date you." What a huge LOAD OF CRAP.

STUPID ASSHOLE!

Sorry. I had to get that out of my system. So...I'm not sorry. Stupid, stupid, stupid asshole.

I will not let this put a damper on my day. It's time to completely put it in the past. Whew. That's feels better.

Not that I'm dating Nick (I wish), but Nick is cuter anyway.

God, I'm such a girl.

Heck Yes!

Cute Witty Nick talked to me in class today. Do you realize how happy this makes me?

Before I got his attention and asked how he was doing. Today I walked to my desk, sat down, looked at my notebook and he turned back and said, "Hey Ashley, how are you doing?"

I know, I know, I know. It's such a trivial thing, and of course we talked about more than just that. But whatever, I'm smiling now...



I don't think he realizes how he just totally made my day. The sun is shining just a little brighter.

Oh NO they didn't

What are they thinking???

James Bond is blonde? That is not acceptable, NOT acceptable, I say! You see, I have this...uh..."thing" for guys with dark eyes and dark hair. And James Bond has always encompassed those traits. Blonde guys can be pretty, sure. But dark-haired guys are sexy, beautiful and sensual. And dark brown eyes make me melt. They are my absolute favorite. I have blue eyes...what's the big deal about blue? Blond-haired, blue-eyed guys just don't have that appeal that my tall, dark and handsome guys have.

So what the heck?! It's simply sacreligious to make Bond a Blonde.

Oh well, my favorite Bond will always be Sean Connery, anyways. Oh, he can be my lover. I know, he's way older. So what? hehehe.

*sigh* brown eyes are the best, don't let anyone tell you different.

Dude.

It's still raining in San Diego and I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE it.

But something I don't love? All the freakin' midterms I have in the next two weeks, that's what. Why don't you just poke me with a spear? Seriously now.

Haha! And Humanities is the first midterm I'm taking. And I'm laughing out of nervousness, let me tell you.

But at least this week is Mysto Week (a sorority thing-a-ma-gig) and it's one of my favorite weeks.

So yeah--this week has its good points and bad points. Can I just stay in bed for the bad parts?

I Just Might Cry Now

WOW...have you guys ever seen Tuesdays with Morrie? Oh. My. Freakin. God. That is one of my new favorite movies EVER. It is soooooooooo sad, but also soooooooo meaningful.

I love watching movies that drive your inner soul to go change the world.

This is such a cool day. It's raining (which is BAD-ASS) and I just watched a cool cool cool movie. In case you're not picking up on this...watch it, DAMMIT! If you haven't seen it, that is.

This day is simply smashing, darling!

I ♥ Gray Clouds

It's totally raining in San Diego right now. And that's super cool, cause we never get rain. I love it. I wanna go dance in it.

Especially cause a walk (or dance) in the rain feels like a spiritual cleansing of sorts. Like your burdens are being washed off your body and taken to the gutter where it belongs.

But I still have burdens that I can't ignore--like studying for my Humanities midterm (that's the class cute Nick is in). Oh man, if you've taken Humanities then you know how much crap I have to study for right now. And my prof is the department chair--so you can't pull a fast one over that guy. And you just can't bullshit, or he'll call you on it and give you an F (he's ruthless). But I love it, cause it's challenging, the way my journalism class was super challenging.

So yeah, I'll get to that (haha, riiiiight--in like 3 hours). Hope your sundays are all going well. Rain is so cool!

Ta Da!

I just wanted to post this picture of Rachel and me at Rush last year. Simply cause I think it's cute. And we have cool top hats. Do you have a top hat, sucker? Yeah...I didn't think so.

Money Woes

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Money always has a way of really stressing me out. It's just a tiring process--every paycheck I get barely covers the costs of my bills. I HATE asking my dad for money. I've been over it before. But I HATE it. I guess it's cause I want to prove to him that I'm responsible, that I can handle myself. That I don't need to ask "daddy" for money.

But I do.

I guess I have this big problem with asking my parents for help. Because my sister is irresponsible, they kind of view her as a burden sometimes. I don't want to be viewed like that.

But my dad has told me straight out "LET ME HELP YOU."

So what's the problem, right? I just can't bring myself to ask for money. Geez, I haven't done that crap since I was 16. Whatever. There's nothing else I can do.

This is why I get a kick out of republicans who think poor people are poor cause they're lazy, and they shouldn't be helped, ever. Well, you wouldn't know, would you asshole? You wouldn't know what it's like to starve or work your ass off for a paycheck that barely covers rent.

People are such dumbasses.

oh.....really don't mind me, I'm venting. I feel better now.

Turkish Eye is Watching you!

So that new picture in the corner? That's me with a Turkish Eye. I felt it would be appropriate seeing as I am turkish and the address for this place is called "little turkish girl." And that I am. And I love my heritage. Haven't you heard of the Ottoman Empire. We were KICK ASS. That's right.

The whole myth behind the eye, or superstition, is....if the eye breaks (it's glass) it will take a away a bad thing that will happen in your life. It's supposed to ward off evil spirits and such.

I've always loved Turkish culture, so I just wanted to share that with you. It's a little part of me (or actually, half of me). In case you're wondering, I do not look Turkish. Obviously I look white (which is a bit boring), but it'll do.

WOO HOO...Turkiye!

Liberation! (kind-of)

So I woke up late this morning for class (ha...what's new?). I had to rush to class in a frenzy without taking a shower.

Oh, and I didn't have a bra on. Which was a little weird at first, then realllllllllly comfortable. I'm surprised I liked going braless so much.

Eh, don't worry, I'm not gonna start buring my bras or any of that nonsense...it was just fun for a morning.

Now I'm off to take a shower, YAY!

The Official Cat Lady

The ENTIRE second floor of my apartment building is being REALLY loud right now, and I want to throw things at them (I'm on the third floor).

Maybe the third and second floor will have a Westside Story-like fight....we'll beat those fools with our sleek dance moves!!

How did my mood change so drastically? I was happy earlier.

Such is the life of a girl...why do you people read about this crap?

Look at me, complaining about nothing again. I think I will grow up to be a single, crazy cat lady (or snake lady--that has a nice ring to it) so I can just complain all the time. And I'll name one of my cats/snakes Freddy Krueger and have him attack people. Yeah.

Over-Analyze this!

Lately, I've been feeling really awkward around couples...couples that I was fine around before. Maybe it's because I'm jealous, but I've been jealous before and not uncomfortable with the kissing and p.d.a nonsense.

Maybe it's because I feel like I'm not included, or ignored. When couples go into their own little world and don't talk to me, it really makes me want to just leave the room.

GOD I need a hobby or something. I HATE when I think about things this much...boyfriends, relationships...blah blah blah.

Maybe I'm bitter because I started a relationship with someone the end of last year and it ended abruptly.

Maybe I'm a person that needs more attention than I thought I did. I don't know.

I just hate awkward moments like that. My skin is crawling just thinking about it.

Being over-analytical suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!

The Joys of Being a Lucky, Lazy Bum

You know what's really fun? Driving around on the freeway blasting "Jesse's Girl," that's what.

I recently made a new mixed cd. And mixed cd's get me excited. Yep, yep they do!

And I'm just having a good day in general.

Example? I was about to get up for my Italian class this morning when I told myself (or Slacker Ashley told me) "Ah...fuck it. You need some sleep. You have to write an essay today, see it's justified. Go back to bed." And I did, and I slept wonderfully (oh yeah, and I already finished my essay, I ROCK!).

When I e-mailed my friends in the class to see what homework we got, they e-mailed me back saying "Good thing you didn't show up, cause neither did the prof!"

Mwahahaha! Sometimes it pays to be a lazy, lazy bum. I love it!

Things I've done today:

1. Got back my Italian Test for "Lezione 11." I got an 88%...which is not great, but I'm still happy with.

2. Saw cute witty Nick in my class today. Didn't talk to him today, but looked at him...cause he's cute, duh! Our teacher was rambling on too much for me to say anything. And I wasn't sitting near him, cause I was sitting next to Michelle (haha, that was my fault, right michelle?)

3. Talked to Professor G. about shadowing that copy editor for a day. If you want to know about that, read this post. Haha, if you're reaaaaaaallllly that interested. Mr. G is helpful and cares for his students--and I love him for it.

4. Right now I'm doing homework. Well, kind of...right now I'm typing in this blog. I really do need to study though. I'll get right on that :)

sooooooooooo, that was a recap of the day...just wanted to right it down for me to look back on.

Ashley one and Ashley two

Here's the way I look at it:

There's two parts to Ashley (in all her glory): there's workaholic Ashley and then there's slacker Ashley.

Workaholic Ashley is a perfectionist. You have to use the right combination of colors and all that jazz.

Slacker Ashley is a lazy fucking bum who could just care less.

When you mix the two together (and shake) you get an awfully weird combination.

Example: My italian class starts in one hour. Workaholic Ashley says "You should do some extra reading to catch up with what you've missed. We need to get an A in this class! Get to it!"

Then Slcaker Ashley counters, "But doesn't a movie sound nice instead? Why go to class....SKIP IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!"

I'm sure we all have these little voices...or I'm just schitzophrenic. Yeah, that's probably the right answer.

I just want to go back to sleep. Cause obviously I'm sounding crazy.

I Wish I Could Sleep Monday Awaaaayyyyy!

My mind is numb today. I woke up at 8:21 this morning...just in time to slither out of my bed to go to 9:00am class. That meant no shower (sorry to the person sitting next to me!). And dude, there are two things that wake my grumpy ass up in the morning--showers (with my Vanilla body wash, yum) and coffee (with my French Vanilla creamer). Yeah, I love Vanilla.

So I got to class (only half the class showed up) and the professoressa yelled at us for being "dead" today. Give us a break woman! It's monday--and yes, I consider that an excuse. And at least we showed up...geez.

So now I'm back at my apartment, attempting to study, but that's not working so well. By now, I took my shower and drank my coffee, but my brain is protesting today.

Wake up brain! Wake up! Wake up! I have a lot to do today and you can't fail me now.

My bed looks so appealing right now....siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Stupid Love!!!

Have you ever walked behind a couple holding hands and felt a twinge of jealousy? I've been doing that a lot lately. And that's bad--cause I don't want to be one of those girls... the girl that is desperate. I want to want a person--not simply want a boyfriend. Make sense?

I'm doing a good job at holding out for the right person, though. I've had opportunities to date people who've wanted to be with me...but I didn't want to be with them. It wasn't right, they weren't right.

And I'm not someone who opens up easily (when it comes to love and such).

And while I desire a relationship, I also feel too busy for one. Or maybe I'll make time for the right person.

I don't know what I'm blabbering on about! It's just hard, you know, when most of your friends have someone, and you don't. It gets in your head...you see all the cuddling and kissing (and fun stuff) and forget all the fights that go on in the background.

I don't know what I want. And I need to STOP watching movies on love...damn chick flicks.

FYI: I'm not sad, I'm not angry. I guess I'm just going through a phase where I wouldn't mind having someone to love...in that way.

What's funny about all the complaining in this post is that I'm a happy person. And the even funnier thing is that I don't know what I'm missing...I've only dated guys. No serious, long-term boyfriends for Ashley. So what am I complaining about?????

I DON'T KNOW!!! Maybe I'm PMSing...maybe girls use that excuse for too many things.

I want to be 5 again. It was so easy then. I wasn't as whiny. And guys weren't love objects yet.

Bush can't cross this line

Today was a good day at work. I was a lazy bum. What more can I ask for?

Sad to hear about the earthquake in Pakistan/India. But who didn't see that coming? Dude, that's like one of the worst earthquake zones ever.

But who am I kidding? If the southern part of the San Andreas Fault chooses to move...San Diego and Los Angeles are screwed!! We choose to ignore this fact. Damn asthenosphere!!

My geology teacher did bring up a REALLY good idea that I've overlooked before--Southern California is part of the Pacific Plate and not the North American Plate. All you suckers are under the rule of Bush, but technically...my part of California can succeed and choose a new President.

I think it's a good idea. We just need a new name for our new country. Come and live with me here...there will be no dumbasses permitted!!!!

On Mr. DeLay

Tom DeLay is an assssssssssssssssssssssssssssshooooooooooooooooole.



But you knew that. I just wanted to say it outloud.



And the cute guy I talked to--he is a Republican. But I can forgive him for his only fault. And he DID admit that Tom DeLay is a dumbassassholestupidstupidman. Or something to that effect.

Talking With the Cute Guy

So...I went to my professor's office hours today (a professor from over the summer), but alas, he wasn't there. So I was left with ALL this time before class.

I then decided to kind of wander the halls of the building until the start of Humanities. That's when I saw the realllllllllllly cute, witty guy from my next class reading a book.

My first thought: Well maybe I should just walk on by.

My immediate second thought: What the hell?! That's the stupidest idea I've heard, dumbass. Say hi to him! Say hi to him! You knooooooooow you want to!

So yeah, I did, to the effect of "You're here awfully early. Mind if I sit with you?"

And I did sit with him, and talked with him for like 30 minutes until class started.

Now it's time in the post for my excited boasting: I talked with the cute guy! I talked with the cute guy! Heck yeah! Go me! Go me!

Oh yeah, his name is Nick.

Ashley Needs to Study...instead of this nonsense!

I got this from hatleyman's site...who else? He is the craziest mofo out there, really.

Directions are: enter your name into Google followed by the word "needs," and record your top 5 funniest results.

In other words, enter "[your name] needs" If your name is John, enter "John needs" etc. You get it.Post your top fives in the comments or on your own blog.

So here are my (dun dun dun) 5 top results:

1. Ashley needs to be taught a lesson, cause Ashley needs to learn it's not a cakewalk in the WWE.

2. Ashley needs a crash course in gloom and doom.

3. Ashley needs to stop being a passive sperm receptacle for married men.

4. Ashley needs her butt kicked.

5. Ashley needs to be "more understanding as a female."

Reading all of those, I feel like I'm getting a whole bunch of orders all at once. But that was great...thanks hatleyman, for giving me a fun waste of time.

The 12th hour does cometh, and back to studying Ashley needs to go.

Lazy Woman's Paradise!!!!

I've been fabuslously lazy today. And it's been great.

First, I slept through my 9am class. It wasn't intentional, I swear. I just kinda forget to set my alarm. I think it was destiny.

I drove to my house today to get some work done in silence. Then I saw the T.V. in the livingroom. It called to me. Let me tell you, watching T.V. for two hours straight after not watching that sucker for like 2 months is a magical experience. Magical, I say!

I adoooooooooore being lazy sometimes...but you can't be lazy all the time, cause then it takes away the magic of it all. It's gotta come during the most busy weeks...kind of like the eye of the storm.

So...I'm back in the storm *siiiiiiigh*, but it was nice to have a short break and watch some trashy t.v.

Heck yeah!

Change for the Better (Finally)

I'm going to a social event tonight with a frat...we're going to batting cages. To be honest, I'm not particularly fond of fraternities in general...but there are always excpetions. Besides, the guy I dated last year was in a fraternity...so yeah, I can't talk.

But what's grrrrrrrrrreat is...if anyone hits on me a little too much, I've got a bat. Hahaha...don't mess with me asshole!

Just kidding, of course. Kind of.

Anyways...I'm just amazed with myself about how well things are going this week so far. I'm in control of everything, and that's a good feeling. And I've never been this busy before...IN MY LIFE. At first it was overwhelming...but I've finally realized that I'm not alone, and I can always have help. I think humans tend to forget that sometimes...we get prideful and refuse to ask for help, but a lending hand has been my saving grace.

Like last night, I was SO STRESSED out over money. The last thing I wanted to do was ask my dad for money...I HATE borrowing. I kind of broke down and said "I hate having to deal with this money situation!"

My dad asked, concerned, "What money situation?! If you're short on money just ask me for some!!"

"But I don't like to. I have a job now...I've just had so many expenses recently." I blabbered out.

"Then you can borrow now and pay me back later, that's final," said my dad.

I love my dad...and he's here to help. And I was being really prideful. Geez, if my kid was in need of money, I'd help 'em out too.

So...things are going better. I think I cracked a few smiles (gasp!). Last week there wasn't much smiling, so I like the change.

Took you Forever, 911!

So I was driving on the 15 tonight, heading back to State, you follow me? I see this HUGE accident. Seriously, I have this image of some poor unconscious person slouched on their steering wheel branded into my brain. There were 3 cars involved and it was just freaky. Plus, I've had it up to here with heraing about death and accidents (my uncle; a co-worker of mine got in an accident; a friend's friend died in a car accident this weekend).

So, I called 911 to report the accident. DUDE...It took like 5 to 7 minutes to get through. When the guy finally answered and asked "Can I help you?" I wanted to say, "yeah, you bastard, pick up the phone faster!"

If I had had an actual emergency...like a heart attack, I would have died already...ok well maybe I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean.

Emergency line my ass.

Just the Facts, Please

Because I am a Journalism Major, people often ask me what kind of journalist I want to be. Just to clarify, I'm interested in print, not T.V.

To further explain this decision, let me tell you a conversation I was having with a customer at work.

Customer: What school do you go to?
Me: San Diego State.
Customer: Oh. What's your major, then?
Me: Journalism.
Customer: Wow! What an ambition. I'm a writer myself.
Me: Oh yeah? Cool.
Customer: So what kind of journalist do you want to be? Print or television reporter?
Me: Oh, print.
Customer: Good! You're not a prostitute!

Ha...that was a bit harsh at the time. But kind of true. People always inquire of me (and probably you too), "So what do you like more? Fox news or MSNBC?" My answer is neither. They are (to quote my customer) big ol' "prostitutes." It's all about fighting with each other for them...about who's right, about who has more ratings. They've sold their souls. What ever happened to being objective? People aren't objective, I know. But the method by which we choose to report should be objective.

When both MSNBC and Fox run ads for their channels that include American Jets and American Flags with slogans such as "Fair and Balanced," it just makes me mad. Is it fair to just give one side of a debate? Is it fair to just tell one side of a war? If you want to be a fair journalist...shouldn't you be getting both sides?

Surely you must UNPATRIOTIC if you ask Iraq's side of the story. Surely you must be against the country if you're not fully supporting the war (to go with the wise words of our smart president). After all, those channels need ratings, so they can't look unpatriotic. Now can they? Hey, a reporter has to make his g's, right? What, sacrifice money for being more objective? That's a crazy idea!

That's why I choose not to be a reporter on T.V., I've got morals, you know?

To live or not to live

My life has been a complete blur. It's no secret that I had a bad week in general last week. But there is one thing death does do, if anything good at all, it makes you appreciate life.

The day after my uncle died, I walked around campus and just payed attention to life: you know, the birds gliding in the breeze, the trees (which represent life themselves), people walking by and the clouds moving above. The tick tock nature of life is a humbling thing when observed.

Walking around, really noticing life, made me appreciate it so much more. It gave me a boost of confidence to live life to fullest--WHY did I spend a whole week complaining? What a fucking waste. I could have saved a small country with the energy I put into whining and worrying.

Yeah, and I know--those bursts of appreciation for life tend to come and go. But, losing another loved one in my life--that's a reality that will forever make me appreciate what I have. I am alive...and Uncle Paul won't let me forget that. The short 52 years he was alive...he lived, man. And I will too.

My Uncle Paul, Part II

Ok....so today I feel a little better. My emotions last night were just, well crazy. What I have to remember is, my uncle was ready to go. He was in pain...it was his time, ultimately. Although, 52 is WAY to young.

But he finally has peace. The last 40 days of his life he was in the hospital with a tube stuck down his throat. And my uncle was a REALLY talkative guy...the guy who ALWAYS had to tell jokes, and he was damn good at it. So not being able to talk must have been killing him. So, it was time.

Death is Soooooo hard to comprehend...so I'm not going to think about so much right now. I just have to accept it.

But just to give you an idea, my uncle was the type of guy you wanted to be around. He had that spark that just lit up a room...his personality was completely contagious, like a brush fire. And all the places his good humor and love spread over will never be forgotten. He just made you feel good. And that's what I will miss the most. Just the presence of the man.

You finally get to rest in peace, Uncle Paul. You were the coolest uncle...and I will miss you dearly.

My Uncle Paul

How do I even lead into this? I can't really.

My uncle died tonight.

A long time ago I posted about how I was worried about him and his health. He had Hepititus C from using heroin from when he was in his 20's. He had completely turned his life around. He was my favorite, most hilarious uncle. He was 52.

I hate wiriting this post! I hate talking about my uncle in the past tense. But I need to right now.

I am most sad about my cousin...who is 20 like I am, and has just lost a father. I CANNOT fathom.

There's nothing I can really do tonight except hope my dad can fall asleep without crying (Uncle Paul was his little brother) and that my cousin hasn't lost all hope.

There's nothing else I can really say now...except, what was I complaining about earlier? It's all so trivial now.

American's work themselves all day long and forget the most important thing about every day: to cherish life.

I'm Just Saying

This week has not been a good week. Can I just erase it?

And I do not want to walk to class. I wish I had my own space aircraft to fly me to class. And maybe an alien friend name Zernon. Cause that would be cool.

This week sucks!!! Kill me now!!!!

An Easy Laugh

In geology class today, my prof, Mr. Miller, brought up some results of a study:

"Can you all guess the percentage of Americans that still believe that the sun revolves around the earth??..........20% of Americans believe this!"

(Pause)

Then he said with a smirk "And it's the members of our government!"

That made me laugh. And it's probably true (haha). The only branch of the government I actually respect is the Supreme Court. Respect the president? Pa-leeeeeeze.

Mr. Miller always finds a way to insult the government and (sorry to some readers) Texas. But Texas is so easy to make fun of sometimes. And anyway I'm sure you guys make fun of California. We have our problems. I only make fun of you because Bush came from your state. You understand, right?

S.O.L

I have a "fun" test today. Oh, I am "so excited." Don't you accuse me of being sarcastic...I'm simply being ironic.

So, this class is Communications 300...it sounds fun and dandy, correct? It's not. Out of the 7 classes we've had so far I've only gone to 3. I know, that's bad. But when I go, the stupid prof is either bragging about how smart she is or putting students to sleep with her "oh-so-enticing" lectures. And she always pulls these huge vocab words out of her ass to validate her intelligence. I hate people like that.

So yeah, I'm going to take this test after not being in this class for like 2 weeks. Eh, whatever. I've saved myself some boring lectures and analogies to MASH (yeah, she actually used that show as an example one class).

So, um, wish me good luck, cause I'll need it.

So Green

I've come to realize that I get jealous easily. That's bad, huh? I really am not a fan of sharing what's mine. But people aren't really possessions...so I can't call them "mine."

I always come to realize faults of mine, but rarely do I know how to fix them. So, yeah...I'm a jealous person. What do I do about it? How do I become un-jealous? Do I even know if I'm more jealous or less jealous than anyone else? Not really.

I keep these thoughts locked inside until they rage. Everyone believes me to have such a laid-back demeanor. And I do. For the most part. But being jealous is hardly a laid-back emotion.

It's not just being jealous of guys I might be dating, if that's what you're thinking. But Best friends are the # 1 cause of my jealousy. When someone is my best friend, I don't really want to share. Isn't that selfish? You can never have one person to yourself.

The best friend I'm talking about is Rachel. Rachel is loved by a lot of people. Her boyfriend is one of them. And I like her boyfriend, he's a nice guy. But do I get jealous when she chooses to spend the night at his apartment instead of ours? Yeah, a little. But I choose to accept it because Rachel loves him...and that's her best best friend.

But there are other friends of Rachel that haven't been good to her in the past, that she chooses to give second chances. And yes, logical Ashley says that, hey, people mess up and deserve second chances. But a inner, more hidden part of Ashley bubbles inside with a different answer.

Probably because I've ALWAYS been there for Rachel. ALWAYS. I've never strayed, I've never betrayed her. But this person has. So I deserve more attention. I AM the better friend.

Again, I am being selfish. And Rachel still calls me her best friend, and not really anyone else (cept her boyfriend, of course). So what am I complaining about?

I don't really know. Being jealous is never a logical emotion. It is more of a protective emotion, a primal emotion, if you will.

Sometimes it's just nice to be acknowledged for the good person that I am. One of the biggest pains a person can ever feel is to be invisible--to not be included or accepted. I've felt that pain in the past once, and maybe it comes back to haunt me. And maybe that's why I'm jealous.

Maybe I need to stop thinking in terms of people leaving me...cause they always come back. They always come back to me because I am a good friend. In the end, that will shine through.

Will this day just end...PLEASE?!

Today has not really been a good day. I had to wake up before I wanted to, I've been way too tired all day, and I just got a bad grade on a paper that was handed back to me. Well, it wasn't so much a bad grade as a "I-could-do-better" grade. That just frustrates me.

Maybe I should just cut off my right arm to solidify the fact that my day sucks. Then at least I'd have an excuse to not take notes during class.

alifjsoaifjpodsifjawoirj pawojrdiosajrsjaoisjfroisfj....that made me feel better. Just getting my aggressions out virtual style.

I think that I'm going to go lay down right now and NOT do any homeowrk. I'm just gonna go watch Pirates of the Caribbean and daydream a bit about Orlando Bloom.

Oh! That's right. There was one good thing that happened today. I talked to that cute, witty guy in class today (very briefly, but better than nothing). And he studied abroad in Italy before and speaks it fluently. I was like, "cool! I speak italian, too. But not as well as you, obviously." So yeah. But that was all of like 2 minutes. But it's cool anyway.